WARNING: This chapter contains the darkest (in my opinion) flashback so far. I wasn't even planning on making it this bad when I started writing it. Aside from murder, there is also an incident of rape in this chapter, so if this causes any problems, you might want to skip the entire flashback just to be safe. I'm going to be upping the rating on this fic to M because of it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Legends of Tomorrow. Or Arrow.

WORD COUNT: 1652

"Out of suffering can emerge the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." – Kahlil Gibran

Wednesday, May 14th, 2014

They're everywhere. Masked men with impossible strength running around, destroying and killing everything and everyone they can get their hands on. The streets are filled with chaos, and it's all Ray can do to think straight and try and find somewhere safe. Anna is terrified, gripping his hand so tightly that her engagement ring is cutting into his hand.

They're hiding behind an abandoned car with smoke pouring out from under the hood, courtesy of the huge dent in it. Ray checks to see if the coast is clear; when he thinks it's safe, he whispers to Anna: "Come on, let's go."

They make a dash to a door across the street, praying it's unlocked and somewhere safe to hide, when Ray is hit by something rushing at him on his left side. He's lifted off his feet, Anna's hand being wrenched from his, and lands on the ground hard. He looks up, trying to get his breath back, and sees one of the masked men standing over his fiancée.

"Anna!" He grabs a conveniently located piece of pipe and charges, desperate to do something. The monster looks back up as he approaches, and actually chuckles as he easily catches the pipe with one hand and Ray's throat with the other. Ray can't breathe as he gets lifted off his feet. Then he's thrown down, feeling what may be the breaking of bones as he hits the sidewalk, and then something comes crashing down on his leg, and he knows the bone has been broken. Then there's the blow to the head, and everything goes black.

When he wakes up, some unknown time later, it's to a horrifying, heart-wrenching scream.

"RAY!"

He forces his eyes open, and immediately wishes he hadn't. The man – no, the monster – has picked Anna up off the ground and shoved her against the wall, but that's not the worst part. He's rhythmically thrusting his body against hers as she screams and cries. Ray thinks he might even be hearing her bones break.

"Anna!" Ray croaks, trying to push himself up, even though his leg is causing him more pain than he's ever experienced. He tries a step forward, but his vision goes black again, and the next thing he knows, his face is smacking into the gritty sidewalk. But he pushes himself back up, determined to get to her. He has to protect her. He has to protect the woman he loves. But he's reduced to crawling along the ground, until he's almost close enough to grab the monster by the ankle.

The monster seems to be finished by that time. Looking down at him, Ray can imagine he's grinning triumphantly behind the mask.

Then he looks back at Anna and grabs her head in both hands, and twists. With a sickening crack, he snaps her neck, and lets her drop beside Ray.

Her eyes are still open, one final tear running down her cheek. But he can still hear her voice.

"Why didn't you save me?"

Anna, I'm so sorry.

"I thought you loved me."

I do, I love you so much.

"Then why? Why am I dead?"

Saturday, June 2nd, 2046, 12:48am

NIGHT SEVEN ON THE WAVERIDER

"Anna…"

"Dr. Palmer?"

"Anna!"

"Raymond!"

"ANNA!"

"WAKE UP!"

With an inarticulate scream, Ray bolted upright, nearly crashing into the person leaning over him and shaking him.

"Raymond!" the person said, "Raymond, look at me!"

It took a while, but eventually his eyes found Professor Stein's face. His glasses were missing and his hair was mussed, like he just rolled out of bed. But Ray barely noticed this. His mind was still screaming 'AnnaAnnaAnna'.

"Good, now I need you take deep breaths with me, alright? Like this."

Not knowing what else to do, Ray followed the instructions he was being given, breathing in and out slowly, and soon he could think again. He was in his room, on the Waverider, and Anna had died a long time ago.

He and the Professor were also not alone. The door to his room was open, and literally entire team was standing in the doorway, staring at him with varying degrees of concern. "Ray?" Kendra asked hesitantly, "Are you alright?"

Embarrassed to be caught like this in front of everyone, Ray stammered: "Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Mick didn't linger, grunting and presumably going back to his room. Snart left next, though he gave Ray a look in which, if this weren't Snart, the scientist wouldn't think he was imagining the touch of actual concern he saw. The rest stayed, until the Professor turned to them. "Why don't you all go back to bed?" One by one, the others left; first Rip, then Jax, then Kendra, and finally Sara, who looked like she knew exactly what he'd been dreaming about. Given that she'd been present during the Siege, and could possibly have heard about Anna from the other members of Team Arrow, it was likely that she did.

Stein didn't follow them out. Instead, he pulled Ray's desk chair over and took a seat.

"I'm fine, Professor, really," Ray protested, "You don't have to-"

"I was expecting this, Raymond," Stein began, cutting Ray off, "after what you've experienced tonight, and what you and Ms. Lance had to relive."

Ray scrubbed his hand over his face. "What are you talking about?" But of course, he knew exactly what the Professor was talking about.

"Raymond, we were just in a Star City that had been run over and destroyed by Grant Wilson. Given that you and Ms. Lance were both witness to the original Siege led by his father, Slade Wilson, it's only natural that those memories would be brought back to the surface."

Ray shuddered, drawing the blankets around himself. "I know, I know, it's just… I kept hearing her, asking me why I didn't save her. Even after she was dead."

The Professor sighed. "I thought it might be something like that. Do you know how many dreams I've had, in which Ronald needed my help, and I was unable to save him?" He huffed a sad-sounding half-laugh. "It's a rhetorical question, of course. Even I have lost count. But I keep Ronald's memory close to me, a reminder of what's at stake. And I use it to move forward." The Professor paused again, seeming hesitant. "Tell me, do you know what motivated Slade Wilson to attack Starling City in the first place?"

Ray shook his head. He only knew that the madman had a vendetta against Oliver for something that happened on Lian Yu. Upon hearing it, Ray had been angry at Oliver, for all of a minute. Then he'd let it go, because he knew that his friend hadn't intended to cause the Siege, that there had been no way of knowing, back when he'd done whatever he'd done, that it would lead to so much death and destruction.

"It was grief, Raymond. I did some research on the Siege through Gideon, after hearing about you and Anna. Mr. Wilson had fallen in love, and blamed Oliver Queen for the woman's death. Love and grief were what led to the tragedy. And perhaps guilt, at being unable to save her. What little Sara has told me of him from before his beloved's death paints a completely different picture, one of a good man who wouldn't let his comrades face danger alone. Between his loss and some sort of drug he was influenced by, it warped him. Changed him, into the monster who would cause so many more other tragic losses."

Ray frowned. "What are you getting at?"

"The difference, Dr. Palmer, between you and Slade Wilson. Wilson took his grief and used it to create more, to make others suffer just as he did. You, Raymond, did the opposite. You built your A.T.O.M. Suit to help save lives, and prevent others from suffering what you have. …Perhaps you were unable to save Anna, but that night was the catalyst that has allowed you to save countless others, and I believe she would be proud of you."

Ray thought about that. Anna had always been so encouraging of him, of his ideas to help make the world a better place. He'd continued to do that with PalmerTech after she'd died, to honour her memory, but his belief in that had taken a hit when he'd come back from the 'dead' to find all his efforts in ruin, his company in the red and his previous achievements already forgotten.

The Professor must have decided his work was done, because he gave Ray a comforting pat on the shoulder and stood up to leave. But there was just one little thing Ray had to ask him. "Professor? When you said you did your research on the Siege, was it just on Grant Wilson, or…"

Stein shook his head. "I did not pry into your personal files, Raymond, I assure you." Thankfully, he didn't seem offended by the question.

Ray was just glad the older scientist didn't look at Anna's file. What that monster had done before killing her couldn't exactly be called a secret – the coroner who did the autopsy, the people who investigated the crime, and everyone at the monster's trial knew what else Ray had failed to protect her from. But that didn't mean he liked to share that with anyone else.

Yeah... I wasn't even planning on adding the rape element when I started writing this, but considering Slade used a bunch of convicted criminals to build his army, I can imagine that that happened at some point during the Siege. Sorry Ray and Anna!

Next week's is Sara, so that one's going to be pretty bad, too.