Chapter Four
I couldn't remember the dream I'd been having when I felt Jack tapping, nudging my leg with his hand.
"Hey. Wake up." He muttered, and I sleepily opened my eyes as I whimpered awake, "Get up here. Sit with me for a minute." Damn. I was hoping this part wouldn't happen. I felt so sick already.
I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes while doing as he told me to do.
We were stopped somewhere, which only then registered to me. The radio was still on, but the truck was off, and the parking lot we sat in was a gas station. With a quiet sigh, I recognized this place easily.
He'd parked away from the light, just like before. It was dark on this side of the building, and it was eerie here at night. The area empty of anyone but us. The mood I was in certainly fit the setting.
I yawned, climbing over the center console. His hand actually supporting my lower back on my quest between the seats. He flipped up the center console, creating a seat in the middle for me to sit down in right beside him. I took the hint.
I had to admit, after what he did earlier, I was pretty hesitant to sit next to him, but I also didn't want to piss him off again by refusing. I was just too tired and really didn't want to put up with that right then.
I continued rubbing my eyes, whimpering again in my sleepiness. I was definitely feeling the last several hours. I knew it'd take some time to feel warm again. My eyes burned in their tiredness, and I could barely keep them open.
I suddenly remembered. Looking over, out the window, as if I'd be able to see Alice out there somewhere. I didn't see anyone, much less Alice. I could feel them watching, though.
"Here." He pulled a bag up from the floorboard, reaching into it, and pulling something out. Holding it out to me. I looked over, and realized what he was offering me. I'd forgotten this little detail. It was a bar of chocolate. I looked up as I didn't hesitate in taking it.
"Thank you." I immediately said, and he grunted in response. Nodding.
I carefully unwrapped it as he sighed, setting the bag back down. Continuing on with his cigarette. Looking to the clock on the radio, it said we'd already been gone for two and a half hours. Two and a half hours from home. Two and a half hours closer to Ken.
He and I were silent at first. He seemed very distracted, staring out the window to the side. I wasn't in a rush to bother him, so I just sat quietly. Listening to the song on the radio end, and another song begin before he looked over at me.
"Later," He said, "We'll stop and get something to eat." I nodded, knowing he wouldn't tell me twice. I couldn't wait. I needed something on my upset stomach, hoping that would calm it down a little bit. My head pounded painfully, so I was glad it was dark.
I nibbled on the chocolate, not wanting him to think I was ungrateful in any way. This was such a rare thing. I couldn't help feeling nervous, though. Knowing what was coming made it worse.
"When we get to where we're going," He spoke again, "I want you on your best behavior." He paused, looking to me, "You know what that means, right?" Yeah, yeah.
"Don't speak, don't move around, and don't look at anyone too long." I answered sleepily, and he chuckled.
"Good." He nodded, "That's right." I felt a very slight pang of relief. I'd done something right, "You'll be meeting someone important, so don't go running your mouth. Got it?" I knew exactly who that person was. I cringed internally, hating the thought of having to deal with him again.
"I won't." I replied anyway, "I promise."
As long as he held the offer of food up over me, I would have done my best to do a backflip if it meant making him happy. It happened so rarely, I knew never to let the opportunity pass. He reached over, and closed my eyes as he started lazily running his fingers through my hair. Almost like he was petting me. I remembered this. I didn't like it. It made me squirm, and I had to force myself to sit still and not cringe away.
This wasn't so bad, though. He wasn't yelling at me. He wasn't hitting me. I eased ever so slightly, adjusting how I sat. Closing and resting my eyes tiredly.
"There will be kids there." He continued, looking to me again, "About your age." Josh and Zack, "Unless they talk to you first, don't say anything to them. Got it?" His fingers continued running through my hair. It felt a lot nicer than when he was trying to pull it all out.
"I won't." I repeated, "Nothing."
"But don't be rude." He added calmly, "Or I'll tan your hide." I shook my head, "I'm testing you, kid. Don't disappoint me, especially so soon after the last one. You know I hate being disappointed." I shook my head again, more vigorously this time. I did know he hated being disappointed. I wouldn't disappoint him. Going through this now was all about not disappointing him. Keeping him happy meant keeping the Cullens safe.
He watched me for a few moments, until he sighed. Flicking the cigarette butt out the window, he reached over and picked me up. I stiffened in response. Knowing what this was all about. Knowing what it was about didn't make it any easier to endure, though.
He settled me on his lap. Thoughts of sleep flew out the window as he adjusted my weight, me facing away from him.
As a test, I attempted to move, to crawl back over to where I was sitting, but he righted me easily. Keeping me square in the center of his lap.
"Relax." He told me firmly, "You're fine." If he thought that tone of voice was soothing, he was mistaken. With both his hands on my shoulders, he pushed me back down, and held me there.
I looked around once more, and from where I was sitting, I had a slightly different view in the rearview mirror than Jack would have. I could just barely make out the shape of someone standing beside the building across the lot behind us.
I knew exactly who that was.
That prompted me to try to move again, but he just wrapped his arms around my stomach and squeezed firmly, forcing me back down. I couldn't help the small cry of pain, and trying to loosen his grip.
"Stay." Jack growled into my ear.
"Okay." I cried, "Okay, just p-please.." He loosened his grip, allowing me to sit there and cry.
"Seriously?" He asked, peering around my arm at my face, "That made you cry?"
"My stomach hurts." I admitted as quietly as I could, and he frowned.
"All of you should hurt." He replied, "Besides, I kicked you there earlier, remember?"
"No." I mumbled, "It's different. It was hurting before then."
"Quit bitching." He sighed, "You're fine. Just being a whiny little shit like always. Shut the fuck up before I give you something to cry about."
I sniffled, but otherwise fell quiet. I looked back up at the rear view mirror, and spotted the same person standing there. Only there were two there now. That surprised me. I was expecting Alice to be alone. She obviously wasn't, though.
For several minutes, I sat there stiffly, waiting for him to be done. I didn't like the thought of what I was seated over. That was just about the only reason I didn't like this. He wasn't moving, or hurting me. It just made me very uncomfortable.
"This isn't easy for me, you know." He grumbled, and I turned a little, looking back at him over my shoulder, "I know you don't believe me, but I didn't want to have to do this. Why couldn't you have just done as you were told? Was it really that damn hard?"
I didn't know what he wanted me to say. I chose to face forward again instead.
"Was it that damn hard?" He asked again, softer now, but I wasn't sure if he was still talking to me. He got quiet, and I stayed quiet. Just sitting still.
Last time, I didn't want to talk after he'd said these things. Now I was more curious than anything about what would happen if I did.
"I don't know." I mumbled, and I glanced back as he looked up, "I don't know why I did it. You told me not to, but I did it anyway."
"Don't tell me that." He spoke now, and he was mad, "I don't want to hear that you don't know why you fucking chose to ignore every fucking thing I ever told you. That's no goddamn excuse."
Well, now I knew why it was a good idea not to say anything.
"I know." I said, looking forward again, but he wasn't done.
"Do you have any fucking idea what kind of position you've put me in?" He demanded, taking my arm and turning me a bit to look at me. As much as I knew it was all his fault, he had a way of making me feel guilty.
"And if running wasn't fucking bad enough," He went on when I sat in silence, "It had to be a goddamn doctor. Seriously. How fucking stupid could you be?"
"What's wrong with that?" I stupidly asked.
"It's their fucking job to figure out what's wrong with people." He replied pointedly, "Do you really think he believed your stupid fucking lie about the bruise on your face?" I looked away, unable to answer that. I knew he didn't believe me.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered, but he wasn't done.
"Not yet, you aren't." He grumbled, forcing me forward again, "But you will be. Oh, you will be. Once we get to where we're going, you'll be begging for the way I treat you." I stiffened a little at the way he said that. Swallowing nervously, as I knew he wasn't lying. I believed him, but it scared me. Was I wrong in assuming he wouldn't leave me there?
Hesitantly, I looked back into the mirror. I wondered if they could see me, or if they were just listening in. It was really dark over here, the only light coming from the other side of the building.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, knowing I shouldn't speak. That I was probably just making it worse.
"Not yet." He repeated flatly, "You-"
"I never should have gone." I added, shaking my head, "I didn't mean to. All.. All I wanted was to just see her house." I wouldn't give up her name, but I wanted his blame back on me.
"I don't give a shit what you wanted." He replied, "I thought I made it really fucking clear that that shit was not okay."
"You did." I said in reply, "You did, but I was stupid." He didn't reply to that, so I didn't say anything else either. I'd already said what I needed him to hear, so I let the silence drag on.
His words really made me think. I knew that was what he wanted, but once again, I believed him. I didn't even want to think about the possibility that he would actually leave me there. He couldn't. There was no way.
He and I both knew that actually leaving me was a very cruel punishment for whatever he thought I'd done wrong, but then again, being cruel was his specialty. He was always out to out-do himself. Actually leaving me there was pretty much the final punishment he could give me, other than taking my life himself.
After only a few more minutes of sitting there, he sighed deeply. Startling me out of my thoughts, as the silence ended with the sound.
"Alright." He mumbled, reaching up and placing his hand on my neck, lightly shoving me sideways. I tumbled off his lap, sprawling ungracefully back onto the seat beside him.
Just like before, nothing had happened. It was like he just got bored of me sitting there.
I glanced up at him as I righted myself, confused. He gave me a calm look, not angry at my puzzled state. Reaching out, he grabbed the pack of cigarettes and shook out two.
"Get used to that." Was all he said. His bitter tone wasn't angry. Just unhappy. I hesitated, but wondered if I should mess things up a bit by talking.
I just took the lit cigarette he offered, sitting beside him in silence, just curled into a small, insecure ball against the passenger door. We didn't speak while I smoked. He glanced over at me now and then, watching me watch him. Deep in thought now.
"Would you relax, for fuck's sake?" He finally snapped, and I looked up at him, "You'd think I'd just threatened to kill you by the look on your face."
Go with the script, I told myself.
"I don't like that." I mumbled after a few seconds. I really hadn't. It reminded me too much of my last day as a human before I woke up.
"Well, tough shit." He replied immediately, his tone telling me that he was surprised I'd actually voiced my opinion, "You'll probably be doing a whole lot of things you don't like over your lifetime with what I'm planning for you." He turned his gaze out the window, "Get fucking used to it." Knowing what I knew now, he wasn't exaggerating.
I didn't bother to reply. I was getting tired again. So I tossed what was left of my cigarette out the window.
"Go back there." He told me, and I tensely got moving, "Go back to sleep."
I made sure to take my chocolate with me, settling back into my spot. I watched him start up the truck again. I whimpered quietly, hugging my stomach. It was the strangest feeling, this pain. Like the feeling of being kicked there had stuck around.
With a shake of his head, we got going again.
"I'm okay." I whispered to myself, closing my eyes once more. I couldn't tell anymore if I was trying to comfort them, or comfort myself. Just in case, I whispered it again with a soft sniffle, "I'm okay."
We drove for about ten more minutes. My eyes out the window, holding my breath now and then against the pain. I had no idea what in me was wrong, but whatever it was, it hurt. A lot. It didn't feel like it normally did. It didn't just come and go like a bruise would, but it stayed around. The clenching pain constant underneath, it getting worse in waves coming and going now and then. Like a muscle cramp, but further inside and sharper.
I couldn't resist anymore. I had to say something.
"Jack.." I whimpered, just loud enough for him to hear me. He ignored me at first, so I stood up carefully. Holding onto the back of the passenger seat in front of me, I carefully climbed up front. He glanced over, sighing.
"I thought I told you to go the fuck to sleep."
"I can't." I mumbled as I sat myself in the passenger seat beside him. He didn't stop me, but he didn't help me either. He just stared ahead.
"And why not?" He asked harshly.
"My stomach hurts." I admitted, "It hurts too much."
He made no acknowledgement at first, so I sat there and waited for a moment. He and I both knew it had to be really bad if I even tried to bother him with it. The only time I was allowed to bug him with things like this was when I thought it was worse than usual. Well, it was definitely worse than usual. When he didn't respond, I stupidly tried again.
"Jack-"
"I heard you!" I flinched at his shout, and at the way he slammed his palm against the steering wheel, "Fuck! Fucking shit!"
After a few more seconds, he sighed heavily, and pulled the truck over on the side of the deserted highway. Throwing the shifter in park, we sat there for several silent moments while he obviously thought hard about what I told him.
After a moment, he reached over sharply and punched the overhead light on, nearly breaking it. He pulled me closer by my arm and jerked my sweater up over my stomach, getting a good look at what I was talking about.
"Aw, son-of-a-bitch." He groaned, dropping my sweater back down. He thought for a moment longer before he lifted it back up for a second look. He cursed under his breath and looked back over at me, "How long?"
"Couple days." I replied quietly, "The bruise is new, though."
"How new?" He asked as if I should have given that information sooner.
"Umm.." I muttered, deeply intimidated by his anger, "Couple hours. Maybe like.." I trailed off, thinking.
"God you're stupid." He snapped, "Think!"
"I guess like a day." I answered quickly, and he sighed hard. At first, I thought I'd given him the wrong answer, that I hadn't understood the question, but he just sat in silence for a moment before looking back over at me.
"Can you hold out until we get to California?"
"Yeah." I immediately said, hoping to calm him down, "I can."
"Okay, good." He said, getting the truck moving again, "This is what's going to happen. In that glovebox, there's a bottle of Tylenol. Take two of those."
I immediately did as he said, pulling it open and easily finding the white bottle laying on its side towards the back. I looked around, finding a half-full bottle of water on the floorboard. He waited until I finished his first set of instructions before speaking again.
"Now," He said, "I'm gonna get us there as fast as I can without killing us both or getting a fucking ticket, so just sit tight. Once we're there, and you've met everyone, complain about your stomach again. Make fucking sure my sister hears you." I nodded, memorizing every word he told me, "She's a nurse, and she'll want to look you over. She'll ask you what the fuck happened to you." I waited, listening close, "You tell her.. You fucking tell her that you got hit by a fucking car on your way home from school.. Say.. Three days ago, and the fucker drove off before you could get a look at his license plate. And because you're fucking stupid, you never told me about it. Got it?"
"Okay." I said, nodding, "I can do that."
"Good." He barked, "Because I'm not taking you to a fucking hospital. They'll probably think I did that shit to you." He fell quiet for a moment, "It's probably nothing. You'll be sore for a few weeks, but.. You'll be fine, so quit bitching."
I could hear the tiny hint of worry in his tone, though. Instead of asking him about it, I looked out the window again. He seemed fine with letting me sit up front.
I sat awake in silence for about an hour. It was dark all around us, aside from the illumination from the headlights in front of us. Any other car we saw, he passed like they were standing still, so I knew he had to have been going pretty fast.
I hadn't even noticed I was dozing off, until he reached over and lightly smacked my leg.
"Lay down." He told me, flipping the center console up again, "You're gonna fall over. The last thing I need is for you to break your fucking nose or something." I didn't argue or hesitate. I scooted closer to the door before laying to the side. My head next to his leg. I would have laid the other direction, with my feet near his leg, but that side hurt me more.
He allowed that, sighing and lighting another cigarette. I was oddly comfortable now. I was more tired than I was used to being, so I could actually fall asleep right where I was.
I woke some time later to the sound of his door opening, and it took me a moment to realize we'd stopped. The cool breeze swirled into the truck through the open door as he climbed out. It was rather unpleasant, so I whined, hiding my face against the seat.
"Stay." He told me, slamming the door shut. Shakily, I pushed myself up, looking out the windows through blurry eyes. Wherever we were was very sunny, but we were parked at a gas pump, the large overhang kept the morning sun from reaching us.
I took a brief moment to stretch a little bit, watching Jack disappear into the store. Almost the second he went inside, the passenger door behind me opened. I yelped loudly in surprise, spinning to look at Alice climbing into the truck with me.
"What are you doing?" I demanded nervously, looking around. The other pumps were pretty much empty aside from one other car at the opposite end of the row, and a very shiny, black car parked on the other side of the gas pump behind us.
"Show me." She told me quickly, "Leandra, if you're hurt that bad-"
"I'm fine." I replied, scooting over, "Jack said I'll be fine."
"Is he a doctor?" She asked firmly, "No. Show me."
"He's coming back." I told her just as firmly, "You have to leave."
With a heavy sigh, she opened the door again. I thought for a second that she was about to leave, but she gently but firmly took my arm, tugging me out of the truck behind her. She closed the door behind us before I could even protest. She ducked down, staring in the direction of the store for a moment, before nodding to herself and dragging me along the truck, and around to the black car parked behind us.
"Stop." I told her in a heavy whisper, "Alice, you're gonna mess this whole thing up." She pulled me to a stop at the driver's side door of the black car, just as Carlisle was rolling the window down. Without missing a beat, she lifted my shirt over my stomach. Carlisle's eyes immediately grew concerned, and he stepped out instantly.
I sighed hard in annoyance, looking back at the store as Carlisle got a closer look. I didn't dare look at myself. I knew it was bad. If it made Jack look twice, it was bad.
"Leandra," Carlisle spoke firmly, "This has become too dangerous for you to continue."
"I don't care." I replied sharply, jerking my shirt back down, "I'm doing it."
"Don't you get it?" Alice asked, "You could die." I looked over at her, not bothering to reply. My response was still the same, and I knew she could see that in my expression.
"You need medical attention." Carlisle told me, "Waiting any longer-"
"You heard him." I replied, "His sister is a nurse, and she's awesome. Heather is a good person. You know her." He frowned a little, "She works with you." I shook my head as he seemed to understand, talking quickly now, "I have to do this his way. I know it's dangerous. I knew it was dangerous before. I came too far to stop now. Jack knows now that I'm really hurt, so he'll lay off. You'll see."
Alice sighed, "Leandra-"
"I have to get back." I whispered firmly, "Just-"
"One more question." She murmured, and I sighed, waiting, "What was that last night?" I frowned for a moment in thought, trying to recall what she could have been talking about. Ah, I understood. The lap thing.
"Oh," I shook my head, "That was nothing. He just wanted me to sit there because he knows I hate doing that, but he wants me to get used to it because his dad.. Well, you'll find out." I glanced back at the store, and thankfully, there was still no sign of him, "It was nothing."
"His dad, what?" She asked, now suspicious.
"His dad will want to hold me like that." I admitted, "For.. Reasons, I guess."
She started to shake her head, taking a breath.
"I'll be okay." I told her before she could argue any more. I went to turn, but she caught me gently. Pulling me into a hug. Of course, I returned it. I couldn't help it. I missed her so much, but it just reminded me why I was doing this. I pulled back just enough to hug Carlisle next as tightly as I could without hurting myself. Not expecting that, he seemed a bit surprised at first, but he returned it as well. Gently, of course.
"One word." Alice told me and I looked over at her, "Just one word, and I'll be there no matter what." I could handle that, "And I'm going to keep checking up on you. Whenever I can." I nodded, hoping now she'd let me get back.
With that, I walked away. Without looking back, because I didn't want them to see me crying. I climbed back into the truck, shutting the door firmly behind me. Holding my breath to stop my sobs, I used my sleeve to clear the tears off my cheeks.
Just a few minutes later, I looked up to see Jack coming back out. He had a small grocery bag in his hand as he approached the passenger side of the truck. He opened my door, holding the bag out to me. I took it obediently.
"There's a sandwich in there." He told me, "Eat." I hesitated for a moment before I looked up at him.
"I'm not that hungry." I admitted quietly. That really caught his attention. Enough to cause him to stare at me. I'd never dared to tell him that before, but this time, it was true.
"Just fucking eat it." He growled to me under his breath.
"I can't." I replied, "I don't feel good. If I eat it, I'll just throw it up."
"Then throw up." He snapped, opening the little door over the gas tank, "I don't give a fuck, as long as you eat the fucking thing. I don't need you starving to death before we even fucking get there. You're probably just hung over. That'll help."
So I shrugged a little and reached into the bag. I found one of the two sandwiches in there, noticing they were both the same, so I pulled one out.
Sitting there with the door open, I watched Jack as I ate what I could. I could see him looking around, obviously bored, but the third time he looked at Carlisle's car sitting there, I knew I had to speak up.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked after a second of thinking up a question.
"No." He replied, leaning up against the side of the truck, waiting for it to finish filling up. Crossing his arms. It'd worked, though. He wasn't looking to the right anymore.
"What's the difference?" I asked, pointing out the three buttons on the gas pump.
"Price." He grunted with a scoff, "Not much else."
"Then why do people pay more?"
"No idea." He replied, "More money than fucking brains, I guess. Slap a higher price on something, and they just think it's better." This was the first decent conversation I was sure I'd ever had with him, but I didn't want to ruin that by continuing.
I nodded a little, looking back down at my sandwich. I really wasn't sure about continuing to eat. My stomach ached bad, and I honestly worried I'd lose everything I'd just eaten. I wanted to continue talking to him, to keep his focus on me, but I was also very unsure about speaking.
Sure enough, minutes later as Jack was putting the nozzle back into place, I had to hop out of the truck. Thankfully, there was a trash can right there, and I was able to throw up into it.
During a pause between waves of throwing up, Jack looked over, rolled his eyes, but looked over again sharply. He finished what he was doing faster than he should have, digging around in the truck until he found a few paper napkins.
He waited until I looked back up, whimpering about my stomach and the taste of blood in my mouth before he clasped the napkins over my mouth tightly.
"Jesus fucking Christ." Jack growled, "Get in the damn truck."
"I'm not done." I complained behind the napkins and his hand, but he steered me back over to the truck anyway, looking around us quickly. He picked me up, and placed me actually kind of gently on the seat. Slamming the door and rounding the truck quickly. I pulled the napkins back and looked down at them as he climbed back in.
There was blood all over them. Frowning, I stuck out my tongue and wiped it off. More blood. I must have thrown up a lot of blood if it would linger that much.
He took off without even pausing to put on his seat belt, leaving the trash can far behind.
"Shit, shit, shit." He was pissed off again.
"I'm fine." I told both him and myself. Reaching for the half-empty bottle of water on the floorboard, I quickly unscrewed the cap and took a mouthful.
"You're not fine." He snapped, "Fucking obviously!"
Lowering the window, I leaned my head out and spit out the water. I did that twice more until I thought I was okay to speak.
"I'm fine." I repeated, and he laughed humorlessly. Shaking his head.
"I must have knocked a few screws loose." He grumbled.
I wanted to reply, but I suddenly had to dive for the bag. I dumped out the contents in the bag in a hurry, before covering my mouth and nose with it. In this awkward position, it was hard to not feel the intense pain in my stomach.
Thankfully, nothing else came out. It was just a few incredibly painful dry heaves. I couldn't help sobbing to myself as he made it onto the interstate. Reaching over, I rolled the window back up when his speed increased.
"How long has that been going on?" Jack snapped over at me.
"I don't know." I whimpered, hugging my stomach and curling into an upright ball, "I just noticed it yesterday."
"Before or after I kicked you?"
"Before." I answered, and he cursed again loudly.
"I told you years ago to tell me this shit!" He was really pissed off now, "That shit would have been really nice to know!" I knew he was just scared.
"You wouldn't have believed me." I replied, and he glanced over.
"How often do you try to get out of something like that by lying about throwing up blood?"
"Almost as many times as I run away for a night." I countered, and that seemed to shut him up.
Now that I knew what I was looking for, it was easy to spot the black car following us inconspicuously. A car length behind us in the other lane. I didn't look too long at it, just in case Jack would notice too.
"Here." He reached out to the glovebox again, "Take two more."
"I'll get them." I told him when I noticed the truck drift a bit toward the lane beside us, "Just don't kill us." He seemed to agree, sitting straight again.
"We've still got a few hours before we get there." He grumbled, shaking his head, "Dammit."
I didn't bother replying, fighting open the bottle. Forcing my trembling hands to steady.
"Take three this time." Jack told me, and I just did as he told me, "I don't want to hear you bitching the rest of the way that your stomach hurts." He was back to his normal self. Part of me was happy about that. It made it easier to calm down.
Once that was out of the way, I sat forward in my seat. I was barely able to see out the window, until I tucked one leg under my butt. I suffered in silence, staring out the window at all the scenery passing by. It was pretty boring, but as tired and bored as I was, I didn't shut my eyes. The lines on the road darting by had a very calming effect.
I watched the other cars around us, some going way even faster than we were, others going about our speed. I watched as the road around us changed depending how close or how far we were between cities. My favorite was the six lanes of traffic, versus the two or three. It was just more exciting. Coming from a really small town, I didn't get to see things like this very often.
It was very obvious that Jack knew right where he was going. He didn't seem unsure in the slightest. Knowing exactly which lane he needed to be in and when, which was kind of amazing to me. I was so lost, but that wasn't that surprising.
"Hey." Jack pulled me out of my thoughts about an hour later, "Light me one of those." He nodded toward one of the new packs of cigarettes on the floor.
"Can I have one?" I asked.
"I don't fucking care." He replied, glancing over at me, "Just keep it low, alright? I'm not supposed to be letting you fucking smoke." I nodded, leaning down and grabbing the pack of cigarettes.
I must have been losing my mind, because I was having a hard time not laughing. He glanced over again, noticing the smile I struggled with as I ripped off the clear packaging, opening the lid.
"Hey," He barked before I could remove the silver bit inside, "Pack those. Haven't you learned anything?"
I never packed them, but I knew what he meant, so I did as he said. I turned the pack upside down in my hand, tapping the top against my hand a few times. Struggling not to laugh to myself.
"What?" He asked.
"Just the way you said that." I replied with a small laugh and shake of my head. To my intense surprise, he chuckled as well. It was quiet, but I definitely heard it. I pulled a cigarette loose, lit it and held it out for him. He took it carefully from me.
"Gimmie that." He chuckled again, shaking his head, "Fucking weirdo." I took that as a compliment. Lighting my own cigarette, I did as he said. Keeping it low so none of the other drivers around us could see if they happened to glance over.
More silence followed as we left the major cities behind for the moment. I had no idea how Jack hadn't yet noticed the black car that was always behind him. Most likely he had a lot on his mind.
As the morning stretched to afternoon, the silence dragged on between us like the road passed underneath us. Now and then I would look over at him. In the weirdest way, I liked looking at him when he wasn't looking at me. It was like looking at a whole different person as he focused on whatever he was doing. When he wasn't mad, or hating me. He was almost normal in those moments. Like he wasn't my personal enemy.
It was probably those moments that fascinated me just enough to ease the constant fear around him a bit. It was rare I got to see this part of him, but even Jack couldn't hate twenty-four-seven. I couldn't help it, though. My interest ran deep, and I wanted to figure him out.
I never looked for very long, just in case he caught me. Knowing what I knew about him, it felt wrong in a way. I knew more about him than I was sure he knew about himself. Certainly way more than he ever wanted me to know.
In no way did it excuse the way he treated me, but he hadn't had the best life growing up either. I'd heard the stories from Heather herself about how he was treated. Jack was the son of a very sadistic man, and the unwanted product between two people that hated each other with a passion. Just as much as Heather was. Things between he and Heather changed the day she ran away from home, and she said her running away messed with him.
Heather's feelings had always been complicated when it came to her brother, but I never heard the exact reason why that was. I never pressed, and she never offered.
Honestly, I wouldn't know how I would feel either if I had a sibling.
From what I'd gathered on my own, and from what Heather had eventually told me, was none of what happened was Jack's choice. Jack was always claiming to care about her, and in some strange way, I could see it. He was always protective of her, not possessive like most would believe him to be. There was a very, very subtle difference.
Knowing all I knew about him really made me wonder what things he would think about when he wasn't stuck with thoughts of hating me. When his guard was down, just a little bit, I could almost see him as a person.
I didn't like it, but I could understand just a bit why he hated so much. Jack had always known hate. Jack was what I would have turned into had I never met the Cullens. If I had a chance to grow up with nothing but him leading an example. If I'd never had a chance to know anything different.
If there was one thing I learned from him during all my years of getting to know who he was, it was that there were so many different ways to hate. Hate was a complicated emotion just like all the others. It was never black and white.
He looked over at me sharply, and I quickly looked away. Breaking myself out of my thoughts.
"What the fuck do you keep staring at?" He barked, and I shook my head.
"Nothing." I replied, looking back out the window.
"Well, cut it out."
"Sorry." I mumbled, sighing. I put an end to that train of thought with another quick shake of my head. As busy as my mind had been since I woke up on the Cullen's couch, it felt like it was just getting harder to control the direction my thoughts went.
Jack eventually took an exit off the interstate, and I cheered in my mind. We'd been driving for hours at this point, and sitting in the same spot wasn't working for me anymore. I needed to stretch so badly. My legs and hips were screaming in cramping pain, and I'd spent the last thirty minutes fidgeting in my seat. For more than one reason.
"Please tell me wherever we're going has a bathroom." I mumbled over the sound of the truck's turn signal.
"It fucking better." He replied.
He found another gas station right off the interstate, but this one had a restaurant attached to it.
I was glad when Jack gestured me out of the truck with him this time to go in and pay for the gas. Probably because I needed the bathroom so bad. Thankfully, this place had bathrooms easily accessible. As soon as I spotted the blue restroom sign, I was waddling off.
"Don't take forever." Jack called after me. I glanced back, acknowledging him.
What I didn't realize, though, was that because of the position of the sun outside, Alice could follow me right in there. I was in a bit of a hurry, so I didn't even think to look for her. I really had to go.
She at least waited for me to get done before I even knew she was in there. I jumped when I saw her as I walked out of the stall, sighing heavily as I moved for the sink.
She didn't say anything at first, just watching me in the mirror as I washed my hands. I couldn't read her expression.
"I know." I finally mumbled, leaning down and rinsing my mouth out again. I pressed my wet hands to my face, appreciating the cool water against my skin. I wasn't sure if I was just tired, or if I was actually running a fever. Either way, though, it felt nice.
"As much as I understand," She said after another moment, "That understanding is reaching its end. It becomes an issue when you attempt to kill yourself over this."
"I'm not trying to kill myself." I replied softly, grabbing several handfuls of paper towels, and patting my face dry.
"Well, that's what you're doing." She countered, "And I thought you told Edward you wouldn't smoke anymore."
I rolled my eyes, "Does that really matter right now?"
"Yes." She replied firmly, "Smoking makes it really hard for your body to repair itself. You don't heal as well as you could."
"It's all I have anymore." I shook my head, "I can't eat.. Nothing I eat stays down. I haven't tried drinking any water, but it's probably the same. Just let me have that."
"That means you have three to five days," She told me pointedly, "At most, before-"
"That's plenty of time."
"And that's if whatever internal bleeding you have doesn't get worse." She went on as if I hadn't spoken, "One wrong breath and it can get worse. A cough, a sneeze.."
"I'm fine." I mumbled, throwing the paper towels away.
"No, you're not." She said, "Leandra, stop-"
"Let me do this." I hated the way my firm voice sounded echoing back at me in the room. It bothered me a lot to talk to her like that, but she wasn't listening. She wasn't listening, so the only option I had was to raise my voice, and hope that worked.
"Leandra, sometimes you can't change what you saw." She countered, "That's what you're not understanding."
"I can." I argued, "I can, if you'd just let me."
"We're already involved in your life." She pointed out, "It's too late to change that now. Either way, you're stuck with us. Either way, we're going to know about Jack and what he's done."
"But he won't know you." I replied, "That's the difference."
"Why is this so important?" She asked, "Leandra, I'm trying so hard to understand, but there has to be a limit."
I sighed, looking down. The least I could do was try to explain it a little clearer.
"Last time," I started quieter, "When I called Carlisle to come get me, he did. Remember.. Do you remember when I said I actually live my visions?"
"Of course." She replied gently.
"I can still feel what that was like." I said, "I can still feel what it was like running away like I did. I was so scared, but when Carlisle showed up, I knew I would be okay. He did something for me that day nobody's ever done for me, and from then on, it was like that. I guess I still feel like that. I woke up knowing what kind of people all you guys are, and.. I just.. I guess I feel like I got you all into this mess, and I need to keep you from knowing what it's like to have to run away from Jack like I did. It's the scariest thing I can think of."
She was quiet, and I could tell she understood a bit better where I was coming from. I looked down sadly, moving to step around her.
"Wait." She requested, and I hesitated, looking back at her, "Which one of us is your favorite?" That seemed like an odd question.
"I don't have a favorite." I admitted, "I care about all of you for different reasons."
"For example?"
"Umm.." I sighed, "You and Carlisle, I guess. I knew you first and you were always the one that wouldn't believe me when I tried to lie. You were always there for me, and you were always the one that wouldn't let me give up."
"And Carlisle?" She prompted, and I hesitated, looking down.
"He was the one that taught me that it was okay to trust again." I mumbled, "I mean, everyone was, but.. Like I said. He came and got me that day. He was the one that always thought about what was best for me, no matter what it was. He tried the hardest to protect me. Both times."
"What about.." She smiled a little, "Jasper?"
I could see what she was doing, but I played along. It was nice to have a conversation like this, and it gave me a chance to vent. To really explain what a few of my thoughts were.
"He was the tough one." I replied easily this time, "He was the one that tried to teach me how to protect myself. He helped me figure out why I felt the way I felt when I was having trouble figuring it out on my own. He was the one telling me things in ways nobody else would."
"And Edward?"
I paused for a moment to think, moving my hands behind me to grip the sink as I carefully leaned back against it.
"I think he tried to stay away from me." I admitted, "Not because he was mad or anything, but because he didn't want to listen in when I didn't want him to. I have a hard time picking what thoughts I have, and what ones I don't. I liked him, though. He was around less when him and Bella got married, but that's.. A pretty confusing time, because a lot changes between the two different visions kinda leading up to it." She nodded in understanding.
"Rosalie?" She prompted.
I hummed in thought, "She never really liked me that much, but I know that that's just how she is. It's not like she was really mean to me, she just didn't stick around me too much, either."
She smiled, "Emmett?"
I couldn't help smiling instantly as well. I attempted to hide it at first, but I knew she saw it, so I sighed and answered.
"He was the best brother." I said, "He likes to pretend to be nothing but tough, but.. He's not always that way. If I was sad or whatever, he'd pick me up." My smile grew sad though, before it faded, "He always promised to protect me, but in the end, it got him killed. He died trying to save me."
This was clearly not the direction she was hoping this line of questioning to go.
"And Esme.." I went on without prompting, "She did so much for me, but.. She's one of the reasons why I wanna do this so bad. She doesn't know what I know.. About what happens to her, what.. What Jack does to her, but I wanna keep it that way."
"What do you mean?" She asked, concerned.
"I can't be selfish anymore." I replied, "It's not that I don't wanna be saved, because I do. I really do. It's just.. Both times I let you save me, so much went wrong. For you guys, and for me. All because I didn't make the right choice in the beginning. I can't go back and change that choice, but I can fix it now, where I'm at." I sighed, "You don't know how much better for you it would be if I'd never met you."
She was about to reply, but she stopped herself, looking toward the door just as a loud knock came to it. It pushed open an inch.
"Hey." It was Jack, "You still in there?"
"Yeah." I immediately replied, "I'm almost done."
"Hurry it up." He said, and I looked to Alice.
"Okay." I called back, turning around and turning on the sink again. The door closed and I sighed, "It's not your choice this time, Alice. It's mine. I'm gonna do this right, even if it kills me."
"I can make it my choice." She replied sadly, "Right now, if I chose to."
"No you can't." I countered, "You-"
"Esme found your father."
"That doesn't matter." I shook my head, "Just because you know where he is doesn't mean they'll care. Something.. Went wrong when I was little. My dad didn't like me being around Jack, and pretty much thought my mom was being really stupid over it, so he took me away for three days."
"Oh." She muttered, her voice dropping in understanding.
"Yeah." I replied flatly, "Jack used that against him. He told him that if he ever tried to be in my life again, he'd press charges. Whatever that meant. So he had to get rid of his rights. He gave them to Jack. Jack adopted me when I was four. My dad has no say in what Jack wants to do with me. It's different now, remember? If anything happens to him, I go to Ken. I'm not going to Ken. I'll jump off a bridge first. O-Or I'll jump in front of a car or something. I'm not going to him."
"Calm down." She murmured, "What happened?"
"Remember those reasons I told you about earlier?" I asked, and she waited so I went on in a smaller voice, "They're not good reasons."
It took her a second to form a reply, the surprise clear in her eyes.
"And you expect me to let you-"
"It's not up to you." I argued, "But.. All I have to do is stay on Jack's good side, and he won't want to leave me there. Remember? It was the card that made him wanna leave me there last time."
She rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh just before another knock came to the door.
"Hurry it up." Jack was back to remind me.
"I've gotta go." I whispered as quietly as I could before turning for the door, "Coming." I yanked open the door, leaving Alice in there as I stepped out.
"Took you long enough." Jack grumbled, "Come on." He grabbed for my hand, which I allowed.
While I was in there, he'd obviously found us a table. Unfortunately against the window, which was clearly seen by the row of parking spots outside. He sat on one side of the table, I sat on the other. Behind Jack, outside down the row a bit, I wasn't surprised to see Carlisle's car sitting there. I couldn't see inside, but I knew he could see me easily.
I refused to let myself look outside for too long. Except for one time, and that was as Alice made it back outside to Carlisle's car. Using the shade of the building as cover. I knew they weren't leaving until we did, so I sighed.
"Here." I jumped a little as Jack placed a cup in front of me. I recognized the clear liquid inside as ice water. I looked up at him.
"I can't."
"Just drink it slow." He replied, "You probably threw up earlier because you inhaled that son-of-a-bitch." He had a point, so I tried it. I sipped a little more than it took to taste it. I winced a little as the cold of it slightly stung the inside of my mouth, but other than that, it seemed fine for now.
There really wasn't much to report on, aside from how little I ate. Mostly just a small bite here or there from whatever Jack handed me. I was fine with that. With the smaller bites, my stomach didn't react anywhere near as harshly. That gave me a little bit of hope.
Jack flirted with the waitress a little bit while I stared out the window. It annoyed me, but I didn't bother worrying about it. I had more pressing issues.
Alice and Carlisle were getting closer to being on the same page. That was concerning because at any point they could decide to call the cops. I wasn't worried about having to lie. I was more worried about losing that trust in them, as odd as it was to admit to myself.
But then I thought about it. Wouldn't being nervous about them calling be the same as losing trust in them? The problem was that none of this was as important to them as it was to me, because they didn't know. There was no way I could possibly explain right, and even if I could, they would always think they knew better. Maybe they did feel like they knew better, but I knew more.
A french fry was slid across the table at me, so I picked it up and nibbled on it.
If they really thought I was only being stubborn purely for the sake of being stubborn, they really had no hope at knowing me. I would have given anything to give up and let them make the decisions, but I really couldn't do that without knowing exactly where the consequences of that decision would take them. And me.
I couldn't live with the consequences of that. Not again. My lack of faith in them wasn't their fault, but it was something I just couldn't get passed.
Even more worrisome, however, was what waited for me at the end of this trip. Right now, I was okay, but once we got to where we were going, that would change. I'd purposefully left out that massive little detail. All Alice had asked before was whether or not Jack would lay off. He did, but nobody had really asked about Ken.
Most of my worry centered on Ken. I worried about having to face him myself, and I worried about them finding out exactly what kind of person he was. If they were tailing me all the way to California, it wouldn't take them long to figure it out.
"Hey."
I shook my head a bit as Jack took my attention.
Reaching into his light jacket pocket, he pulled out a small bottle of pills. Unscrewing the cap, he dumped out a single pill and palmed it before he screwed the top back onto the bottle.
"Here." He said, handing me the small pill, "Take this." I wanted to ask what it was, but it hadn't been an option, so I took it without an argument. He nodded a little, placing the bottle back in his jacket pocket, "If you get a little tired, don't fucking panic."
Well, at least he'd given me a heads up. It hit me fast. Whatever it was he had given me was obviously stronger than he thought, as before we even made it outside, I was nearly falling over. He caught me, thankfully, placing his arm around my shoulders, squishing me against his side and walking me, half carrying me toward the truck. Conveniently parked right next to Carlisle's car.
I didn't give that much thought. I couldn't. He pulled open the driver's side door, giving me a decent boost into the truck. I could feel myself being watched. I didn't even have enough time to look toward the shiny black car before Jack was sitting down as well.
"If you're gonna sit up here," Jack told me, slamming the door shut, "Put your seat belt on, or lay down." I wasted no time in laying down in the same position I'd woken up in that morning. He nodded a little, "That's what I thought."
I fell asleep almost as soon as we made it back onto the interstate, minutes later.
A/N: This one was kind of a mellow chapter compared to my others. (:
Don't worry, though. It'll pick up.
I'm loving reading my reviewer's thoughts! THANK YOU for your continued support! It means so much to me. (: As for the rest of my readers.. Please feel free to join the review club! It doesn't hurt, I promise. There are free cookies, and I'm working on t-shirts.
Anyhooo.. Chapter five will take about as much time as this four did. Not long at all.
Until Five, my BEAUTIFUL readers!