Chapter 4

I was sleeping when Troy came. It was only 6 in the morning when mom woke me. After I washed my face, I went downstairs and there he is sitting down.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey. Why this early in the morning?"I said while rubbing my eyes.

He told me that he wanted to talk to Ryan and me in the same time. He probably knows what my real relationship is with Ryan. I said okay and he hugged me really tight. I can't almost breathe, after that, he kissed me. I was shocked. I tried pushing him away, but he didn't budge. That's when I saw Ryan. He saw me with shocked eyes. He's looking at me, feeling disgusted. I was kissing his best friend, no, his best friend was kissing me. I feel really guilty the same time. When Troy felt my tears on his cheeks, he let go of me. I slapped him, not because I wanted to, it's because I was shocked and hurt. I can't believe Leo would do such thing and the thing the both Ryan and I was scared to happen happened already. He lost me and I lost him. I tried my best not to leave his side, but I still did. He probably felt disgusted to love a girl like me, even know a girl like me. I wanted to die that time. I cried the whole day and night. My mom was wondering why I was crying. Good thing my sister was nice enough not to tell her.

I didn't see Troy after that week. I was relieved, because if I see him, I might just let all anger take over me again and hit him, no I might even kill him for what he did. I understand that he loves me, but kissing me forcefully? That is so out of the line. Even if he doesn't know I'm with Ryan right now he still shouldn't do that since I'm not his. I'm not a slave that you can do anything you want and don't get mad. I wanted to tell somebody all this feelings, too bad for me that Richard isn't here.

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It was Spring break, so I helped mom the whole two weeks in the coffee shop. I was shocked when I saw my ex-boyfriend and best friend talking to my dad. There he was, Richard, the guy I'm really close with, standing and smiling at me. His face still didn't change, his eyes is still as brown as mine, his hair is still the spikiest hair I've ever seen, and look, he was wearing the shirt same as mine! I ran to him and hugged him as tight as I can. I missed this guy so much! After a whole week I was happy again. All thanks to Richard. His job is still the same, making me happy as ever. Too bad we broke up. I dumped him, I know dumped is kind of a strong word to say to someone you love but you can say that too. I broke up with him because we didn't have enough time for each other in high school. His always in AP classes and the only class we share is Calculus. After school, he has tons of homework to finish. And even in the weekends we couldn't meet because of his chores. Now, since we're only best friends, we enjoy our times together better. We went to the kitchen and there he was making spaghetti already.

"Feel yourself at home, Chard," I said being sarcastic.

"Well, doesn't it look like I'm enjoying it already!" he said while cutting the onions.

"Oh my gosh, onions still makes me cry," I said while rubbing my eyes.

"It's probably because you're still scared to cook your own food. If you cook everyday like me, I bet you'll love it when you cut onions to slices," he said. Well he is right, I mean always right. I helped him cook the spaghetti and we ate together. We chatted for an hour and then we went to help my parents in the coffee shop. My mom said they don't need help since Troy and Ryan were helping. When I saw both of them, I ran as fast as I can inside my room. Richard was following me. He knocked on the door. I was about to open it when my cell rang. I picked it up and look at the screen; it was Richard. I opened the door and told him not to call me when I'm just right next door. He hugged me after that. I think he knew what I was going through.

"Gabs, I'm so sorry I didn't realize what you were suffering with. Those guys, you love them both right? If you don't mind I can help you," Richard said.

"Yeah, I was with Ryan, Troy left me without saying anything. I got mad and blah blah blah and then Troy forcefully kissed me and Ryan saw it and I think that means it's over for us." I said while trying to bring my tears back.

"Oh, why don't you try talking to both of them? I mean at the same time. I know how much you're hurting right now Gabs. You know, when I looked at Ryan, I saw the sadness and emptiness in his eyes. It looks like he really misses you," Richard said. I think he was trying to comfort me at the same time.

"You really did? I miss him Chard. I miss him so much that I wanted to give up everything just for him to be back with me," I said, I think I can't hold my tears back that it just started falling endlessly.

After having that kind of conversation with Richard, I decided that I should talk to Ryan. If I really want him back, then I should tell him everything I wanted to say. I wanted him back badly, I wish I can just turn back and make everything the same again. I wanted him to smile, laugh, and be with me again. My tears aren't holding back this time, and I didn't care. I thought crying would make it better but I was wrong. It made it worse. Making myself think about the past, the happy times I had with Ryan and Troy. I think it's just right for m to have this kind of life. Always suffering and crying. That might be the point of my life: sadness.