Chapter 3: Finding Closure
Darth Avarik had his left arm thrown over his forehead as he lay on the bed in his darkened quarters. The rest of his ship was silent as the majority of the crew was asleep for the night. The Sith Lord should have been sleeping as well, but instead was pleading with the Force to cease its torment.
Just after that fateful night on Mustafar, Avarik had heard echoes in the Force. All were merely a faint whisper, but the speaker's voice was undeniable, it was his goddess, Aila. She was always apologizing or telling him she loves him, both of which tore at his heart. Aila had nothing to be sorry about; her loss was Avarik's fault and no one else's. He should have never left her in Anakin's hands.
Initially, Avarik had wanted to believe that Sidious' intelligence had been mistaken. As soon as his tirade had finished, he ran to the nearest shuttle he could find to go to the Lars' homestead on Tatooine. Unfortunately, he did not find the miracle he had hoped for, but the confirmation of the tragedy from Sidious' report. Clones had scanned the inside of the burnt out hull of Aila's ship only to uselessly report that the damage was complete and there were no survivors.
Not wanting to be reminded that Aila was gone, Avarik had killed all the clones at the homestead in a violent fury. Avarik had then taken a few moments to search the homestead and the surrounding area for any sign of its former inhabitants, but it was completely bare. The traitorous Jedi had hidden his tracks well, but Avarik was determined that someday he would find the man who had betrayed him.
Enraged by his findings on Tatooine, and looking for someone else to blame, Darth Avarik rushed from the desert planet to the sink holes of Utapau. Commander Cody had been given the task of killing Anakin on Utapau under Order 99, but the Clone Commander had failed. Had he not been tortured by his own pain, Avarik would have realized he had initially hoped Anakin would survive the clone attack so that both friends could overthrow Sidious and rule the galaxy together. However, in his rage all he could think of was that Cody had failed him. So before landing, he called for Commander Cody to meet him on the landing platform. As soon as the ramp to his shuttle opened up, Avarik snapped the unsuspecting clone's neck with a subtle wave of his hand.
For a brief moment, Avarik felt better. However, as he had reboarded his shuttle to head back to Coruscant, he began to hear the faint echo of Aila's voice in the Force. That same voice called out to him periodically from that point onward, opening the wounds of his broken heart with each syllable.
Sidious did not know that a voice was the source of his new apprentice's pain; he figured it was just his grief. Regardless of its cause, the Sith Master reveled in Avarik's pain and did his best to perpetuate it.
While Avarik tried to distract himself by barking orders at clones or constructing a new ruby bladed lightsaber for himself, Sidious set up a memorial service for Aila Kenobi. Avarik had been grateful for the service to his wife and the act of closure his Master was trying to give him, but it caused the Sith Apprentice to mourn some more. What Avarik did not know was that it was Sidious' intention to make him miserable with a long drawn out ceremony, rather than as an honor to his murdered wife.
Avarik had hoped that after the ceremony, the voice in his head would stop whispering to him, but closure seemed out of reach as the Force continued to mock him with Aila's soft voice. All he had left to distract him from painful memories of her was his daily pursuit of his Jedi enemies. This was fine during the day, but at night it taunted him in his sleep and while he lied restlessly awake in his private quarters. All he had done to close the chapter in his life, that was Aila, had not worked. Perhaps he would have had more closure if he had seen her lifeless body, but based on the extent of the fire damage in her ship, there was no hope of recovering it.
"I'm sorry. Obi-Wan I love you! I'm sorry." The Force echoed to Darth Avarik once more, causing a great growl of frustration and anguish to pass his lips. He sat up in bed and pounded his fist into the mattress of his bed. He was exhausted because the voice in the Force had kept him up the past few nights.
He had tried to distance himself from everything that had once been a part of her life, but that did not help. He had no closure as his heart continued to grieve.
"I love you." The voice echoed again.
Growling once more, Avarik stood from his bed and called his new lightsaber to his hand. He then strode purposely out of his quarters to the hangar of his Star Destroyer. There was one last place he could go to find solace from the nagging voice in the Force. He had been avoiding it for the pain it would cause, but he had run out of ideas.
"Sir, where are you going?" A young lieutenant asked after saluting his superior officer.
"I am leaving on a personal matter." Avarik stated, walking past the young officer.
"What are your orders?" The lieutenant asked, running after the Sith, but maintaining some distance between them in case Avarik's temper flared.
"Stay here, this should not take long."
"Where are you going?" The officer asked again, but Avarik ignored the question as he reached the hanger and immediately ran to his starfighter.
Aila had managed to postpone telling her parents the story of what happened to Obi-Wan for a few more days by using her illness as a way to stay locked up in her room. She did feel ill, but it came and went throughout the days. However, he parents caught onto this charade and forced Aila out of her room in time for Christmas Eve.
Aila's parents gave their daughter plenty of time during the day to open up to them, but she remained silent on the topic through dinnertime. She would either stare blankly at the decorated tree in her living room or comment on the weather. The storm from a few days ago had let up, but another light snowfall was due latter in the evening.
"Aila, you can't keep avoiding us, tell us what happened." Aila's father stated gently, taking a seat on the sofa next to his daughter. Aila's mother took a seat to Aila's other side and grasped one of her daughter's hands in her own.
"I know. It's just…." Aila's voice caught in her throat as she cast her eyes down to her lap, blinking back a tear that was threatening to fall.
"We know this is hard." He father replied, lifting her chin up so his eyes could lock with those belonging to his daughter. "But you will feel better if you tell us."
Aila remained silent. She lost the battle against the tear in her right eye and it trailed down her cheek.
"Just keep things simple." Aila's mother suggested. "How did Obi-Wan die?"
"He had a fight with Anakin and he lost." Aila responded, sniffling.
"Then Anakin has fallen to the dark side? But why would he have brought you here?" Aila's mother asked confused.
Aila shook her head. "Anakin did not fall. O… Obi-Wan, did." She grimaced as she made that declaration.
Sensing his daughter's pain, Aila's father drew her into his arms for a supportive hug. "It's okay. How did it happen?"
"We were tricked by the Sith Lord. He hid his identity from us and acted as our friend." Aila started, but then her tone turned bitter. "The Jedi Council never supported our marriage and the Sith was able to use that to twist Obi-Wan's mind. I thought something was wrong, but Obi-Wan hid it from me."
Aila's mother sat in stunned silence, she was not very familiar with the Star Wars universe, but she had seen the movies and knew that Sith Lords and the dark side were bad.
"So, Anakin fought Obi-Wan because of the fall to darkness?" Aila's father asked softly, trying to draw more of the story from his daughter.
"Yes." Aila nodded and with that response divulged more facts about Supreme Chancellor Len Itappa who she assumed was now Emperor Palpatine and how he had driven her husband into darkness. By the end of her story, she was brushing away the stray tears from her bloodshot eyes as her parents listened to her lament. "This shouldn't have happened, it's all my fault."
"No!" Aila's parents both answered vehemently.
"He made the choice, not you." Her father replied sternly.
"You are better off without him." Aila's mother added, causing Aila to stand from the couch abruptly.
Aila stamped her foot on the ground as she replied. "No! I love him. I don't know what I'm going…." Aila trailed off as her shoulders slumped in defeat.
Aila's father stood and hugged his daughter close once more. "We know you miss him. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a good man and a good husband, but this Darth Avarik you speak of is not him."
"Obi-Wan was destroyed by Darth Avarik." Aila's mother added, keeping her tone light as she knew her previous statement was not the wisest thing to have said to her daughter. However, Aila's mother was glad that Obi-Wan had died if he had turned evil. She did not want her daughter getting caught up in that. She was sure her daughter would see that things were better this way once she had some time to deal with her loss. "You loved Obi-Wan, not Darth Avarik."
Aila did not respond, but sniffled slightly as she pulled away from her father. "It is not wrong to grieve for Obi-Wan, but do not blame yourself for his transgressions. I'm sure he would have never wanted that." He added.
"I did it for you, to protect you." Aila closed her eyes as the memory of Obi-Wan's words echoed in her mind. Her voice was meek and shaky as she replied. "I know."
"Just know that your father and I are here for you if you need us." Aila's mother added, hugging her daughter.
"Thank you." Aila answered while reciprocating the hug briefly before pulling away, she swayed slightly on her feet, feeling a bit lightheaded.
Noticing his daughter sway slightly, Aila's father rested a hand on her back to steady her. "Are you all right?"
Aila pressed a hand to her forehead. "Yes… I… I just need to lie down. I… I'll see you in the morning to open gifts. Merry Christmas." Aila finished dazedly, slowly making her way to her bedroom.
"Merry Christmas." Aila's parents echoed before falling into a quiet conversation about their daughter. A couple hours later, the two of them checked in to see that she was sleeping before retiring to the guest bedroom across from Aila's.
Darth Avarik's starfighter landed silently onto the snow covered ground of a planet he had once discovered by accident. As he stepped out of his ship and onto the frigid ground he gazed up at the house that had once belonged to his beloved wife. Just looking up at the house brought on a wave of sadness. The last time he had been to this house was with Aila and it hurt that she could not join him on this journey. However, this place was the last connection to his wife and he hoped this visit would allow him to say goodbye and end the torment of the voice in his head.
Slowly Avarik trudged through the snow, reverently gazing around at his surroundings. When he approached the front door he waved his hand over the door knob. When the lock gave an audible click, he waved his hand once more to silently open the door and allow himself to enter.
A wave of memories cascaded through Avarik's mind as he gazed at the familiar entryway and sitting room. His mind visually conjured up images of Aila, going about various tasks in these rooms. The decorated pine tree was an item of note. It had not been there on Aila's and his last visit to Earth. He suspected his wife's parents had put it in place as they cared for the home. Too distracted by his own grief, Avarik did not call upon the Force to look for her parents. He just hoped they were not around because he did not want to have to explain that their daughter had been murdered. He just wanted to be left at peace as he made his way through the home.
Avarik turned right and silently lingered in Aila's kitchen and dining room, flashing a sad smile as he recalled meals they had shared there. There were thousands of happy memories connected with this place and it grieved the Sith Lord that no more could be created here.
Not wanting to linger for too long in case someone spotted him, Avarik made his way toward the back of the home and to the room he knew would be the most difficult to enter. This was the room where he had first consummated his marriage with Aila and as he calculated the date in his head a tear fell from his eyes when he realized their anniversary would occur in a little over a day.
Through the tears, Avarik continued to see images, from his memories, of Aila wandering around the hall. He wished that one of them was actually her, but they all faded into nothingness as he stepped closer to his destination.
Stopping in front of the closed door of Aila's bedroom, Avarik took a deep ragged breath as he tried to steady himself for the emotional onslaught he knew he was about to face. He hesitated twice as he brought his hand up to the door knob and had to force himself to call upon the Force to open that door.
Avarik's body shook with a combination of grief and trepidation as he stepped over the threshold of the doorway so he was standing just inside the bedroom. His eyes briefly scanned the room until they fixated on Aila's side of the bed. Like before, his mind conjured up an image of his wife peacefully sleeping, her long brown hair fanned out against her pillow.
His feet felt leaden as he trudged around the bed towards the apparition and more tears leaked from his eyes with each passing step. He absently brushed them away with the metallic hand Anakin had awarded him as he took a seat next to the apparition. He knew it was silly, but he made sure his body was not touching that of the image his mind had conjured up. The apparition could not feel him, but he did not want to disturb it, treating the image as he would his own wife.
Avarik simply gazed at the apparition for a few moments, taking a few steadying breaths to calm himself. His imagination, he noted, seemed to invoke a sense of soothing warmth coming from the figure on the bed. The image might have been a figment of his imagination, but it was also the closest he could get to Aila to say goodbye.
"I miss you." Avarik murmured to the image, blinking back tears once more. "I love you." He added, his voice cracking slightly with the weight those words had on his heart. As he had done several times to Aila, he absentmindedly raised a hand to brush against the apparition's face. Usually, he would have used his right hand, but he still felt self-conscious about the metal appendage, so he moved his left hand towards the figure.
Expecting to feel nothing and watch the apparition fade, Avarik was shocked when a warm cheek nuzzled against his fingers before giving a long sigh, "Obi-Wan."
Avarik's eyes widened in shock and he abruptly pulled his hand away and stood from the bed. The figure he had just touched, pulled her blanket over her as she fell back to sleep, oblivious to her visitor.
Wary of what had just happened, the Sith Lord called upon the Force to probe the figure for a Force signature, what he found startled him. "It can't be." He murmured, staring for a moment at the sleeping woman's face. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his Force bond with his wife, but he still felt nothing.
Thinking this was all a trick his mind and the Force were playing on him, Avarik tore his eyes away from the woman and to the bedside table next to her. His eyes widened in more shock as he lifted up a familiar item. It was a lightsaber, but not just any lightsaber, it was his. There was only one reason that weapon would be here and praying he was right he closed his eyes once more and opened his Force bond. Once again he felt nothingness, but he probed that nothingness, pushing desperately against it. In an instant, the block between his side of the Force bond and Aila's shattered and Darth Avarik could clearly feel his wife's presence.
"Aila." He murmured reverently, as he gazed not at a memory, but his actual wife. His heart swelled with joy and relief as he could see and feel that she was alive. Brushing away a stray strand of hair from her face, Avarik smiled as Aila unconsciously pressed her face against his fingertips once more.
"My goddess." He proclaimed with a whisper of his joy at finding her. He then leaned down and captured her lips with his own.
For a moment Aila obliged the familiar pressure against her lips, but as she regained consciousness from the land of dreams her mind began to tell her something was wrong. When Aila opened her eyes she abruptly pulled back and screamed in shock at the sight before her.