"No," I mumble. My arm juts out for a second unconsciously and falls back into place.

" No," I say louder this time and my feet kick out from beneath me.

"NO!" My eyes burst open and I find myself curled up with my head touching me knees.

"It's ok," his breath ragged against my neck. I realize that Tobias has me in his arms and is bringing me close to him. He must realize that I'm still shaking after the nightmare, because he rubs his hands down from my head to my ear and tells me everything is ok. He brushes a tear that has escaped from my eye, also bringing the loose hair behind my ear. Last night the jungle had given me a gift that had gone unacknowledged. But tonight my nightmares were relentless and the same one was reoccurring.

I untangle myself and meet his pleading eyes. He has a half smile that I comforting and makes me wonder how he can be caring. I just woke him up screaming like a lunatic at whatever time it is, and yet he still can amuse me with his handsome grin.

"Want to talk about it?" He asks me. He looks down from my face at the ground for a split moment and returns to rubbing my hand in small circles with his thumb. I sit up and look behind me to make sure that I didn't wake up Uriah or Christina. Of course the two of them can sleep through anything, although I think it was me kicking Tobias in the back by accident that woke him up. Uriah lies with his hand in a V shape underneath his head and his other draped across his stomach, all the while with his mouth open. Christina on the other hand, is curled up on her side with her back facing us and her breaths deep with a steady beat.

I turn back around and nod my head. I doubt if I keep waking up and not facing my fear it will just come back again. He pushes himself up from the leg-crossed position he was in and offers his hand to me. I take it in mine and become eye level with him again. We walk slowly toward the fire pit and sit on the longer tree log that fits both of us. I kick at the dirt in small patches and were there was once an even light gray landscape has now a dark black infliction. I heave a heavy sigh and begin.

"Well, it starts out I'm alone in this room and there aren't any doors or windows. And then all of the sudden the breath is kind of like sucked out of me…," I swallow hard, " And- and I fall to the ground and my chests hurts and I try to breath but I can't." I stop. I can't tell him the rest. I feel helpless, and I begin to stare at the ground and sniffle.

"Tris. Tris," he leans his head down to see me underneath my cascading hair, "What happened next?"

I bite my lip, and can taste blood. He will look at me and tell me my dream is impossible; that I'm high on peace serum or something. He'll judge me, and see me differently. He won't have trust in me, or accuse me for whatever fantasy my mind playing.

"Tris, You don't have to be embarrassed. It's me you're talking to. You're my family and we can tell each other anything."

When he says this I start bawling. I cry as loud as the train, but yet in some way I'm silent as the first night in the dorms. I bury my face into my shirt to wipe away the tears. I'm so pathetic, sitting here crying like a pansycake, as Uriah would say. How can he be so strong, when I'm so weak? When I'm at my breaking point and he is still at the starting line. His internal strength is something I admire every day, and for this he is my own. I make eye contact with him for the first time in a few minutes, he doesn't look at me like I'm made of porcelain, but instead like he is concerned for me. I'm the first to talk.

" Right before I knew I was going to die, you were there." No don't stop. Tell him what happened.

"You came up to me and told me that I wasn't worth it, that I was replaceable and that you didn't care about me." I sniff and blink away a tear.

"But I screamed that it wasn't true, But, Tobias it felt so real. And I fell, and right before my eyes close you smiled and told me sorry, sorry that you killed me."

It's been decades since I told the story. Yet in actuality it's only a matter of minutes. Tobias' face is wet and I feel like I've destroyed him. I wish this wasn't the nightmare. I wish this wasn't haunting me, but it is.

"Tobias I am so sorry I-"

"Tris, I'm the one who is sorry." His voice begins to strain. " I can't turn back time and reverse what happened in that room in Erudite. But you need to understand that I do trust you. You are my everything. You are everything I want to be and more. I love you with every breath I take and every decision I make is for you. I love you to the moon and back, to the deepest bottom of the ocean and to tip of the tallest mountain. Tris Prior, you are every reason I know what true love is, because you have given that to me. And that is a gift I will never be able to return. I don't deserve you, I've always looked at myself as weak and indispensable, but you have given me my strength and you still look up to me when I've been beaten down. When I showed who I really was, you didn't treat me like a kicked puppy; you made me feel like I was made of steel, invincible. No one could ever compare to your beauty and anyone who ever said anything else is blind. You are perfectly imperfect and that's all that I could ever ask of you. You are worth every second that I can give to you. And if I could die and do my life over again, I would only ask that I would find you. I wish I could explain to you in words how much I love you, but I can't. You are my everything Tris and you could never be replaced. "

I can't say anything. I feel like every bone in my body is cement. He loves me and all though he said it before, this time it's different. It's like when I was pure adrenaline flying down the zip line, or when I felt the electricity dance off our fingertips when he told me I looked tough as nails. He is everything I could ever ask for, and the princesses didn't know a damn thing about a prince charming. He is my hero, my savior, and my love.

I crash my lips into him gently at first then in a more hungry passion. I kiss him until my deprivation of him has settled. And even then I feel cheated. I kiss him again and my arm is anchored on his neck. He begins to put his hands on my waist, and I hesitate at the touch of his skin on mine.

He breaks away. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to.."

"It's okay." I take a step back and heat rushes into my face. My fear hasn't left me and I feel embarrassed. It's just something about contact to my skin that mays me pull back and feel chills run through my body. Tobias lifts my chin with his hand and looks at me with a smile.

"Tris, I'm never going to make you do something you don't want to do. I will wait, even until for the day we get married. But you never have to apologize or feel embarrassed. "

He leans toward me and kisses me on the nose gently.

"How do you know exactly what to say?" I ask him.

He cocks his head and replies, "I guess I'm just perfect."

We both laugh. Both of us are far from perfect, in fact we are perfectly imperfect.

The sun it just beginning to appear above the horizon and I can smell the dew that wasn't there before. I am so lucky to have him. And I'm even more grateful that he respects me for who I am.

He breaks the silence, brewing between us and suggests that we get a few more hours of sleep in before the rest of gang gets up. I tell him it's a great idea and I find myself once again lying next to him. I lay with my back facing him and Christina is laying down facing the top of the hut. She stirs for a moment and then flips onto her side with now facing Uriah once again. Leave it to the pregnant woman to sleep through everything, and Uriah, well, I don't know what excuse is. I love them both and yet its in such a crazy way. I think of my family, and I tear up again. Gosh, I've been really weak tonight. But I can't think of my family. I chose to leave them and maybe one day we will be reunited, but as of now I know that I have the choice to decide how I'm going to feel and how I'm going to react, and that is the ultimate fairness.

With this final thought my breaths become a steady rhythm and I can feel myself slowly drifting back to sleep. I can smell Tobias' distinct scent of sweat, and now the forest. I let my eye seep down again and fall back into the beat of my slumber.

Author's Note:

Hey guys, I decided since it was my birthday that you deserved a chapter, after all I'm not the other amazing writers who post everyday. I seriously don't know how you do it, but I applaud you. I hope you liked this chapter. I think her first night I the forest, I cheated you on the development of how she's dealing with Tobias not being by her side. As always I don't ask that you review, but if you do please be honest. I'm not going to freak out if you think something should be changed or a specific part needs to be written differently. Or even if you just want to suggest a new idea for the story, I would love to hear a third-perspective. Hope you guys a great night! (Disclaimer: Still don't own Divergent)

~Razben