I debated waiting until tomorrow when the new episode airs to post this, but I figured I'd made you wait long enough.

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it.

Guilt was not an emotion Kate Beckett felt very often. But as the memories of the way she had acted towards Castle since she'd overheard 'the lie' flashed through her mind, she felt nearly sick with it. And that was the least of all of the emotions swirling through her. Dread. Fear. Anger, directed this time at herself. But there was also hope.

Hope that, once again, Castle would forgive her. That her irrational jumping to conclusions hadn't ruined everything.

Kate turned her head away, unable to look him in the eye any longer. If he was still angry as he had been when he'd first heard about her lie, she didn't want to see it. Not when her emotions were so raw. Compartmentalizing might be second nature to Kate, but even she had her limits.

Kate tried to turn her attention to Martha, but the confused concern on the older woman's face made her feel even worse. Alexis's accusing gaze didn't help, either.

Both of them had probably heard enough to know that Kate and Castle were arguing, but with the door closed they wouldn't have been able to make out the actual words. That only happened when they were yelling, and they hadn't been to that point.

Yet.

Suddenly Kate realized Castle still held her hands in his.

That had to be a good sign, right?

"Darling, clearly you and Detective Beckett need to talk," Martha said after a silence that Kate knew had gone on far too long. "Alexis and I will just-"

"Oh no, Martha, you don't have to-" Kate protested automatically. Intruding on Castles family time was something that Kate instinctively avoided.

"Of course we do, dear," Martha said. "Come along, Alexis. After all, we don't want me to be late to my first rehearsal, now do we?"

Alexis, showing the maturity that Castle often raved about, didn't protest.

"I'm sorry, Castle," Kate said a few moments later, still looking towards the doorway, watching the two redheads make their way across the bullpen, "I didn't mean for-"

"You really thought I lied," Castle cut her off, slowly releasing her hands as he said the words. "You thought I lied, and instead of asking about it, you were just going to have me kicked out of the precinct."

"What was I supposed to do, Castle?" Kate wanted to know. "It's not like we talk about-"

Kate abruptly halted her flow of words.

What was she doing?

She hated to admit it, but he was right. This one was all on her. Taking blame was not something that came naturally to Kate, but she knew that was part of the reason her other relationships hadn't worked out. The months she had been physically healing from her shooting and the many more months she'd been healing from her psychological wounds had given Kate plenty of time for reflection. Shifting undeserved blame onto the other person was one of many mistakes she realized she had made. One of the many mistakes that she had vowed not to make with Castle.

"I'm sorry, Castle," Kate finally looked at him again, her gaze begging for understanding. "I couldn't. I just…couldn't. I didn't think there was a reason to. Everything you said pointed to my shooting. Everything. It was the only logical explanation."

Castle shook his head. "There is nothing logical about it. How you could think I would lie about something like that? That was one conversation after years of evidence. Even if I hadn't said it, it's been obvious for years."

He was right. Again.

Kate really hated being wrong.

But-

"What about you, Castle?" Kate asked. "I saw how you reacted when I admitted….things." Why was it so difficult to put her feelings into words? "I've been telling you, without telling you, for years, Castle. 'One writer girl.' What do you think that meant, Castle? I told you 'always.' Did you think I didn't mean it? Or that I didn't know what it meant to use that word with you? What if you found out I lied about remembering? Without my telling you…." She still couldn't say it. "What conclusion would the evidence lead you to then?"

Annnnnd…..she was doing it again.

Arguing with him when all she really wanted was to make up for lost time, to show him, as well as tell him, how much he meant to her.

Which, if things had gone according to her initial plan, she would never have gotten the chance to do.

It suddenly struck her how close she actually came to forcing him out of the precinct.

Out of her life.

"Castle," she choked out, sudden panic guiding her actions, pushing her to reach out for him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, so close to him now that his features were slightly unfocused. Her hands gripped his shoulders, their foreheads slightly touching. "I don't know how to do this."

"Do what, Kate?" Castle asked, frustration replaced by concern.

Kate took a shuddering breath. "I don't let people in," Kate said. "Let you in. You've had to claw and scratch for every inch. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want-" She closed her eyes for a brief moment before letting the words free, "I just want you. I want to want you, to need you, to love you. And to let you want me, need me, and love me."

Castle's smile, that joy that shone from his eyes and spread across his lips, showed Kate better than any words he could have spoken that she was, indeed, forgiven. More than that, she was wanted. Needed. Loved.

"We'll figure it out, Kate," he assured her. "We'll find our way."

When his lips covered hers, Kate couldn't hold back little start of surprise. It had been over 18 months since their lips had last met. Kate had imagined what it would be like to kiss him again, especially once Josh was out of the picture. But imaging and doing were two entirely different things. So many sensations flooded her that her mind couldn't keep track of them all. So she didn't even try. One moment she noticed the softness of his lips, the next the strength in his shoulders. Then it was the way his arm curled around her waist, pulling her closer. His soft groan filling her ears.

And the knocking.

Wait, knocking?

Castle must have noticed a second or two before she did, because he was pulling away from her before she had completely realized what was happening. Before her brain had fully taken in the situation she was following him, leaning towards him, not ready to give up the sensation of their lips finally connecting after so long.

"Um, guys," Ryan said, a delighted smirk on his lips that neither the writer nor female detective noticed, "not that we're not happy for you, but unless you want Gates to see you, you might want to-"

The name of her Captain jarred Kate out of her kiss-induced haze. She blinked, shook her head to clear it, and stepped back away from Castle. Until there was about a foot between them.

Kate would have rolled her eyes at herself if the need to stay close to Castle wasn't so strong. She'd come way too close to losing him. Due to her own misguided actions, true, but it didn't change the fact that she was still slightly shaken by it all. Having him close gave her a reassurance that steadied her nerves and made it easier to focus on other things.

Particularly how they were going to hide their new relationship from her boss.

Something must have shown in her expression because Ryan and Esposito quickly flanked her and Castle, standing only slightly further away from them than she and Castle did from each other.

"Is there a problem, Detectives?" Gates asked when she reached the break-room doorway almost two minutes later, having just returned from a lunch date with her husband. Kate belatedly remembered her mentioning it before the Captain had left barely more than an hour ago.

"No, hm mm," Kate said, unable to think of anything more brilliant to say.

"Hmmmm," the Captain's narrowed eyes told Kate she wasn't very convincing. "Remember the D.A. wants that paperwork turned in by four o'clock today."

"Yes, Sir," Kate said.

"Almost finished, Sir," Esposito said at the same time.

"Just about done, Captain," Ryan chimed in.

"All right, then. Carry on," Captain Gates said and headed over to her office, closing the door firmly behind her.

Kate bit her lip to hold back a smile as she exchanged a look with Castle. There had been no innuendo in the Captain's comments, but after the kiss they had just shared, she knew his thoughts were identical to hers.

They would most definitely carry on, picking up where they left off.

At her place or, since Martha and Alexis were gone for the next few hours, at the loft.

Kate may not know how to be in a relationship like the one she wanted with Castle, but she couldn't wait to find out.

So, I'm not sure who the Captain turns the paperwork in to. But since Kate talks so much about building a case for the D.A., I'm just going to assume it's him. Or her.