4
Frank
"No passengers," the medic says.
He loads Joe's stretcher into the ambulance.
Someone growls. Was that me?
"Frank," Dad says and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Larry, remember when I didn't write you up for speeding?" Con asks. "Could I call in my favor now?"
"OK," the medic mumbles and grudgingly makes room for me.
I put my shaking hand on Joe's knee. Touching Joe is the only way I believe he is alive.
When they wheel Joe into the ER, I collapse into an uncomfortable plastic chair.
"Frank?" Dad asks and puts a hand on my shoulder.
I can't look at Dad. Too ashamed. I should be the one fighting for my life. Not Joe. If I hadn't said I wanted a new partner none of this would have happened.
Nobody hurts Joe. Except me. I spent the last year hurting him and shutting him out. Now Joe is fighting for his life because of me.
"He's going to be OK," Dad says, but I hear the doubt in his voice.
I look at my hand covered in Joe's dried blood.
"We need to get you cleaned up," Dad says.
"Later," I say.
"Now," Dad says. "Joe's going to want to see you when he comes out."
God, can You give me one more chance?
"What if he doesn't make it?" I whisper.
Dad swallows hard.
"Joe's tough," Sam says, as he guides me into a wheelchair. He's right. Except I hurt Joe. Really hurt him. Told him I wanted a new partner. I drew a line between us. What if Joe won't fight anymore?
"I'm going to clean these scratches on your arms," a nurse says.
"Any news?" I ask.
"Not yet, Frank," Dad says and rests his hand on my shoulder.
"Anything else hurt?" the nurse asks.
"How's Joe?" I ask.
"Frank, give Joe's doctors some time," Dad says.
"I'm Dr. Weston," a man in green scrubs says. "Let's take a look at that cut by your eye."
I flinch when he touches it.
"Need something for the pain?" he asks.
His voice sounds miles away.
"Nurse, I need some blankets," Dr. Weston says. "He's going into shock."
I feel a sting by my eye.
"Frank, look at me," Dad says.
"Nurse, I want his heart rate and pulse monitored," the doctor says.
Why am I here? Something scary roars at the edge of my mind, but I won't let it in.
Sam walks in with another doctor.
"Joseph Hardy's family?" the new doctor asks. "I'm Dr. Welby."
Joe. My car. The explosion.
Why can't I stop shaking?
"Joseph just came out of surgery," Dr. Welby says.
"He's ok?" I ask.
"We'll know in 72 hours," Dr. Welby says.
"How is he?" Dad asks.
"Concussion, an abdominal fragmentation injury…."
"What?" I ask.
"The blast caused a branch to get stuck in Joseph's chest. We removed it and repaired his lung. I'm most concerned about the swelling of his optic nerves."
"What does that mean?" Dad asks.
"He can't see. We'll know in a few days if his vision will return."
Joe's blind. Because of me.
Joe will hate me. I hate me.
If Joe dies…or ends up blind…I'll never forgive myself. Like Joe never forgave himself when Iola died.
When Joe is moved out of recovery into ICU I'm his first visitor.
The sounds of the heart monitor and ventilator fill the space. Wires and tubes are connected to my brother. He's pale. Someone wrapped bandages around Joe's eyes. Another large bandage covers his chest.
What if this is my last chance to fix things?
I run my hand through my hair and sit by Joe.
"Joe…" I whisper and swallow hard.
"I-I…messed up. Don't want another partner…I never did…just hurt…after Callie…I kind of shut down."
"Callie's engagement… surprised me. Didn't realize you had it out with Dad to tell me about it. You've always had my back. Even when I don't deserve it."
"Give me another chance, Joe. Please. I can't do this alone. It can't end like this. So fight, ok? For me."
"Time's up," the nurse says.
In the hall, Dad, Sam, Edward and Con are talking.
"I don't want to bother Laura and Gert on their world cruise until we know more," Dad says.
Mom will hate that, but I'm too tired to fight Dad.
"Understood," Sam says. "I'll arrange for some hospital security from Con."
"Thanks," Dad says and puts his arm around my shoulder. "Let's grab something to eat."
Still can't stop shaking. The elevator ride to the cafeteria is a blur.
God, I need a favor. Joe can't be blind.
Not sure I believe in You. Maybe You don't believe in me.
Take anything You want. Just give Joe back his sight.
The next four days are a blur. Joe's unconscious. He is fed intravenously. He can't talk to me. Or look at me. This is the way I treated him the past year. I shut him out.
It's like he's dead. Or at least dead to me. Maybe that's why I refuse to leave the hospital hall outside Joe's room.
In ICU Joe can have visitors for 15 minutes every hour. So for 15 minutes every hour, I talk. Words pour out of my mouth that I've kept stuffed inside for months.
"I hate Callie. You can't put love on a deadline. I wasn't ready. She kept pushing me to buy her a ring."
"Sometimes I feel trapped in Bayport working for Dad. Don't want to disappoint Dad, but I want more."
"I wish we could do the last year over again. I'll make everything up to you, Joe. I promise."
What if Joe wakes up alone, blind and helpless? He hates the dark. He hates being helpless.
I made Joe's worst nightmare come true.
Dr. Welby assures me Joe's medicine will keep him unconscious so his body can heal.
But I can't shake my fear Joe will wake up terrified. And I will have let him down again.
Sam and Edward work the case. Dad and I camp out at the hospital. Today the doctor is cutting Joe's medicine back. Hopefully Joe will regain consciousness today.
I'm scared. What if Joe hates me? I hate me.
A nurse injects a needle of liquid into Joe's IV.
"Relax, Frank," Dad says. "Joe may not even remember that day."
That's when I know it's bad. When you pray for amnesia you know you've messed up.
Joe starts to stir.
"Joe, I'm right here," I say and put my hand on Joe's shoulder. "You're OK. You're in Bayport General. Can you hear me?"
Joe gives a small nod.
I squeeze his hand.
"Glad you're back," I say. "You're been out a few days."
"No," I say and catch Joe's hand as he tries to pull out the ventilator. "It's helping you breathe."
Joe squeezes my hand.
"Your eyes got hurt when my car blew up," I say. "They're bandaged. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, ok?"
Joe's body relaxes. I'm amazed at his faith in me. Maybe he doesn't remember what I said about wanting a new partner.
"You rest. We're going to remove the ventilator in a bit," I say and rub Joe's shoulder.
A few hours later Joe has been weaned from the ventilator. "Frank?" Joe whispers hoarsely.
"Right here," I say and squeeze his shoulder.
I hold a straw while Joe takes a drink of water.
"You 'kay?" Joe whispers.
No. I may never be OK again. Especially if you're blind.
"Yes," I whisper.
Slowly Joe moves his hand with the IV in it up to his neck.
"Chain?" Joe whispers.
"Easy," I say and slowly guide his arm back to his side.
"Iola," Joe mumbles.
"Iola gave you a chain?"
"With gold cross," Joe whispers. "Need it."
"I'll take care of it," I say.
"Thanks," Joe mumbles before he falls asleep.
Sam and Con walk into the hospital room.
"How's he doing?" Con asks.
"Sleeping," I say. "Was Joe wearing a chain around his neck when you found him?"
"Didn't see one," Sam says.
"Iola gave it to him," I say.
"We'll find it," Sam says. "I'll check with the hospital and search the woods and cemetery."
"Thanks."
Two hours later Joe wakes up.
"You were right," Joe mutters.
My mental alarm starts ringing.
"Right?" I ask.
"New partner," Joe half mumbles, half whispers.
I've got a big problem. Joe's biggest weakness is he doesn't believe in himself.
"No," I say and grab his hand. "I was upset over Callie. We're equals. You, me and dad."
"Mom…Callie alive," Joe mumbles. "Iola dead."
Joe is asleep before I find my voice. How did I miss this? How do I fix this?