Hello readers,

I am glad that you are all enjoying this story so far! I was so nervous that, under the mass of stories posted on this site, my own would crumble under the weight of it all, but I am relieved to find that hasn't been the case! Every time I receive an email saying that another person has added this to their subscription it gives me butterflies, just like the butterflies Klaine give me when I see them on Glee. Who else is struggling with the drawn-out wait for Season 3, by the way? I know it isn't just me!
Anyway, I thought I would add this small note just as a thank you to all of you for reading this far Please stay with me; I have lots more to come! I wrote this all a while back and just continued to write until finally plucking up the courage (yeah, that reference is deliberate… by the way, if you ever read something related to Starkid in these stories that is probably me just attempting to be clever and sneak it in. If you don't know/like Starkid that doesn't matter; it isn't wholly relevant to the story, I just always have quotes and lyrics bouncing round in my head and they worm their way out somehow!) to post it on here and see what people think! Please review if you find the time, I would love to hear from you, and have been so happy to hear from those who have already commented! Criticisms also most welcome, I am always looking to improve, although I'm not going to lie: some positive feedback wouldn't go amiss! Anyway, I am rambling. I do that. Sorry, I will get on with what you actually came on this page to read!

Chapter Four: Friends.

(Songs: Wicked Soundtrack – Defying Gravity… I'm sorry; I couldn't NOT put that in somewhere…)

Everything was black the next day; even the sky seemed to match Kurt's feelings as he pulled on his black robes and black socks. He put a black velvet waistcoat on underneath and a grey shirt beneath that. If you can't dress for your mood on days like these, what can you dress for?

He felt as though he really had been backed into a corner and everything felt so helpless. Yes, he was a fan of Broadway and they often had a certain degree of melodrama, but Kurt was most definitely feeling it again today, and to a greater extent than he would care for. He felt as though some unknown force was trying to break the glass panel of his life, to fracture and shatter it into thousands of tiny pieces.

An opened letter lay on his desk that he had received the night before, after telling the others that he wasn't feeling well, he had found it waiting for him with his small barn owl, Pavarotti.

Dear Kurt and Finn,

I do not wish to alarm you both, because I know you have a lot of examinations coming up, and we are really rooting for you to do well.

Burt has taken a bad turn and we had to take him back to the hospital. Now, I know that you will want to, but there is no need for you to come home. The doctor assures us that the previous heart attack was the worst of it, there just seems to be another complication from the surgery that they need to look into. I haven't been given a lot of details, but it really shouldn't be anything to cause any worry. I wouldn't have mentioned it to you at all, but I thought that you would have been too upset if you had known that I had kept it from you.

Hopefully you two can look after each other. He will be fine, I am sure of it, and he seems well enough. Please don't let this get you down; we just want you to do the best that you can at school and we will both see you in the summer.

Good luck with everything,

Love Carole.

He had not gone to talk to Finn after showing him the letter, nor did he want to. He knew that Carole's words of optimism were probably mostly bravado to save him from panicking. He knew that this was bad.

He just felt empty in the pit of his stomach as he pulled the sleeves out of the cuffs of his robes. He was vaguely aware of himself being on the brink of both emotional and physical deterioration, and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take. Today, more than ever, he wanted to go back to bed and bury his head under the covers, especially seeing as he hadn't slept at all the previous night. Yet that was not how Kurt Hummel did things. He would just have to suck it up and face the world; hopefully tuning most of it out and just get by. He really hoped that none of the others tried to obsess over him like the last time his father had been admitted to hospital. He appreciated the gesture, but he really just needed his space right now.

We all have to be out for ourselves at the end of the day.

Yep. Her wise words really were equally annoying as her incessant babble. Kurt sighed and went downstairs, where he was sure they would all be waiting for him…

He had been right. They didn't say much, however. Other than a "You doing okay?" From Finn and sympathetic glances from the other two. I think by now they had adapted to how closed off he became at these times. They had all been there for him the last time his father had been in hospital, had seen how it had eaten away at him, gnawing the pit of his stomach. He was used to being alone when dealing with things, and this was no different.

He just nodded to them all, attempting a small smile.

"Shall we get to class? I can't really afford to be late again."

"You don't have to you know, Kurt," Mercedes said slowly but he merely shook his head.

"It has to be done." Burt would have been furious with him if he knew that he was skipping classes because of his condition.

The others did not think it wise to argue with him, and so the four of them made their way out of the common room.

In all honesty, if you had asked Kurt what he had said or done that morning he would have been unable to tell you. It was all a strange haze, as though he had drifted through classes on autopilot. Oblivious to what was going on, answering questions automatically like a machine and not realising until a while after that he had done so, or what he had answered with.

He allowed this strange numbness to wash over him. In a way he knew that he was over-reacting. Burt would probably be fine, but the refusal to go and see him stung the worst. He was so used to caring for him, and being around at these times. Kurt wasn't even sure if that was the real problem. He knew it certainly was not the whole problem. He felt defeated and trodden on. He felt flat, and nothing about Kurt's personality, appearance or general character had ever been described as flat before, but on an emotional level that was how he was.

His friends could tell that he had not taken the news well over the next few days, and although they still didn't know why, they worried that it was contributing to his already distressed state.

"What do we do?" Mercedes said, addressing the other two, when Kurt had crossed the room in Divination to put away their crystal ball.

"I don't think there is a lot we can do," Finn said matter-of-factly as Professor Trelawney was getting distracted by a blonde Hufflepuff girl.

"When Lord Tubbington looked into my crystal ball at home he licked it, does that mean that in the future I should wash more?"

"Who is Lord Tubbington, child? Is he one of your ancestral predecessors trying to contact you from the beyond?" Trelawney asked excitedly.

"No, he's my cat."

"We have to do something." Mercedes said, giving Finn an angry look.

"No, you don't," Finn said, sounding slightly irritated.
"I do - we all do. We can find and empty classroom and talk to him about it later, we have to get him to open up to us and-"

"No, Mercedes, we don't," Finn said quite loudly, although not at a high enough volume for anyone else to look up. "Seriously, I know you guys are just trying to help, and think that you know exactly what Kurt is feeling all the time, but sometimes you just need to give a guy his space, okay?" Mercedes tried to open her mouth but Finn wasn't finished. "Look, I know that you guys don't think I ever have a clue about anything and that I can be slow sometimes, which I can, but just take my word for it this time: if he hasn't come to you about his problems chances are he doesn't want to share them. Just…leave him alone and let him talk to you in his own time!"

With that Finn pushed the remainder of his books into his bag and headed down the turreted stairway, before either of them could say anything.

"He is so sexy when storms out…" Rachel whispered staring after him. Then she shook her head a little, going red as she realised that she had said that out loud; "I still maintain that I could do it better, however."
Mercedes would have rolled her eyes if she didn't still have her face fixed in a state of shock, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly opened. She had never known Finn to explode that way.

Kurt wandered back over to their table, brow furrowed as he glanced in the direction of Finn's descending form.

"What's up with him?"

The other two merely shrugged and averted their gaze, "Beats me."

Kurt stared after his brother, a frown on his face. Perhaps he had been thinking too selfishly about everything, maybe Finn really needed someone to lean on right now as well…

Finn didn't speak to any of them for the rest of the day. He wasn't angry, or didn't seem to be - just vacant. Rachel and Mercedes had decided that it was probably best to take his advice about Kurt and leave him be also. Rachel kept glancing over to where he sat a little way away from them, but every time she looked back Kurt gave her a tiny shake of the head to indicate that now was not the time to bother him.

As they were leaving Potions, the last lesson of the day (which seemed to go on for an age) Kurt caught Finn by the arm as the other two went ahead. "Do you want to talk about things? You don't have to…"

Finn hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether or not he wanted to talk and also that Kurt had reached out to him to talk at all. He gave one quick nod.

"Okay, I'll meet you up in the boys dormitory later?"

"Yeah, thanks man. I'll come up after Quidditch practice." Finn replied. Kurt gave him a quick smile but let him go on.

Before he returned to the common room Kurt decided to skip dinner and go for a long walk. He knew this would earn him further curiosity from the others, which may well lead to further intrusions, but he really was not hungry or in the mood to be around a huge crowd of people at that moment in time.

He wrapped himself up in his black trench coat with faux fur lining, pulling the earflaps of his trapper hat close around his head and nuzzling his chin down in his cashmere blue scarf.

He strolled unthinkingly around the grounds for a good hour or so and eventually found himself heading towards the lake, entering into a small alcove surrounded by trees.

The wind whipped through his hair that he tucked beneath his hat as he listened to the hard ground crunch beneath his boots. He undid the laces and slipped his feet out so that he could walk and feel the earth between his toes.

Kurt bent low to the ground and picked up a stone, brushing the smooth surface with his thumb he stared down at the little object, before turning to skim it lightly across the cool water that shimmered from the sunlight that bounced around upon it.

A twig snapped behind him, and Kurt whirled around in fright, expecting to see Karofsky's hulking figure menacingly stood behind him.

But it was nothing.

Nobody was there.

He was completely alone… as always.

Kurt looked back out across the lake, tears prickling his eyes as he shut them tight, allowing the salty liquid to roll its way down his cheeks.

He felt a melody rise in his heart.

He opened his mouth a fraction and whispered.

Something had changed within me; something is not the same

He crouched, sitting down on a rock beneath him and clasping his hands around his knees, ignoring the shivers that ran over his body from the cold.

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity

And you won't bring me down

He thought of Karofsky's harsh and malicious features and his jaw clenched as he took a deep breath to continue.

I'm through accepting limits, cos someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know

Too long I've been afraid of, losing love I guess I've lost

Well if that's love it comes at much too high a cost

He stood up once more, fists clenched as he walked out towards the water, allowing it to lap over his bare feet, ignoring the chills that ran over his body to his extremities as he did so.

I'd sooner buy defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you won't bring me down

I'd sooner buy defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

And you won't bring me down

Bring me down

Kurt let his breathing steady for a moment before…

Soft clapping behind him made him whirl around on the spot.

Blaine was perched delicately on a tree stump behind him, around the place where Kurt had thought he had heard a twig snap earlier.

Kurt flushed crimson and looked alarmed at his unknown audience.

Blaine smiled but looked down for a moment at the floor, obviously a little abashed himself. "Sorry; I didn't mean to sneak up on you, I swear I'm not some weirdo who skulks around in forests." He chuckled, but Kurt was still too stunned to speak. "I saw you walking down here from the Quidditch Pitch and thought I'd skip out early to check if you were okay."

All Kurt could do was nod, a little dumbfounded. He remembered the game that the others had suggested he go to and also his jumping to conclusions when it came to Blaine playing the game and being straight. Way to break the stereotype...Perhaps he should keep that in mind a little more. He wasn't a huge sports fan himself, of course, but now there may be good reason to go besides supporting Finn…

Blaine hopped off of his seat on the stump, the thin material of his Quidditch uniform fluttering in the breeze, and Kurt could see Goosebumps pattern his bare forearms as he approached. He came up closer, his sweet scent washing over the younger boy as Blaine's eyes blazed with a sudden intensity. "You were… brilliant. To put it simply," He grinned, commenting on Kurt's performance. "I wish I could find more apt words of praise, but I am afraid I am at a bit of a loss."

"I wasn't very well prepared… I can do better," Kurt said, eager to assure him.

"I don't doubt," Blaine said, placing his hands into his pockets and glancing sideways at Kurt as the both stood next to each other.

"So… any reason you're out here alone?" Blaine asked. "Wouldn't have anything to do with the guy who has been bothering you, would it?"

"Partly." Kurt replied.

Blaine raised an eyebrow at the bullying only being a factor, but decided not to pry into whatever else was worrying the guy. "Did you…confront him?"
Kurt breathed out in a humourless laugh, "Yes."

"Didn't go so well?" Blaine assumed, grimacing a little.

Kurt rocked his head from side to side with an unimpressed expression, "Do you count him cursing me into paralysis a success? If not then no, not great."

Blaine drew breath in through his teeth. "Ah… I guess I'm not so great at the advice… Sorry about that."

"No, it's fine I think… I think I at least narrowed it down a little. Why he hates me, that is."

"And?" Kurt was not looking at the older boy as he watched the profile of the young Gryffindor's face, focusing on every changing expression that he emoted with infinitesimal grace.

"Well, it is most definitely related to me being gay, but I'm not exactly sure what about it makes him so mad… It's not exactly because of how I act or dress that way… More simply that I am and not afraid to show it."

Blaine nodded and considered this. "I mean, obviously I don't know the guy, but I would say that perhaps he is either homophobic, born from a long line of those who are prejudiced or gay himself."

Kurt gave Blaine a curious look at the last suggestion. "I doubt it."

Blaine shrugged, "You never know — just an idea."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't know, whatever it is I don't think it's going to stop any time soon."

Suddenly he felt a warm hand grip his shoulder in a friendly gesture. Kurt looked surprised as the contact sent a spark of electricity dancing along the length of his spine, but did not move away and Blaine said softly; "You don't have any friends who are, do you?"

Kurt shook his head.

"I know you don't me very well, but if you ever need to talk about things …I'm always around somewhere. Come find me; I won't mind."

He let his hand drop and Kurt turned to face him, a puzzled look etched on his face. "Why are you being so nice to me? Not that I'm not grateful… I am, I really am, but you don't need to feel as though you have to help me, just because you caught me at a bad time before. I mean… Don't feel obliged to-"
"Kurt, Kurt," Blaine held up his hands and laughed lightly. "It's fine, seriously. I'm not doing this because I feel obligated. I like you; you seem like a good guy who has been caught up in… a lot of crap. I want to help you out. Also, to be honest, there aren't many people I can talk to about all this stuff, either."

Kurt allowed a small smile to creep over his face. "So…we're friends?"
Blaine grinned. "Friends. Most definitely."

Kurt went up the stairs; mind still swimming with thoughts of the earlier conversation that bounced around his skull. He had to put all thoughts of Blaine out of his head, however difficult that may be. Right now he needed to be there for Finn and think about what it was his brother was going through.

Kurt pushed open the door to his room and found Finn sitting there, waiting patiently for him on his own bed.

"Where did you get to? We missed you at dinner." Finn asked as Kurt closed the door quietly behind his back and allowed his heart to quit beating quite so fast.

"I went to clear my head," He said airily. That had been the intention, however it hadn't quite worked out that way…

He crossed over to his own bed, and sat on the edge, crossing one leg over the other as Finn wheeled himself around so that they sat face to face across from each other.

"Makes sense." Finn said understandingly, "Are you okay about…everything?"

Kurt put up one finger and wagged it, shutting his eyes in defiance. "We aren't here to talk about me, spot light is on you my friend and I don't give it away easily or often, so you would do well to make the most of it while you can."
Finn smiled in spite of himself, looking down at the woollen carpet beneath them. "I - err, don't know where to start."

"You should star at the very beginning – a very good place to start." He chuckled but Finn looked at Kurt blankly, and he sighed, continuing: "Well, first off let's state that we shall both speak honestly to each other." Kurt said and Finn nodded. "Right, so what made you snap at Mercedes and Rachel earlier?"

Finn bit his lip, but he had vowed to be truthful. "They wanted to badger you about how you were doing."

Kurt had expected as much, but he decided to wave that detail away. "So, why did that make you lash out at them?"
"Because… Because I know that if it had been me… That it is me - in part - I wouldn't want them harassing me. I mean, I know that he's your Dad and everything, but… Well, he is sort of the only thing I have ever really known to be like a father figure… I love my Dad but I never really got a chance to know him… and Burt well, he is kind of a Dad to both of us, like Carole is sort of like a Mum to you. Of course you come first in his eyes, I'm not trying to say that-"

Kurt held a hand up to prevent him rambling further. "I am not going to get mad at you for saying that, Finn, I know I have been sensitive in the past…" He remembered the unbidden jealously over way he and Burt had bonded a while back, with their common ground of Football trivia and flannel shirts. He took a deep breath, "We are all a sort of family unit now. I have learnt to share…sort of."

Finn seemed pleased to hear this. "Well, yeah… I just… didn't think they should be hassling you."

Kurt drummed his fingers against the back of his forearm. The uninjured fingers that is. He still had the other underneath his glove. He had managed to hide it beneath his robes from the others quite successfully thus far. "While I find it touching to think that concern for my own well being would provoke such a violent reaction - I'm not saying it would shock me — but I get the sense that isn't the only thing bothering you?"

Finn shuffled uncomfortably. "Well… I mean… I really am struggling with that Potions essay… and everything really. I'm not smart like you Kurt; I can't get a grip on all these essays. The practical assessments are fine, but all this theory work… You handle it way better than I do."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Usually I wouldn't protest to such an array of compliments, and I don't entirely, seeming as the majority of them are indeed truthful, but I am not fooled by your deflections Finn."

"I'm not deflecting." He said defensively.

Kurt sighed. "I can help you out with work once I catch up myself, and you well know this. You're upset about Burt but that's not all. I may not have always been so keyed into your emotions or intentions last year…" They both avoided eye contact for a moment at mentioning that uncomfortable sequence of events, "…But I can tell that there is something else deep within that mind of yours that you show such little confidence in."

Something he, Kurt, felt that right now he could unquestionably relate to.

Finn still looked uncertain.

"You can refuse to tell me if you so wish, but then agreeing to talk to me about it here was all a pretty pointless activity. I'm not going to ask you to tell me every detail of your heart's desire… I get that you're not like the girls, but there is clearly something bothering you, Finn."

"All right; it's Rachel." Finn said suddenly breaking his resolve as he looked to the ceiling, shaking his head a little as if angry with himself for giving in.

Kurt smiled and nodded knowingly. The satisfaction of being right was never a thing that he didn't allow himself to bask in, at least for a moment.

"I don't get it, I mean yeah, she's annoying. And small, I mean we stand next to each other and it's like Jack and the Giant from the beanstalk."

"Or Gandalf and a Hobbit." Kurt interjected.

"Right, exactly. And she's always…always just on at me. About everything. About exams and studying. She always wants to study together, which just doesn't help at all because she's so damn distracting, I mean, she never stops talking, or moving or…smelling so good." Finn flushed red. "I mean, it's not like I'm obsessed with her or anything, I'm not but she's just…always around and talking to me and… like, she wants me to sing with her-"

"Apparently she is asking that of a lot of people," Kurt said rolling his eyes at her earlier challenges to him.

"Yeah… and, well, I don't even know if I can sing but now I kind of have to and she's…well you know…amazing and I can't measure up to that. But she will be expectant and I can't do it if she's watching. Her eyes make me uncomfortable."

Kurt had heard enough; he stood up and took Finn by the hands.

"What are you doing?" Finn asked, a little alarmed.

"We are standing, come on." He pulled the tall boy to his feet.

"Why are we doing that?"

"Because…" Kurt brought him over to the middle of the room and then took out his wand, tapping it a few times on the bedpost so that a simple melody began to stream from it. "You are going to sing to me."

"What?" Finn exclaimed, looking more panicked than a cat caught out in the rain.

"It's not so difficult Finn, just open your mouth and sing, let the song come out."

"I can't."

"You like Rachel, yes?"

"I never said that." Finn protested.

"Not in so many words, but I think it all goes without saying." Finn looked disgruntled. "Look, the way to win a girl like Rachel's heart is to step up to her level - and Rachel doesn't measure anything more highly than singing… and wearing ridiculous outfits designed for three year olds. Anyway, my point is that the way to impress her is to show her that you've got a set of lungs on you."

"But what if I don't?" Finn asked, anxiously.

"Well, let me be the judge of that, before you go parading yourself around in front of her."

Finn swallowed. "Fair point."

"So, go on. Let's hear it."

So, I found the fun tool which allows me to underline after sections! Fun, huh? You learn a new thing every day, or so I am told. Thank you again :)