LFG: I'm actually astounded to how many positive comments i've had regarding this, I honestly had NO idea this would be that popoular. Reviewers; You're all so lovely and i thank you so much for the support you've shown this random, cracky piece of fic. Oh and i forgot before, I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES...I only own a slightly unhealthy obsession of it...
Elena: *Sigh*
LFG: *Glares at Elena* Problem?
Elena: Yes. You.
LFG: And you wonder why people want you dead...
Damon and Stefan: *Major death glares at LFG*
LFG: Okay okay, I'm sorry. Sheesh. Some people. Well, before I say something that's going to get me killed, lets get on with the questions! Please welcome Pretty-Tweety back to the stage!
Pretty-Tweety: *Walks onto stage*
LFG: OKAY GO!
Pretty-Tweety: You're very enthsiastic...okay...Damon this one's for you...
Damon: Again? Awesome.
Stefan: Again? Seriously? Why does everyone love him? What's he ever done? He kills people for gods sake!
LFG: *Stabs Stefan in the leg with a stake*
Elena: *Lunges at LFG*
LFG: *Bam. Brick hits Elena's head.* Oh she's unconcsious again...Shame. *Drags Elena offstage.*
Stefan: You're a twisted little bitch. *Removes stake. Starts to leave*
LFG: NO! SIT DOWN NOW! *Boom. Stake in Stefan's stomach.* This is MY show. You don't leave until i say you can!
Stefan: *Sulky face*
LFG: Thankyou. Sorry about that Pretty-Tweety, carry on...
Pretty-Tweety: *Totally not affected by the evident Stefan or Elena bashing* Damon...Have you ever had a threesome with Stefan and Katherine?
Everyone: Woah.
Damon: *Smmiiirkkkk*
Stefan: *Sees the smirk* Wait what! NO! Of course we haven't! DAMON!
LFG: *High pitched screechy voice* THE QUESTION WAS FOR DAMON! NOT YOU! NOT EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU STEFAN!
Stefan: *More sulking* It seems nothing about me.
LFG: N'aww...Schnuchums upset? Oh woe is you. Not shut up or it's more stakes for you.
Damon: Actually we haven't. But Stefan's reaction was priceless.
LFG: Okay so you haven't...But have either of you ever THOUGHT about it? *Wiggly suggestive eyebrow thing that people do when making innuendos and such*
Stefan and Damon: *Bright red*
LFG: Thought as much. *Smug face* Any more questions?
Pretty-Tweety: *Evil face* Stefan. Question for you.
Stefan: *Excited* Really? *Boom. Facade of broodiness* I mean, yeah sure whatever...Not that i care...
Pretty-Tweey: HAve you ever had a sexual dream about your brother?
Stefan: WHAT! WHAT!
Damon: That just crosses the line. It's like you humans wanna be killed mercilessly...
Stefan: NO I HAVE NOT! THAT'S SICK AND WRONG. AND WRONG AND SICK!
LFG: Woah...He gets testy doesn't he?
Pretty-Tweety: Alright, chill Steffy. my next question's for Elena...
LFG: *Looks offstage at the still unconscious Elena* That may have to wait...Come back later for that one...
Pretty-Tweety: Okaaay... *Bounds offstage.*
LFG: Now that that awkward bout of questions is over...Let's move on...Can HeartsBreakInLove come to the stage please?
HeartsBreakInLove: *Runs onstage and stands directly behind him. Shouts in his ear* I LOVE YOU! *Runs off*
Damon: OW! Fricking hell...I never thought i'd say this but, why all the love for me all of a sudden?
LFG: Just because the one you want to love you hasn't admitted it yet...
Damon: Don't. Go. There.
LFG: Ohhhhh I'm evverr sooo soorryyy...So i assume that's all from HearsBreakInLove?
HeartsBreakInLove: *Runs back on* NO! Steeffaannn...Seriously, why don't you just run off with Katherine? We all know you want to...
Stefan: I DON'T LOVE KATHERINE!
LFG: Seriously dude...chill...anyone'd thing you're PMSing.
Stefan: I'M NOT PMSING!
LFG: *Shoots Stefan with a vervain dart and knocks him unconscious* He's so shouty...It was a perfectly acceptable question... *Drags Stefan offstage*
HeartsBreakInLove: I had another question for Elena but... *Runs up to Elena* ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM! WE ALL KNOW YOU LOVE DAMON! *Kicks her in the leg. Runs away again*
LFG: I feel like my natural aggression rubbing off on others...I'm quite proud... *Looks at Damon* You seem tense Damon? Anything to do with Elena?
Damon: NO! She doesn't affect me...Course not...
LFG: Suuuurrreee...How come you're so calm recently? I expected you to blow up not Stefan...
Damon: Because i have common sense. I do not want to be staked nor poisoned with vervain. You seem like a very angry person...
LFG: Smart move...
0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: *Runs on*
LFG: You guys run a lot...Anyway, question?
0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: No...Just wanna say I'm a girl...Not a guy.
LFG: Oh right yeah...Sorry 'bout that...
0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: I suppose it's okay.., Damon, piece of advice...If the fangirls get to bad you can always knock 'em out.
Damon: Not if they're as phsyco as our crazy little hostess here...
0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: Touche. Anyway, why is Stefan abused so much? Just because he can't keep up with his brother? Unfair treatment i say...
LFG: Weelll yeaah...But it's fun...And it seems to come so naturally...
Damon: It is quite funny when he throws a hissy fit...
0oImmortalEyelineGuyo0: UNFAIR! *Runs off because the author's to lazy to think of a better verb then 'run'*
LFG: And our next question is from...Violetmuse! Yay!
Violetmuse: *Struts on sporting Damon's shirt*
Damon: Please no more glomping...
Violetmuse: *Winks at Damon* You pretend it's creepy...you love it really...
LFG: He'd love it more if you were Elena...
Damon: *Growl*
LFG: Okay i overstepped a line. Sorry. Don't kill me for it.
Violetmuse: Btw Damon...That means by the way...Just so you know...Soon i'll be your girlfriend... *Manic cackle. Runs off*
Damon: *Petrified face*
LFG: Screw steaks and vervain...You start playing up and i'm sicking HER on you. *Evil grin* Could be fun...BRB! *Returns sometime later dragging a still unconsious Stefan and Elena. Ties them to a chair each - Stefan's with vervain covered ropes*
Damon: You brought them back why?
LFG: *Shrugs* Felt like it. And our next guest is a new one, AlisaPhenom!
AlisaPhenom: *Rolls onto stage like Malfoy does in a very potter musical. Apologies to anyone who doesn't get it* DAMON! KISS ME! *Glomps Damon*
*Damon stays locked in a glomp for a while whilst everyone else just waits for it to end. By the time he's release Stefan and Elena have regained consciousness*
AlisaPhenom: Oh good they're awake...Questions! Elena...
Elena: *Looks up, scared to say anything for fear of another flying brick*
AlisaPhenom: When are you finally gonna kiss Damon?
Stefan: *Looks-like-he's-gonna-murder-someone face*
Elena: I'm not...I kiss people i love...I love Stefan...No one else...Only Stefan... *Nervous Laughter*
LFG: You're a bad liar.
AlisaPhenom: Stefan! When are you finally gonna take off your ring in sunlight?
Stefan: Well never, 'cause if i did that i'd...HEY! ARE YOU SAYING YOU WANT ME TO DIE?
AlisaPhenom: *Twiddles hair innocently* Maybe.
Stefan: If it wasn't for these damn ropes - WHICH KILL BY THE WAY - I'd...
LFG: *Smiles sweetly as she stakes Stefan's leg* No you wouldn't.
AlisaPhenom: BYE! *Rolls offstage*
LFG: *Ignoring Stefan's cries of pain* And now we welcome back Mrs-Damon-Darco-Liono-Potter...Or, because i'm to lazy to say that everytime...Mrs D!
Mrs D: *Sprints on wearing an 'I LOVE YOU DAMON' shirt*
Damon: Oh for goodness sake...This is ridiculous now...
LFG: Questions!
Mrs D: Elena...what were you thinking when you stared at Damon's bed in 'The last dance'?
Damon: *Eyes darken slightly*
Stefan: You were in his bedroom? *Snarl*
Elena: *Panicking* No..I mean yeah...I was...But it didn't mean anything I...
LFG: STOP STALLING!
Elena: Well...I...urmm...Was thinking that it looked like a comfy bed?
LFG: Trying to convince us that's what you though Elena or yourself? *Smirk*
Elena: Me..No i mean you! 'Cause that's what i thought...Nothing else i swear...WHy would i think anything else? I'm with Stefan...I love Stefan... *More nervous laughter*
*A few tense moments on stage*
LFG: Any more questions Sweetie? *Smiles at Mrs D*
Mrs D: Yeah..Stefan...When you finally gonna die and make the world a better place?
Everyone: *Omg-did-she-really-just-say-that kinda faces*
Stefan: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT ME TO DIE!
LFG: You take such offense to everything Steffy. Seriously.
Stefan: OFFENSE? EVERYONE WANTS ME TO DIE!
LFG: YEah yeah... *Makes violin hand gesture* I'm playing the worlds smallest violent for you...now shush!
Stefan: No! I Cannot believe the audacity of you pe -
LFG: *Stakes Stefan again. Note - his hands are ties so he's unable to remove the stakes* You never learn.
Mrs D: I have one more question...For my future husband...What do you think of Klaus?
*Silence*
Random audience member whispers: who's that?
*More silence*
Mrs D: DAMON! ANSWER!
Damon: Urgh. I'm not your future husband! But as it's one of the rare normal questions i'll answer...He's a prick. He threatens all our lives and the sooner he dies the better...
LFG: Yeah but he's great to look at. Talk about oooft.
Damon: *Wounded pride*
Mrs D: *DIsappears in a magical poof of smoke*
Damon: At least she's gone...Thought she was gonna kidnap me or something...
LFG: Stop moaning. She's just a girl. You're a vampire for god sake.
Damon: *Mumbles almost inaudibly* Stupid...Don't understand...Terrifying...
LFG: Anywayy...We have another new comer! Please welcome damonXelenaXforever!
damonXelenaXforever: *Somersaults onto the stage* I don't have a question as such but...Damon...You're hot...But you're an ass...
Damon: *Sigh* Your point?
damonXelenaXforever: I like it... *Winks at Damon. Somersaults offstage*
Stefan: Why does everyone love him?
LFG: You're just jealous 'cause he's clearly the better brother...
Elena: NO HE'S NOT! STEFAN IS!
LFG: Like i said Elena...Bad liar...anyway, now your awake...I'd like to welcome back Pretty-Tweety for her question for Elena...Which was delayed because Elena was so rudely unconscious.
Elena: YOU THREW A BRICK AT MY HEAD! ... AGAIN!
LFG: No one cares. Anyway...
Pretty-Tweety: *Rides in on a horse* Elena, who's better looking? Damon or Stefan?
Elena: Urr...
*Long Pause*
LFG: And the silence says it all...
Elena: No! OBVIOUSLY DAMON! NO I MEANT STEFAN! I GET NAMES MIXED UP! I MEANT STEFAN!
LFG: You're not Ross Geller. YOu can't pull off the whole 'names get muddled in my head' thing. Doesn't work.
Pretty-Tweety: Heheheh...*Evil face. Rides offstage*
LFG: Hey why din't saint steffy react to th - *Looks at Stefan who's staring after the horse* Okaayyy thennn...Strange boy...
*Long pause*
LFG: Well...Due to Stefan's apparent blood lust...That's the end of another show...Please excuse any lack of humour as i'm tired...
Damon: That explains the aggression then...
LFG: Not really. I'm always aggressive. Anyway, before you so rudely interrupted *Glares at Damon* That concludes another show, thanks to all those who asked questions, and also, thankyou to the provider of the bricks... *Smiles 'innocently' at Elena* See you next time guys!