Alright I'm going away for a couple of days so I thought I'd post this to get you through. Hopefully it will clear a few things up.

All We Need Is Now

Things don't stop and the others announced they're moving on
Salt and tears in the minds in the mouths of a bad decision
Too late for another mistake it's bringing me down
With all your faults it isn't your fault
What's going on

Meredith weaved through the other couples on the dance floor, meeting Will on the edge. He was her date for the evening. "Go with it" She muttered softly to him before pulling his head down so she could kiss him. As they separated Meredith scrunched her nose and made a quiet gagging noise

"That was beyond disgusting"

"Liar" Will said with a smile, swinging an arm around her shoulders as they wandered towards the table that Alex,Izzie, Callie and George occupied. "I'm irresistible, you've always wanted me"

"Not with that cocky attitude" Meredith said in disgust, slapping the back of her hand against his gut, hitting hard abs. He really was a player through and through. A pink blur came out of no where and launched itself into Meredith's arms as she bent down to catch her.

"Hello Meri, you look real pretty" The four year old said, bouncing happily in her arms.

"Thank You Tilly, you look beautiful to"

"I wanted to wear my fairy wings but daddy stole them off me and hid them"

"Boo to him" Meredith said smiling as Tilly pouted at Will who glowered back. If you looked at him, William Parker looked nothing like a father, nor did it look like he should be one. He didn't look his 32 years and with a charming grin and smoldering dark eyes, attracted women in the masses. He had been a notorious ladies man all through high school and college. Until he met Sara Bryant, who stopped him in his tracks. It was a whirlwind relationship up until the end. About a year into it Sara became pregnant and they planned to marry after the baby was born, no second thoughts or hesitation. They were in love and naïve, thought themselves invincible and didn't think about consequences. Nobody could stop them, not even the wrath of both sets of parents who waged a war to end the relationship. The only one who supported them was Meredith, who had seen the way Will would bend over backwards for Sara, something he'd never done before for any girl. They were only still testing the waters of being free from college but convinced themselves they could do it.

Sara miscarried and it was a blow to the young couple but they stuck by each other, proving to everyone, even the most doubtful, that they were in it for real. The wedding went ahead and a few years later the little stick turned blue again.

Two weeks after Tilly was born, Sara's car was hit by a SUV, drilling straight into the drivers side. The baby girl was alright, emerging with just a few scratches and bruises and a small scar for life on the palm of her hand. Will had remained shut in his room for a week, with Meredith basically living in his apartment, taking care of Tilly. When he finally showed himself he looked haunted but relapsed into his old ways, of breaking hearts and one night stands. Except now, that all came second to his role of being a father, which he took on with a fierce passion. He'd suffered loss twice but still stood strong and Meredith was in awe of him for that.

"Why were you kissing daddy? It was icky"

"It sure was" Meredith agreed with a firm nod "But daddy owes Meri so he had to go along with it"

"What does he owe you for?"

"Babysitting a little terror like you" Tilly giggled as Meredith handed her over to Will and collapsed into a chair next to Alex. The evening had hardly begun and already she was exhausted.

The afternoon had turned to night, the garden lit up by candles and soft, glowing lamps. White lanterns were strung up in the trees, adding to the warm atmosphere. Derek had heard the little girl, Tilly, describe it as fairyland and it did look like something magical. He had watched her and Meredith, puzzled about their relationship. She didn't act like her mother, more like an big sister or cousin, playing with her and swinging her around the dance floor. They didn't look a like either. Tilly had dark brown hair like her father, and her eyes were a sparkling blue-gray, a color he couldn't match to Meredith or Will. But there was something about them, how comfortable they were around the other and the obvious love for the child that Meredith had made his hopes sink to his shoes.

They were sitting at the edge of the pool that framed one side of the garden, Meredith and Izzie with there dresses hiked up and there feet dangling in the water, with Will on the edge, leaning back on the palms of his hands with Tilly sprawled asleep across his lap. The floating candles spread across the water cast a glow over Meredith's hair, turning it light and golden as it moved in and out of the light. She looked so childishly happy, grinning widely with her feet lightly splashing, not caring at all about the expensive dress on her form. On the table next to him lay a disposable camera, there was 3 on every table, ready for use. Picking it up Derek focused it on Meredith, wanting to capture the moment forever. Because scenes like that you wanted to cherish, they were fleeting, uncommon, but when they did come around they were absolutely breath taking. The only tarnish was that he wasn't sitting beside her, with his fingers curled around her own.

You only stay with me in the morning.
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

He didn't want to just sit there watching. He wanted to be in on it. Wanted to be with her, sharing these moments. It all came back to the fact that he wanted Meredith. Screw Will, Derek thought as he stood up. This was his chance and he was going to take it, husband or not.

Love. He was in love with her.

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

Meredith felt the presence behind her but didn't look around until she felt Izzie's nudge and soft touch on her shoulder. Derek was standing there looking incredibly nervous, his eyes flitting across to Will every now and then. A lump immediately formed in Meredith's throat as she gazed at him. His jacket and tie were gone, leaving him just in a crisp white shirt and black pants which his hand were buried into the pockets. The light spilled out behind him, accentuating his broad shoulders and dark hair. Even Izzie was sneaking glances.

Meredith wondered where Addison and his child were, surely they would have come with him. Thinking about his family made her anger from before rise again. Derek must have seen the change in her expression and one foot moved back slightly, shifting his body away from her. That's right, retreat, Meredith thought as her eyes narrowed at him. But Derek's eyes held a determined glint in them and the way they were firmly tracked on her was making Meredith's resolve crumble.

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

"Meredith" Derek said in a low hushed tone, making her resist the urge to shiver. Squaring his shoulders he continued with a little more confidence than before "Dance with me, please"

It was the soft pleading sound that he said the word please with that made Meredith slowly withdraw her feet from the water and rise up to her full height.

"Ok"

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

This time he held her just that little bit closer, just a little tighter but it was with the greatest care, like he was so scared he was going to break her. Like she would shatter into a million pieces. Derek knew he had already done that, broken her completely and that now she was finally fixed, was whole again. And he couldn't screw up the second time.

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

Right now, Meredith could concentrate on nothing but Derek. Last dance she had distracted herself with other things, things surrounding her. But this time it was Derek that surrounded her, his voice, his smell, his arms, his warmth…and she couldn't escape it. It was overwhelming and overpowering, leaving her light headed and giddy. She gripped his shoulder a little bit harder, stopping herself from letting it slide down and rest on his chest. Old habits die hard.

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

While Meredith had been concentrating on getting her breathing to return to normal her other hand had moved up around to the back of his neck without her noticing, her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. It caused Derek's breath to hitch and he could no longer stop himself from pulling her that final distance towards him, so that once again there bodies were melded together. The wave of emotion that hit him now that he held her this close nearly knocked Derek off his feet and he dropped his head lower so that his cheek rested against her own. She was his anchor, keeping him upright.

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

"I missed you…I've missed you every day for the past five years" Derek whispered softly into her ear. His stumble rubbed lightly against Meredith's skin and her head came forward to rest against Derek's shoulder. It became a game of who could hold onto the other tightest, clinging desperately to the other incase what they thought what happening would just melt away into nothing.

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

"I'm not…I'm not married anymore" His hand came up into Meredith's line of vision, showing that a ring no longer remained. It caused her to draw back, stepping out if his warm embrace, retreating a distance. Derek shook his head again and took a step closer "I'm not" he repeated, hoping to see her face light up with understanding but instead all he saw was her eyes filling up with tears.

"Meredith don't…" But she was turning away from him, once again running away through the other couples, away from him. But this time he went after her. "Meredith…Mer!"

She bolted around the corner of a tree and he followed. They came to a dead end, a shadowy little pocket of grass surrounded by trees and flowers, with a wooden slatted bench in the corner. It was only slightly lit, just enough to make out each others features in the darkness but nothing more. But he could still easily see the tears as they tracked down her face.

"Meredith, don't run away" Derek said defeatedly, his arms hanging limply by his side.

"What the hell Derek!" Meredith said in an chocked voice, though he caught the anger behind it "You just walk in here, tell me nice things, tell me your divorced…" A tear dripped from her chin and he watched it fall in what seemed slow motion until it disappeared into the murky darkness at their feet "What do you expect me to do!"

She stared at him hard, her bottom lip trembling slightly but Derek remained silent, scared that he would make it worse if he opened him mouth again. The music filtered through the trees, filling the silence that they had created.

Honestly,
I didn't mean to cry so hard
But the heartache was pouring in like rain
I didn't mean to show I cared

"Did you expect me to disregard everything. Welcome you back with open arms." Meredith's hand came up to wipe at the tears in vain but they continued to glisten across her smooth skin. "I haven't seen you in five years. How much have you changed? How much have I changed? We can't go back to the way it was. It's impossible, the space is to big"

"I don't want it to go back, I want to start again all together. With the flowers and the dates and the chaste first kisses. Just let me tell you my story. Because I have one…and I want to tell it. Not for your pity…just so you understand. Because I need you to understand Meredith. I need you, I need the smell of lavender, I need to see the ratty Dartmouth t-shirt in the mornings, I need your drunken tequila rants. I want that and more. I want you and everything the future holds"

All he was greeted with was a scoff of sarcastic laughter.

Honestly,
I didn't mean to laugh so loud
But it just sounds so absurd
To say that your want me, say that you need me
After everything you've done

"I'm being serious Meredith, please just listen" Derek pleaded, taking a step closer and grasping her wrist "Just listen"

Really truly,
I didn't mean to hurt you
I just thought that maybe now
We'd have better luck the second time around
It's always better the second time, I hear

"Alright, alright" Meredith retorted, tugging at her wrist in a hope he'd release it. But when he just gripped it tighter she gave up, giving into the feeling of warmth that spread up her arm at his touch.

"Ok" Derek said softly, claiming her eyes with his so that he kept her full attention "Yes I went back to New York with Addison. Yes she was pregnant. And yes I left you behind. But you asked me to. And please believe me when I say I regret listening to you that night." His fingers slipped down her wrist to interlace with her own, squeezing tightly "But New York was empty, it held nothing for me…and it doesn't anymore. I don't have a kid... Addison had a miscarriage in the seventh month. I was a mess. I had lost a child. And as much as I wanted to run back to you for comfort I had to stay. Addison was in as bad a shape as me, it would have been plain cruel to leave her so vulnerable. So I stayed. But it haunted me, I don't deal with things like that very well. I was torn up inside. I thought I was the reason, thought I had caused Addison to much stress, and that I was doing more harm than good." Derek's own eyes glassed over and Meredith's heart went out to him, her fingers wrapping tighter around his own.

"But I guess I wasn't the only one who was slowly being devoured by guilt" He sucked in a shaking breath and looked down at there entwined hands for strength. "It wasn't mine. Addison had used it as a ploy for me to stay with her. Four years she kept it a secret. I had never questioned the fact that it might not be mine …didn't think I had to. I don't think Mark knew either. Anyway, it was his. She just blurted it out one day…I met with the lawyers a week later. For the last year I've been picking up the pieces, putting myself back together. I was scattered Mer, I wasn't whole and before I saw you again I had to be complete again. I had to be strong enough to face you.

"I'm sorry Derek" Meredith said softly, realizing the last five years hadn't been a walk in the park for him either.

"You don't need to be sorry, you played no part in it." Derek stepped closer again, causing there breaths to mingle and collide " Just don't run away…ever"

Find me in the evening
When you're ready to dance
and I will take you to the places
Where you never thought you'd have a chance
To love, love
Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you

Meredith nodded mutely and her hands slid up his chest, her fingers coming up to curl around the open collar of his shirt, the top button undone from when he'd discarded his tie. They both relaxed, just letting their bodies sway to the music.

Please believe,
That I tried my best to forget you
But the memories keep flooding back like tears
I didn't mean to fall in love

"Will isn't my boyfriend" Meredith said softly into Derek's shoulder, bracing herself for when he withdrew his arms from around her and stepped back, with accusation burning deep into the clear blue orbs. But he didn't, all he did was hold her more securely, one hand playing with a strand of hair that trailed just past her shoulder blades.

"He isn't my boyfriend, he isn't my husband, he isn't anything…he's just Will"

"Just Will?" Derek asked skeptically as he pulled his head back a little to look at her. Meredith just nodded.

"Just Will…..he's just Will who was my next door neighbor when we moved to Boston. He's just Will who taught me to color with crayons instead of eat them. He's just Will who let me copy his math questions in grade 4. He's just Will who I followed to high school. He's just Will who followed me to college. He's just Will…my best friend, my brother…just Will"

"I can live with that" Derek soothed, calming her doubts that he would fly into a rage and the thought that she had used Will just to get to him, a small act of revenge "What about the little girl?"

"She's Will's, but she may as well be mine" A small smile that made Derek's pulse quicken slipped across her face as she thought about the child she'd helped raise.

"Where's her mother?"

"I'm hoping someplace better"

Sitting here just waiting for this is torture
I'm so glad you're far away
Is that a terrible thing to say?
But I wonder if you're okay

They danced in silence for a minute but for some reason Meredith needed to continue with her truthful word vomit.

"I hated you Derek. I hated how I couldn't stop thinking about you. I hated that I was always wondering what you were doing. How you were doing. If you regretted. If you thought about me. If you were in as much pain as me…if you were feeling the way I did" Meredith fiddled with the button of his shirt, using it as a distraction so she would have to look up into his face. "For a few months I really hated you. And I'm sorry that I did. It was unfair and uncalled for but I couldn't help it"

"Doesn't matter. Who cares. I want to forget and never remember what has happened since I left" Derek knew it was an impossible feat. But he liked to say it. Liked to think he could just brush everything aside and continue on like nothing had transpired.

Find me in the evening
When you're ready to dance
and I will take you to the places
Where you never thought you'd have a chance
To love, love
Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you

They had stopped their movement now and just stood, achingly close, in a breathless silence. Finally Meredith's arms moved from his shoulders to curl around his neck, pulling him closer in a desperate hug. It was an embrace that marked how long five years was. Neither had any intention of letting each other go, in case they did and the darkness swallowed them up while they grabbed at empty air. Because neither of them wanted to feel empty again. And holding each other this close and this tightly helped start to fill the void that had been created.

I will run myself in circles here without you
Oh I tried and tried
And I can't hide from your love
Darling it's too late
To show me your intentions
You know we've got to find a way
To get pass all the implications
Every situation, every complication
That we've come from
Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you

It would be alright. Everything would be alright if they just never let go of each other again. If they never let go then they could make it.

Darling love...love
Love is all we have
I will run myself in circles here without you