People, do you not *realise * the meaning of the word 'question'??!!!
Requests for a Buffy/Cordy cat fight, do not constitute as questions. I
will do it, but just this once! This is what happens if I'm left alone!
Notes From Star: Wesley is goop on the carpet, Angel's returned from a time out, and Lindsey's stripped naked and tied to his chair. I'm bored, okay?
Star: (twiddling pencil idly) Guys? Knock knock? Anyone there? Ask questions dammit!
Lindsey: This is kinda uncomfertable, ya know.
Star: shut up. Anyone ask for you to be released? No! You stay tied up until they do.
Lilah: Has anyone actually noticed that I'm here?
Star: yeah, but we're too bored to care. Angel honey, how ya hangin in there?
Angel: Please can I eat Wesley?
Star: I'd let you on the off chance it might liven things up, but Faith's all ready trodden him into the carpet. Too late!
Angel: Oh.
Star: Yup.
Lilah: Doesn't anyone want to know what really happened the night Wes and I screwed?
Star: (looking round the audience and cast) Nope, don't think we do!
Conner: D'ya think I could stake my dad?
Star: I would let ya, and I will if no-one reviews in a hurry, but not just yet sweetheart, kay?
Faith: Can ya bring B here? Cos that PrincessCordelia asked for her, and I'm kinda looking for a fight. Wesley moosh doesn't put up much of one.
Star: (claps hands) Your wish is my command. (catches sight of Fred and Gunn) Hey, stop that!
Fred: But we're bored!
Star: Well making the audience barf isn't gonna move things along any faster, * is* it now!
Fred: Point taken.
Star: Anyway, Buffy's gonna turn up any second.
(Buffy falls screaming from the ceiling. The audience glare at Star accusingly,)
Star: Hey, she's too pretty! (mumbling) she never get's bruises anyway!
Lindsey: Shut up!
Star: (gobsmacked) Did you, did you just tell *me * to shut up? Oh boy, you're in for a shock! Faith, take him away! Buffy will have enough of a shock about the lame A/C storylines without bringing Faith into the equation.
(Faith carrys Lindsey offstage onto a big bed. Screaming ensues)
Star: Right, a new arrival. How'dya feel, Buff Buff?
Buffy:Don't ever call me that.
Star: Fine, you *want * to be dressed in a thong and bra, and nothing else, carry on talking.
Buffy: (wincing) Understood. Who put you in charge, anyway?
Star: I did. (snaps fingers)
Buffy: Oh man. This looked bad on *Anya *!
(Buffy is dressed in Anya's outfit from OMWF)
Star: You asked for it. And all the guys watching were begging me to do it.
Cordy:Could ya put me in my Pylea outfit, since she's dressed in *that *?
Star: (evil grin) Sure thing. (Cordy is dressed in Cow outfit.)
Cordy: Not fair!
Buffy: (staring at Cordy's hair) Oh boy! The crush thing went way over the top, huh? Now you're *blonde *? Is this some kind of Angel trap?
Cordy: He seemed to fall for it.
Buffy : (staring at Cordy) What the fuc..
Star: I repeat earlier statement. Buff, if ya complete that sentence, ya get a pointy bit of wood up your ass. If ya wanna go ahead, fine by me.
Cordy: There's already one up there. It needs to be surgically removed!
(Audience claps)
Buffy: excu..se me? Did you just say what I thought you said? ( pulls stake out) And would you mind repeating it?
Cordy: Hey, you don't need a spike to shut me up. Hey, you've *still * got that shoved up your ass!
(Angel snaps out of his reverie)
Angel: Excuse me??!!!
Star: See, this is why I need reviews, a bitch fight is *never * a good idea!
Cordy: She's screwing Spike, has been for the past six months.
Angel: So I guess it's a vamp thing, huh Buffy.
Buffy: Excuse me! You seem to have a thing for dumb airhead cheerleaders now!
Cordy: Now I'm half demon.
Buffy: Exactly. Becoming what the rest of the Scoobies knew you always were.
Connor: Plus he screwed Darla.
Buffy: ( momentarily confused) I thought I staked her?
Connor: Yeah, well Angel did it again, a lot more recently.
Buffy: Who the hell are you??
Connor: Connor/Steven Angel/Holtz
Cordy: Oh boy we have to sort your name out!
Buffy: Did you just say Angel?
Connor: Yeah, I'm a by product of said screwing.
(Buffy socks Angel in the nose)
Angel: Hey!
Star: Don't worry, handsome, she does it all the time to Spike. (under my breath) only he seems to consider it foreplay.
Angel: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!
Star: Forgot about vamp hearing.
Angel:that's okay. (hits Buffy)
Connor: (puzzled) If Buffy is screwing Angel's grandchilde, who by the way must be a weird kind of nephew, isn't that incest in a vampy way?
Star: Thank you!
Buffy: Oh you would so get on with Dawn!
Connor :Who's Dawn?
Angel: (eyes widening) No way in hell! He's a teenager! So's she! Do you imaginwe what they'll *do * together??!!
Buffy: (rolling eyes) Oh, come on Angel, Dawn's my little sister!
Angel: They'll be 17 next series. Do you remember what happened with us when *you * turned 17??
Buffy: (to Connor) You are never going near my sister! I gotta go put Dawn in a convent.
Angel: Oh, I know some good ones.
Star: And we'll *stop* ! Angel, you disgust me!
Angel: Angelus did it, not me!
Star: sure, that's what they all say!
Notes From Star: Wesley is goop on the carpet, Angel's returned from a time out, and Lindsey's stripped naked and tied to his chair. I'm bored, okay?
Star: (twiddling pencil idly) Guys? Knock knock? Anyone there? Ask questions dammit!
Lindsey: This is kinda uncomfertable, ya know.
Star: shut up. Anyone ask for you to be released? No! You stay tied up until they do.
Lilah: Has anyone actually noticed that I'm here?
Star: yeah, but we're too bored to care. Angel honey, how ya hangin in there?
Angel: Please can I eat Wesley?
Star: I'd let you on the off chance it might liven things up, but Faith's all ready trodden him into the carpet. Too late!
Angel: Oh.
Star: Yup.
Lilah: Doesn't anyone want to know what really happened the night Wes and I screwed?
Star: (looking round the audience and cast) Nope, don't think we do!
Conner: D'ya think I could stake my dad?
Star: I would let ya, and I will if no-one reviews in a hurry, but not just yet sweetheart, kay?
Faith: Can ya bring B here? Cos that PrincessCordelia asked for her, and I'm kinda looking for a fight. Wesley moosh doesn't put up much of one.
Star: (claps hands) Your wish is my command. (catches sight of Fred and Gunn) Hey, stop that!
Fred: But we're bored!
Star: Well making the audience barf isn't gonna move things along any faster, * is* it now!
Fred: Point taken.
Star: Anyway, Buffy's gonna turn up any second.
(Buffy falls screaming from the ceiling. The audience glare at Star accusingly,)
Star: Hey, she's too pretty! (mumbling) she never get's bruises anyway!
Lindsey: Shut up!
Star: (gobsmacked) Did you, did you just tell *me * to shut up? Oh boy, you're in for a shock! Faith, take him away! Buffy will have enough of a shock about the lame A/C storylines without bringing Faith into the equation.
(Faith carrys Lindsey offstage onto a big bed. Screaming ensues)
Star: Right, a new arrival. How'dya feel, Buff Buff?
Buffy:Don't ever call me that.
Star: Fine, you *want * to be dressed in a thong and bra, and nothing else, carry on talking.
Buffy: (wincing) Understood. Who put you in charge, anyway?
Star: I did. (snaps fingers)
Buffy: Oh man. This looked bad on *Anya *!
(Buffy is dressed in Anya's outfit from OMWF)
Star: You asked for it. And all the guys watching were begging me to do it.
Cordy:Could ya put me in my Pylea outfit, since she's dressed in *that *?
Star: (evil grin) Sure thing. (Cordy is dressed in Cow outfit.)
Cordy: Not fair!
Buffy: (staring at Cordy's hair) Oh boy! The crush thing went way over the top, huh? Now you're *blonde *? Is this some kind of Angel trap?
Cordy: He seemed to fall for it.
Buffy : (staring at Cordy) What the fuc..
Star: I repeat earlier statement. Buff, if ya complete that sentence, ya get a pointy bit of wood up your ass. If ya wanna go ahead, fine by me.
Cordy: There's already one up there. It needs to be surgically removed!
(Audience claps)
Buffy: excu..se me? Did you just say what I thought you said? ( pulls stake out) And would you mind repeating it?
Cordy: Hey, you don't need a spike to shut me up. Hey, you've *still * got that shoved up your ass!
(Angel snaps out of his reverie)
Angel: Excuse me??!!!
Star: See, this is why I need reviews, a bitch fight is *never * a good idea!
Cordy: She's screwing Spike, has been for the past six months.
Angel: So I guess it's a vamp thing, huh Buffy.
Buffy: Excuse me! You seem to have a thing for dumb airhead cheerleaders now!
Cordy: Now I'm half demon.
Buffy: Exactly. Becoming what the rest of the Scoobies knew you always were.
Connor: Plus he screwed Darla.
Buffy: ( momentarily confused) I thought I staked her?
Connor: Yeah, well Angel did it again, a lot more recently.
Buffy: Who the hell are you??
Connor: Connor/Steven Angel/Holtz
Cordy: Oh boy we have to sort your name out!
Buffy: Did you just say Angel?
Connor: Yeah, I'm a by product of said screwing.
(Buffy socks Angel in the nose)
Angel: Hey!
Star: Don't worry, handsome, she does it all the time to Spike. (under my breath) only he seems to consider it foreplay.
Angel: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!
Star: Forgot about vamp hearing.
Angel:that's okay. (hits Buffy)
Connor: (puzzled) If Buffy is screwing Angel's grandchilde, who by the way must be a weird kind of nephew, isn't that incest in a vampy way?
Star: Thank you!
Buffy: Oh you would so get on with Dawn!
Connor :Who's Dawn?
Angel: (eyes widening) No way in hell! He's a teenager! So's she! Do you imaginwe what they'll *do * together??!!
Buffy: (rolling eyes) Oh, come on Angel, Dawn's my little sister!
Angel: They'll be 17 next series. Do you remember what happened with us when *you * turned 17??
Buffy: (to Connor) You are never going near my sister! I gotta go put Dawn in a convent.
Angel: Oh, I know some good ones.
Star: And we'll *stop* ! Angel, you disgust me!
Angel: Angelus did it, not me!
Star: sure, that's what they all say!