Chapter Four:
Thoughts
POV: Bella
I walked down the stairs completely refreshed from last night. I didn't realize how early it was till I saw Charlie strapping his gun belt on. "Bella, you're up early."
"Yeah…wow. I guess I slept really well last night."
"Good." Charlie put his hands on his waist and looked around. I could tell he was uncomfortable. "Well, I'm going to the station. Then Billy and I might hang out. So you and Jacob can come here if you'd like."
"Actually, I think I'm going to spend the day alone. Maybe take a walk." Charlie shot me a glance of confusion and suspicion. I didn't even want to walk to my truck in the morning. He knew me all too well. "Well…okay. Call if you need anything." And he was out the door. At that exact moment I heard a very light clatter on the roof. Curious to see what it was, I walked outside and looked up, but nothing was there. Great. Now I'm hearing things.
Eager for a nice breakfast-something I haven't had in quite some time-I walked back in and pulled out some eggs, a frying pan, and a utensil. When I finished my eggs, I went upstairs, pulled on some old pair of jeans (ones I didn't mind ruining, keeping in mind how much I know I would fall) and a t-shirt. I grabbed my keys, and the map Jacob and I had made. I had just opened the door to get outside when I heard to phone ring. Groaning, I walked over to it and pick it up. "Hello."
"Hey Bella! You feel like cliff diving today?"
"Oh hey Jacob. I don't think today is going to work, I'm taking some…me time." The words sounded as awkward as I felt saying them. "Oh. Umm…okay." Another one who knew me too well. I never wanted me time. Not since...
"Well, I hope you enjoy your "me time"." Ah, a hint of sarcasm. It actually felt nice for a change. "Thank you, I will." I laughed and hung up.
When I got in the cab of my truck, it was surprisingly cold. Perhaps it was the fact I was about to go our meadow again or the abnormal coldness of the seat, but something triggered in my brain making me smell that same amazing smell Edward had. I felt a surge of pain. But I wanted to keep the smell in my head for as long as I could. I though I had forgotten what he smelled like, but this was so vivid. Perhaps I blocked it out. But now it was back. I was content the whole way there.
I was beginning to think this was a bad idea. I had been walking for three hours and I wasn't sure how close I was. My jeans had countless stains and rips, my hands were scraped, and I had multiple bruises. I tried my best to follow the map, and thought I was failing, until I finally reached the clearing. I looked around smiling. I could hear the trickle of the water. It was almost like heaven. It was only missing one thing…
I walked over to the middle of the clearing and laid down. It was the most relaxing thing I could imagine. I sat closing my eyes just thinking about Edward. It felt like he was glued to the back of my eyelids, because whenever I closed my eyes, I saw him. His messy bronze hair, his golden eyes smoldering, as if they were looking into my soul. I would take the worst qualities of Edward everyday, just to have him again. Of course he always annoyed me with his constant concern for my safety, (not that it was misplaced) but I would take him nagging me constantly just to see him again. I smiled.
Edward, to me, was perfect in everyway. The way he kissed me, the way he would rub his lips against my collar bone, sending me shivers. They way he brushed my hair back whenever it got in my face. All I could do was smile. I then realized I have been wasting all my time grieving over him, when I could have been celebrating what I had. Despite my sudden positive attitude, that past tense of that last though disturbed me.
I began thinking of the first time I saw him. First, I was completely dumb founded by his beauty, then confused by his cruelty towards me, then angry, then completely and utterly in love. Hmm…life is funny that way. Looking back on it all, it all seemed really funny. There I was thinking he hated me for no reason at all. But as it turned out, from the moment he laid eyes on me (or smelled me, I suppose) he was trying to protect me. Even now, when he left me, he was trying to protect me. Ha! Jokes' on him. He is the one putting me in these dangerous situations. But unfortunately, that still didn't bring him back.
After what seemed like hours of just sitting there thinking of him, I sat up and took one last look. But out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw something moving rapidly. Too rapid to be an animal. Quite honestly, it looked just like a blur. Then, realizing, I froze. It was Victoria. Laurent was right. This was it. The end.
For a brief moment things became clear. The clatter on the roof, and now the movement, I could not only see but feel. I took one last look at our meadow, and just sat there. Waiting to die.