Doing All The Things That Wouldn't Make Your Parents Proud
Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Today's song is "Doing All The Things That Wouldn't Make Your Parents Proud" by The Pains of Being Pure at Heart.
BPOV
After disembarking from the ferry, I drove aimlessly for hours, unsure of where exactly I wanted to go. Finally, exasperated by my indecision, I pulled out a piece of paper and made a list of all the locations Jasper and I had discussed.
Deciding to be democratic, I tore the paper into strips and dropped them into one of the knit caps Alice had packed for me. I shook the bag slightly before squeezing my eyes shut, biting my lip, and pulling out my new destination.
With a sigh of trepidation I opened one eye and then the other as I slowly unraveled the crumpled strip of paper in my hand. Not bad, I thought as I read my new destination, this could be interesting. What better place to go walkabout than in the outback? Australia would be perfect.
I turned my key in the ignition and headed for LAX. It was disappointing to think that I was going to have to leave my baby behind but I really didn't have the desire to arrange for my car's transport. Instead, I would leave her in long term parking and hope for the best. Sure LAX wasn't the closest airport, not by a long shot, but I was in no real hurry. I reasoned that I needed the time to come up with a clear plan on where to stay and I also needed to do some serious hunting before I spent any more time around humans.
As I sped along under the merciless Californian sun I contemplated my destination while silently thanking Alice all the while for being the one to choose which car I would take. If it had been up to me I would have taken my Jeep without much thought and been forced to seek shelter during the day since the windows weren't tinted. My Corvette had darkly tinted windows that made daytime travel possible.
I had made a quick pit stop in Yosemite to hunt. It was a risky maneuver knowing that this time of year was prime camping season but the monster within me wouldn't be silenced. Its need for sustenance was far too overwhelming to be ignored for long.
I did what I could to distance myself from anywhere humans might tread in an effort to preserve their lives. There would be no guarantees that my hunt would go smoothly but I figured if I got out of control it was better to happen on the preserve. There it would be written off as a random animal attack and would be far less suspicious than the alternative which would likely require the purposeful crashing of a large aircraft in an effort to cover up the gruesome mass murder that would have undoubtedly taken place within.
Luckily, I was able to hunt without incident but meanwhile, a growing part of me was tempted to just say to hell with this charade and just give into my true nature. I am a vampire for crying out loud, I was made to hunt and kill and not animals either. We are designed to hunt humans not animals. It went against our very nature to live the way I had for so long.
Never had I partaken in feeding off of human blood and I really wondered what harm it would do to try it. Carlisle always felt like our dietary choice allowed us to become more civilized and form deeper bonds but I was fairly certain I had thoroughly shot that theory to shit. There was no way I could become any less like the humans we struggled so hard to hide amongst. These days I was anything but civilized and as for forming bonds, well only time would tell.
The more I thought about it the more I convinced myself that maybe I did want to be a monster. It'd be a hell of a lot easier than trying to constantly fight my true nature and quell my inner demon, that's for damn sure.
As I neared the glaring lights of Los Angeles I also encountered the infamous California traffic. I became jumpier and jumpier with each passing second. Minutes seemed to stretch into eternity as I neared my escape to temporary sanctuary. I became more and more frustrated as time wore on.
"Oh for fucks sake!" I cried angrily while laying heavily on the horn with one hand and gesturing rudely out the window to the rude mother fucker who had dared to cut me off. "You're lucky there's so many fucking witnesses around otherwise I wouldn't think twice about ripping you useless fucking head from your god damned body and using it for a soccer ball," I shouted at the retreating taillights.
Fucking Aztecs, I thought. They had the right idea. Kill the losers and use their severed heads for toys, definitely my kind of people. As soon as the thought passed, the quickly fading part of me that was once Bella Cullen cringed internally, disgusted by the brutality of my thoughts.
"Ha", I laughed aloud like a crazy person, if only the Cullens could see me now.
When I finally reached LAX I pulled into the long term parking and convinced the attendant, with the help of a bribe and a not so subtle threat to his manhood, to take special care of my baby. I had already called ahead to the airline and made reservations so once I passed the security checkpoint and boarded my flight I was on my way.
Breathing recycled air polluted by the noxious scents radiating off my traveling companions was not my cup of tea. Nor was the banal banter they insisted in engaging in while in my presence. I had to force myself to sit still, to behave like one of them for hours on end and it was no easy task. I had to lock down my muscles and cease breathing to keep from pouncing. Uncomfortable!
My inner demon was screaming for nourishment and I was seriously considering just giving in and throwing all caution to the wind. Surely I could lure one lonely passenger away and have my fun without too much trouble right?
Wrong. I sighed audibly in frustration. I knew if I allowed myself one taste I would go wild and decimate the entire lot of them, alerting the media and in turn causing the Cullens to come and haul me off. No I needed to get to where they couldn't find me. Alice's visions may be blocked but there was no need to draw unwanted attention. Besides, what fun is there in shooting fish in a barrel?
When I finally disembarked in Perth, Australia it was with a sigh of relief. Being stuck in a small metal tube had made me feel like a caged animal, a feeling I vowed never to repeat. I longed for freedom and I refused to be subjected to the claustrophobia of containment ever again. Before leaving the airport I quickly placed the bag Alice had packed in a long term rental locker, there would be no need for it where I was going.
As I passed through the automatic doors, I was pleased to discover that night had descended on the continent whilst I had been air born, making travel so much easier. I decided to forgo a rental car as I planned to leave all trappings of civilized humanity behind for as long as possible. I knew my time would eventually be cut short by my promise to return in time for Jasper's wedding and I intended to have as much fun as I could in that small amount of time.
After leaving the hustle and bustle of the city behind I allowed my vampiric nature to shine through as my legs began to move rapidly beneath me. In no time at all I was deep in the heart of Western Australia headed for Rudall River National Park. Not only would it allow me a place to let the demon loose, it would also provide an excellent hunting ground for prey of both the quadrupedal and bipedal nature.
Yes, I had decided to just let go and hunt the way I was intended. I wasn't necessarily going to actively seek out humans to feed from but I had made a decision to just let the chips fall where they may. If I ended up feeding from a human then so be it, I wasn't going to fight against it anymore. Besides, it's not like there was anyone for me to disappoint anymore anyway. Jake was dead, the pack was a mess, the Cullens were disgusted by me, and Edward well he had his new toy now. There was no one left for me to disappoint or alienate so what the hell right?
As I passed into the national park I shed my jacket and shoes. There would be no need for human pretenses here. As I straightened back up I sucked in a deep breath, tasting the rich cornucopia of flavors that had alighted upon my senses. The air was so fresh and alive it made my skin tingle. I was surrounded by hot blooded life just waiting to be sampled.
Letting loose a guttural snarl I shifted my body into a more advantageous hunting stance. I felt my muscles coil ready to strike, to rip and tear and taste. I was nature's ultimate killing machine, a predator, nothing more. I took one more deep breath, located my prey and let myself fly.
I lay upon the sun baked earth looking up at the stars for the first time in what felt like millennia. I had hunted nonstop for weeks, draining animals both large and small. Tonight was the first time in days I had stopped my constant hunt for any period of time.
As I stared at the heavens I could just feel the fires of my memories, my conscious, my Bellaness begin to lick at my mind. I was about to allow myself a short trip down memory lane when I caught the warm rich scent of something delicious. Humans.
Instantly I was on alert. Every nerve ending in my body was tingling as the tantalizing scent washed over me. My eyes rolled back in my head as the ecstasy of the warm decadence poured over me. Never had I craved anything so badly.
Before I knew what was happening I was moving swiftly through the darkness toward my prey. In the distance I could see bulky shape of a tent as well as the flickering light from a campfire. From the smell I could tell that there were two humans apparently camping deep in the outback. It couldn't be more perfect. Human hikers went missing all the time out here, killed by pitfalls, snakes, and exposure. Clean up would be a snap and no one would suspect a thing.
I continued to move stealthily toward my prey all the while planning my attack. There was a large male sitting by the dying embers of the campfire while the other human was in the tent, sleeping by the sounds of it. The big one would be the first to go. I would snap his neck and drag him away before the other human even knew he was gone. Then I would return to the one in the tent and finish the hunt.
As I crept closer I couldn't help the low growl that escaped me. The human looked around in surprise, looking for the animal that had made such a noise. Instantly I dropped to the ground and froze, I didn't want a struggle on my hands. The human continued to look around and after not finding anything he moved to sit again.
I quickly jumped back up and prepared myself to pounce and administer the killing blow to my prey when I heard the distinct sound of a zipper as the flap of the tent opened. I paid it no heed, I would simply have to change my attack plan. I was suddenly frozen in place by the voice that wafted out from within.
"Daddy?" a little girl called as she emerged from the tent rubbing her sleep laden eyes. She had to be no more than seven years old. It was obvious that she was a wild sleeper as her long brown hair was in such a state of disarray that it looked like a haystack atop her head. She was dressed in a small nightgown with a picture of a unicorn emblazoned on the front and in her tiny hand she carried her teddy bear.
"Yes sweetheart?" her father responded before scooping her up in his arms and setting her upon his lap.
"What was that noise I heard? It scared me and Mr. Teddy," she mumbled sleepily into her father's shoulder while clutching her careworn teddy bear closer.
"It was just an animal," he replied while lovingly smoothing her hair, "nothing to worry about."
"Promise it won't hurt me?" she asked with a yawn, her eyes drooping further as sleep strove to claim her once again.
"I promise," he whispered against her forehead. "So long as I am here nothing will ever hurt you."
"I love you Daddy," the little girl mumbled before drifting off once again into the sweet sleep of the innocent.
"I love you too baby," her father whispered while cradling her lovingly in his arms and placing her back in the tent, "more than anything." He whispered.
I still crouched, frozen, just outside of the light cast by the dying campfire. I couldn't move towards or away from the humans. I felt a sob rise inside of me and suddenly I regained control of my extremities. Faster than I have ever moved before I turned and bolted deep into the wilderness, far from the tantalizingly sweet scent of the humans I had almost murdered.
As I ran I felt a fundamental shift within me. No longer was my inner demon screaming inside my head demanding blood. It was instead replaced by the screaming of my conscious. It wasn't long before I began to scream along with it. I was repulsed by the crime I had almost committed, the murder that had barely been averted. To kill a child, an innocent, that was the most unforgivable sin.
I ran and ran until my screaming stopped and the sobs overtook me. I curled up against a large boulder and sobbed out all the grief and hurt. I cried for the humans whose lives I had almost snuffed out without a second thought. I cried for my family, for all the hurt I had brought them. I cried for the pack, for the loneliness the must be feeling. And lastly I cried for myself, for what had happened to me. The trauma of losing so much so brutally over and over again had affected me deep inside. I was like a soldier coming back from a brutal war, it was impossible for me not to be affected somehow. I accepted that and I wanted to heal. But to do that I needed help, I needed support, and I needed to be loved. I had to go home.
My observation of the humans had offered me a clarity I had so desperately needed. No longer did I suffer from the delusion that my family didn't love me. Of course they loved me. They always had and always would love me no matter what I did. I was just too blinded by my own pain to see it. As for Edward, Jasper might be right, he may still love me or he may not but that was no reason to run from my family and abandon everything I hold dear. I was stronger than that.
As the sun rose so did I. It was time for me to keep my promise to Jasper and return in time to see him marry his soul mate. I didn't lie to myself. I knew that going back was going to be hard. Hell it would be damn near impossible but I was willing to try, to get better. I knew there would be setbacks and times when I wanted to give up but I was determined to overcome my demons and be happy again.
I scanned the horizon again, silently thanking the land I had ruthlessly hunted for the clarity and perspective I needed to come back to myself again before turning and running back to where I had hidden my shoes and jacket weeks prior. I was going to leave my bag in storage, choosing instead to swim back to America. I would have preferred something faster but there was no way I was climbing willingly back into the metal cage they call airplanes anytime soon. I didn't do well in captivity.
I closed my eyes one more time when I sensed a large presence swiftly approaching. Suddenly a scent I knew very well crashed over me in waves and I wanted to be sick. I threw up my shield and began to run. I had to get away. I had to get to the salt lake as quickly as possible, it wasn't as good as the ocean but it was large enough to lose my pursuers long enough to make it to safety. It was my only chance for escape. I felt the impact as several bodies crash into my shield and I pushed myself to run faster. Sure I could stop and hide behind my shield but my flight instinct had kicked in and I was glad. There was no way my delicate psyche could deal with the hellhounds that were nipping at my heels.
Suddenly I was met with an unfamiliar large vampire with dark skin and dreadlocks. I didn't bother trying to avoid him, relying on my shield to knock him out of my way before he could get too near me. I was so busy concentrating on pushing myself forward faster that when my shield failed to knock the strange vampire out of my way I didn't notice until I was caught up in his arms.
I struggled, terrified fighting with everything I had. I managed to break free from his hold thanks to the many self defense lessons Jasper and Emmett had given me. I regained my footing and took off running again only to come crashing violently back down to the dusty earth as my pursuers leapt on my back and brought me down. I lay on the ground shaking under the pile of vampires as the voice and scent that had plagued my waking nightmares for centuries assaulted my senses.
"Uh… baby", the voice moaned deeply. "You don't know how long I've waited for you."
/
Okay so this took me an extraordinarily long time but in my defense I was working 16 hour days at a residential summer camp in the Pennsylvania mountains and I had absolutely no internet connection 99.5% of the time and my writing time was non-existent. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will be updating soon!
XOXO,
Bellarella