Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or its characters
"Captain…" the sweet voice called me.
"Ahh Uhura, care to join me for dinner?
"You shouldn't do this to yourself," she said.
"Hmm ? Do what? Eat this mushroom soup? Did they put anything weird inside?" I was puzzled. Please don't tell me they put something weird inside.
"Don't hurt yourself," said the quivering voice.
"What are you saying Uhura? I'm only eating, it's edible." I replied immediately, scared of the truth.
"Tell him your feelings. We know you're hurting and it hurts us too to see you withdrawn and not your usual self."
"For our sake captain, Jim please?" the voice pleaded.
Sigh, why they don't want to leave me alone and let me wallow in self-pity.
"How many have know about this?" I inquire.
"Everybody except both of them" said Uhura.
"I don't know what to do Uhura, a part of me wish them happiness but other part of me just want Spock to be mine. And I can't do that. Both of them will be hurt if I do so...
"How about You? Will you not be hurt too?"
"Uhura even if it hurt me what can I do? I love them enough not to do that. Besides there's no guarantee that Spock will reciprocate my feelings even if I tell him. Who would want me anyway?"
"I'm a nobody Uhura, a good for nothing. I'm not even that smart like Bones at least with Bones there's something that they could talk about. He will surely not find happiness being with somebody like me and I want him to be happy being with the one he loves..."
"What about the federation? At least If Spock with you the higher ups can close an eye but ..." asked Uhura.
"I will protect them Uhura...so their love will never be like mine...broken, shattered and pining for the one true love that will never come. I will protect them even if it cost me my career and life..."
"Why? Why are you saying this Jim?"
"Because I don't deserve it…"I said quietly.
"This is the punishment that I deserved for the death of my father, death of my comrades and the lost happiness of my mother…"
"You're wrong Jim. You deserved to be loved..."
I guess the look on my face when I heard that probably show that my poor heart had broken into million pieces.
Uhura, she… broke down. Broke down for a person like, a despicable man like me?
I'm too fucked up.
She is too kind, Uhura.
Why didn't he see that many people admire him for his courage and his faith in people? Leonard does not have that much faith with people and Spock do not have the courage to do what he wants...
Are the feelings of not being loved by the people that he cares about made him like this? His father died, his mum left him because she couldn't stand the sight of Jim, his brother abandoned him and now Spock with Leonard..
How could he still smile and go on with his life when he is suffering so much? How could he still think of the well being of others when he himself is not happy?
Jim... please, don't hurt yourself.
"All hands on deck!! I repeat all hands on deck!! We are being confronted by an unknown ship. Prepare yourselves for a incoming missile!!
A/N: a CLIFFHANGER!! AHHH..I'm so gonna kill myself..Sorry people..For the late update,,,please review..Danke..Thank you..Gracias..