-for once in my life, i don't have to try to BE HAPPY; when i'm with you, it just happens.-

I ended up lying in a hospital bed, all drugged up to numb the pain, and slipping in and out of consciousness. A lot of people slip into a heavy sleep while others float in a sea of drugs and no emotions.

I, on the other hand, floated in a sea of memories.

Like my first day of kindergarten, when I walked in alone, my dad being at work, screwing his assistant and my mom drowing all her worries at the bar. I felt like such an outsider here, andI was only 5 years old. It was almost as bad as being at home: I was unwanted, alone, and always scared. The only upside was that there wasn't any deafening screaming or mindnumbing fists beating down on me.

I sat alone near a corner and watched all the other kids un around and play while I stared up at the clock, begging the time to fly by.

I was scanning the room when someone acros the room caught my eye. It was the curly-haired kid on the other side of the street by the mailbox that I had seen a few days ago. He was leaning against the wall across the room, staring at the floor, his eyes still hidden behind the pair of sunglasses on his nose. I got up and crossed the room, and sat down next to him. He stared at me.

"My name is Sarah. What's yours?"

"Steven Hyde. But call me Hyde."

"OK. You live on my street, right?" He nodded.

"I think."

"Cool."

"Yeah."

I looked around the room, trying to think of something to say. Finally I asked, "Do you like it here?"

"No," he replied.

"Me either."

Yet another memory:

When we were 9 (and Jackie was 8), Eric's mom took Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Donna, Jackie, and I (basically the whole gang) to Fatso Burger on the weekend.

Donna and Jackie got salads and Cokes, while the guys and I ordered burgers and shakes. Donna and Jackie picked at their salads, while I bit into my burger, the juice running down my chin. Donna pointed and laughed at me, but Jackie wrinkled her nose in disgust. Mrs. Forman just stared but all the guys grinned goofily at me.

"Sarah, you're so cool!" Eric yelled.

"Yeah, Sarah, you're like one of the guys!" Kelso added, smiling. I blushed and Hyde smirked and rolled his eyes.

"You guys are totally gross," Jackie said.

"Ya' see? That's why we all like Sarah better than you!" Kelso cried, and I stifled a laugh.

"Michael!" Jackie shrieked and Donna, Eric, Hyde, and I practically screamed with laughter while Jackie screamed at Kelso.

But for the rest of the night, the only thing I could think about was how Kelso said that I was like one of the guys. I fit in with the girls and the guys? I had never really belonged anywhere before I met my friends, and now I fit in with everyone? What the hell? When did thst happen?

Another one:

I had just turned 12, it was 3 months after my birthday (September 12th, to be exact). It was December 18th. I was on the verge of sleep when my bedroom door creaked open and my drunken dad walked in. He sat down on the edge of my bed and gently stroked my hair. I stiffened.

"I love you, Sarah," he whispered and rolled me over to face him. My dad leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I expected him to lean back, but he let the kiss linger longer than any kiss from father to daughter should.

When he grabbed the back of my head and smashed my lips to his was when I really got scared. I struggled and tried to scream, but he was a lot stronger than me, so I was practically pinned to the bed.

I'll spare you the details and just say that my father raped me for the first time that night. After he wa finished, he gently put my shirt back on and pulled my pants back up. "I love you.." he murmured again before leaving, but it was a lie. If he really loved me, he wouldn't beat me every day. If he really loved me, he wouldn't have left my room because he was done raping me.

When I heard him plop down on the bed and snores erupted from his room, I crept out the window to the park behind my house. I trudged through the snow, wrapping my winter coat tighter around my body, shivering in the cold.

I curled up in the slide and let my frozen tears slip down my cheeks. I burrowed my face into the puffy sleeve of my heavy, brown coat and sobbed until I was empty.

"Sarah? Are you OK?" I looked up and saw Hyde standing in front of me, bracing hiimself against the snow and ice.

"Hey.. hey, man, are you crying?"

"No!" I moaned and buried my face in my coat sleeve again. I felt him sit down next to me on the slide, and put his hand on my leg.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Hyde whispered.

"M-my dad!" I cried, looking up and wiping my eyes.

"What did he do? You.. you don't look hurt.." I didn't answer. I let him figure it out. "Sarah.. he didn't.."

"Don't tell anyone," I begged. "especially not Jackie."

Hyde tried to ease the tension: "Pssh. Why would I tell Jackie anything, other than something that will get Kelso in trouble? I mean, come on, Sarah. I would think you would know me better than that." I smiled.

"Yeah. That's true." We were silent for a while.

"Hey, Sarah, you mind letting me get in there, too?" Hyde finally asked, and I shook my head, and scooted over. He climbed in next to me, and we huddled together, staring out at the whirlwind of snow.