Chapter 4

Jasper's POV

I was holding her tightly to my chest not wanting to let her go. I knew I was part of those who hurt her by not being here when her dad had died. The last time I'd talk to Charlie was about seven months before he had died. He'd told me everything was going good, and it looked like Bella was going to try for her Master's in Education before looking for a job. This told me it would be at least two more years before I could declare myself to her.

I didn't want to interrupt her education, by being a distraction. When I told her just how much she means to me, I'd wanted us to be able to start a life together and not have to worry about our future.

I'd pictured so many times over the years Bella's stomach rounded with our child growing inside her. Holding her as she cried right now reminding me how I failed Charlie in looking after her. I never thought he would die, to me he was invincible. Being an Officer in the Army in charge of a Battalion of MPs I've seen what drunks or someone strung out on drugs can do. It takes seconds for them to get the upper hand and end someone's life.

Getting out of the Army and being a small town sheriff in Texas, was the stepping-stone. I knew from the time I was a teen I would go in the Army and then become a police officer like Charlie, I'd always looked up to him.

Charlie had helped me with my application to West Point and he was so proud when I got in. In some ways, he'd always seen me like a son. I hated myself for letting my new life as that small town sheriff get in my way of keeping in contract with him.

It kills me to know how alone Bella was. It kills me that I didn't get to say my goodbyes to Charlie. I would have liked to have been at his funeral, to talk about how I admired him and so wanted to be like him when I grew up, and how he helped me and encouraged me during are phone conversations over the years.

I remember calling him the first time one of my MPs had been killed. I remember the time he cornered me about the way I looked at Bella. Me telling him that I loved her and dreamed of spending my life with her. He almost hit me and it shocked me when he didn't. He just told me to keep my distance until she was of age to make that choice.

I screwed up by not being here for her. I would totally understand if she never forgives me. My excuse maybe not as bad as those of my parents and sisters, or the Cullens, but still you don't turn your back on those you consider family. As far as I was concern, I no longer had family outside of Bella if she will have me.

As Bella started to quiet her crying I found myself rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. I whispered to her how much I loved her and if she would let me in and forgive me I would never let her be alone again.

I wanted her so bad even thought this really wasn't the time or place for that my body still reacted to having her so close. In the past it was all just dreams of holding her and loving her that got me hard this. This was only the second time, being close to her like this, and just like the last time it took my body no time at all to get hard.

Last time was just a few weeks ago, when she cried on my shoulder then proceeded to kick me out of her house. That time she only had her head on my shoulder, so I knew she didn't feel it, this time I wondered could she feel the way my body was reacting towards hers?

Hell I didn't even know if she dated while in college, Charlie never said one way or the other. The few time I asked he would change the subject on me. If she would forgive me I wanted to show her just how I'd take care of her not just her physical needs, but emotional needs also.

I could feel her body start to slump down as her emotions started to drag her down, I picked her up and carried her into her room. I was shocked to see that she was still using the bed she had since she was nine. I sat down on it, laid back pulling her on top of me as I did so.

It just felt so good to hold her like this. Soon I could tell she was asleep. There was no way I was going to leave her, plus I was enjoying being this close to her, dinner was soon totally forgotten.

I thought over the past couple of years as to why my calls to Charlie had gotten farther and farther apart. When I got out of the Army and took the job in Midland, Texas, I meet Peter and his wife Charlotte, who soon became like family to me and still are. I call them more often then I'd called Charlie that last year of his life.

Peter understood why I came here and backed me, in fact he kicked me out the door telling me not to worry he would sell my house for me. Thoughts of Bella had never been far from my mind and get a little alcohol in me and she was all I'd talk about.

I knew Peter and Charlotte both would love Bella if I could get them to come here and meet her.

I was so deep in thought I didn't feel Bella stir until I heard her say, "I've loved you since I was nine. It hurt so much when not even you showed up at dad's funeral. I hated you as much as I hated them all for pushing me out of your life. Forgiving you won't be easy, but I understand you made a promise to dad that you would keep your distance until he felt I was ready." In a whisper she added "Jasper I'm ready."

My heart and brain were doing cartwheels and back flips as well as giving that internal high-five. I kissed the top of her head before saying, "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured. I've loved you just as long and I'll do what ever it takes to earn your forgiveness…"

I was going to say a few more things when Bella pulled back, turned her head looked at me and said, "Shut-up and kiss me."