Gone…It had been two weeks since the funeral for my mother, two weeks since I lost everything that mattered in my life. I keep waking up and checking if she's home yet…then I remember the god awful truth

I don't want to remember anymore!.. It hurts too much…The only thing I actually pay attention to now.. is work , and the bills I have to pay. I was 18 so I was on my own. I had to sell a lot of things so that I could afford the basic things.

I'm the adult now…Actually in reality I was always the adult caring for a grown women who acted like she was the teenager. I sold my moms car, her bed, our tv and basically anything and EVERYTHING that was valuable..except for the few things that I put in storage. I hadn't talked to Spike in two weeks;Not that I wanted to but still, in actuality he wasn't that bad… wait WHAT AM I SAYING HE'S A FUCKING MONSETER FOR GODS SAKES! I shouldn't think of him anymore, I know that but I still cant help wondering.

I've had absolutely NO time to myself, between work, and work and school, there isn't time anymore. Yeah occasionally willow, and Xander would come over to help around the house but other than that nothing happened. They had been really helpful to me. Now I still had to fill out all the paperwork in order to keep the house.

I had been waitressing at the Bronze for extra money. Tonight..was a work night. As I walked in the back entrance all I could see were the people straing at me…yep I was the talk of this small town, Sunnyhell. "She's the girl" I heard one girl murmur to the guy standing next to her.

I wish it would all go away. I shook my head and walked into the sleazy hole in the wall bar. I wanted someone to love me. To take care of me but… there was no one.

I was doing my usual rounds of filling orders and mixing drinks for rude and shit faced drunk guys. I looked up and narrowed my eyes when I saw who was leaning against the bar staring at me.

"Spike..what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well ello to you to, an' another thing, I ave' the righ' to be here. S' not like I came to see you, you bloody self-centered bint."

I rolled my eyes as he leered at me. "enough with the 'bloodys, and the bints' can I help you?"

"nothin… how ave' you been?" He asked. I could see no trace of mocking in his eyes, I only saw sadness.

"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN? Well, lets see..hmm my mother just dies…I can barely afford to pay the bills. I'm 18! I should be enjoying what remains of senior year! But no! I have bills to pay and a house to clean, I'm working two jobs and- I was cut off when he grabbed me and brought his mouth down to mine. I pulled away "What the fuck Spike?" He sat down and I took down more orders.

"Look Spike I think you shou—I was cut off this time by a sharp pain in my temple. When I was brought back to reality I had tears in my eyes and ran out of the joint I cant let this happen.

OHHHHHHHH CLIFFFHANGER! Ahahaha I'm baaaack from the dead sorry all I hope you can forgive me… My grandma died I had to deal with that and school has been reeeeeeaaaallly hectic for me. Anyway I swear I will try to update at least once a week okay?

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foxiebabygirlygirl