To continue where we last left off...

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: SPINNING FRISBEES OF HELL!"

"OOGAH!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: FREDDY'S AVERAGE LIFE!"

"UGAAAAAH!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: ORANGES MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

"ZUUUUUBAH!"

"LOVE."

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: YOUR MOTHER IS YOUR DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND!"

"GUH?"

"SUPER FIST OF THE DUCKTAIL: SOUL CALIBUR BATTLE, BITCH!"

After a long and grueling battle using Soul Calibur and Soul Edge, Captain Battleship was finally able to defeat Ralph, who reformed back into Alaskan Tuna and wished for his college football team to remember him as he died.

Tossing Gasser's body into a box of oranges, Captain Battleship carried him up the 2nd Floor where Bobobo was heading, hoping he wouldn't be too late.

'Bobobo...I'm not sure if I still hate you, but I do have something important to tell you, so don't die yet...'

It took so long for Bobobo, Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler to reach the next floor that they had formed a rock band, wrote about ten top singles, and then became depressing loser drug-addicts in a time span of 12 minutes.

"This part of rockstar life is always the hardest..." Don Patch muttered as he snorted a whole bag of cocaine.

"Mmm...where's Wallace?" Bobobo asked, his feet propped up on the table, and red liquid pouring down his pale, scarred chest.

"Eh. He burned out." Don Patch replied, glancing at their jelly drummer, who was lying on the floor with a paper bag over his head.

"I want some vodka..."

"Oh, Bonito...sweet Bonito..."

"Wasn't she your girlfriend?"

"Yup."

"Loser. You couldn't done better."

"I know. That's why I dumped the bitch. She was crying so hard and saying she hadn't done anything wrong, which was obviously a lie; being alive was her sin! Ha ha!"

"You suck, Don Patch."

"NO. YOU!"

--

Finally, they reached the top of the stairs. Kicking the door down, Bobobo stepped inside first, and exclaimed, "HEY, ANYONE IN HERE? ANYONE LIKE, SAY...THE #3 OF THE BIG 5?"

"Nope. Just me." remarked a businessman, who was busy writing up some tax papers to give his wife and kids. Obviously, if they wanted to stay as his 'family', they had to pay!

"Hmm...do you have money for me?" Bobobo asked, holding a plastic fork up to the businessman's forehead threateningly.

"Yeah? Do yaaaaaaaaa?" Don Patch purred, poking the businessman in the throat with a plastic spoon.

"C'mon, c'mon! Give it, give it!" chided Jelly Jiggler as he waved a plastic knife dangerously close to the businessman's face.

Not wanting to be killed with harmless tableware, the businessman quickly pulled out his wallet, tossed it at Bobobo's feet, and ran off screaming down the hall.

Opening up the businessman's wallet, Bobobo only found 5 yen and a gecko.

"Allo t'ere!" exclaimed the little lizard, "Would ya like some Geico-"

"GTFO!" Don Patch snapped as he snatched the gecko and threw it off in a random direction.

Suddenly, a female voice giggled and said, "Ah, I'm impressed; you three have beaten my two guardians with relative ease."

The lights flipped on, and a woman was revealed to be standing in the middle of a huge alchemical circle that covered the entire floor of the room. She had long shiny hair that was a variety of different colors. She had wide piss-yellow eyes that resembled a cat's. Her outfit consisted of short jeans and a sweatshirt. She was mainly a thin, nimble-looking girl, but her most noticeable feature was...

"WHOO! THOSE ARE SOME TIG OL' BITTIES!" Jelly Jiggler cried, unable to tear his eyes away from the woman's P-Cup breasts.

"Seriously!" Don Patch agreed, "I mean, I've seen MOUNTAINS that weren't as big as those! Dammit, girl! How do you stand? How do you sleep at night? Where can I get boobs like that? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"S-Shut up! Stop looking at me!" The woman cried, attempting to cover her giant chest, but fialing to do so successfully.

"Alright...so who are you?" Bobobo asked. He didn't seem to have been affected by seeing those giant mounds at all.

"I am Melon, #3 of the Big 5!" the woman exclaimed, "I will destroy all of you with one of the 10 Anicent Super Fist Techniques: Super Fist Of Yum-Yum!"

"10 Ancient Super Fist Techniques? Super Fist Of Yum-Yum? What the hell are you talkin' about, bitch?" Don Patch said in confusion.

"Allow me to explain," Melon continued, "At this current time, there are only about 100 different Super Fist styles that exist in the world. Thousands of years ago, however, things were very different; over millions of different Super Fist styles were practiced and mastered, focusing on everything from using rocks to paper clips. However, the creation of the Hair Kingdom caused a rift in power with the various Super Fists users, and a long and bloody war began. In the end, 110 Super Fist styles were left to survive, but 10 of them were deemed to dangerous and locked away. I am a master of one of those 10 Ancient Super Fist styles..."

Jelly Jiggler was writing all of this down. "And? And? And? What happened next? I gotta write this all down, turn it into a book, and make a fortune off it!"

"...Uh, that's all."

Jelly Jiggler cursed out loud and ran off down the hallway, hoping to come up with some new material before the Pig Mafia came to visit. Then, as he was running, a lizard popped out of the ground, and Jelly Jiggler tripped over its head, causing him to fall headfirst into a bowl of pudding, which a pack of gremlins and a dog ate feverishly.

Bobobo shook his head in disappointment. "You can run, but you can't hide...from da Pig Mafia!"

Smirking, Melon held both arms out wide and asked, "So...are you three ready to face the undefinable power of my Super Fist Of Yum-Yum?"

"WHAT EXACTLY IS YUM-YUM? IS IT A FRUIT?" Don Patch asked, now wearing make-up and a miniskirt.

'Wow...she...I mean, he looks really good in that skirt...' Melon realized, but she quickly shook that thought out of her head and replied, "YOU WANT TO KNOW? WELL...WHY DON'T I JUST SHOW YOU?"

Suddenly, the entire alchemical circle on the floor began to shrink, its energy flowing into Melon's body. Mysterious markings began to form all over Melon's skin, her hair became pitch black, and her voice took on a more demonic tone.

"So...are you ready to die?" She purred, licking her lips and moving her body into a fighting stance.

'I still don't get how it's the Super Fist Of Yum-Yum...' Don Patch thought to himself with squinted eyes and a predominant chin.

"ALRIGHT! HERE I GO!" Bobobo exlcaimed, "SUPER FIST OF-"

Before Bobobo could even unleash his nose hairs, Melon rushed over and smashed her fists into the afro man's stomach, sending him flying into a wall and scattering debris everywhere. After the smoke cleared, Bobobo was lying on the floor, motionless.

"BOBOBO!" Don Patch cried in horror.

"Ah! Don Patch! Tell me; what's her power level?" Jelly Jiggler asked.

Pulling out his Scouter, Don Patch put it on and pressed the button. After a moment, he gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S OVER 9000!"

"9000? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed back, "Then...what about my power level?"

Don Patch pressed the button again and waited. After a moment, he gasped and exclaimed, "IT'S OVER THREE BANANAS AND AN APPLE!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?" Jelly Jiggler cried.

"Heh heh...how do you like witnessing the first level of my power..." Melon asked, leaning in close to Don Patch...who had dressed up as a woman again. The moment Melon saw Don Patch in that skirt again, she tensed up and started blushing.

"PLEASE!" he shrieked, "DON'T HURT ME! I HAVE A SON NAMED YA-KUN BACK HOME, WAITING FOR ME! PLEASE! HE'S WITH HIS BABYSITTER RIGHT NOW, AND I ALWAYS CHECK UP ON HIM EVERY FIVE MINUTES, SO IF YOU COULD-"

Suddenly, Don Patch's cellphone rang.

"Hold on a moment." he said, and he turned around to answer the call. Melon took the time to see if she could see up Don Patch's skirt; she couldn't really understand it herself, but seeing this little orange candy...thing dress up like a woman was turning her on!

"HELLOOOOO?"

"Uh, yeah, this is Mary, Ya-kun's babysitter," replied a drunken voice on the other line, "Uh, I was using him to unclog the toliets, and I accidently flushed him. So...do I get my money yet?"

Don Patch shrieked and threw his cellphone off into a random direction, hitting Jelly Jiggler in the head as he returned from the hallway. He had just finished going through his mid-life crisis.

"ARGH! STOP SCREWING WITH ME!" Don Patch shouted, now back to his normal self, and he spun around and landed a powerful kick to Melon's face...but it had no effect whatsoever.

Melon snarled and smashed her knee into Don Patch's crotch, then grabbed his leg, spun him around, and slammed her foot in his face, sliced him up a bit with her nails, and then finally punched him in the head. Don Patch spat up a hell of a lot of blood as he was sent flying through the air. He felt like his life was flashing before his eyes, everything that he had done, everything that he had seen...everything...and it made him angry...

Many years ago...

Don Patch (Age: 3) was happily playing with his toy blocks in the Daycare Center when Melon (Age: 5) walked over and kicked him the side.

"Hey, what'd you do that for?" Don Patch snapped, his eyes tearing.

Melon smirked and replied, "Because...you're a dum-dum!"

"W...Wha-?"

"DUM-DUM!" Suddenly, all the kids, even the teacher (who disturbingly resembled Bobobo) were surrounding him and laughing, calling him names.

"DUM-DUM!"

"DUM-DUM!"

"DUM-DUM!"

"DUM-DUM!"

Present Time...

"Hey! Why the hell was I there?" Melon snapped, "I didn't even know you until today! That little flashback seriously couldn't have been real!"

Whether it had been real or not was of no importance now; Don Patch was infuriated.

"NEVER FORGIVE! NEVER FORGET! NEVER...NEVER...NEVER...STEVE, I'M HUNGRY!"

With those words, Don Patch's power erupted...and Super Patch had returned to do battle against evil once again.

"W...What? You turned yellow?!" exclaimed Melon.

"Hmph! So you are the nasty little whore that's been causing trouble." Super Patch remarked, pulling on one of his wristbands, "Very well, then...I guess it is time I teach you a lesson in humility."

Clenching her teeth, Melon snarled, "Shut up! I am not a whore! I just have a big chest, that's all! I'll kill you for saying that!"

Screaming out a string of curse words, Melon flew at Super Patch and swung at him, but he easily caught her fist in his hand, and crushed all the bones inside.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Melon staggered slightly as she held her left wrist, which was now limp and dangling.

"Are you ready to be serious?" Super Patch asked; Melon was disturbed at not only how powerful the little round guy had become, but also at how totally different his personality was now too.

"I AM SERIOUS!" Melon snapped, swinging her right leg at him, "WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

Melon swung her legs around like crazy, but Super Patch just stood still and blocked every one; he even countered a few times and landed some painful hits to Melon's body, causing her to bleed all over.

"YYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Letting out a battle cry, Super Patch swiftly dodged Melon's attack and punched her hard in the gut, knocking the breath out of her completely. Blood even squirted out from in between the spaces of her clenched teeth.

'No...no way...' Melon thought to herself, clutching her stomach, 'I can't be losing to this...this cross-dressing son of a bitch! I...I need to activate Level 2!'

"Just give up. You can't win." Super Patch told her, but...

Melon spat at his feet and snapped, "Shut the fuck up! I'll...I'll skip all the way to Level 5, you bastard!"

Closing her eyes, Melon began to concentrate. Suddenly, Super Patch felt an amazing surge of power, much greater than even his own, and it was coming from Melon herself!

'Argh! I need to end this fight before she reaches full power!' Super Patch realized, and he was about to land the finishing blow to her face when he felt something hard hit him and the entire lower half of his body was gone in an instant.

Melon had finally reached Level 5; she had taken on the form of a male 39-year-old Japanese Samurai, and his sword was stained in Super Patch's blood.

"Guhh...guhh...ahh...D...Dammit..."

Super Patch fell to the ground...and his life ended.

"DON PATCH! YOU CAN'T DIE!" shouted a familiar voice.

Those words were all he needed to come back...

Now returned to the form of Don Patch, he opened his eyes and stood up, realizing that his body was whole again! And, running over to help him, was Rice, Lambada and a beaten-up Jelly Jiggler! And, for some reason, they were all wearing manatee suits.

"R-Rice! Lamaba! What the hell are you two doing here?" Don Patch exclaimed in surprise.

"We came to help you guys, of course!" Rice replied, "Can't let my favorite buddy-wuddies die on me, right? Right? Right?" He was saying this last part while playfully pinching Don Patch's cheeks.

Slapping Rice away, Don Patch said, "Listen, I know we're usually not very serious, but Bobobo's been knocked out and this crazy Melon chick has turned into a Japanese Samurai with funky fresh moves! There's no way we can win, especially if not even Super Patch had a chance!"

Lambada shook his head. "Don't worry; me and Rice got it handled. We've both learned a new technique! It's...say it Rice, before I get constipated!"

"IT'S THE FUSION TECHNIQUE!" Rice exclaimed, waving flags in the air that had 'FUSION' written on them in Korean characters.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY FUCK."

"MAJIDE?!" Jelly Jiggler exclaimed, and then a small comet flew in and hit him in the face.

Lambada nodded and explained, "Yeah! It's not as good as Bobobo's, but let's do it! I fuse with Jelly Jiggler, and Rice will fuse with Don Patch! LET'S GO!!"

Don Patch wasn't sure how this was going to work, but he knew they had no choice, especially because Bobobo was still out cold (actually, he was just sleeping).

"DON PATCH...BECOMING CANDY!"

"JELLY JIGGLER...JELLY SHAKE!"

After becoming their respective digestive foodstuffs, Rice and Lambada quickly swallowed them down and the transformation began...

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING?" Melon exclaimed; her Final Form also had a thick Asian accent, too.

A huge burst of light, and finally, the fusions were revealed: It was a Don Patch made out of rice, and a Jelly Jiggler made out of polygons.

"I AM...DON RICE!" exclaimed the rice-made Patch.

"AND...I AM JELLY JIPOLYGON!" said the...other guy.

"WE WILL DEFEAT YOU...AND THEN WATCH BRUCE ALMIGHTY!" They both proclaimed together, striking poses at the same time.

'God, this fic is getting worse and worse by the minute...' Melon thought, shaking her head.

Meanwhile, Captain Battleship was reading Death Note, sitting on top of his favorite chair: Gasser's body!

"Can...can I go to the bathroom?" Gasser whimpered, wanting to get away from this duck-tailed freak and find Bobobo as soon as possible.

"No!" Battleship snapped, "Now shut up and be a good chair; I'm reading about how Light plans on tricking everyone AGAIN and use Misa for his own evil purposes AGAIN and kill L AGAIN and-"

"YOU SERIOUSLY CAN'T BE READING THE WHOLE SERIES!" Gasser exclaimed.

Battleship seemed to revel in hearing the straightman shout his/her words of sanity once again. "That's what helps make this such a good gag series, anyhow."

"YOU ANNOYING SON OF A BITCH-"

"Ah-ah-ah! Chairs don't talk!"

Gasser sighed, and continued to resume his unfortunate fate...