As long as there is free will there will be evil in the world. But the strange irony is that as long as there is pain and suffering there will be those who put themselves aside to offer love and comfort to those who need it. I've been thinking about that ever since I saw an image of people in angel costumes with giant wings designed to shield mourners for the Orlando shooting victims from protesters. In the midst of this horrible event there was a beautiful, creative, uplifting act of affirmation and love.
Yesterday was the longest day of the year. I got up at quarter after five to a gray and dreary Monday. I stayed up to watch the season 3 premier the night before and I was cranky and tired and kicking myself for not getting my sleep. And then a few minutes before the sun crept up over the horizon, a rainbow appeared in the West. Coach waved me down and stopped me to see it. I was actually annoyed because of the interruption at first. And then I though you know, there's only so many rainbows. If I'm going to give my attention to something, shouldn't it be the good? There will always be rainstorms. Some will even cause floods. But the rainbows are there just waiting for someone to find the right angle to see them.
**Away Down The Alley, Lonnie Johnson**
Kara heaved herself to her feet as Danny began shoving his feet into a pair of boots. Her brain was playing catchup. There had definitely been a shot but she didn't hear any response. Then again, most people were still down at the party. But the floor above them housed the president's suite as well as Chandler, Jeter, and Dr. Scott's rooms. There were guards stationed at each building entrance so an intruder would either have to blend in with the staff or be one of them. She headed for the other room with Halsey glued to her leg. "Halsey, Go." She commanded and the dog moved away from her to where Danny was collecting a gun and knife from the top of the refrigerator.
"He should stay here with you." His voice was decisive and when he motioned toward her the dog swung his head in her direction, anticipating.
"No." She'd never really conflicted with him about something professional before but she supposed there was a first time for everything. "He needs to do his job, just like you do. I will be fine here." She signaled the dog to follow Danny. He pointed his snout at her questioning the direction for just one more second before trotting to the door.
Danny stared at her for a long minute, weighing the options, and then glanced to the dog. With a tight jaw he acquiesced. "Fine, there's a 9mm in the left drawer of the TV console." He tilted his head to indicate her room. "I know you can handle yourself, but lock the inner door and stay in there until I come back so I don't have to worry any more than necessary." A second later the pair ducked out into the hall.
She took the gun out, loaded it, and brought it into the inner bedroom where it was dark and felt like a completely ordinary wee morning hour after a party. She sat tensely on the side of the bed, the gun beside her under a pillow and one hand idly patting her belly. She was still barely showing but she liked to think of the baby in there, all curled up and cozy, oblivious to the turmoil going on outside.
She had been sleepy before but now adrenaline kept her awake so she looked out the windows at the city. Their room faced the river so most of what they saw was dark. So far power had only been restored to a small section of the inner city and even then, it was being conserved to reduce coal usage so that they wouldn't run out before spring. The pitch dark was unsettling at first, especially knowing there was an urban area over there. She tried to think of it as the sea but that illusion broke down every time the darkness was split by the occasional lights of a car. Somehow knowing there were people out there in the dark made it less calming and safe than the ocean.
For the first few minutes after Danny and Halsey left she heard nothing. Then there was the sound of pounding feet, shouting, and the elevators rising. A door slammed above her, then another, and she realized that they were searching rooms for someone. She closed her eyes tight and hoped Danny was being as safe as possible.
And then she felt something strange. The tinniest little flutter just under her palm. She ceased her patting and thought she must have imagined it. She hadn't felt it with her hand, just inside, like gas bubbles. But then it was there again, just below her belly button. She breathed deep, completely focused internally now, but there was nothing. She closed her eyes and spread both hands over her abdomen. Had she imagined it? She sat perfectly still and waited with each breath, willing it to happen again. Her heart was pounding. She felt it again, in a slightly different spot, but it was definitely a sensation she'd never had before. He had moved! She patted the spot and then immediately wondered if it was like tapping the glass on a fish tank. She didn't want to scare him in there. As soon as all whatever was going on was over she was going to call Dr. Scott and ask her if it really was the baby. "Hello in there." She whispered. "Mama's so excited to feel you!" She listened to footsteps coming up and down the stairs and wondered what was going on out there. She was tempted to go look but she wouldn't, not when she had Flutter to keep safe. "Don't worry. We'll be safe in here."
She didn't want to move and disrupt Flutter's groove, but she was tired and her back was hurting from the lack of support. She shuffled her feet onto the floor intent on retrieving the pillows from the other side of the bed. She figured she could sit with her back to the wall for support until Danny got back. She had just picked up the pillows when she heard the outer door open quietly. Good, he was going to be so excited even if he couldn't feel Flutter himself.
The bedroom door jiggled and then she heard a key in the lock. She froze, heart suddenly pounding. She stopped mid stride and stared toward the door in the dark. Please don't come in, please don't come in. Shit. They didn't have keys for the interior door so whoever it was must have a master. That meant they were either a hotel employee or trouble. She gripped the pillow in front of her as the door swung open quietly and a scrawny man stepped inside the swath of light from the living space. With her eyes already accustomed to the dark she saw him before he even swung his head her way. He was wearing street clothes and she didn't recognize him at all. She had no idea what was going on, but her instincts told her it was nothing good. "Drop your gun, put your hands over your head, and lay down on the floor now." Whoever it was better have a damn good reason for invading her space because she had no patience for anyone interrupting her time with Flutter.
Her voice startled him and he twisted toward her, eyes widening in shock as he found her in the dark. "Look lady, I don't want to hurt anyone, just hide out here until I can leave the building." He held his gun limply at his side but his finger was still in the trigger. She tried to stay calm but she was feeling increasingly panicked. The gun was on the other side of the room so she had nothing to protect herself with. There was a splatter of blood on his right temple and his pupils were wide in the dim light.
And then she felt Flutter again and realized that although she was scared, she was angry too. She was tired and needed to talk to Danny and this asshole was interrupting an important moment for her and she didn't have the patience to negotiate. "I said get down and I meant it." She heard a door slam on the same level and knew she only had to hold him off for a minute or so before they were here. "You can surrender now, and I'll turn you over easy-peasy, or we can wait for the dog to find you. If I were you, I'd take option 1."
He scoffed. "I'm not afraid of a dog." But he did look over his shoulder toward the outer door.
"You're not escaping the building at this point so let me help you at least keep your life." She kept her voice level and calm. The last thing she wanted was for the man to panic and do something stupid. "I can help you. I'll guarantee you will not be shot on sight if you surrender now."
The man eyed her in her uniform. The skirt, which had been covered by her jacket in public, clung to her new curves. Her white blouse strained over her newly swollen chest too. She felt the crawl of his eyes with disgust. "Oh, you are going to help me." She had a feeling she knew what his plan was. "See, the way I figure, they are going to be mighty careful with the bullets around you." He confirmed her fear. She needed to take action before he did.
"You're forgetting that once you shoot you will give away your location and there is only one way out of this room. Now for the last time, put the gun down." Her voice came out far more confident than she felt.
He tipped his face up toward the ceiling showing her a scrawny neck and a thin scruff. "I'm the one holding the gun here lady. Besides, after what I've done, you're exactly what I need to get out of this mess."
She cursed herself for not keeping the gun in hand. "I don't need to know what you've done or what the problem is. Just," She gestured toward the floor. "get down now and I can stop them from shooting you." The barking sounded farther away now. They must have come down the stairs at the end of the hall. She felt a crazy urge to giggle as Flutter brushed her gently. The incongruity between her inner thoughts and and the situation was giving her whiplash.
The man took a step toward her, gesturing her toward the closet with his gun. "How about you tell me where to find some more uniform clothes so that I can walk out of here nice and slow?" He sneered at her.
Thinking she stepped toward the of the room with the closet and dresser, and also the gun under the pillow. She really didn't want to have to shoot the guy and she especially didn't want to have any kind of hand to hand fight either. But if she could just hold him off long enough.
"Stop right there!" He spoke impatiently. "I'm not stupid enough to let you go into the closet where you could have a weapon. Tell me where to find what I need to get out of here." She heard a door bang a little closer and his grip on the gun tightened. Flutter gave her a little soft nudge. She needed to act soon.
"You want the blues on the left side of the closet." She used the excuse of looking in the closet to step forward. It was just one step to the pillow over the gun.
The man lifted his gun to point at her as he turned his back and opened the closet door. "That's close enough" At this close range, he didn't even need to aim particularly well to hit her but the time had come to take the risk. As he pulled the NBD's off a hanger she quickly stepped back, glad for the soft carpet to hide her footstep and slid her hand under the pillow.
She raised the gun to aim at him. "Now I'm saying put your gun down."
He whipped back toward her and for a moment they both stood silently. Then he boasted. "I shot that doctor woman and I won't hesitate to shoot you if I have to." Rachel? He had shot Rachel? Her stomach clenched and she knew the first glimmer of real anger then. Once Flutter was safe, she was taking him down.
"You shot Rachel Scott, The woman who worked tirelessly for months to develop the cure?" Her voice sounded wavery to her own ears but her aim never shifted. On a rational level she knew why the immunes would do such a thing but emotionally she still felt a heavy press of disbelief.
"Shot her dead and you're next if you don't lower your weapon." She felt a moment of fear because she could see in his wild eyes that he really would do it. Well Flutter, she thought to herself, I can't let that happen.
The outer door crashed. "Kara?" Danny was calling for her and Halsey was barking and scratching at the door. The man must have flipped the security bar because there was a loud thud as they tried and failed to open the door. A few louder thuds, probably Danny throwing his shoulder against the door, echoed through the hotel room.
The man turned his greasy head toward the living space slightly but his gun and gaze never wavered. "See, I'm smarter than you think. They aren't getting in here." She heard Danny call for her again and Flutter wiggled. Just a few more seconds, she told him as the door went quiet.
"You know they are going to take you out when they either get in here or you try to leave." She warned. He looked between her and the door and seemed to be weighing options. At the sound of footsteps in the outer room he thrust and arm out toward her. That was her chance. She whirled her back to the closet and squeezed just as Danny rushed in through the connecting door between their living rooms. There was a loud crash which she later registered as a gunshot and suddenly the man fell backwrd on the bed.
She stood mute as two pools of blood rapidly stained the coverlet. The strangely neat little mark on his forehead left no question that, he was dead. It's OK now Flutter. See, Mommy and Daddy will keep you safe. She dimly recognized that Danny was pulling her into his arms as she let the gun fall to the floor. "Kara, Kara are you alright? Are you hurt?" People were streaming in behind him but she didn't pay any attention.
"I'm ok but, but.." She felt a little dazed but she was fine. She put her hand on her stomach. How are you doing in there? Flutter was quiet on the matter. She looked at the dead man one more time and then out of no where felt the overwhelming urge to cry. "OhmgoshDannyitwassoawesomeandthenthatasshole, sniff, interruptedand, sniff, Idon'tknowwhyI'mcrying, sniff, therewasthisflutter and…" She stopped babbling and started bawling the biggest fattest tears she'd cried in a long time. She knew she was scaring Danny because she never lost her cool and she felt ridiculous too, but she couldn't stop herself.
Danny's brows shot up in alarm. "Are you OK? Is the baby OK? I'm so sorry. Somehow he got down the stairs…" she nodded and patted his cheek but the tears kept falling and he clearly didn't believe her because he pulled her to the other side of the adjoining door and waved over Doc Milkowski. "Kara, just tell us what's wrong." She couldn't help it. The urge to cry was so strong that when she tried to stop she started to hyperventilate.
"Flutter. Sniff, sniff, sniff." She took his hand and held it to her abdomen.
Doctor Milkowsky looked between the two of them. "Is anything really the matter Kara?" He asked in a calm voice. She was still hyperventilating but she shook her head no. Danny's grip on her relaxed a tiny fraction and she felt terribly embarrassed for crying like a baby but her emotions were doing crazy things. Doc Milkowsky patted her arm. "Just as a precaution, sit and let me check you out." She nodded, still unable to talk, and let Danny sit her on the fur couch. Milkowsky checked her vitals with quiet efficiency and then nodded to Danny. "I think every thing's fine. You're just feeling the after affects of the excitement combined with pregnancy hormones. Get some sleep and you'll feel better. If you're still feeling shaky in the morning you can send for me." She noticed he didn't say Rachel and the tears began to flow again. She sat there and clung to Danny's neck continuing to cry until she was wrung out.
Over her shoulder she felt him wave off several people who came in, including Slattery. Finally she heard Milkowski say "Two shots. One head, one heart. Either bullet would have done the job on their own." They had saved Flutter together.
Mike stuck his head in. "She alright?" She left her head on Danny's shoulder while he nodded in response. "I can wait until the morning for your briefings." He shut the door between the rooms and the hubbub of people on the other side receded to a dim murmur.
After her sniffles began to grow farther apart he asked "What is this you're trying to say about a flutter?" Danny held her cheeks and wiped tears way with his thumbs.
"I felt him. And then that fucking asshole came in and I thought it was you because he had a keycard. Then I was so disappointed because Flutter was moving and I wanted to share that with you but he had a key to the inner room and I tried to keep him from shooting me and the whole time I just wanted him to go and.."
"Breathe Kara. Breathe." He pressed their foreheads together and she closed her eyes, slowing her breathing to match his. Feeling calmer and a little foolish she pulled back so she could see his face.
"I felt the baby move for sure this time." Danny's eyes widened in delighted surprise. "Really? Where? What did it feel like? You can't possibly know how jealous I am of you right now." He grinned like a kid on Christmas morning.
She met his smile and the world seemed a little less off kilter again. Taking his hand and holding it to her she said "Right here for a bit, and then over here, and then here."
His warm touch soothed her as he smoothed her wrinkled blouse against her skin. "Is he moving now?"
She stilled and held his hand against her, head cocked as if she'd hear it. But the baby was still now. "Nope. But it was amazing. Like the softest little tickle of a bubble, where I've never felt one before."
He stared down at her belly. "And that's why we're calling him Flutter? It's not a very manly name."
She ducked her head a bit in embarrassment. "He suddenly felt like a real person and I just felt so, I don't know, connected." She wasn't going to tell him she was talking to their baby already. It wouldn't do to confirm she was going crazy before they even got married.
He slid his arms around her and pulled her up to sit on the edge of the bed. "But why cry? This is a wonderful thing." She let him shift her because she never let anyone take care of her, but for once, she wanted him to. Must be those damn hormones again. He began undoing the tiny buttons of her other cuff and her heart contracted in gratitude. She barely had the strength to hold up her arm for that.
"No, I was crying because in the middle of it all I was thinking I would call Rachel after you came back. And then the jerk told me he shot Rachel." He nodded as he motioned for her to stand and he unzipped her skirt and bent to help her step out of it. "I didn't hear a siren." He sighed and stilled. Her hand was braced against the planes of his back for balance as he lifted one foot and she felt him hang his head toward his knees. "There won't be one, will there?"
"No." His voice was hoarse with sadness and regret. While they had been living it up, a good woman had died. And the very same man who killed Rachel would have probably killed her and Flutter once he had what he needed if Danny hadn't thought to sneak through the other room.
Silently they finished undressing and crawled into bed. As soon as they pulled up the blankets Halsey heaved himself up at her feet. She was half asleep, tucked up against warm skin, wondering how long it could be before Danny could feel Flutter too, when he spoke again.
"Kara." His whisper sounded loud in the dark.
"Mmmhum." She didn't even open her eyes. He was hugging her tighter than usual, Flutter sandwiched between them, but she didn't complain.
"From now on he stays with you." Flutter brushed the underside of her ribs and she gave a tiny nod, her chin dipping against the contours of his chest. She wouldn't argue about that anymore.