Decisions and Desires
Chapter 4
Matt Dillon had left Kitty's room all riled up. He had never been that angry with her before and didn't know what came over him. All the same, he couldn't go back now. Come to think of it he had been yelling at a lot of people lately, including Doc who had been pestering him to drop by the office. Then there was Jonas who didn't have the right ammunition for his Henry rifle. Those kinds of things didn't usually upset him so much, but recently he just felt irritable and short tempered.
He knew there was no way he was going to get any sleep in his present mood so decided he would saddle his horse and set off towards the Nations. The outlaws he was to track had last been on Comanche land in the southwestern part of the territory. It was also where tribes from the Apache and Kiowa lived. None of them had reason to be friendly to a white lawman. Maybe he should have asked Quint to come along, but the blacksmith was someone else he had lost his temper with recently. He couldn't even remember what the argument had been about now, but at the time he just felt angry at everyone.
Right now all he wanted was to put Dodge City behind him. He didn't know why. He had never felt like this before, but he was pleased to be leaving, and the fewer people he met on the way the better.
That had been last night. He had headed south and ridden until it was too dark to see before stopping for a few hours. He rested a little but didn't sleep, at least he tried not to. There were visions that would come into his head if he closed his eyes for too long. Five people dead, one of them a young boy who breathed his last holding Dillon's hand. A whole family wiped out. He had to accept responsibility for their deaths and the scene haunted his mind. Eventually the images cleared, and he came to enough to realize he was soaked in sweat. Trying to shake off the effects of the night, he made a pot of coffee and drank two cups before being able to head out once more just as the first rays of dawn light were crossing the horizon to his left.
It was still well before noon when he began to feel rivers of sweat running down his back. The last of the summer heat must be getting to him. He removed his hat to wipe the moisture from his forehead before it ran into his eyes. There was a small creek ahead and he decided to stop for a while so his horse could drink, and he could splash the cold water on his own face. Maybe that would help keep those visions from coming back. The water turned out to be slightly warm but it did revive him a little, and the horse seemed to appreciate it.
He continued his ride until the sun was high in the sky. There wasn't much shade available. One small patch of tangled trees by the water was about all there was to see so he turned the buckskin towards it. Maybe both of them should rest a little during the hottest part of the day. They could continue later in the afternoon and ride on into the night. He untacked his horse and used the saddle for a back rest, clasping his hands behind his head. Dillon never really slept while he was on the trail, but over the years had learned to relax for a while to conserve his energy. Usually a half hour would keep him going for many miles.
He pulled his hat over his eyes, just to block out the glare of the sun for a few minutes. Strangely, he could hear someone coming towards him. He could see a woman in a dark blue riding skirt topped with a white shirt. As she came towards him he could see her red hair. She didn't talk to him, just stood there looking at him like she was considering something.
He called to her, "Kitty you shouldn't be out here alone!"
He watched as she moved around. Sometimes she would turn and walk away from him, but she would keep coming back. He begged her to come and sit by him, but she took no notice. He thought he could see a tear running down her cheek, he wanted to go to her but couldn't move.
"Kitty," he called again, "I didn't mean to hurt you, I don't know what came over me. I'll be back soon and everything will be fine. You know how it is. I've told you before."
She didn't seem to hear him. Finally she kept walking into the distance until he could no longer see her.
He had tried calling her name and as he did so he opened his eyes and pushed the hat back on his head. The daylight was almost gone. He must have been asleep — that had never happened to him before. It had seemed so real but he knew it wasn't. Kitty had been a vision in a dream, just like the other visions he'd been having. He managed to get to his feet and walk unsteadily to the stream. He pulled the old red bandana from his pocket and soaked it in the water before wiping it over his face and neck. Sweat was pouring from his forehead and for a few minutes he wondered if he had the strength to get up and go saddle the buckskin. He soaked the rag once more and squeezed it out on the back of his neck, letting the cool water run down his back beneath his shirt. It helped a little and with much effort he managed to stand.
Kitty stayed on his mind. He had seen her plain as day, but he knew she was not out here. Did it mean anything? Had something happened to her?
Somehow he gathered enough strength to get up on his horse and head south once more. He had a lot of time to make up because he must have slept for five or six hours. He had to admit he didn't feel that refreshed. In fact, his head hurt and all he really wanted was to lie down and sleep some more. At one point he had to catch himself. He had been leaning forward over the horse's neck and almost fell to the ground.
Using all his concentration he was able to keep heading south, but as time went on he knew something was wrong. He couldn't keep himself from falling asleep and he thought he had developed a fever. Doc had been on at him for the day or so he had been in Dodge, telling him he looked sick. Matt of course had denied it, just putting it down to the heavy work load he had carried for the previous three months and not having Chester to help him, but maybe Doc had been right.
He knew he couldn't stay seated on the horse much longer and looked around for a place to rest for a while. It was totally dark now and the only light came from a gibbous moon hanging in the sky to his right. The whole landscape consisted of light and dark shadows, his mind could not sort them out. He urged the horse forward, intending to camp at the next sheltered place he could find. For a moment he had no idea where he was, maybe Dodge City was just ahead. Kitty would be expecting him, maybe he could just sleep for a while until he felt a little stronger then he could make it home.
Home was a strange word. Did he have a home? A place of comfort and peace? A place where he could feel safe. Yes, it was just ahead, a few more miles and… there was thud that jarred his whole body and knocked all the air out of his lungs. Somewhere in the dark corners of his mind there was the realization that he had fallen from his horse. He was lying on the ground. He had to get up….but it was easier just to lie here. Water, he needed water, he needed to unsaddle the buckskin. He tried to force his body to move, there was pain but he pushed that aside and finally managed to stand. He found himself leaning heavily against the horse, holding tightly to the saddle horn, just trying to stay on his feet until his head cleared. Water would help.
With clumsy fingers he at last got the lid off of the canteen and took a swallow. He stood there a minute more, knowing that he had to find shelter, somewhere he could be safe for a while so he could sleep. He tried getting back into the saddle but didn't have the strength to swing himself up there. He settled instead for walking alongside the animal, one arm slung over its neck. His eyes would not cooperate, he couldn't focus. He chided himself to work harder at it. He couldn't stop out here in the open. He needed to make it just a little further. If he could find those killers he could head home. Home to Kitty. Home to where someone could make him feel better.
He stumbled to the ground again. Maybe he should just unsaddle the buckskin and turn him loose. No need for them both to die out here. People were coming towards him. There was shouting, then laughter. He was being dragged to his feet. Someone slapped him across the face. For a moment it cleared his head. There were three men standing in front of him, the faces were familiar. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind there as a wanted poster that matched them. He needed to arrest them, but they had taken his gun.
They pushed him up onto his horse so that he was lying across the saddle. They were moving, he should do something but it was too late. Darkness and pain filled his mind.
TBC