SHADOWS
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Part 04
Discover Me
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He would never utter it out loud, but a part of him wished for her to discover him.
To find who he was, to unveil his deepest secrets, to help him dissipate the burdens that asphyxiated him of air so very cruelly he could hardly stand it.
It was a wish, a foreign desire born from unknown means and conceived at an unknown time.
...It was a wish he wanted but couldn't succumb to.
He knew this too, but somehow, he had ended up here, in the forest, surrounded by familiar trees, (tall witnesses of his and her many encounters through a year of their lives,) seeking her out.
The blanket of darkness had yet to ascend and disappear under the light of dawn, but already, he had blindly made his way to this part of the woods, – (where they had shared silence, words, and simple company,) –hoping in a place deep in his heart for her to be illogically there, present, waiting for him, for a return he himself never thought would actually occur.
Heh. Selfish.
Yes, he was being selfish, selfish for the second time in his life, the first incited also because of her and for the mere satisfaction of listening to her grievous lullabies that tended to pierce his heart in a manner never expected.
Again, that girl was making him want to reach for selfish desires that weren't supposed to even exist.
Selfish.
It was a very ugly word with a very complex meaning.
Whether socially and morally incorrect, he found that he lacked the ability to properly care about such things.
Uchiha Itachi didn't care anymore, not here...not now, not at all.
This was his last chance to see her round face, observe her owl-like eyes, hear her soft and crystalline voice ring uniquely in his ears.
One last and hopeless chance...a chance an individual covered in dark blood like him had no right in having.
"Save...me..."
The sane part of his brain – or what was left of it, – was informing him, screaming at him, that his desperate crave was pointless, meaningless, an utterly desperate and unreachable dream.
The little Hyuuga girl wouldn't be there; she couldn't be. Not at this hour, not in this night, a night that would be forever remembered in history as the Uchiha Massacre for everybody living in the Village Hidden in the Leaf and the Shinobi world.
Although the innocent ivory eyes of hers had taken over a portion of his thoughts, the trauma of killing the Uchiha clan bore heavily on his shoulders.
And it hurt.
His chest was being torn apart by invisible claws that caused him unbelievable torment and brewed him a personal hell in which the fires burned so hot the atmosphere felt unimaginably icy.
Was this the beginning of his punishment? If so, Itachi deigned it too lenient, despite the madness it presented him.
He deserved to live in the blackest and most horrifying layer of hell ever created and be enchained by the abyss.
He deserved to be castigated for what he'd just done and nothing would ever make up for that.
His Clan...his Mother...his Father...
Sasuke.
Itachi's eyes shut tightly in pain, the accumulated tears in him spilling down his ashen cheeks.
Hadn't he lost the will to speak properly, Itachi would have gone directly to the Hyuuga compound and ordered (begged) the little Hyuuga girl to shatter him, to break him completely, to crush his bones, to stop his beating heart with a single soft strike of her petite palm...to get rid of this crushing pain for him.
To save him from the haunting phantoms that were his committed crimes.
...it was such a laughable concept.
No one could save him. Not anymore.
And...
His teeth bit hard on his bottom lip.
...he was unworthy of salvation.
"..ve me..."
It was too late for that sort of redemption, and fate, however unpredictable, was nothing short of a harsh judge, Itachi knew this.
Fate would not present him with peace, would never bring him contentment again.
Fate was indeed very cruel.
The older Uchiha brother distantly thought that things could have turned worse.
What if he had been forced to kill Sasuke too? What then?
The pressure of his teeth finally broke through the tender skin of his lips in a swift and slicing motion. Blood did not take long to drip down his chin.
He wouldn't have done it, murdered Sasuke. He wouldn't have...not for the Village Hidden in the Leaves, not for anything or anyone else.
Itachi loved his little brother above the world's possessions and riches and all of the glory to have ever come to be comprehended by shinobi and men.
His throat was invaded with a bitter and coppery flavor as hot blood flowed into his mouth.
Blood. More blood, this time finally his.
There was so much Uchiha blood everywhere already, running through the streets, raining on the grass-blades of the yards, tainting the water red and pink in the nearby ponds.
He was bathed with dark crimson, his clothes wet and heavy; he was covered with his kin's vital substance.
It made him sick.
"Save me," he gasped painfully, his words belying his thoughts of no deliverance. "S-somebody, – save me."
The taste of metal overtook every one of his senses, clouding his vision so intensely that the form of the little Hyuuga girl in front of him (he'd disregarded her until now) blurred to the point in which she became nothing but a dark figure with no distinctive shape.
Wait...Hyuuga?
Itachi's weighted footsteps halted suddenly.
Even among his despondent circumstances, he knew who she was, he recognized her small body and the way her moonstone-like eyes shone in the surrounding black canvas of the night; they were twin beacons of light and radiance illuminating his dark and sinful world.
Slowly but surely, his feet set in motion once again, his eyes sorely on hers, his mouth parted slightly for very needed gulps of air.
He was like a moth attracted by the gentle, warm flames of her being, the taste of her white innocence (so pure, so strong, so yearned), and the opportunity of her soothing presence.
Finding her there –seemingly waiting for him at that hour of darkness and in their familiar spot,– was shocking, like a slap of winter wind across his mask-less face, fascinating like the galaxies spreading over the heavens, and strongly gratifying like a glass of water in the middle of the desert.
The once crushing burden of the world lightened – if just a little – with her in front of him.
Meanwhile, wide opal eyes hinted with apprehension regarded him in muted and still silence. Though her face displayed her fear at the unknown character and her brain demanded to put space between the freshly arrived individual and her, her feet remained stuck to the ground, the loud orders in her mind disobeyed as she returned his fixed gaze.
Her training came to mind, long hours of painful and agonizing practice, and her hands raised in front of her. Before she could perform the set of hand signs for the Byakugan, the stranger before her crumbled – because there was no other word to describe how he descended – to the forest floor, making her hesitate.
Her eyes traveled to the place onto which he now occupied, not knowing what to say, or what to do.
Running was definitely an option, but she wasn't sure that means of action would work. He could easily trap her if she tried to get away, but she was fast and small, not an easy target to grasp. The way he moved, exhausted and sluggish, hinted at a good chance of escaping, too.
Staying put and finding whether or not he would harm her was another strategy, albeit one she did not like and most likely could not afford.
In the end, the second of her alternatives chose itself.
A small noise escaped Hinata's lips when the clouds in the sky parted and silvery moonlight finally showered his trembling form.
The teenager boy with hair as dark as a raven, skin pale as white clay, and clad in the uniform all ANBU wore, raised his head, and faced her. A porcelain mask with an undistinguished design hung from his neck to his chest, forlornly unused, the slits for the eyes dark and mysterious, almost predatory in their deep vacancy.
Emptiness and death were all she could read in that face marred with lines that should have never belonged on a person so young, and those two things, both of which were sadly not unfamiliar, had never scared her as much as they did that night or filled her with such intense sadness.
"...Hyuuga."
Whether the voicing of her surname resounding quietly through the woods or the instantly recognized hoarse voice that spoke it made her gasp was unclear.
"ANBU-ku –" she stopped herself, her arm outstretched as if to reach him.
In that moment, the world as she knew it ceased to make sense and took a turn she never pre-saw. Her eyes opened gradually to their fullest, her heart beat faster inside her ribs, her breath got snared somewhere in her lungs, and her brain processed her situation.
The boy before her...couldn't possibly be ANBU-kun, could it? Though they shared the same distinctive voice, the height, body build, and hair color did not match.
His face and factions touched Hinata's memories, but she failed to pinpoint his name.
However, she was sure she had encountered him once with her classmate Sasuke-san after school. The event had been long ago, but parts of her memory still recalled it as if it'd been last week, maybe because she'd never seen Sasuke look so pleased until this older boy arrived. Maybe that was what made it so memorable, or the fact that she wished that Hanabi would look at her like that again, the way Sasuke looked at that admirable figure.
For a reason Hinata couldn't understand, her adorable baby sister had stopped the childish antic of dragging her to the her room to play.
Hanabi was becoming cold, and Hinata dreaded that she would become a stoic member of the Main House of the Hyuuga soon.
Hinata's reaching arm paused in coming closer. "A-Are you really...?" Him.
Doubt and hope battled one another for dominance. Dread joined the fray and her arm went lax.
Recognizing her emotions in the way she held herself, he nodded slowly at her trailed-off question, not trusting his vocal cords to add in reassurance, 'It is I.'
As if the single motion had granted her some unofficial permission, Hinata ventured closer. "I-I'm glad," she whispered. "You never showed up anymore and I-I thought you- I thought you were...g-gone."
I thought you were dead.
Tears she wished had not made an appearance rolled down her round cheeks. "I-I was so worried," she confessed so softly it was hard to say if he heard her, her hands tightening into fists to suppress the urge of embracing him.
Embarrassed at her display of weakness (her Father would have surely scolded her), she wiped her face as best as she could before looking at him again.
Now...those dark eyes of the older boy in front of her stared with unveiled relief (at seeing her?) and something else she could not name.
No one had ever looked at her in such a way, and for a moment, Hinata was spellbound by that consuming gaze, her surroundings vanishing one by one until there was nothing but his own two pools of charcoal left.
The darkness of the pre-dawn failed to dull her light eyes. Instead of becoming dim in the blackness, they continue to glimmer like two full moons in a December solstice, beckoning anyone who dared to approach with a gentle, if hypnotic, pull.
Hinata might have continued to correspond his scrutiny save for the blood dripping from his lips that startled her.
Without thinking and leaving it to mere instinct, she touched his chin.
"Y-you are bleeding –"
The male's breath hitched. "Don't –"
But it was too late; Hinata had by then already took hold of him. Pulling away from her in his haste to avoid her resulted into a disastrous idea that caused the small Hinata to stumble and fall on his chest and hang on to his shirt sleeves...sleeves that were soaked in Uchiha blood.
"Oh –! I'm sorry, ANBU-kun," she began. "D-did I hurt you?" Here, she halted, feeling the odd sensation of wetness on her hands, dripping from her fingers, and running down the side of her face, all of which areas that had come into contact with him.
Eh?
Her young mind had to take a moment to realize what it was.
Was this...?
"B-blood."
With a sense of urgent panic, she glanced him over, checking for any injuries not covered by his clothes, because wounds had to be the source of the substance that now stained her ivory flesh.
Witnessing her alarm, he spoke. "It is not mine."
His tone would have been completely neutral if not for the worry she expressed. Instead, he sounded consoling and calm, things he did not feel at the moment and knew beforehand he would never feel again.
He was unworthy of such sentiments. Nonetheless, he found himself secretly wanting her to fuss over him, to bring him solace and care, if for the last time.
"ANBU-kun...what happened?" Despite knowing that he bore no physical damage, there had to be an explication for his state. And before...before, when she first encountered him on his way towards her, he'd be murmuring, calling, pleading for salvation.
Her uneasiness increased. There was something very wrong, something he knew but she didn't.
His eyes, which had held her to him since his arrival, were heavy with untold sorrow, miserable in every aspect of the word. She couldn't see clearly (what with the absence of light), otherwise, she would have perceived the redness of his whites and the puffiness of his lids.
Her inquiry spiked the gloomy atmosphere, and with a heart that weighed more than he could possibly imagine, he shook his head in response.
Hinata quickly understood that whatever had transpired outside of her knowledge was not up for discussion. Her lips turned down in a frown, although one of concern for him.
"Would you..."
She looked at him cautiously.
"Would you sign, for me?"
Her mouth parted in slight surprise, only to close in a soft smile at the usual request. "Mhm."
The boy closed his eyes and laid down properly on his side, facing away from her and staring at the darkness that spread endlessly beyond.
"Do you have anything in mind, ANBU-kun?" she questioned quietly.
Silence for a moment. Then, "Lullabies."
It was always lullabies, she knew. Asking had been just for mere politeness and in case...in case he felt so dejected he wished for something new.
Cleaning her throat softly, Hinata sat a pair of feet away from him and looked at the full moon thoughtfully in the otherwise starless sky and then back at him.
"Cherry blossoms gracefully bloom o'er the fields that lie,
High up is the castle wall, where have warriors gone?
Where is the moonlight that brightly shone up high,
Shone upon the warriors who drained the glasses dry?
White frost o'er the autumn camps freezing the whole night,
Flocks of wild geese cry and pass just below the moon.
Where is the moonlight that might have shone so bright,
Shone upon the warriors' swords gleaming through the night?
Oh, the moon is rising high in the depths of night,
Silent is the ruined site lying on the ground,
Ivies creep o'er the gate in the cold moonlight,
Rustling are the pine trees through the windy night."
As her vision focused, she caught the shaking of his shoulders.
"To rise and fall is people's fate, the moon shines so bright,
Looking down upon the world lying far below,
How sublime the moonlight o'er the ruined site,
How I love the moon that shines in the depths of night!"
As she finished with the last note, she closed the distance between them and settled her hands on his head, her fingers delicately pressing against his hair, her gaze deserting him for the sole purpose of not making him feel watched and giving him as much privacy as she could.
"Ne, ANBU-kun..." she whispered very softly. "You can cry. I-I won't tell anyone."
Itachi's expression of disbelief and surprise were not seen by her.
You can cry.
But could he? Could he really? Did he deserve to mourn, if just for a little while, before he was forced to reenter his reality and leave the village as planned by the Third Hokage, him, and the mysterious Uchiha shinobi that had aided him in exterminating his clan?
Though his mind wondered, his tears did not.
They simply ran downwards, pulled by gravity, pain, and sorrow.
He slowly buried his face on the lap of the girl with violet hair and timid eyes, and finally wept when she repeated, "Cry."
Had anybody told him that he would ever shed tears, or that she would sustain him, he would have brushed those claims instantly off.
Her, support him both physically and mentally? She was but a child.
Yes, a child...She was so small, so very fragile-looking, yet...so strong in soul.
"Cry," she said again. "Cry, cry, cry."
And so he did.
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A/N: Moonlight on the Ruined Castle does not belong to me. It is a traditional Japanese children lullaby. I kinda thought it fit the setting (plus I think it's mournful and somber and I looove it).
It's been a while, eh? *sigh. Life happened and well, I hope to be back soon.
Thank you: lookingforEmile, Juri. DP, clementine's hat, Chise, ChibiChikyn, ILoveHinata, Chiisai-chan97, Guest, Tamani, kandita, Sabie0521, pangpond, xHinaLovex, Kibachow, Yazie567, and aurora0914. As for the question you all have: I have a knack for angsty, painful stories...but I love happy endings, no matter how complicated things have to become in order to obtain such endings. What seems impossible now may be possible later.
I'm glad to see you guys reviewing and sending me very needed feedback :) I can't wait for the next chapter, which shall be up next week. Nightmares will be up by either Tuesday or Thursday.
Next chapter: Part 05: Forgive Me
If you are curious enough to know, the next chapter deals with...well, if you want to know, P.M or state it in your review and I will promptly reply back. I don't want to write it here and spoil it for the rest who do not wish to know.
-6.21.15