Author's Note: Just to clarify: Gothel is Mrs. Northwest.

Okay, go read now.

Bill ran through the forest, trailed by the armada and the Gleefuls. The weirdest part? The DQF had a track horse. The horse had been the downfall of half his partners in the past, some lousy stallion that the queen called "Soos."

"Find him," Pacifica whispered, dismounting. Her horse looked at her, worried. "I'll be fine. I've got Betsy," she showed him her hidden knife. The horse nodded, and began sniffing Bill out. However, he seemed to sniff right past the rock behind which Bill was hiding.

Bill himself smiled, and put a hand against what appeared to be the wall of a tall mountain… only to fall through the reeds into a tunnel. He gasped in shock, and slid down through the tunnel, until he found himself in a lovely clearing, with a beautiful tower in the middle.

"Nice," he muttered, as he tried for a foothold, and began to climb the stone tower. He entered a lovely room, and opened the satchel to see the crown. "Alone at last," he said with a smirk, only to find himself knocked to the ground by a heavy black… frying pan?

He looked up and saw a beautiful young girl staring at him in fear, before the frying pan came down once more and he was knocked out.

"Whoa," Mabel whispered as she looked at the tall blond man. He looked like an image from her fairytale book… a mix between a handsome prince and an evil thief. His blond hair curled out from beneath a tall dirty top hat, and a patch covered one of his eyes. He had a wrinkled bow tie around his neck, and a blue vest over a white shirt, and brown pants. His outfit fascinated her. She had never seen male clothing in person, only in pictures. In fact, she'd never seen a man before. This one looked very handsome, although she didn't have a wide frame of reference.

Waddles oinked around her feet. She looked closer at the man, and he moved, opening his eyes… um, eye.

"What the fu…"

Mabel screamed at knocked him out again.

"What should I do, what the hell should I do?" she asked herself. She looked around her room… her wardrobe! Of course!

Getting him in there proved to be a bit more difficult than expected, though. He kept falling out. Finally, she shoved him in quickly and pushed a chair against the door.

"Okay, Waddles, I have a person in my closet… I have a person in my closet…" suddenly she looked very excited. "I have a person in my closet!" She twirled around the frying pan. "Just wait until Mama sees this!"

"Mabel!" Gothel called from the window.

"And it looks like I won't have to wait after all!"

She tossed her hair down, and hauled Gothel up. "I have a big surprise for you," Gothel said as she entered the tower.

"Me too," Mabel smiled.

"I bet my surprise is bigger!" Gothel said with a smile.

"I seriously doubt it," Mabel beamed. "It's about the thing…"

"I brought parsnips!" Gothel smiled. "I'm making Hazelnut soup, your favorite! Surprise!"

"Thanks, Mama, but there's something I really do want to tell you. See, I've been thinking a lot about what you said earlier, and…"

"I hope you're not still talking about the stars," Gothel said with a sigh.

"Um, I'm leading up to that, yes," Mabel said. "You see, I know you think I'm not strong enough to handle myself…"

"Sweetheart, I know you're not," Gothel said.

"Um, well, if you'd just…" Mabel approached the wardrobe.

"Mabel, we are done talking about this," Gothel said, a hint of anger tingeing her voice.

"Trust me, I-"

"Mabel."

"-know what I'm-"

"Mabel!"

"Oh, come on, Mama," Mabel begged.

"Enough! YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS TOWER! EVER!" Gothel exploded in a rage. Mabel jumped back, tears in her eyes. Gothel sighed and sat down. "And now I'm the villain."

"I was just saying… I know what I want for my birthday," Mabel improvised.

"Yes?"

"Um… new yarn? The shimmering kind, like what you brought me once, and I made that blue sweater out of?"

"That's a long trip. Will you be alright by yourself for three days?"

"I'm safe as long as I'm here, right?" Mabel pointed out.

"Then I'll be back in three days."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Mabel squealed, springing up to hug Gothel, who smiled and hugged her back.

"I love you very much, dearest," Gothel said as she left.

"I love you more," Mabel said with a soft grin.

"I love you most," Gothel replied as she slipped through the tunnel.

Mabel waited until she could be sure Gothel was gone, and got to work on her escape plan.

Bill woke up and found himself tied to a chair.

"AHH!" he shouted. "What…? What is this? Is this… hair?" He looked around at the hair that seemed to be draped over every available surface.

"Mine," a girl's voice said. "So, what's up with the eye patch thingy? Are you a pirate?" her voice sounded excited. Then, "Focus, Mabel." The last was whispered, presumably to herself.

"What? I'm not a pirate, I lost an eye when I was a kid," Bill corrected her.

"Oh. That no as fun as I was hoping," she said. "Who are you and how the hell did you find me?" Mabel? asked.

"Um…" Bill wondered what kind of flirting would work on this girl. Poetry? "I know not who you are, nor how our paths did cross, but might I say that your beauty puts the moon to shame…" she just looked confused now.

"What?"

"Um… hey. How's it going? The name's Bill Cipher, king of the lowlifes, scum, and losers of this kingdom."

"Who else knows where I am?" Mabel asked nervously.

"Nobody, okay, kid?"

"Mabel," she corrected.

"So that is your name then. Okay, so I was in a situation, and I came to your tower and… okay! Where is my satchel?"

"The brown bag?" Mabel asked. "Oh. I hid it. You'll never find it."

Bill looked around. "It's in that pot, isn't it?"

Boy, this chick sure did dig hitting him in the head with a frying pan, didn't she?

When he came to, he groaned. "Quit that, okay?"

"Now it's hidden," she said. "Okay, so let's do this thing. What exactly do you want with my hair?"

"Pardon?" Bill asked, now completely nonplussed.

"Do you want to cut it? Sell it?"

"No, why would I care about some chick's hair? I just want my satchel, and I'll be on my way!"

"You don't want my hair?" she asked.

"No! Look, I was being chased by an evil queen, I saw a tower, climbed it, and I wouldn't have done that if I'd known I would be bashed in the head over and over by an insane… hot, but insane… chick!"

"But you do want your satchel," she clarified.

"Yes!"

She smiled, with a hint of cruelty. "Okay, Bill Cipher, I think we can cut a deal…"