Chapter Four - Daybreak
Azarath remained quiet. During the days, Raven would pussyfoot around the tower, keeping her cloak falling to her feet to cover her increasingly obvious pregnancy. Most of the time, the other four were running errands or off practicing on their own.
But at night, when they all came together to watch movies or hang out or kick ass, she had to leave. Flying through the portal, she arrived at the monastery where she was raised and would participate in meditation, finally forcing herself to confront the reality of her situation. Her mother was distant, but loving, and they had spent time together for the first time in years, since Raven had left Azarath as a small child, fleeing her father.
But it was quiet. No loud rap music, no sound of T-cars being polished, no Silkie scratching at her door at night looking for a cuddle. Just Raven, her often dark thoughts, and the incessant thumping of a child inside of her that was just beginning to move.
When she came to Earth, she mainly hung out with Starfire and Cyborg. Robin was too observant. He already knew something was wrong. Raven suspected that Starfire knew as well, but the alien never questioned or pried, always happy to watch girlie movies with Raven under the full cover of blankets. And Cyborg had never cared what was wrong with Raven. And chess was the one thing that despite the vomiting, the mood swings, the terrified thoughts, she remained badass at.
She refused to look at Beast Boy. And she didn't understand why he didn't get more upset. He always offered to hang out with her, buy her pizza and go to her favorite poetry slams, and it seemed that the more she refused, the more she backed out of rooms just to get away from him, the more that he believed in her inherent goodness, that there had to be another reason. She knew secretly why he never got mad at her, but even in her most private heart, she couldn't say it.
With an aching in her soul that she couldn't explain, she missed him. His stupid jokes, his willingness to invade her personal bubble every day. The way that he had taken a demon girl with caged emotions and in one night opened her every door.
That was why she couldn't let him get close to her. She would lose him. Once the child was born – and she couldn't bring herself to think that far ahead – they'd be together. She could be herself again. But in the meantime, Raven was lonely. After everyone had gone to sleep, when she returned to her comfy, dark room and allowed her body to move, she was alone.
Never really alone, though. There were two of her now.
The alarm siren reached her in Azarath, and it was her signal that she could return home for a brief time. It happened that one day she managed to get home after a particularly long and painful meditation session, when she once again had to bear the questions of the monks who were too goddamned curious about her personal business. She scratched Silkie behind the ears and ran up to her room, where she immediately stripped of the stupid robe they made her wear over there. Her vertebrae popped one at a time as she stretched up. At six months along, the belly was finally getting uncomfortable. It went everywhere with her. She placed an absentminded hand upon her stomach and felt around. There was the head. Down by her hip today. That went she'd be able to see the kicks on the surface. Better than the baby kicking her spleen.
The communicator on her dresser beeped urgently.
"Raven? Are you home? Raven?"
She reached over and picked up. "Raven reporting."
"We need you down here," Robin said, his voice tight. "It's Cinderblock. He's not himself, something's controlling him. We're getting our asses handed to us."
"I'm sorry, I can't, I was fighting in Azarath all day. I'm actually heading back soon."
"Raven – " He was cut off with a thud and the communication stopped.
She sighed and sat down on the bed. God, she was such a terrible Titan right now. Abandoning her friends during their worst time. She didn't even know if she could use her powers, though. Every day in meditation she could feel her powers slipping down towards the baby, sucking her strength. She needed to hurry up and give birth, cause eventually she wouldn't be able to use any of her powers and –
"RAVEN!"
Starfire's voice was a scream. Raven lunged for the communicator.
"Star, what's wrong?"
"Cinderblock is…not Cinderblock!" She gasped. "We cannot win. He is too strong for the four of us. We need you."
Raven closed her eyes as her heart squeezed. "I'm so sorry, Star, I can't. I don't have the strength."
"Raven," she said, "Beast Boy is in danger."
The baby gave a powerful kick.
"Star, what – "
With a scream, her communication was severed too. Raven was left sitting on her bed, the communicator in her hand. The baby was kicking like she'd never felt before. Her entire stomach was trembling.
She looked down at the communicator. There were four small dots clustered together downtown. Three were white and healthy. One was red and in danger.
Raven narrowed her eyes.
The communicator blasted out of her hands, Starfire turned with her eyes glowing. She flew forward to punch Cinderblock in the face, but he was able to block her and move to clap her between his hands. She barely dodged, and managed to land a kick onto his chest. But as he stumbled, Starfire could only stare. When had he become so intelligent?
Cyborg came forward to blast him while he was down, rocket after rocket blasting from his shoulders. Cinderblock merely raised a hand, smart enough to keep the rockets from blinding him.
"Where did this guy get brains?" Cyborg bellowed at Starfire, but before there was an answer, Cinderblock ferociously strode forward, his massive steps rocking the city.
"Starfire!"
Robin was running forward with his hands up. She swooped down, pulled him upwards, and flew right for Cinderblock's face. With incredible agility, Robin flipped out of Starfire's hands, blasted a few freeze guns in his eyes, and then landed again in her arms as Cinderblock stumbled backward, roaring in pain.
"BEAST BOY!"
"I'm trying!" He screamed, one leg still trapped beneath falling rubble. Starfire dropped Robin off and went to help him move, but despite her alien strength and his largest animals, they could not move the pieces of apartment building that had fallen upon him.
And Cinderblock was running forward again.
"He's tryin' to crush us!" Cyborg yelled. "I can't give him anymore!"
Starfire stood and launched her most furious starbolts, but nothing fazed him. This Cinderblock was not repelled by their best efforts. The tight grip of fear grabbed Starfire's stomach. Oh, my God, was this it?
An incandescent black raven rose from the earth and engulfed Cinderblock all at once. He struggled, but in one movement, he burst from the inside out, every piece of rubble making up his body falling to the earth with rocketing thuds. As Cinderblock crumbled, a similar black wave picked up the stones on top of Beast Boy and moved it easily aside, allowing him to slide out.
Starfire went forward to help him stand and saw that he was grinning widely, his eyes searching for her. "Raven, that was awesome!"
"Yeah, girl, you really – "
The words died on Cyborg's lips.
A pregnant Raven slowly lowered herself to the ground beside them.
She'd tried to disguise it as best as she could. In a loose black top and maternity jeans, she could almost pass for overweight. But the four of them just stared. Her belly might as well have been lit up by neon lights.
For the first time in months, Starfire got a good look at Raven's face, and saw that the small changes she'd noticed finally made sense. Raven was chubbier, her cheeks and hips more filled out. Her skin was less sallow and more peachy. Her hair had gotten longer, reaching down to her shoulders. Her eyes met theirs with a strange mixture of defiance and shame.
Leave it to Robin to state the obvious.
"Raven, you're pregnant."
She gave a lopsided smile and said, "Cheers."
"There was no war in Azarath, was there?"
She tried to figure out what to do with her hands. At first she crossed them in front of her chest, but with her newly gigantic breasts, it didn't work. Then she placed her hands on the small of her back, which only made her belly stick out even more. Finally, frustrated, she stuck her hands on her hips and said, "No. There wasn't."
"Raven," Cyborg had finally found his voice, "who in the hell is the father?"
She bit her lip and stared at the ground.
"I am."
Beast Boy limped forward. Raven's eyes darted up to his and it was like the two of them had never seen each other before. Her eyes probed his face, body hunching slightly to make her seem smaller than she was. And he?
Starfire had never seen him glow like that before.
"It's mine, isn't it?" He said, drawing close. "Raven?"
"Of course it's yours," she muttered, her fingers trembling. "There's no one else."
"How long has it been?"
"Six months," she replied.
His mouth burst into a smile, his fang showing. "Oh, my God, Rae, we're going to have a baby!"
"You're not mad?" She started to straighten up.
"Mad? Holy shit, Raven." One hand slowly, hesitantly, went to rest on the top of her stomach. "I've never been more grateful in my life."
She smiled. A true, beaming smile. Standing in the middle of downtown, with rubble surrounding her, Beast Boy's hand now resting comfortably on her body, Starfire had never before seen Raven so happy.
The whole world had shifted for Raven. His eyes had given her an invitation to feel. As they all walked back to the Tower, the atmosphere around them different and strange as nobody knew what to do with Raven or her new belly, the awkwardness didn't even phase her. Just the thought that his hands, so close to hers, sparks fizzing between them, had touched her, was enough. Enough to release her.
That night, her feelings blossomed. Cyborg, convinced that waffles were nutrition enough for a pregnant girl, cooked up a massive breakfast feast, and Raven dove in with gusto. Starfire conquered her fear of the internet to begin looking at colors for the baby's room, with Beast Boy playfully chiming in that there had to be some green in there somewhere. As the day faded, Robin finally came out of his room from researching Cinderblock's sudden abilities to join them on the couch, watching some pregnant girl comedy unearthed from the DVD cabinet. The five of them laughed, Raven most of all, suddenly seeing all of her struggles over the past six months in a hilarious light. And through it all, Beast Boy's hand stayed rested on her shoulder, never pulling away.
The Tower quieted. Stars circled into the sky. Robin and Cyborg yawned and went to bed. Starfire was curious, but finally Robin grabbed her hand and gently led her upstairs. And when the Tower had finally slipped into blackness, the moonlight through the windows fell upon a gigantic green ape, carrying in his arms a beautiful sleepy girl, the two of them descending into a room with a door painted green.
She knew.
She knew as soon as she woke up, wrapped in the arms of the man who's child she was carrying, with tender dawn light falling through the windows, that this was what happiness felt like. Bubbling at her lips, making her toes curl, her fingers clutched tight to his.
No, Raven. This is love.
Oh, God, what?
She grabbed even harder at his hands and curled into him further. His body shifted to accommodate hers and their breaths evened out. She couldn't ruin this by loving him.
The baby kicked. Shut the fuck up.
"Hey."
The voice came soft at her ear.
She craned her neck and said, "Good morning, handsome."
"Well, that's something new." Beast Boy leaned over to kiss her.
"It's just the hormones. Don't get used to it."
"I don't get used to anything. You always keep me on my toes."
For some reason that made her burst out in a smile. He mirrored it, placing a hand on hers. "Raven, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything. Not wearing a condom. Not realizing what you were going through. Not being there…I just…really feel terrible that you've had to do this on your own."
His apology made her heart burn. "No, Jesus, it's not your fault. I didn't tell you."
"Why not?" He realized why not, and his eyes widened. "You thought I would leave you. Leave the Titans."
The second it was out of his mouth it sounded stupid to her own ears, but she couldn't stop herself. "I'm not stupid, B. I've seen when this happens to girls. It's a death sentence for me. I'm not the kind of girl you'd want to spend the rest of your life with." She spat out the words. "I didn't…I mean…I couldn't – the Titans couldn't do it without you."
Stupid stupid stupid! You can't even tell him how much you need him!
He silenced the voices inside her head by squeezing her hand. "Well, you don't need to worry about that. I'd never leave."
She meant to say it in her head, but it came out of her mouth. "Why not?"
"Because I love you," Beast Boy said with a smile.
The entire universe came crashing down outside the room, and Raven's stomach did a somersault.
Oh, Jesus Christ –
She slapped her hand over her mouth and scrambled out of bed, where she promptly waddled to the bathroom and vomited up two months' worth of food.
Beast Boy ran over and held back her hair, but she could feel his worry as her body was racked by purge after purge. When the massacre was over, she leaned back, wearing nothing but a bra, and Beast Boy jumped in –
"Oh, my God, are you going into labor? Do we have to call the hospital? Oh, my God, I need a camera – "
"Babies aren't born after six months, dipshit." She wiped her mouth on his green towels. "It's morning sickness. Perfectly normal."
"Wait, how often do you do that?"
"Every morning for the past half a year," she grunted.
He pulled her fevered body close. "Oh, my God, Raven, I am so fucking sorry."
His arms felt so good, so right, wrapping around her. She closed her eyes against his skin as her stomach settled down.
"How's the baby?" He whispered.
"All good. Wanna feel?"
She pulled one of his hands down to her stomach and let it rest around her belly button. It was only a moment before the baby kicked and Beast Boy jumped.
"Oh, my God, it's moving!"
"Babies do that," she laughed. "This one especially. I'm worried it's morphing in there and I'm gonna give birth to a goat or something."
"Maybe you shouldn't have fucked me."
"Too late."
He continued to move his hand all around her belly. "I can't wait to tell the other Titans!"
"What other Titans?"
"Oh, I guess we didn't tell you. Tomorrow the Titans East and everyone else who's in Jump City are gonna come over for dinner!"
Raven froze. The entire Titans team, coming over?
"I think I'm gonna be sick again."
Thanks for reading, guys! I'm so grateful to have such a fantastic fanbase. Hope you enjoyed the longer chapter, and more should be coming up soon!