Rori's Corner: I'm going to apologize right now for the slower future updates. School's been throwing me some crazy shit, so my ass gonna be busy for a couple weeks. I'll try to get an update when I can, but it's going to be hard. But anyway, thanks for the support, as always! Hope you keep enjoying the read, and rev/fave/alert, all the goodies. You know it.

Over Before It Began

04. Natsu

Click.

He turned the safety off and held the gun in his hand. Heartbeat running miles; he had never heard a silence so deafening, or the sound of his vessels pump so loudly. He was so close to pulling the trigger, and the moon was the only one watching him.

So many severed memories snapping into place, and so many flashes of that color hair. The face he erased from his mind had never been erased at all. It was just pushed into the crevices of his brain. Scattered fragments floating aimlessly like lost children, all coming together.

Scattered no longer. A completed jigsaw puzzle. The mystery solved, and he wanted to rip it apart into molecules of unending shreds until they could no longer reform themselves.

That wide grin, full of confidence, lit up his world like a well decorated Christmas tree. Those large brown eyes, always looking for a challenge, gave him courage. That flamingo hair, the first thing he noticed, standing apart from the crowd, more unique than the rest, led him to think that perhaps being somewhat abnormal wasn't such a bad thing after all. That face in its entirety surfaced into the forefront of his mind, and he couldn't hide from it any longer.

He needed to kill it before it captured him.

He had to, before he got too close. Before he got too caught up in his own delusions. Before he drowned in his own stupidity. Before he trapped himself in a web of lies for a second time. Before he woke up.

Shatter it.

Phuooooom!

The sound of a silenced gunshot, whizzing. It was so easy.

Crick.

The sound of the bullet drilling into skin, brain tissue, and bones. So simple.

Splat.

The sound of splattering blood, splaying on the desk. He'd done it so many times. Over and over.

Ooom...

The dying whimper of the Glass Lancer, as he gathered himself from the recoil. That was all it took.

And it was so easy, routine.

"Why didn't you shoot?"

And so simple.

That he hated himself, because for the first time in seven years, he couldn't pull the trigger.

"I'm asking you, why didn't you shoot?"

It was those eyes. Those challenging, brown eyes. They burned, glowing and spitting like ember in the dim night. He loved them, once, a long time ago. Now, the only thing he had was hatred.

He hated those eyes looking at him, demanding for an answer. He hated that flamingo hair, obnoxiously sticking up. He hated those furrowed brows, frowning at him. He hated that mouth, which grinned and lied so easily. He hated that man, Natsu Dragneel, who never told him who he really was. That Natsu, who never told him the truth, who led him along and made him a laughing stock. That Natsu, who made him believe and destroyed him simultaneously.

And that Natsu, whom he couldn't pull the trigger on.

Why couldn't he do it?

"Huh, Gray." Natsu had stepped out of his work desk, walking over to him, blazing eyes never leaving his face. He stopped in front of the raised gun, purposefully putting himself in point-blank range. "I'm right here. Shoot me. I dare you."

Gray gripped the gun tighter, glaring at the mafioso. He was always like this. Provoking, pissing people off, making himself an intentional annoyance. Picking fights with boys two times bigger than him, just to prove he wasn't a coward. Often winning, and sometimes losing. And the few times he did lose, he would promise to do better next time. He knew when he lost, but he never knew when to give up. He was stubborn, and he was fearless. And he had always admired that.

Natsu's grown up face was in front of him. His abnormal pink hair hadn't changed, and neither did his obnoxious personality. He stepped closer, foot inching forward, and Gray held the gun exactly five centimeters from his forehead.

"Come closer. I dare you," he hissed. Their eyes met, dark cobalt clashing against bright brown. And it was so familiar, so nostalgic, that it was painful. The boy he had tried so hard to erase was now the man standing in front of him, looking as if those ten years hadn't passed one bit. But ten years did pass. If he could pull away from that ensnaring gaze, he would see. He would be able to see for himself the changes: the prominent jawline, the firm cheeks that lost their babyfat, the thinned mouth, and the way his lean muscles hid under the formfitting business suit. But Natsu hadn't looked away for one second, holding his gaze, without saying anything, and without saying anymore, Gray stared back, finger on the trigger collecting dust.

Then, Natsu took another step forward, the center of his forehead now pressed against the mouth of the gun. Daring, demanding, in control, stupidly fearless. And this time, he couldn't stop the shaking of his index finger that was hooked around the trigger. And he cursed himself, because it conveyed his hesitation so obviously, and there was no way the mafioso could miss it.

"What you gonna do about it?" the Fairy Tail don asked, without batting an eye, an expectant look in his eyes. He had caught it, that wavering emotion flickering in him, despite how hard Gray kept a tight leash on it. It hadn't worked. It never worked on him. Why was that?

"You have a death wish, don't you, Natsu," he scowled, the gritty emphasis on the name obvious. It echoed the sound of hatred, and the vibrating particles ignited by the way he spit the syllables out could cause an avalanche. Natsu, however, didn't flinch from the harsh projection of his voice. He didn't expect him to. In spite of it all, he wished the man would react in some way.

Why was he offering himself like this? Putting himself right in front of him, completely vulnerable, giving him a one-hundred percent accuracy, acting as if his life didn't matter. Was he that insignificant? Did he think he wouldn't shoot? Did he think he was still the same Gray from ten years ago? Weak, defenseless, fragile, naive Gray? Or was he simply toying with him? He had to be. There was no other reason for the boss of one of the most powerful mafias to give himself up to a mere hitman. He could overturn the table anytime. The only reason why he didn't, and the only conclusion he could possibly come to, was the fact that the man was using him as a source of entertainment.

That had to be it. There was no other way. It made sense. And it made so much unbelievably fucking sense that he felt utterly ashamed of himself. Why didn't he realize it earlier? Why else would the man give him such easy access to his life? He was amusing himself. And, he was the fool to fall for it twice. Why was he so fucking stupid? To be willing to give his nemesis the benefit of the doubt for a second time, he must have lost his mind. Without noticing it, he had subconsciously avoided the truth, just so he could give him another opportunity to humiliate him.

Cold fury raced through him at the thought, the feeling so strong that his arm, numb from raising the gun, dotted over with goosebumps. The conflict in his eyes disappeared, replaced with a different set of emotions, and Natsu noticed. In such proximity, there was no way he couldn't.

"Gray," he breathed, his brown eyes widening in alarm. A hushed sound, breathless with anticipation, and that other emotion he couldn't figure out in his current state of mindless anger.

"Natsu," he drawled, a mocking tone laced in the barely concealed hatred. "Nice seeing you again. I imagine you're pretty surprised to see me, just as how I'm surprised to see you."

Natsu was quiet for a moment. Then, a small smile spread over his frowning lips, and he said eagerly, "So you do remember. A long time has passed, Gray. Why did you disap - "

"Unfortunately, I don't have the time to hang around and reminisce," Gray interrupted. He pressed the gun more firmly to Natsu's head. The latter blinked. "I'm no longer the Gray you used to know. We have nothing to discuss. I'll see you in hell. Goodbye, Natsu."

He brushed off every sane cell screaming at him to stop, and he watched it all, that confused expression turning into a shocked look, mouth agape, jaw slackening, and brown irises moving rapidly. He committed it to memory.

And then he pressed the trigger.

"G-Gray. Hey, Gray - goddamit GRAY, DON'T - "

Suddenly, he was falling, falling, while everything happened all at once in slow motion. Something heavy on top of him cutting off his airflow, a swift punch to his abdomen knocking the wind out of him, and he landed with a thump, on the carpet. Pain surged through him instantly upon impact, and he gasped, eyes clenching shut. A hefty figure fell on him, and the pain doubled. He groaned, cursing under his breath, having difficulty breathing.

That something was warm. Too warm. But it wasn't blood. It was just body heat. He recognized it, even though the last time he felt it so close to him was a decade ago. Even though he should have forgotten it. He should have wiped it out. But his efforts weren't enough. He lacked resolve. And this was the result.

Things never turned out the way he wanted.

"Gray..."

A low murmur against his ear. Suffocating heat. He didn't want this. His head ached, and everywhere was sore. His distorted vision saw the fallen Lancer to the right of him, lying there, now just an innocent, empty weapon.

It had run out of bullets.

It was almost funny, how the world seemed to work against him at every turn and bend. Like it made it its goal to torment him until death, refusing to let him to live, just once.

"I didn't think you would go through with it."

Calloused hands gripping his arms, pinning them down on the carpet.

"Why?"

Voice breaking.

"Look at me, Gray."

He didn't. He couldn't. There were so many feelings rushing into him; he didn't know which one was correct - which one was okay, and which one was wrong. If he looked up at him, he knew wouldn't be able to handle it. He would just confuse himself even more. He couldn't afford to do that.

"I said, look!"

Demanding, aggressive, obnoxious.

"Shut up, Natsu. Shut up," was his gritted response. He refused to do as he was told. That was something the old Gray did. Always falling over trying to follow rules, becoming someone's, usually a girl's, play toy in the process, and unable to gather enough courage to fight back.

"Gray, you nearly killed me! Is that all you have to say? Ten years ago, you would've - "

"I said, shut the fuck up!"

Stunned silence.

Ten years ago, Gray would never have raised his voice like that. But then, ten years ago, he would never have held a gun, and especially not point it at his beloved Natsu.

Gray finally looked up, dark, stormy eyes flashing. Anger, frustration, hatred at the forefront hiding the wounds underneath. Natsu stared down at him, speechless. The moon highlighted his bright hair, a sheen of ethereal pink. His face was shadowed and obscured, but even in the dim lighting, Gray could see the shock. It appeased him slightly. "Ten years ago, I would've what?" he asked, letting the question hang in the tense air. "Let you step on me until you're satisfied? Trip myself trying to be your perfect plaything?" The grip on his arms were clutching tighter, digging into his skin until he could feel bruises. The heavy weight of Natsu straddling his stomach made breathing difficult. Undeterred, he continued on, a cold smirk slipping over his lips. "Or, did you think I would have killed myself instead?"

Something dashed over Natsu's face. It took him a moment to figure out what it was, and when he did, it left him utterly befuddled.

Was that...hurt?

Why?

Why would he be hurt by that? Wasn't that how he felt? Wasn't he under the impression that once he found out the truth, he would have committed suicide? So why...

"Gray." Natsu's voice was low, almost a growl, a warning. His eyes were covered by his flamingo locks, but the way his body was shaking and his sharp canines were jutting out from thinned lips was undeniable proof of his anger. "I don't know why you're saying all this. I don't know what happened in the last ten years. I don't know why you tried to kill me just now. I don't know a lot of things. But you know what?" he said, raising his head, and this time, his eyes were flaring, set ablaze with intense emotions.

The intensity in his gaze made Gray unable to tear his eyes away. He was bright, like fire, and he found himself captivated, for all the wrong reasons.

"You're Gray Milkovich."

He remembered. He remembered my last name...why? He should've forgotten. Why does he remember something so...insignificant?

"And..."

This time, Gray was the one in shock. He laid there, on the carpet, body pinned down and trapped under Natsu, cobalt eyes wide open, stunned, small drops of a wet something frozen in the corners. Speechless.

The words ran through his mind, over and over. His voice traveling and repeating the same thing, until he had no choice but to memorize the absurdity of its meaning. Because there was just no way.

There was no way that he would say it now, after all this time.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that the door to the office had opened, and two individuals had stepped in: Panther Lily and Lisanna.

"Natsu! What are you doing?! Get off him! Did you get in a fight again?"

"Ahem, boss. Did anything, uh, happen, while we were gone?"

"N-no! We weren't doing anything! And who told you you could come in?! I thought I said to give me time!"

"Natsu, it's been two hours already! How much time do you need to hand over two million Jewels anyway? And if we didn't come in, who knows what could've happened! You looked like you were about to slug him!"

"A-aha, aha, a-ahahah, no way! I said we weren't doing anything suspicious! Geez, Lisanna, you never trust me."

"Oh come on, everyone in the family knows..."

"Mister Fullbuster," Lily's gruff voice sounded above him.

Gray nodded weakly, mind still jumbled in a confused mess, and he took the offered hand. He got back on his feet, thanked the bodyguard, but nothing else registered in his brain.

"Mister Fullbuster, this may be inconvenient, but the Council has launched a Raid. It is not safe to leave at this time. We think it is best for you to stay in the Fairy Tail headquarters tonight."

"Huh, a Raid? Right now?" he asked, hazily. He was exhausted. Too many things happened today. He couldn't possibly keep up with it all. And the most unnerving was him. Why did he say it? Why? Why now?

"Yes, we will arrange a room for you immediately, if you don't mind."

"Sure, whatever," he mumbled, distracted. His body was ready to succumb to sleep.

"A Raid? Must be because of the assassination at the summit. We have to be careful, huh."

Natsu yawned. "Let's go sleep. Gray can room with me."

"What? Why? Wait, why do you know his name?"

Gray drowned out the rest of the conversations, his head lowered, mindlessly taking in the oak floor as he followed the group of mafiosi.

It was unfair. After all this time, and after all the effort he wasted in trying to -

"And...up until now, I've never been able to forget you. Because you're the only person I ever loved, Gray."

Hot prickles of wet droplets staining the corners of his eyes, and the worst thing was, he couldn't stop them this time.