Surprisingly, Denmark was not a horrible house-guest.
No, he did the cooking, and every morning, the first thing he did was make a pot of coffee for Norway. Actually, it was like living with a house wife. A very loud, idiotic house wife, but still, Norway could not complain about the quality of food or coffee.
Also, Denmark had settled down relatively quickly after signing the papers. Then again, Norway had slipped some blood pressure pills into the Dane's beer after he had refused to take them.
While sipping his coffee, Norway made some calls to the rest of his family. It had been a rare occasion when Norway called a Nordic Council meeting; Denmark usually did that. However, Denmark was no longer in charge.
So, in the afternoon, all five Nordic's met in Norway's house for a council meeting.
Sweden and Finland arrived together. Both looked pale, wan. Their eyes were sunken and rimmed with dark shadows. They were too proud to ask for help with their economies.
Iceland arrived shortly after. He, too, looked ill. Not as ill as Finland, but it did bother Norway to see his little brother like that.
They all sat around a big, rectangular table. Norway sat at the head; Denmark was to his left. Sweden sat to Norway's right, with Finland next to him. Iceland sat next to Denmark.
"How is everybody today?" Norway asked when they were all seated.
"Well, Norway, we've all been better." Finland, for some reason, was rather fidgety.
"Th' 'c'n'my 'sn't v'ry good." (1)
Finland glared at Sweden.
"Tourism has gone down," Iceland murmured sleepily.
"I have a proposition for you. Denmark brought its possibility to me."
Finland began cursing loudly in Finnish.
"Excuse me?" Norway asked. He looked down the table at Finland, only to see that his nose had explosively begun to bleed.
Sweden dug some tissues from his pocket and handed them over. Finland used them to stop his nosebleed. Surprisingly, it did not take long.
"'m bery sowry," he muttered, his nose plugged up to such a degree that had the not known (or been) Sweden, they would have had no idea what he was saying. (2)
"Is the inflation so bad?" Norway asked.
Finland nodded. "Ids zo bad dat da goberment iz nod baying for health care adybore." (3)
"So I see."
"'re ye 'lr'ght, w'fe?" (4)
"Ib nod yer wife!" (5)
"'E's 'lr'ght," Sweden said to Norway. (6)
"Why did you make us come all the way to Oslo? Travel isn't exactly cheap now," Iceland said.
"Little Brother, how are you faring?"
"Tourism is down. Inflation is up. Much like the rest of Europe."
"Except for me!" Denmark shouted.
"How iz id dat yo do nod have infladion, Denmarg?" (7)
"He signed up to be my colony."
"'E wh't?" (8)
"He's my colony now. Well, province, but anyway, he belongs to me."
"Kingy, Norway," Finland muttered Who knew that a sweet, delicate flower like that could be such an ass? (9)
Norway ignored him. "If you become a colony, I will stop inflation and return things to a somewhat normal state."
"No!" the three non-signatories shouted.
"Fine. But my offer still stands. Kroner, at least, are backed up with gold. I can wait."
Norway did not have to wait long.
Three days later, Finland showed up, a pen in one hand, a box of tissues in the other. After probably setting a record for most nosebleeds in a three-day period (23, to be exact), he was fed up.
"Norway, please help me."
"Of course. Come into my house."
Norway waited near the door way while Finland removed his shoes. " How are things in your house?"
Finland shook his head. "Not well. The euro is completely worthless, and the housing market collapsed this morning. Russia's been visiting also."
Norway helped Finland up. He did look like he was not doing well -the Finn was far too pale, too thin, too weak.
"The papers are in my study."
Though Norway's study was not far, he still had to help Finland, as he was unsteady on his feet.
Within minutes, though, the papers had been signed, and he began looking better. Norway offered him a few blood pressure pills. "Your economy will not be fixed right away; it doesn't work like that. In the meantime, these will help with your explosive nosebleeds."
"Thank you, Norway. I'll try to be a good colony." Finland still seemed fidgety. Norway could guess the reason for his nervousness.
"I will treat you far better than we ever were. That I promise you. May I offer you some coffee?"
"Actually, do you have any vodka?"
Norway sighed and pulled a bottle out of his desk drawer. "Knock yourself out -figuratively, of course."
"Kiitos."
That afternoon, Iceland also paid a visit to Norway.
He, too, was frail-looking, though he had not been subject to explosive nosebleeds.
It did not take long for Norway to have him seated in his study. "Little Brother-" he began, only to have Iceland cut him off.
"This is making none of the senses!"
Norway raised an eyebrow and calmly sipped his coffee.
"Why are you trying to take over?"
"Say it."
"Say what?"
"Stop procrastinating."
"No."
"Say it or I won't help you."
"I don't need your help."
"Then why are you here, Little Brother?"
"Fine. I. Need. Your. Help."
"Say it."
"…Big Brother."
Norway smiled. "So, the terms…" he began as he pulled a stack of papers out of his desk.
Within minutes, Norway had yet another new colony.
Early the next morning, Norway woke up the sound of his cell phone ringing.
He answered it sleepily. Seriously, who called this early?
Apparently, Sweden did. "Good m'rnin', N'rway." (10)
"Why are you calling this early?" Norway was rather grumpy. He was not a morning person, and it was still pitch black outside.
"F'nl'nd's 't yer h'se?" (11)
"…Ja…"
"'ll b' th're 'n 'n h'ur." (12)
"What? Sweden?" But it was too late; Sweden had already hung up.
Still not entirely awake himself yet, Norway woke Denmark up and sent him to the kitchen to make coffee.
After the coffee was done, Norway took his first sip of the morning and began explaining the situation to Denmark.
"Wait. Sweden's coming here? Why?"
"Finland, I assume."
"Do you know what he wants?"
"He hung up before I could ask him."
"Typical Swede."
"Hm."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, Denmark getting more and more fidgety as time went on.
"Norge?"
"Hm?"
"If Sweden joins us, it will be like the Kalmar Union."
"Yes, except that I lead this time."
"Ja…I hope it turns out better."
"Ja."
Half an hour later, Sweden showed up on Norway's doorstep. "Wh're's m' w'fe?" (13)
"He's sleeping…it's only 5:15…"
Sweden shrugged and shouldered his way into the house.
"Norge…?"
"Sweden? What are you doing?"
Sweden glared at Norway. "'m joinin' yer union." (14)
"I'll get the paperwork…"
"'t's t' 'rly fer p'p'rw'rk." (15)
What.
A/N: Say what you will about Russia, Sweden is way scarier. Also, so you know what is happening:
(1) "The economy isn't very good."
(2) "I'm very sorry."
(3) "It's so bad that the government is not paying for health care anymore."
(4) "Are you alright, wife?"
(5) "I'm not your wife!"
(6) "He's alright."
(7) "How is it that you do not have inflation, Denmark?"
(8) "He what?"
(9) "Kinky, Norway."
(10) "Good morning, Norway."
(11) "Finland's at your house?"
(12) "I'll be there in an hour."
(13) "Where's my wife?"
(14) "I'm joining your union."
(15) "It's too early for paperwork."