CHAPTER THREE:

The four days I spent far from the hospital since Christmas' eve were the most confusing and traumatizing days from the past years because the only thing I could think about was Meredith Grey's kiss. She did not contact me – she did not call, text or email me even though she could have, she had the ways to do it – and, since she was the one kissing me the other night, I should probably wait for her to make a first move when it comes to us.

I could not help but also think about my dead ex-wife and what would be her feelings about this situation. I passed through this in my previous relationship and that also kept me from wanting relationships.

When I arrived in my first day back in the hospital after the holidays I was terrified of meeting Meredith in a weird and awkward moment so I made sure to check every hallway before walking through it, I also double-checked the attendant's lounge before I got in to change into my scrubs. I was ready to leave when I heard the door opening.

-Hey Liv. – Arizona greeted me and I was so relieved I signed. – What is going on? Looks like you are in a big trouble.

-Oh, I am in a big trouble. – I answered honestly. – Let's go. This is a very vulnerable place for me to stay right now.

-What are you talking about? – The blond woman asked frowning.

-Let's go Ritz! – I grabbed her hand and pulled her while walking away from that lounge and I could see that my friend did not understand much.

We stopped by the cafeteria so we could grab some coffee, I was checking the place every five seconds and I did not see her, nor Maggie or Amelia. Not even Owen was around, so I relaxed for a little bit.

-Are you going to tell me what is going on? – Arizona asked when we sat in front of each other on a "hidden" spot. – You are freaking me out.

-I am freaked out, okay? – I contradicted her and she stopped, raised her eyebrows and drank some coffee. – I need to tell you something and you are not telling anyone about it, do you understand?

-Yes. – She nodded and sat straight getting ready to listen to me.

-Meredith kissed me on Christmas' eve. – I whispered.

-WHAT?

-Shut up, Arizona! – I asked her in a hiss and the woman covered her mouth with one hand. – You need to promise you will not tell anyone.

-I promise! – She whispered.

-Okay good!

-But how did that happen? – She asked. – I mean, are you guys… In love?

-What? How am I supposed to know that? I like her, she is great, she is gorgeous and she makes me happy, like, really happy. However, do I know if I am in love with her? No! No, I do not! – I answered. – I am very confused and I bet she is even more confused since she thought she was straight most of her life.

-Oh yeah, there is that. – Arizona bit her lower lip. – We do not even know if she is into you, as a woman, or if she is just confused and had mistaken a good friendship with something else.

-That is my point! I am trying to wait for her to make the next move since she was the one kissing me that night, but at the same time… At the same time, I am so scared of this and feels like I am trying to avoid her. Or, you know, trying to postpone this to the fullest. – I opened up with her and she held my hand, the one resting on top of the table in-between us.

-You should talk to her. – She said.

-Are you listening to me? – I asked with wide eyes and outraged by the position she had taken. – I am not talking to her.

-Therefore, we better get up discreetly and leave the place. She is getting in the cafeteria with her sisters. Eleven o'clock. – She said and I discreetly turned my face towards the direction she gave me and I indeed saw Meredith with Maggie and Amy.

We stood up not wanting to draw too much attention and then we walked towards the exit while I kept trying to keep my head down avoiding eye contact.

-Hey Liv! – I heard Amy's voice and I turned my face without stopping the walking process. – Are you leaving?

-Yeah! Have a good day, you people. – I quickly said and Arizona pulled my hand so we would walk faster.

After that, I had to go to my floor. I had a pre-schedule surgery to do and I was looking forward to spend hours in the OR without the risks of facing Meredith in the hospital's hallways.

I scrubbed in and in ten minutes, I was starting the surgery.

The OR felt like home. Being in a safe place, having technology at my service and great people to help me whenever I needed, is a good feeling. A very different feeling from the ones I had while still in Iraq – where we would operate lying the patient on the ground in the middle of a crossfire, or where we would use sugar as something to keep wounds from getting infected – but still, this harmony was so strange. I was waiting for something to go tremendously wrong and make everything good disappears.

Hours feels like minutes when you are doing something you like and that's what I felt when I was done with the valve replacement and looked at the watch realizing that three hours have passed since the last time I have checked. I looked up to the gallery, I saw some random residents, some internes, and in the back, I saw the remarkable eyes of Meredith Grey.

I scrubbed out and tried to spend as much time in there as possible leaving the room when it was inevitable for me to stay inside any longer. I grabbed the tablet on top of the table before leaving and made sure to update Mrs. Jefferson's profile in the system – she would be 100% in no time, I did a great job.

-Hello Olivia. – I heard two voices speaking at once and I moved my eyes from the screen towards the direction I imagined the voices came from.

-Hello Amelia and Maggie. – I answered getting suddenly nervous.

-Why are you avoiding Meredith after what happened? – Amelia asked.

-I thought you were someone who would act differently. – Maggie completed. – Do you even know how hard it has been for her to question everything she sustained for the past years of her life?

-Or how hard it has been for her to even accept her feelings? Who did not know she was falling for you? Everyone did! When she told us we got so happy, she was finally opening up to new things… - Amelia talked without taking a breath.

-Are you two done with the inquisition yet? – I asked frowning and crossing my arms. – I am not discussing none of those things with you guys, I thought it would be best to let her make the first move into a conversation about what happened the other day and then she sent me you guys instead. I know all the complications related to kissing another woman, I know the process, I passed through the process and I was trying to respect her space when she clearly do not know how to respect mine since she sent her barking dogs to rip my guts out. I am done with the two of you.

I walked away from them really upset and felt like steam was getting out of my ears. I was so nervous and pissed off that I almost made Owen fall after bumping into him.

-Hey! What happened? – He asked grabbing my shoulders.

-Get off! – I pushed him away. – Try controlling your wife; I sure knew how to control mine when it came to other people's feelings.

-Liv, what happened? – He asked once again.

-Why don't you go find her and ask for yourself? – I suggested with a lot of irony in my voice and he realized how upset I was. He raised both of his hands in front of his body letting me know he would not insist in the matter.

I walked away from him and from everyone else in the hospital, I sat in one of the benches outside the building and just tried to cool my head.

A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying this story! I just thought about something really awesome and it will probably transform this into a crossover story, I'll keep it inside the Shondaland universo though.

Tell me what you're thinking...

Xoxo.