4. I'm just me

It was lunchtime and I was sitting at the table with Kyla. You know, the dark-haired girl from earlier. She took me to my class and it turned out that we had it together. That was cool, because we spent the whole time with talking and laughing. After class, she decided to show me the school.

So here I am, with my first and only friend.

Wait. Friend?

I don't really do friends. And people don't do friends with me. In my old high school people thought I was a loser. And they were right.

The only person who didn't think that was Alex, my only friend. God, I miss him so much. I feel so empty without him. He is the only person I trust to.

I'd known Alex since kindergarten. Kids there hated me, because they thought I was weird. I still don't know why. Alex was the only kid who stood up for me. We became best friends and I loved him with all my heart. I still do, actually.

No, he wasn't my boyfriend. He never had been. We were happy together, but not as lovers. Trust me, we would have killed ourselves if he'd been my boyfriend. I mean, I do love him, but not like that. Actually, I'd never loved someone like that. Maybe that is the reason why I feel so lonely.

"Spencer? Earth to Spencer."

"Huh? What?" I noticed Kyla looking at me, amused.

"Sorry, I spaced out a little," I said apologetically.

"Yeah, I see," she smiled. She looked cute with a lollipop between her full lips, like a child.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

She sighed. "Spencer, you don't have to apologize all the time."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, what are you doing tonight?" Kyla asked, taking her lollipop out of the mouth.

"Umm…I don't know yet. I have some homework." Wait. Why she is even asking?

"Why?"

"Because I was thinking, maybe we could hang out tonight. I could introduce you to my friends. What do you think?" She stared right into my eyes.

I don't like people looking into my eyes. I have no idea why. Alright, to be honest, I do know. I feel vulnerable then. When you look right into someone's eyes, you can read them. And I don't want people to read me. They would find something that they didn't like.

I looked down at my hands. "I…uh…I'm sorry, I can't tonight. I have a lot of homework and my dad wants me home tonight." Why are you lying to her? She is just trying to be nice.

Still looking at my hands, I heard her voice. "It's okay. Maybe another time?" she asked hopefully.

I finally lifted up my head again and smiled. "Yeah, sure." Bad, bad liar.

She looked at her watch and sighed. "I have to go. My friends are waiting for me. See you tomorrow?"

My smile faded off. "Umm…yeah, see ya then."

She stood up and stared at me for a sec. She was thinking about something. Wait, is she gonna hug me?

But no, she must have changed her mind, because she just said goodbye, waved, and walked off.

Great, now I'm all alone again.

I so don't like being alone around strange people. They scare me. I looked around to see what kind of people were going to my new high school. I'd seen cheerleaders and basketball players with them at the table. Nothing new, cheerleaders were always with athletes.

I turned my head around and saw another table. Nerds. And as I saw more and more tables, I found out that this school was the same as every other high school. They labeled people.

I hate labeling people. Kids at my old high school always called me freak or nerd. But I wasn't a freak or a nerd.

I was just me. So why they didn't just let me be?