AN: Thank you for all your amazing reviews! –preens with happiness- I'm serious, you guys are awesome. You all totally made my day! I couldn't stop grinning. Enough about me. And now, onto the chapter!
Two: Tried to Steal The List
August 17th, 10.19AM
"I've got it!" Kenny hollered, dashing into Honours Physics, The List (378.2B, which boy has the best hair) clutched in his hand.
Everyone's heads, including Mrs White's, snapped up to look at the blonde, who was now holding it to his chest, as if one of the girls in class would rip it out of his hands. It was still encased in its brown envelope, and hadn't been opened. The boys' eyes all gleamed. The girls all either looked horrified or furious. Mrs White simply looked irritated. How Kenny, who was always skipping class and not doing his homework, had managed to clinch a position in her Honours class was beyond her comprehension.
Subconsciously, Stan reached out. He had to know if he made top ten. According to the insider information that Wendy used to give him, he'd always made the top five. But since he'd broken up with Wendy, he knew he obviously wouldn't have her vote. Either way, he was a jock, so he'd probably get a few other girls' votes, right?
Wendy and Arissa were furious. That list was private. Girls only. Hell would freeze over before the girls went down without a fight for their beloved list. The boys had no business looking at it. Except for Jamie, who thought List meetings were lame anyway, but still. He had a spot on the committee if he wanted it.
Kyla, despite her shy and sweet persona, looked ready to kill. Next to her, Riot and Rory looked much the same.
Iva, for some reason, had a smirk on her face.
"Mr McCormick, what have you got there?" Mrs White asked, walking towards him.
Alarm bells rang in Kenny's head. Not good. Red alert.
"Um, this? Oh, it's," he quickly changed the topic. "Why, Mrs White, you look positively radiant! Not a day over forty!"
"I'm thirty-five," Mrs White's tone was ice.
Kenny faltered. "Oh. Um…"
"I'll take that, thank you!" Mrs White said primly. Then, to all the girls' horror, she opened it.
"Kenny, why are you going around with a blank piece of paper?"
… What?
"What?" Kenny snatched the paper. "But it was- it's The List!"
"Obviously it wasn't," Wendy grinned as Arissa dissolved into giggles.
Rory kicked Iva's chair to get the taller girl's attention. "Quick thinking, Iva!"
Iva turned to Rory, her red-lipsticked lips stretched into a smile. "Oh, no problem."
It wasn't like Iva to back down so easily. She wasn't about the let the boys steal something. But it wasn't as if they weren't very good at it. They'd tried to get their hands on The List multiple times, only to fail each time.
Kenny felt like an idiot. Damn girls. How did they do this? How'd they foil all of the boys' plans?
Perhaps Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 5 wasn't true to its name.
August 12th, 3.45PM
Eric Cartman paced the floor of the Auditorium with an air of importance. A pointer was in his right hand, and a soft drink was in the other. To his right, Kenny and Stan were trying to set was the projector. Kyle was working the computer and displaying the presentation they'd made yesterday.
"Done!" Stan exclaimed walking back to his seat in the front row as Kenny pulled down the screen.
The boys were seated in the Auditorium in the different rows. Each row was elevated a more than the last, giving it an impression of stairs.
"You done, Kahl?" Cartman sounded impatient.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm done." Kyle clicked on the first slide.
"Alright then!" Cartman faced the front. "Gentlemen, we are here today to discuss the latest in the crimes of the opposite sex." A pause for dramatic effect. "The girls have made another list!"
Murmurs from the boys. Even Craig looked interested. It was always interesting to find out where you stood with the girls.
Cartman nodded gravely. "Yes! It's true. This list is," Cartman slapped the pointer against the screen suddenly, smirking as the loud 'thwack' sound echoed around the room, "'Which boy has the best hair'."
The talking got louder.
"I think I'll be number one," Clyde flicked his hair. "My hair is pretty awesome." The brunette had a short styled cut with bangs, a la Nate from Gossip Girl. If anyone looked at Ross, they would see him scowling in the brunette's direction.
"Right," Craig looked skeptical. "We're all going to pretend you didn't get that from Chace Crawford."
"Dude, how do you know what Chace Crawford's hair looks like?" Token shot back. "Besides. You guys don't stand a chance. My hair is ultimately better than yours."
"You're hair is just, like, short." Clyde pointed out. "I trolled through magazines for this! I should at least make top ten for effort."
Tweek sipped his coffee, looking a little bored. "I don't care about my hair."
Clyde looked shocked. "Dude. You hair is like, the bun on top of a cheeseburger, you know? I mean, you'll know if the cheeseburger is awesome if the bun looks good. If you have seeds on the bun, chances are, it's gonna suck, because seeds are evil and always get stuck in your teeth. But if-"
"Don't listen to him, he's talking crap," Craig cut across Clyde as Tweek looked bewildered.
"You guys are all retarded." Token grumbled. "Why do I hang out with you guys?"
"You love us, really," Tweek, Craig and Clyde chorused.
"GUYS!" Cartman snapped, looking annoyed. Everyone quieted down. "Thank you. Now who wants to see the list?"
Everyone's hands shot up.
"Good, good. Now we just need to get the list." Kyle changed the slide. "Which brings us to this; Operation Cannot Possibly Fail. Results may vary."
August 13th, 7.58AM
Okay. He could do this.
It was simple enough. Talk to Kyla. Charm and distract her. Then Kyle would discreetly nab the list from her bag and pass it to Kenny, who would then keep it until Lunch, when all the guys would gather and look at their positions on The List.
Craig walked right up to Kyla (the list keeper), who was by the lockers talking to Kyle.
"Hi, Craig!" Kyle said too loudly. "Fancy seeing you here! Ha, ha, ha!"
Behind them, Cartman's slapped his hand against his head.
"Um, hi," Craig mumbled.
Kyla looked a little surprised. "Um, he goes to our school. So seeing him here is pretty normal." She said slowly, before turning to Craig with a shy smile. "Um, hi."
An awkward pause. Kenny was shaking with silent laughter next to Cartman, who looked agonized.
"So, um, I was, uh," Craig fumbled, trying to remember what he was supposed to say, before settling on, "I like your… jacket."
Which would have been a lot better if Kyla had actually been wearing a jacket.
"Um. Thanks, I think…"
Craig just stared at Kyla, his cheeks now flaming red.
Thankfully, the bell rang, and Kyla walked away, looking confused and kind of offended.
"Way to fail, Craig," Kenny was beside himself with laughter now. "Dude, you suck."
"Fuck you!" Craig snapped, flipping the shorter boy off before glaring at Kyle. "God, Broflovski, could you be any more obvious?"
"Oh yeah? I'm not the one who didn't notice Kyla wasn't fucking wearing a jacket!"
"You both suck!" Cartman looked extremely annoyed. "Fuck both of you! You have ruined Operation Cannot Possibly Fail! Ruined it!"
With that, the fat teen stormed off, with Kenny following him, the blonde still chuckling.
Craig and Kyle glared at each other.
Damn it. Damn it all.
August 13th, 12.05PM
Cartman addressed all the boys, who had gathered in the Auditorium again during Lunch.
"Okay, you guys. Operation Cannot Possibly Fail has failed. Thanks to some people," he glared at Kyle and Craig, "Who didn't take it seriously enough.
"But, do not worry! There is always a backup plan! May I introduce to you, Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 2!"
The boys started cheering.
"Okay. It goes like this…"
And thus Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 2 was born.
August 13th, 12.05PM
The girls were all in the cafeteria. And they had noticed the lack of boys.
"Uh, where are all the guys?" Rory asked, eyes darting around.
Kyla looked weirded out. "Who knows?"
"Girls!" Wendy clapped her hands. "Attention, please!"
All the girls looked at the centre table, where the cheerleaders sat.
"Okay, thank you," Bebe stood. "Girls, you may have noticed that all the boys aren't here."
Riot rolled her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock."
"Thank you," Bebe glared at Riot, who waved. "Anyway. There is only one explanation. They're trying to steal The List."
Gasps from the girls.
"Yes, I know. And we have to stop this. We don't want a repeat of… It's too horrible even to mention."
Bebe sat. Wendy stood. "Okay. Kyla? You're list keeper, so you'll be they guys' first target. Has anything weird happened?"
Kyla stood up. "Um, yeah." She blushed. Speaking in front of crowds wasn't really her thing. "This morning Craig told me I had a nice jacket. But I wasn't wearing one. And Kyle acted really weird when Craig came up to us. He was like, 'Fancy seeing you here, ha, ha, ha.'"
The girls giggled. Some rolled their eyes. Some simply ate their food.
"Alright," Wendy pursed her lips. "So there's not much we can do yet, but always be on the look out! Don't let them weasel any information out of you. Does that sparkle with you guys?"
"Sunshine!"
August 13th, 2.05PM
Target acquired. The short brunette was at her blue locker, shoving in her books. And she was alone.
He knew the plan. Make her flustered, compliment her, make her feel more secure, and then ask her where The List was. And it had better work. After all, Cartman had actually taken the pains to get this girl's timetable. (He'd make a great stalker. Or rapist.) Plus, Clyde was pretty damn charming and hot, if he did say so himself, which, of course, he did.
Clyde walked up to Arissa, praying Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 2 wouldn't, well, fail.
"Hey, Riss," he leaned against the other lockers and shot her his most charming smile. It would have had melted just about any girl's heart.
Her head jerked up from her pile of books. A pink blush immediately rushed to her cheeks as she dropped some of her books.
"Oh, um, hi, Clyde," she managed to get out as she hastily picked them up.
This was going better than expected.
He knelt down next to her and helped her with her books, making sure to accidentally on purpose touch the her French book at the same time she did.
Arissa's eyes got a fraction wider as she ripped her hand back. She giggled nervously as she got up, shoving all but the French book into her locker.
Flustered? Check.
"Thanks," she bit her lip and smiled at the same time as Clyde handed her the textbook.
When she tugged on it, he didn't let go. Instead, he smiled at her again.
"Y'know, Arissa, you're pretty cute," Clyde grinned as he finally let go of the book.
Compliment? Check.
She smiled, a flash of flawless white teeth.
"You're so sweet! Thanks."
He tipped his head to the side. "Isn't this the part where you say I'm cute too?"
"Oh! Yeah, you're really cute too," she looked more at ease now, though she was still blushing like crazy.
"Aw, thanks," he casually touched her arm as he said that, leaning a little closer to her.
"No problem."
More secure? Check.
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
A nod from Arissa. "Yeah, sure!"
He pulled her closer, since he was still holding her arm. They could almost be in a romantic embrace now. All she needed to do was wrap her arms around his neck.
"You know that-"
"Arissa!" a voice called.
Immediately, Arissa stepped back, a huge blush on her face.
Crap! Damn whoever that was! He'd been so close!
"Um, yeah?"
Riot walked up to them.
"Mrs Kay was wondering where you were," the red head said, grabbing Arissa's wrist. "Sorry Clyde, I'm gonna have to steal her from you."
But Riot didn't look very sorry. She had this weird kind of look in her eyes, which looked freaking terrifying. Probably because of her purple contacts.
Clyde narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, sure."
Crap. Cartman wasn't going to be happy.
But as he watched Riot and Arissa walking back to class, his gaze still locked on the brunette cheerleader, he almost didn't care.
Almost.
August 13th, 3.38PM
"I was so close!" Clyde lamented to his friends in the Auditorium later on that day. "Freaking Riot had to show up at that moment."
Token quirked an eyebrow. "So close to what? Kissing her or getting the list?"
"Both!"
"The girls seem to know that we've heard about The List," Cartman declared as he paced the room. ("No shit," Ross mumbled under his breath, "None of us were in the damn cafeteria!") "But we will still be triumphant! Behold!"
Kyle held up his hand. "Wait, wait! It hasn't loaded yet!"
Cartman scowled as the crowd of boys tittered.
"Okay, now they can behold."
"Behold!" Cartman repeated, gesturing grandly to the screen. "Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 3!"
August 16th, 9.04AM
Gregory walked into Honours English, a purposeful smile on his face. Spotting Iva, he slid into the chair next to her.
"Hello, Iva," he smiling at her. "How're you today?"
She seemed to freeze. "Oh, hello," she said in her squeaky posh accent. "I'm feeling fine. How about you?"
"I'm feeling great. Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you."
Iva smiled a little self consciously. "Yeah, that's fine. Um, what do you want to talk about?"
He smiled again.
"Well, you see, I was wondering-"
"HEY, IVA!"
Bonnie strolled up to them and pulled Iva up, her brightest smile ever on her face.
"Do you want to sit with as today?"
Apparently Iva seemed to sense that Gregory was up to no good, because she agreed, which she probably wouldn't have on a normal day.
Gregory sighed as the other boys glared at Bonnie, who was chatting to Iva at a mile a minute.
It was too bad. Even if he hadn't gotten anything about The List out of Iva, she'd been looking pretty today.
August 16th, 12.03PM
"Okay! Do not lose hope! Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 4 is here to save the day!"
August 16th, 1.17PM
Ella and Rydia were sitting in the Library, waiting for Ross to come join them for their free period.
"The boys are really stupid, aren't they?" Rydia said, twirling her pencil around.
"Yes! God, you'd think they'd put at least a little creativity into their plans. But all of them so far have involved seducing girls."
At that moment, Ross trudged in, looking utterly tired and annoyed.
As he plopped down next to Ella, she frowned at him.
"Hey Ross, are you okay?"
"No! You girls are just so fucking annoying!" he waved his arms in the air. "Just tell us about The List! It's killing us!"
Well, that was direct. Ella raised an eyebrow at the boy, who looked thoroughly irritated.
It was Rydia that replied, without looking up.
"Yeah… I don't think so."
August 16th, 2.30PM
One boy wasn't freaking out about the list. And that was Jamie.
Mainly because he was gay, so he really didn't care what the girls thought about him. But also because he knew he had the best hair anyway. There was no debate about that.
"Why is everyone so retarded?" Jamie mumbled to Damien during Honours Literature.
The Anti Christ scoffed, rolling his blood red eyes. "The fuck if I know. It's South Park. Everyone here is just stupid."
So true. So very, very true.
August 16th, 3.19PM
The boys were all deflated. But they weren't giving up! Not yet. They'd tried too hard to give up now.
"One last try. I think I may have located the list making head quarters! Operation Cannot Possibly Fail 5 is a go!"
August 17th, 7.12AM
Gabby knew something was up when she saw Kenny arriving at school so early.
Yeah, the boys were up to something.
Fishing through her bag for her iPhone, she already knew who she was going to call.
"Iva? Yeah, I think Kenny is trying to steal The List. Yes, steal it! Can you believe? Horrible, am I right?"
Stealing was something Iva wouldn't condone.
Running her tongue over her braces, Gabby inwardly smirked.
It was handled.
August 17th, 12.03PM
Cartman looked resigned.
"It's not fucking worth it. Dismissed."
AN: I hope this is at least a little amusing! I loved writing this. The boys just fail at this, don't they? Psh, trying to outsmart the girls. I don't think so.
OKAY. I must say this. Your OC may not come in/have a big role in every chapter. Sorry about that! But I need to give the canons time too. Don't worry, they will all have their time in Dumb Things We Did. Just needed to get that out. Okay.
So, anyway, don't forget to leave a review! Love it? Hate it? Let me know! :D
Strawberry Fudge Cake
PS: I have a question: Would you guys like it if I gave little previews (like one or two lines) from the next chapter?