A Potions Master's Perspective – 3

He was nervous.

His palms were sweaty and his wand occasionally shot sparks. He shifted it to his other hand, clenching and unclenching his free hand convulsively.

"Eager are we?" The soft voice next to him almost made him jump.

Almost.

Just as well, his nervousness was taken as enthusiasm. Obviously, Severus Snape was never nervous.

He turned his expressionless alabaster face, and found himself looking into eyes the colour of glaciers in the mountain shade. Like cold rain on a bright day. He answered with a smirk, not trusting his voice to be wholly void of emotion.

Lucius, his old friend, his once mentor and now comrade. Severus sneered at the word.

"Mentor and comrade indeed," he thought to himself, carefully searching those icy depths for a sign that Severus was not alone on this side of the war. He hated to have betrayed Lucius.

Oblivious to Severus' traitorous thoughts, Lucius' cold exterior broke into one of warmth, as he placed a hand on Severus' shoulder. The small but genuine smiles that broke out on their faces took years off their ages. Severus felt a slight squeeze on his shoulder and saw Lucius tilt his head a little, beckoning him to follow.

They fell into step and walked in companionable silence, a little distance from the groups of Death Eaters milling about. They walked along the cliffs overlooking the vast grounds and forests surrounding the ancient castle, breathtakingly beautiful in the brightening dawn.

Silence prevailed between them as they stood watching the sun slowly creep along the horizon, bathing them in the first light of the day. Severus felt somewhat guilty that this perfect day was going to be ruined very soon.

"Perhaps the red sun shall not be in vain," he thought to himself, still looking out toward Hogwarts' castle.

A slight rustle of robes made Severus turn toward his companion, and was surprised to see him seated at the edge of the cliff, legs dangling over the steep sides. Then again, it was almost time for the final battle, and perhaps the thought of getting his pristine robes dirty was moot point for Lucius.

Severus was probably the only person who was allowed to see this side of the usually stiff and arrogant Malfoy. This was really when Malfoy melted away, and Lucius emerged, even if for a short while.

The war had changed them all. Voldemort had changed them all.

Quietly, Severus sat beside the older man and waited. They had nothing to do anyway, but wait for orders. Lucius would speak when he was ready. Severus took a minute to study the other man's profile, before turning his eyes forward.

He drank in all the serene magnificence around him, the fluttering flags on the turrets, the golden glow of the early morning, the splash on the lake's surface that had to be the giant squid. A fond feeling, mingled with sadness passed over him. He had long since accepted that he would not live through the war. He knew the lives he had cost with his stupidity were not just appeased by saving the brat's hide one too many times. It had to be his soul at the altar, for any hope of redemption. His heart was heavy with the realization that this might be the last time he would see his beloved home, his place of refuge.

This haven that gave hope for the hopeless.

He could not stop the wistful sigh that escaped his lips.

As if reading his mind, Lucius patted his shoulder and said to no one in particular, "it was my home too."

Their gazes locked for a moment, and Severus was surprised to see sorrow that he expected in his own, reflected in Lucius' eyes. Moments later, seeming to gain some courage, Lucius cast a Muffiliato in an almost whisper. Severus was instantly wary and caution. What could Lucius want, that was so confidential?

"I always thought this as my home Severus, even with the luxury offered to me otherwise. It was Hogwarts that brought me happiness." Severus quietly acknowledged that sentiment; It was true for a lot of the people who passed through it's gates. Though he never had luxury outside, his happiest days had been at Hogwarts. Many of them with Lucius.

He remembered, in vivid detail, how he had been a trembling wreck when he stood for the sorting, how relief had flowed through him when the Hat cried "Slytherin!" and how that relief had evaporated when he stood facing the Slytherin table for the first time. Already, the students at the table had taken in his scruffy shoes, slightly faded robes and his greasy hair. Their expressions of interest had faded into one of weariness. He remembered the heaviness in his feet, till he looked up into the silver depths and saw acceptance in them. When the blonde haired prefect had patted him on the back and seated Severus next to him, he had felt a little better. "It may not last," young Severus had though to himself, "this acceptance. But it will be enough for now." Severus had broken into his first real smile since the sorting began.

Across the hall, he had seen Lily at the Gryffindor table, and they had shared a silent apology, and also a promise. Hogwarts had been and still was one of the best things in his, life few as they were. Lily was… he stopped short, unable to complete the statement.

Realizing that he had drifted off in thought, he brought himself back to the moment, only to find Lucius looking at him with a thoughtful expression.

"Lucius?" he prompted, re-checking his mental shields and the silencing charm. He could see the slight shimmer of the spell surrounding them.

"Severus, this may be the last opportunity I get to spare a few carefree moments," Lucius paused, then shifted to partially face the other man. "I know that I have fallen in ranks with the Dark Lord, but I hope I have not fallen too low in your ranks as a friend." At this, he looked up, and onyx met silver. Severus let all the warmth show in his eyes, and Lucius' breath caught, before he turned away. Severus let Lucius compose himself. It must have cost the proud man a great deal to say those words.

Severus waited.

"You were the only friend I had," Severus paused, battling with his instincts, and then continued, "apart from Lily. I owe you a lot Lucius." He saw Lucius smile and shake his head. "You owe me nothing. I have long since put myself in your debt. For Narcissa, for my son… for me." Lucius stopped and drew a breath. "I realized I never thanked you for it, so I want you to know that my gratitude is sincere."

Severus felt a lump in his throat. He hadn't expected this. He hadn't foreseen the depth of his friend's feelings.

"Think nothing of it, Lucius," Severus continued after he steadied his composure. "We have always looked out for each other… my friend."

"We have, haven't we?" Lucius smiled slightly, probably remembering all the times they had hexed the marauders or pulled pranks in the Great Hall. Those were the days.

The silence was comfortable, and Severus relaxed a little more.

"If," the blonde halted. "If I don't make it, please… look after my family," here, he took one of Severus' hands in both of his own, "Our family, Severus. You have always been and will be family. You know this."

Severus nodded and looked at the castle. "I will do what I can."

"Don't say it Lucius!" Severus hissed, when he realized Lucius was about to say something. The older man just nodded and let his hand go.

"It has been an honour to have you as my friend… my family," Severus said finally.

They sat, enjoying the breeze and the sun for a few minutes. Nothing need be said. It was the strengthening of an old friendship, an acceptance of possibilities, and tying up of loose ends.

It was enough.

The mark burned a little, signaling it was time. Their master called for them.

The two men, old friends, dusted off their robes as they made ready to leave. All around them were sounds of apparition. In unspoken agreement, both waited till the rest of the group disappeared, before turning to say their goodbyes.

An embrace, brief but binding. Silent apologies and grateful thanks. Unsaid words or prayer. They stood in peace.

"I wish things had turned out differently," Lucius spoke suddenly, "that we had made different decisions; that we did not have to choose life or death. I wish I had listened to you," he broke off.

"Every man makes mistakes, Lucius. We were boys, young and impressionable. True, we could have chosen otherwise, but the promise of power was unbeatable in our minds. When Slytherins were tormented and treated unfairly, when we were a minority; the hopes drawn by such promises were what seemed true."

"It is not a choice anymore, Lucius. I have run out of choices." He turned to look at the gathering crowd below the edge, at the borders of the forest.

"It is out of our hands. Today, there must be a decision made. Such finality," Lucius sighed, and added, "Goodbye my friend, it has been a privilege."

"Likewise," Severus knew what he was going to say may be a bad choice, but he had to try. "All hope is not lost. Do what your heart says, and hear the voice of reason. Look to what matters most to you, and you might have a hope of redemption yet. Goodbye and good luck, my dear friend."

Severus turned on his heel and apparated, leaving Lucius to ponder his words.

He appeared at the head of the assembled forces. The LeStranges , Severus, McNair, and Nott were at the front lines, to direct the battle front. His mask and his battle robes were ready, and he waited for the Dark Lord to give his orders. He was in the process of planning out how to complete his tasks, when there was a barely perceptible touch on his shoulder and a whispered "thank you" at his back. Severus inclined his head, and smiled inside his cold metal mask, before he gathered his thoughts and stepped into the forest. There was work to do.

"Wish me luck Albus, you blasted old man. If that brat does not succeed, the Merlin help us all." Severus could now see the castle through the trees.

"Wish for your son and I, good luck my Lily, so that I may die in peace, knowing he will fulfill his destiny."

Severus fingered the torn half of the picture in his pocket which he had found at Grimauld Place. He remembered Lily's laughing face, her emerald eyes and fiery hair. He remembered her temper that matched her hair, the love that warmed his soul, and everything that was just Lily.

He remembered.

His warm memories were interrupted by the blazing in his left arm. The Dark Lord was calling for him at the shrieking shack. He looked back, yelled for the group to go ahead, gave them a perfunctory "Do or die" speech and quickly apparated to meet one of his Masters.

"Always," he whispered to the night, before blinking out of existence.