18tillidie and mellastar convinced me to update this, I know it's a sad story on Valentine's Day but Elsie's chapters are going to be the saddest. Thank you for your lovely reviews so far!

I hadn't seen you all day, I know you've been avoiding me but today I didn't see you at all, only at meals and even then you rushed off as so as you were finished. I wish you would just let me talk to you, let me explain, I know you don't want to be around me but just for five minutes, please let me explain.
I heard your keys as you came out of your sitting room, I rushed to the door but when I got there I could already see your feet at the top of the stairs, I wasn't sure why you were going upstairs but I hoped I could catch you when you came down again.
I sat in my pantry contemplating what to say, how was I supposed to tell you this without upsetting your further? There was the chance that you would be even more upset to hear that I hold my job higher than you; it sounds worse when you say it but what's the point of risking our livelihoods just for a romance
But as I sat there thinking, I was interrupted by Anna, as soon as she was allowed to enter she shut the door behind her and stood assertively in front of the desk with a determined look, the kind I only ever saw you wear when you had an idea you weren't going to back down from it.
I asked her what she wanted, saying I was busy to try and get her to go reasonably quickly however she noticed that I hadn't been doing anything so she informed me that I clearly wasn't busy so she would be able to have my undivided attention. I was surprised at her boldness but I was so tired I wasn't in the mood to argue with her.

She told me that she knew that we'd been avoiding each other and she wanted to know the reason why we were making her send messages to the other, why after all these years of being such close friends – now we weren't talking. She said that she cared for you and how you felt, that she couldn't bear to see you so upset and she would like to know at least what had made you upset, even if she could help, she wanted to know.
I tried to steer her off the subject but she was insistent on me telling her. So I did.
I couldn't believe I was telling her, things I'd never even told you for years, I told her in a minute. Told her that I loved you but couldn't be with you, the fact that I knew you loved me and I had to go against everything my heart was saying and tell you it wasn't right and I couldn't be in a romantic relationship with you – told her that it killed me to see how sad you were, how let down you looked and I know you feel guilty, thinking you shouldn't have kissed me but believe me I have never been happier, just in that moment I was purely happy. Afterwards, common sense dawned on me and I had to say no to you.
Anna was sympathetic, she understands love very well know, she told me that there wasn't much of a chance that we could regain the same level of friendship again, knowing that as much as you could try and put it behind you, you wouldn't be able to fully get over the rejection I caused you but I would do anything to at least try and get back onto speaking terms with you. The sound of your voice has always been the greatest comfort to me, besides the occasional brief touch, your Scottish accent, relaxing and sensual, distracting me from anything that is worrying me – you could read the linen rotaries to me and I could fall into a gentle slumber with a smile on my face, your voice continuing in my head.

I've never received orders from another member of staff, especially not one lower than me but I needed to find some way of talking to you and making amends. I let Anna help, Anna's always been there for anyone who needs her and she's always been willing to help; I've never found I personally needed her to help me but when I was finally at a loss as to what to do, she was more understanding than I could have realised.
She told me that all this would be killing you inside, I knew that you would be upset, but Anna seemed worried at how it was affecting your work, she said you were distracted and always looked like you wanted to cry. I tried to look at you but every time I did you would look away, not wanting to look at my face but I knew you weren't one for showing your emotions in public so all those times you shut yourself in your sitting room, I know you were crying.
Anna told me that even if you didn't want to see me, what you would want was an apology and an explanation even if you did want to speak. How would you react though, knowing the truth, surely it would be worse, working along beside me knowing I chose my job over you, but I also choose my job over my happiness.

So I decided I would go and talk to you at least, I wanted to hear you tell me how you felt; I wanted to hear it from you when we weren't in a rushed moment of passion. I wanted you to know that I did return your feelings, then maybe you wouldn't feel so guilty but then again I know you'll be even more unhappy to hear that after years of silence you've finally found I love you too but cannot be with you.
I would have to go in the evening because I could never find a moment to speak to you during the day. But I didn't see you at all, you could've not been there for all I knew, it was only when I spoke to his Lordship that I knew something was actually going on. He told me I needed to speak to you, even if we never spoke afterwards, I needed to talk to you – he didn't say why, he simply said I had to talk to you and if necessary he would give me the entire evening off to get some time alone with you. I had no idea that the fact we simply didn't talk had become so obvious that we were now being told to explain things to one another. I was worried the management of the house must be visibly falling below standard but he reassured me that it wasn't, he simply wanted us back on speaking terms. So with two people telling me I had to talk to you, I decided I would.

I went to your sitting room that evening, determined to speak to you, but upon opening the door found your room desolate and empty, all your possessions in a box on your desk, the lights off and a horrible hollow sensation coming out of it and you were nowhere to be found.
Upon exiting your sitting room I asked the staff if they'd seen you, they all shook their heads blankly apart from Anna who stood up slowly and made her way over to me, looking grim, she whispered to me that you were planning to leave but she was the only one who'd been told as you didn't want anyone to either convince you to stay or make a fuss of it. She said you'd spoken to his Lordship you were in your room packing your things. As inappropriate as it was, if this was to be your last night I chose to disregard the rules and go to your room. You were leaving; you were going to walk out of my life forever. I couldn't let you, I couldn't have you leave. It took that for me to realise everything – how stubborn and inconsiderate I'd been. Breaking your heart for a job that meant nothing to me if you weren't here. If you were going to leave then I wanted to go with you, I didn't want to be without you at all. I'm utterly in love with you and I couldn't bear not seeing you every day. So when I got to your room, I flung the door open, you were standing there, tears pouring down your perfect cheeks, you spun round startled as I entered, surprised that we were finally looking at each other again.

I couldn't think what I should say, so choosing to try your technique. I leant down, slid my hands around your waist and kissed you with as much love and passion as I could manage. It was as inappropriate as when you'd done it but I couldn't have cared for any rule in the world because I did it if only for you to know I love you, but preferably to make you stay, to stay with me – forever.

There you go 18tillidie, they reconciled ;) One more chapter I think.
Hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day :)