Unexpectedly Close To The Edge
Set 3 years after Vampire Knight Guilty, however, certain enemies aren't as dead as they were thought to be.
~{}~ signifies a change in time or perspective
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, these awesome characters do not belong to me in any way. They belong to Matsuri Hino. I just stole them and put them to use for my own sick mind ;)
Summary: Yuki's death brings the two former enemies Zero and Kaname closer than they ever expected to be. As the two of them - both broken in their own way - struggle to pick up a life again, will they cope by putting each other together again?
Rated M: mature emotions, rape, violence, M/M lemon (seriously, rated M for good reason!)
Chapter 4: A Cruel Symmetry
"You want one, too?" Zero muttered, trying to be polite.
After holding each other for a long time, sleep had claimed them both rather swiftly. Kuran's exhausted pureblood body had given out after not having properly rested for over three weeks, ever since Yuki - and therefore, he, too - had been in agony. Emptied of tears and yet filled with grief he had nodded off in Zero's arms. Slightly taken aback, the hunter had placed him on his own bed - since there was no other place to sleep in his small room. The minute the pureblood had fallen asleep a sudden quiet had engulfed his mind. The instant lack of incessant background noise in his thoughts had startled him. It was a painful reminder of how closely they were connected now. It didn't help to know that it was basically his fault for offering the pureblood to drink, thereby creating the bond in the first place. All in all, he just didn't want to think about that.
The silence had been so peaceful. A few stray emotions that were all his own had wound their way through his thoughts here and there, but everything else - everything confusing - was thankfully quiet. His mind relished that peace. And although his intent had been to remain awake and not give in to sleep with a vampire in his room, he had ended up nodding off in his armchair anyway.
His mind may have been at peace briefly, but his body desperately needed to rest. Simultaneously training and hunting took its toll - even on a hunter of the Kiryu bloodline. Yagari was the one who insisted on Zero taking at least one day off a week. And his body would claim every ounce of sleep it could get at those times. Zero preferred it that way - when he was tired he didn't think too much about Yuki, he didn't think too much about Ichiru, he didn't think too much, period. And sometimes, when he was really, really exhausted, he'd even be spared having his nightmares.
Unfortunately, last night he hadn't been that lucky. Panting, he had woken up, bathed in cold sweat with images of his brother refusing to leave his mind. He was still seeing Ichiru bleeding to death on the cold stone floor and calling out to him. He shivered as he pushed the thoughts away. Sleeping curled up in his armchair without a blanket or wearing a t-shirt had done nothing to keep him warm. Neither had that dream. He stretched his limbs, cursing at the resulting cramp.
It was late afternoon - very early morning for vampires. Most active hunters adhered to a nightly schedule as well. Zero was most useful at night anyway, when he could see better than all of the other hunters. Daylight didn't hurt him, but his skin and eyes were more sensitive of it nonetheless. Luckily it was a rainy, gray day outside, so there was hardly any daylight to speak of anyway, even though the hunter hadn't closed the drapes. Angry at himself for falling asleep, leaving himself vulnerable to a pureblood vampire in his room, he looked over to where said pureblood still lay in peaceful slumber. Looking at him like this, remembering him from the night before - one might almost think him to be the completely harmless, good vampire angel Yuki had always claimed him to be.
Zero shook his head - for him, there was no forgetting this was Kuran, the prince of all vampires. Kuran – not Kaname. This was the leech who had humiliated him, ridiculed him – the one to whom he was nothing but a pawn, useful for his schemes to protect his sister. The one for whom he was nothing but a Level D. He was supposed to loathe the pureblood for using him. Every hunter part of his body was telling him so. He was supposed to rejoice at his weakness and spite him.
But he just didn't care.
Both of them were monsters - just at different levels.
The truth of the matter was that he was a Level D vampire. Even to himself he had to admit that was all he was. His hunter heritage gave him something to do, some form of purpose - but it didn't change what he was.
It doesn't matter.
So he didn't hate the bastard. He tried coming to terms with that. But having him here it didn't put him in a good mood, either. It wasn't the fact that Kuran was supposed to be his enemy and was currently sleeping in his bed - while he himself was not - that annoyed him so much. Admittedly, it was irksome but it didn't really fluster him. Sheets could be changed. Or disposed of. Or burned…
No. The thing that annoyed him most was the fact that memories of his life at Cross Academy were coming back to him with full vengeance after he spent so much energy on keeping them locked away. And he'd almost been successful. But now it was all back. All in all it put him in a rather grumpy mood.
Be that as it may, he needed answers about this stupid bond. And then he wanted the vampire out of here so he could go on with his life. Or whatever was left of it.
The hunter grimaced - he wouldn't be getting any sleep anymore. He never did after waking from his nightmares unless he drugged himself. And that certainly wasn't an option with a pureblood vampire around. It was too late in the day for that anyway. In a few hours he'd be going to work again. Besides, he was freezing cold. Normally, he would shower to get warm again. But he would wait until the pureblood left. Hopefully, he added to himself. At least, he'd washed the blood off of himself last night. But he could still smell the pureblood's dried blood on Kuran from where he'd clawed at him and bitten him a few hours ago. Zero clenched his teeth. He'd been doing fine until Kuran showed up. What was wrong with him now? He knew he had better control than this, he could feel his eyes were tainted red - they would always burn when that happened.
If it had something to do with this stupid bond… he wouldn't dwell on it, he told himself as he forced the red color to recede from his eyes. Instead, he decided to find a sweatshirt and make some tea. At least it would be warm. He had no kitchen in his apartment, but he did have a water boiler and teabags.
It would do.
~{}~
Woken by the sound of boiling water, Kaname opened his eyes to a gloomy day. He briefly wondered why he hadn't closed the drapes, when he took in the scent all around him. It was Zero's. After tasting his exquisite blood last night, he'd recognize that scent anywhere. He raised an eyebrow. He was in the hunter's bed...?
The events of the night before came back to him.
'I fell asleep in a hunter's arms', he thought embarrassed - only to realize that Zero had probably heard that. He suppressed a groan and schooled his thoughts.
His assessment of the hunter had been wrong for years. The Level D was actually a rather decent fellow, he thought ruefully. A part of him still couldn't quite believe it. He had always thought Yuki had some weird perspective on him, seeing things in the hunter that weren't there. But she was right – the hunter was very capable of decency. He had even bothered to cover him with his blanket.
He moved to get up and - to his relief - quickly realized he was still in his slacks. He also noticed to his chagrin that they were almost just as wet as they had been the night before, due to the fact that they couldn't have dried underneath the blanket. But still, he felt rested and warm - as long as he stayed under the covers. He hadn't slept this much in one piece for three weeks. He'd almost forgotten what that felt like, to be... well, rested.
As though in answer to his musings, the hunter's thoughts, however, conveyed that he obviously hadn't slept well and felt neither rested nor warm. And it was the reason why he was currently making tea. Kaname was about to say something sympathetic when he heard the hunter speak.
"You want one, too?" he was asking him in a muttered voice.
Recognizing it as Zero's version of politeness, he answered. "Yes, please."
Kaname sat up and immediately winced at the cold. His wet slacks wrapped themselves close around his legs and let him feel the nippy air right away.
"Don't you heat your apartment?"
The hunter shrugged.
"What for? I only come here to sleep."
Kaname shook his head. He'd guessed the hunter wasn't one for luxury - but the pureblood was fairly sure that even ordinary people considered heating to be basic necessity, not a luxury.
"If you want, you can have a pair of jeans and a t-shirt." Zero didn't look at him, intently studying the label of a teabag.
"I would appreciate it." Kaname said quietly. Zero nodded and pulled out a set of clothing. "Bathroom's through that door." the hunter gestured handing him the clothes, still not looking at him.
Kaname thanked him and went to change and wash. He wanted to get the blood off his body, because even when dried, it was an unnecessary lure. When he returned, the hunter wordlessly handed him a cup of steaming liquid.
"Thank you." He accepted it gratefully. He sniffed it unobtrusively. Then he carefully tasted it. It was surprisingly good. He smiled happily. He had expected a rather bitter punch-you-in-the-gut kind of hunter potion, but the fragrance was vaguely floral, despite the tea being strong.
"A gift from Yagari-sensei." Zero explained, having heard his trail of thought. He motioned the pureblood to sit in the armchair.
'It used to be Ichiru's favorite.' Zero hadn't meant to share that, so Kaname pretended not to have heard it, carefully hiding his thoughts as he watched the hunter's scowl soften infinitesimally.
"It's delicious. A wonderful gift." The change in his facial expression was too small to truly notice it if you weren't trained to read other people like the pureblood was. But the emotional input that flooded him through their bond explained more than the hunter cared to share. It was such a tender emotion, so unlike anything he would have believed the hunter capable of. It tore at Kaname to feel the hunter's sadness connected to the reminder of his twin. He had never realized they had been that close. Yet, it puzzled him that there was no anger. Shouldn't Zero be hating the memory of his brother for his betrayal?
The hunter had quickly pushed it from his mind and Kaname tried to repress a grimace when Zero's thoughts turned to the tea concoction he had gotten from Cross. He quickly took another sip of his tea, letting Zero know his thoughts. Cross may have been the best hunter of his days and he was a great headmaster with noble ideals and the knowledge and fervor to uphold them, but his talent had expended right there. It had certainly not spilled over into his cooking abilities.
Zero gave a wry smile in agreement.
"So how does this bond thing work?" the hunter asked, deciding to get straight to the point.
Kaname sat in the only armchair, wearing one of Zero's t-shirts and jeans. By nature, Kaname would look stunning in whatever he wore - but due to Zero's muscular build and his slender frame, Zero's clothes were a bit large on him. There was just no way his appearance was befitting a pureblood - in jeans and t-shirt a size too large. But they were dry.
He fixed the hunter with an open look. Zero had his fingers stretched around his cup for maximum warmth as he sat on the edge of his bed facing the brunette. He quietly watched the pureblood sipping tea in front of him, waiting for him to respond to one of the most pressing questions that demanded answers.
"You said, I could break your mind. And it worked both ways. What did you mean by that?" Zero demanded to know.
Kaname smiled at him. Ever the one for the blunt approach… Zero would prefer clear and straightforward words. The hunter's sense of practicality would probably make this easier on them both, unless, of course, he lost his temper again. But he didn't seem too edgy at the moment. He was simply uncomfortable with a vampire in his room, nothing unusual for a hunter. His slightly stiff posture might be attributed to the cold, but Kaname wasn't fooled and of course, his emotions betrayed him through their bond. At least he wasn't nervously fingering his Bloody Rose, even though he had it close. Kaname nodded, more to himself than to the hunter. Zero needed to know about this – leaving him to find out on his own would be unnecessarily difficult for both of them.
"Consider the bond to be a special place inside our minds that we both have access to. Anything either of us thinks consciously toward that bond, the other will hear. That's basically how speaking into each other's mind works. I do not know if it's truly possible to shut that out, which is why I asked you to stop yelling into my mind last night. That's the conscious part. Then there is also the unconscious part to our connection. Without measures of restraint, everything we think will be known by the other. But you can learn to control yourself to keep thoughts out of the bond consciously. Then I won't hear by accident what you do not wish to share. It takes practice but it is possible."
"How?" Zero demanded, forgetting the question about the mind breaking for the moment.
Kaname pondered the question. A self-acquired skill was rather difficult to explain, but perhaps the hunter already knew how to do it and just didn't know it for what it was.
~{}~
"On a hunt, how do you stay focused?" the pureblood asked.
Zero scowled. Well, what the hell would he do? - He'd concentrate on the mission objective and once he was in the fight there was no time to think anything else... It was working. When he focused on or remembered something he didn't listen in on Kuran. Since their bond was so similar to remembering a close memory, all he had to do was concentrate on something else - preferably something that occupied his mind more thoroughly. Of course, the instant he realized it worked, his concentration broke and the background noise of Kuran's thoughts crowded into him again. He decided to list hunter weaponry to test it. It was the first thing that came to his mind. The pureblood nodded.
"That's how it works. It's just a matter of control. It'll get easier and less forced after a bit. Strong emotions, though... they're different." Kuran continued. The hunter tried again. He was going to have to get used to this soon, well actually more like now, if he wanted to keep his sanity. Having someone else in his thoughts might compromise his ability to concentrate on a hunt. That was unacceptable.
He looked at the pureblood. Strong emotions? No need to ask out loud for a closer explanation when the other knew what you were thinking anyway.
Kuran sighed. For a moment, Zero focused on the pureblood. Like a sea of background noise it crowded into him instantly. Trails of sad thoughts about Yuki, thoughts of guilt, musings about things Zero had no idea of - seemingly business related or politics that were over his head, even a flicker of anger made it through to Zero and he felt the need to regain his own control again. Quickly, he resumed listing hunter weapons.
Kuran smiled ruefully in answer.
"A bond is formed due to strong emotion. Love, hate, or whatever else strong enough. Strong emotions will always seep into the other person - due to their nature. They aren't easily controlled."
It made sense to the hunter. He couldn't be sure how much information he would still get out of this conversation, but he might as well go back to the most pressing question. "What about breaking my mind?"
Zero kept a close eye on the pureblood's reaction to the question, but there was nothing there to reveal treachery. All he did was smile ruefully.
"All I've explained so far applies to communicating and sharing within the bond. But you can go beyond it. And then you can really walk into the other's mind if you chose to. It takes much concentration and a certain amount of willpower. But as I said - if you truly want it, there is nothing that can stop you - even the natural barriers in my mind will not keep you. The only choice you have to make is whether you want to break or endure the defenses."
"Break or endure defenses?"
"Crossing a person's natural barriers causes pain, unless they're purposefully lowered - similar to what you did when Yuki spoke to you. When walking your bond mate's mind without their consent, you can either chose to endure the pain, thereby causing none to the person you're entering or you can force them down, though this results in pain for the other. When you've crossed those barriers, the mind is open to you - either to go through it, or to alter it or whatever else it is you're inside it for. Normally, anyone trying to enter your mind must first find access to it somehow and then overcome the primary natural barrier. The person you're bonded to already has access to your mind through the shared bond, meaning that the defensive barriers are also only secondary defenses, if you will. If you willingly chose to break through them, there is nothing I can do to stop you or vice versa. Of course, if it went so far as to physically inflict damage, both will feel the pain. We will have to trust one another not to purposefully want to hurt each other."
Trust? A vampire? A pureblood vampire?
"Zero, what would I gain by breaking your mind?"
"What do I know?" Since you seem to have so many, maybe you just like having slaves.
Zero watched the chocolate colored eyes narrow in anger and knew the pureblood had heard his thoughts. But Zero wasn't intimidated. He looked straight at the pureblood, daring him to tell the truth about what he was to him, daring him to be honest and just say out loud that he was no more than a fucking slave to his royal ass.
Kuran seemed to resign. He shook his dark hair in denial. Then he sighed.
"As I've already said, I have no interest in breaking your mind. Zero, you're my bond mate now - if anything, I need you healthy and strong."
What? Demure and servile not good enough anymore? But this time, Zero deemed it less clever to let the pureblood hear that and hid his thoughts.
Kuran continued in a candid tone. "Besides, you seem to forget the most important thing – I depend on you as well. As much as you disapprove of trusting a vampire – I am new at entrusting the sanity of my mind to a hunter."
Zero scowled. The pureblood was probably playing with him, knowing how to get at him from the right angle. If so, then he was right. The hunter's sense of honor was too great. Even the suggestion that as a hunter he would violate what was entrusted to him hurt his pride. Well, he would prove him wrong, then. Even if it was a vampire's mind… His body may be that of a vampire, but his hunter's pride had yet to yield.
"Lucky for you, hunters are not like vampires." He growled in answer. And really, he had no interest at all in breaking into that mind. No knowing what dirty secrets he might find. There was nothing he wanted to see; even the thought of wanting to do such a thing was disgusting.
"What the hell is the whole mind-raping thing good for, anyway?"
Even though Zero hadn't really wanted an answer, the pureblood seemed to take him seriously. "You may have other reasons to enter your bond mate's mind, other than causing harm, Zero. For example, I can wake you up from a coma. And since my life depends on yours that is not without importance."
Zero snorted. "Like I'd fall into a coma…"
"Then you don't get injured during hunting?" Kuran prodded innocently.
It was Zero's turn to narrow his eyes. "You stay out of my life, pureblood…"
"That would be rather difficult, since my mind is tied to yours and vice versa." Said pureblood answered nonchalantly. Zero had a feeling he was enjoying pointing out the obvious a little too much.
~{}~
"So, if I die you go insane again?" Zero asked bluntly, catching the pureblood off guard.
Kaname flinched, hoping it hadn't been that obvious. "Yes." he said quietly, suddenly serious again. Even if he'd enjoyed irking the hunter, there was nothing amusing about this, actually. He didn't like the way that sounded. But the hunter was right. If Zero was killed, then he'd fall back into that state of madness. Maybe worse, since this bond was apparently stronger. Kaname looked into the amethyst eyes that showed no emotion. He probed their bond, but only cool rationality greeted him. Would it be the same for the hunter if he died?
"So I'm your weakness." Zero stated. That sounded cruel. Cruel, but accurate.
"If somebody wants to kill you, all they need to do is kill me. And with that knowledge, all they would have to do, is blackmail you with me." the hunter said. Well, the assessment was correct, but Kaname couldn't believe that there was no emotion attached to that statement either. Didn't Zero care at all? Wait, he knew the hunter cared... he had felt it, tasted it. Their bond was proof of it. He cared for Yuki, even for him. Yeah, he cared enough to comfort him, re-instill purpose and then offer his blood and life... It was impossible that he didn't care. He remembered what the hunter had thought in his initial reactions to their bond. Sure, you idiot - he won't even waste the words to tell you that you're worth nothing. Indeed, the hunter was a caring person - but not for himself.
"You don't care at all for yourself?" he just had to ask. Intently, he watched as the hunter shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal.
The question is not so much if Zero cares for himself, but rather, how much would the hunter sacrifice to save both their lives?
How much would the pureblood himself sacrifice?
He had no answer to that.
"I'm your weakness as well." Kaname said quietly.
The hunter snorted. "So, besides being in each other's mind hearing inappropriate thoughts, being able to break into the other's mind without trouble and being each other's weakness... Does this bond thing have any benefits at all?"
Kaname chuckled. How did he do it? On the one hand, it took seconds for him to get under his skin with his attitude and then it took only seconds to make him laugh. How? He pointed out the worst there was to be found in the situation in a most obvious way and made him laugh about it anyway. Well, chuckle, not laugh – for a pureblood it was rather a disgrace to laugh out loud.
"There is one benefit. Over time we can let our powers merge..." Kaname started.
"You're kidding." Zero scoffed. But Kaname continued to look at him with a calm expression. The hunter stared back at him, one eyebrow raised. "Seriously? So I get to do pureblood stuff? And you get… whatever... nothing I have to give?"
There it was again. He was making him chuckle.
"Not quite. We combine ourselves to something new... similar to how the bond is a space in and of itself that we both can access. But that doesn't happen often. It takes years or hundreds of years and I wouldn't know if in our case it applies..." Zero looked at him questioningly.
"That form of fusion requires a certain amount of... devotion... to each other."
The hunter blanched a shade.
"Creepy." was all the verbal reaction he could get from the hunter. He definitely shared his view there. Their emotions mirrored each other in discomfort making it difficult to reign them in from their bond. But slowly, Kaname felt the hunter getting a grip on himself to ask more questions. Kaname was rather impressed on Zero's quick learning. He was beginning to keep more thoughts to himself than he was sharing - he was making tremendous progress in a very short time.
It had been the right decision, he decided, to put himself at the hunter's disposal for all the questions he might have. This way, they might be able to sort this out and come to terms with the new situation. The hunter seemed to be thinking along the same line.
"So beside all this mind-crap and pain sharing, can we go on? I mean, can we go on living like we have? Me here, a hunter; and you in your life... with whatever it is you do?"
Kaname had feared that question would come. He shook his head.
"Why not?" Zero demanded a little sharply.
"Try it." Kaname said weakly. Though his voice did, his thoughts didn't stop there, 'Try for a day. Tomorrow I'll pick up the pieces...'
"I heard that." Zero growled.
"Wasn't my choice." Kaname retorted. Both knew he meant that in a double sense. They spent a few seconds trying to not let the anger get the better of them. Calm returned slowly.
"Wait. We have to move in with each other?" Zero asked incredulously.
Kaname sighed deeply then squared his shoulders to look straight at the hunter. He knew Zero would rather hear blunt honesty than sugarcoated diplomacy.
"We can be parted for a few hours, a day maybe. It should be no problem for you to go on a hunt... but try not to get hurt on purpose..." The hunter only lifted an eyebrow, an expression of 'You're kidding me' on his face. Kaname understood it only too well. But then, obviously Zero understood immediately what he'd meant to say - every injury would hurt Kaname, too. While doing whatever else he was doing... The pureblood caught Zero's thought of 'I hope he doesn't do anything too painful for a living..."
"Don't worry. The most painful wound I'll usually come up with is a paper cut."
The hunter raised an eyebrow and then snorted. Sure, a pureblood with a paper cut...
"A few hours will be fine. However," Kaname continued."..., after about a day or two it will become unbearable for both of us."
"Unbearable, how?" Zero asked slowly and warily.
"Being separated from your bond mate causes pain. We depend on each other, Zero." Kaname said simply. "Most likely you will need my blood regularly, just as I'll come to depend on yours as well." Kaname watched the hunter process the information. A wave of disgust went through his mind. Then denial. A lot of it. Kaname shook his head. The thirst would come, it was inevitable. But Zero would find that out soon enough. It would be the same for the pureblood as well.
"There is also one more thing you should know." Kaname said solemnly. Zero gave him a look filled with dissatisfaction. "I would like to add that, well, even if we can stay apart for a while - if we drag it out too long, reunion will be rather awkward."
Zero narrowed his eyes. "Meaning?" his voice had a hostile edge to it. Kaname couldn't really blame him. Being amiable with Zero might work out fine somehow, but it did have limits.
"Our bodies might demand more closeness than we're willing to give." Kaname said trying hard not to betray just how uncomfortable he felt about that. But, of course, Zero knew anyway.
The hunter blushed fiercely, denial all over his face.
Kaname had no doubt that the hunter would fight his body's urges to the last bit of his existence. As silently as he could, he prayed that that would be the case for himself, too. However, the ache of needing to know that the other was near was a very strong one. Basically, they had no choice. They would have to live close to each other. Certainly, they could not share this small room. They'd go insane in a matter of hours. "I'm offering for you to stay at the Kuran mansion, in rooms of your own, of course." Kaname added knowing that the hunter found the entire subject difficult to deal with.
Zero said nothing. He wasn't over the denial yet. "Whatever... I'll think about it."
Kaname nodded. "I will return before the morning, ok?"
The hunter shrugged, then he obviously tried to be polite. So he nodded. "Alright. But I will be working today." Zero said, checking his watch. He still had a little time to get ready.
Kaname nodded. "I will try to keep out of the bond." Then he left quietly.
~{}~
Much to Zero's irritation, it was only minutes before he felt it. With Kuran out the door, his body seemed to want to drag itself toward the pureblood. And with every passing minute it only got worse. The ache was like the thirst for blood - only a little duller, perhaps and instead of being in his throat it was physically located in his heart. The longer he was alone, the more he longed for Kuran's company for no apparent reason. He didn't even like the guy. Seriously, what was this bond good for?
Yeah - he would have to move into proximity of the pureblood. No denying that. He was physically almost incapable of moving from where he was sitting on the bed if it wasn't going to be where Kuran had gone. What a price to pay for not wanting to kill the guy... he thought ruefully.
"Why didn't you?"
He knew this was Kuran in his mind.
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I know you prefer solitude."
For some reason hearing the other in his mind lightened the ache considerably, if not completely. Zero didn't know if he should be relieved or be offended that the pureblood was lightening his pain. But he just knew Kuran felt the same. He couldn't find the means to be annoyed at the interruption. Crap, this was so weird. Well, they'd best learn to cope as fast as possible. This appeared to be a permanent thing, so the earlier he learned how to live with it, the sooner he could go on having some kind of life of his own again.
"Had I known this would happen I surely wouldn't have..." he retorted betraying just how hard he found the whole situation. The pureblood's answer was as prompt as it was annoyingly accurate.
"No, you would have done it anyway."
Zero cursed ".... yeah… I'm just that kind of idiot."
Kuran's mental voice was amused. "There's nothing wrong with being kind-hearted, you know."
"Doesn't make me less of an idiot," the hunter retorted. And with vampires around, it usually gets you killed, he thought to himself.
"So why didn't you kill me?" Kuran repeated inquisitively.
Zero rolled his eyes mentally. What did it matter? "Life just goes on whether you like it or not."
"You did it to watch me hurt...?" the reply wasn't angry, just perhaps a little sad.
The hunter snorted. "Like I have nothing better to do... You idiot. You think I'm a sadistic bastard like you?"
"If you hate me so bad why bother to save me?" Kuran retorted.
A small silence followed. How was Kaname so good at pushing his buttons? For some reason, he just pissed him off. Zero took a deep breath. Fine, let's try the civil way.
"Look, I... I just thought no one deserves to hurt like that. It's not like I don't know how it is. I wanted it to go away. I don't know, it never occurred to me that you were actually serious about dying. You don't seem to be the type for giving up."
Kuran appeared to be surprised at that reply. His anger in their bond dissipated.
"You didn't think about the trouble you'd get for killing me?"
Zero shrugged his shoulders. "No... wouldn't have mattered anyway," he muttered. He was now energetic enough to pace around his room and rather glad for it. He was slowly adjusting to the ache in his body. Working like this would definitely be a challenge.
"You don't care that they'd have torn you to pieces?" the pureblood asked incredulously.
"No." Zero didn't even care to know who 'they' were.
Kuran seemed baffled for some reason. "Doesn't self-preservation occur in your vocabulary?"
Zero was getting very tired of this psychology-interrogation. "Shut up. Of course it does. I'm a hunter - killing vampires is my job. If I'm attacked and I can't defend myself it's my own fault, if I die then that's what happens. Why do you care anyway?"
Kuran sighed. "I'm bound to you and you don't even take care of yourself. Now I have to take care of..."
"I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF!" Zero yelled out loud and into Kuran's head.
"Thank you for the headache." the pureblood growled in return.
Zero snorted annoyed. Stupid vampire! Then he reminded himself to focus. He needed a shower and had to get to work.
~{}~
As the sun began to set, Kaname walked slowly along the streets of the small town, keeping his aura muted so no one would notice him. This was hunter territory. Technically, it wasn't like vampires weren't allowed in, but the hunters were within their rights to question all vampires on their intentions and refusing them or worse - lying - would result in diplomatic difficulties, to put it mildly. So he kept his aura down and enjoyed the silence. There wouldn't be Level E's here and there wouldn't be other vampires around. That would give him a few moments of solitude.
He really needed a few moments by himself. He had to contemplate and come to terms with how his life had changed so radically in just a few hours. The asphalt was still wet from the pouring rain, but the clouds were lifting and the crisp air smelled fresh and clean as it usually did after an intense storm. It was a little chilly in just a t-shirt and jeans and Zero's clothes were a little too casual for his liking, but they served as a very good reminder as to whom he'd owe his life for the rest of his days.
The rest of his days - what were they worth without her? An endless cycle of millenia without her, agonizing in their slowness. A long life ticking by, second by second, while he was bound to his duty. A duty to meaningless pawns. At least that's how he should view them. But even now he couldn't see them that way.
Maybe because he had spent much of his life protecting Yuki as a human, he had learned to see her human view on the world. No pureblood should bother about mere humans, or ex-humans, for that matter. But he had not been brought up that way. Now, to him, humans weren't just food. They were sentient, emotional beings and they were terribly frail. They lived for a few short years with astounding vigor only to die after hoping to have accomplished something. Humans were fragile. Like Yuki's heart.
Kaname shivered. He knew about mortality. Yes, purebloods were immortal - but only as long as they weren't killed. Some of the older purebloods had lived too long to understand that, believing themselves to be gods, legitimate rulers of supposedly lower beings. Kaname had watched his father die, he had been there for Yuki when his mother died and now he had watched her die as well.
He had lost his parents, his sister and the love of his life. All that waste of precious life, all that blood that had been spilt. They were all dead now - even though all of them were supposed to have been immortal. Now he was the only one left. He was alone.
Why didn't you kill me, Zero?
No, pureblood vampires were no gods, they perished like every living creature did, leaving behind no more than a human would, and where humans at least left bodily remains, a vampire would turn to nothing but glittering ashes. He had no more reason for arrogance - all vampires could be destroyed, killed and forgotten. It just hurt him deeply that Yuki had died for something he wouldn't have hesitated to give to her.
At least he had many of Yuki's memories in himself. And he thought he understood what it was she wanted to tell him with her last breath. She would want him to live on, to uphold all the things that she believed he did out of charity. Creating the Academy was only for her sake - he had never meant it to continue. But if it was her wish, then he would comply. He would make Yuki's heart the reason for himself to live.
Yes, he decided. He would try to live up to the gentleness in her heart. He would make sure that she didn't perish without leaving a trace. It was all he could do - to at least try, to try to instill in himself something only she had. True, he understood humans to be more than food - but only Yuki had brought all that too him. All that darkness residing inside him, the beast he was - he had never shown it to her, though she could have seen it, had she only chosen to look. But she had always seen the best in him and ultimately that had always brought out the best in him.
Sure, vampire society frowned upon a pureblood without restraint, but ultimately they could do nothing against it - and in reality, they needed the purebloods to live on. Once the purebloods died, they were bound to decay. So in the end, a pureblood was the law. And no one could stop them, unless it was a stronger pureblood. And currently, Kaname was the strongest there was. He could do as he pleased. There was nothing to stop him if he decided to destroy the entire Vampire Council. If he tore down cities, started wars among states, left a trail of ruin and destruction.
He judged the hunters to be a small threat to himself. There would be damage – yes. But ultimately, if he really didn't care about anyone but himself, he had power most of them couldn't even dream of. If he chose to, he could do whatever he wanted. But he always adhered to Yuki's wish. She had been the one reason he would try to be civil.
Yet it had not been enough, he thought in defeat. It was the hunter she had ultimately craved acceptance from. What he hadn't been able to understand before was now vividly clear in his memory - or actually it was Yuki's memory that he had obtained through her blood when she died.
Zero - he had seen the hunter from her point of view in the last drops of her blood. He had seen what he was to her. Kaname shook his head. So he would try then, try his best to adhere to her last wish. To keep Zero safe.
Perhaps she might have turned out differently, had Yuki never been human. Perhaps she might have turned out to be just another spoiled pureblood vampire princess. But the way things had gone, even when he'd changed her back, she had retained those traits. He'd seen her power. But she'd never been stuck-up because of it. She'd actually been rather timid around the other vampires. In vampire society, her caring nature and shyness may have been considered a weakness - but Kaname knew it was her greatest strength. She was a Kuran. There was nothing weak about her.
Yuki... she'd been so beautiful, so caring, so lovely. Refusing to cry, Kaname only felt his chest tighten painfully. Never again, would he see her smile, never again would she run up to hug him. He would not believe that she'd not been happy with him at all. Whenever she was joyful, all the flowers in the vases of the Kuran mansion had blossomed, the colors in every room radiated more brilliantly and all the lights had shone twice as bright as they technically could. Perhaps initially, she herself had not known that her heart truly didn't belong to Kaname...
The pureblood closed his eyes at this. Could he be faulted for her death? He had not hurt her, had not caged her - she'd been free to do as she wished. Kaname had placed her at the center of his life, hopefully without choking her - he'd have done anything for her. Anything.
Oftentimes, he would just stand and watch her from the shadow of a curtain or tree as she sat by one of the fountains in their gardens. Masking his presence and keeping from their bond he would smile as she played with the puppy she adored. Contrary to their usual reaction to vampires, most animals did not fear her. Who would? She was beautiful and gentle. Never had she drunk from someone other than himself except once - the one time she had taken from Zero to prove to him what she was. And now Kaname knew that that moment had haunted her daily because she loved him. She had never wished to harm anyone.
Kaname realized he'd walked as far as the outskirts of the city. He hadn't been paying too much attention to his surroundings. Everything was quiet and peaceful in this small town and he'd been lost in his memory. He sat down on a bench at a small stream. The trickling of the water reminded him painfully of Yuki and the fountain. Her fountain.
Yuki had never failed to capture him. So he'd never stopped watching her as he'd always done even as she was still human. He usually made sure she would not notice him. He hadn't known she could sing so beautifully until he stood there in the shadow listening. He had cried that night for the first time since he was a child. He had cried because it was so beautiful and because seeing her he was reminded of their wonderful mother. And that was both painful and beautiful.
He didn't want to cry about it now. Not anymore. She was untouchable to him. Pure as the fresh white snow she was named after. He had gotten a chance to see it. For that he was glad. Wiping away his tears he smiled to himself. There had always been something about her he had never understood, had never been able to reach. She had been pure, gentle and bright - too dazzling for him and only now that she was gone, did many things about her even make sense to his mind. For someone who always sought out the strategically beneficial position, delved to understand ulterior motives and proceeded to counter anticipated disadvantages, a mind such as Yuki's defied all he had learned to expect. He had always felt that she was too good for him. He hadn't wanted to turn her and even though none of her charm and personality had been lost, he still felt that in doing so, he had violated something precious.
He listened attentively as the little stream trickled so beautifully reminding him of her.
The urge to possess her had been enormous - but he had resisted. Never had he wanted to force her to do anything she didn't want. They had been married but they hadn't shared a bed. He hadn't dared to even ask her if she wanted to. To the rest of the world she was his lover and mate. But to him she remained something more precious - his pure sister, though now a pureblood with the memories of terrible bloodshed. He would always blame himself for not being able to keep that pain from her.
Kaname could not help it as his thoughts strayed to the past again, forgetting the stream. It had been hard - seeing her full memories and emotions. The memories she had shared with him were - in a way - the most painful emotional experience he'd ever been through. Especially the part about the hunter she loved. They had shown Zero to be a caring person. Gruff, closed and forbidding, but also caring, reliable and loyal. Kaname could now see all the things she had shared with the hunter. He had known that Zero had had her blood more than once. Never would he forget the hunter's expression as he realized what he'd done the first time he'd bitten her.
"Was her blood that delicious?"
Now his own words seemed cruel and heartless. But back then, he had only known that Zero had taken away what should have been his. It was his privilege to bite Yuki, not some ex-human's. Now, looking back, he could hardly believe Zero had even stopped of his own accord in the state he was in. It was one of the reasons he hadn't killed him. Yes, he had then drunk more of Yuki's blood. Kaname knew of it every single time. But he hadn't known about how many times he had turned her offer down, eyes swirling crimson, clutching his throat, clearly on the verge of losing it. Now, looking back on it through Yuki's eyes, he had respect for him - the thirst for her blood after knowing its taste must have been devastating. But he hadn't given in nearly as many times as Kaname had thought he would.
Maybe it was that, too that had formed the bond - Yuki's memory of him inside the pureblood - just like her taste inside of the hunter's blood. Perhaps, it really was entirely Yuki's doing that had brought them together after all. If that was her wish - if Zero was so important to her, then surely he would do his best to help him. After all, it hadn't been his choice to become what he was.
'I promise, Yuki, even if he hates me - I will protect him. For you.'
Leaving the trickling stream was almost like leaving a piece of Yuki behind. But the thought that he would remember her every single time he heard a stream flowing somehow made him smile again.
~{}~
Zero made his way to the Hunter Association. He didn't like going there, preferring to get his assignments over the phone and delivering reports with the mail, but obviously there was a larger problem to be discussed and they wanted all active hunters there. Disgruntled, he moved his feet around the shallow puddles of rain water.
The entire town was hunter territory. It made the town fairly quiet at night. There were usually no vampires around and most hunters were working in the field or in their office. Zero lived at the edge of the town - the Association had made it clear they wanted to keep an eye on him. He knew very well they didn't mean his protection but his state as a potential Level E, but he didn't care. If he lost it, he agreed he didn't want to be a danger. At least it was all in walking distance.
He sighed. Of course, now that he had had Kuran's blood, his pointless existence would continue for quite a while longer. Not that he would tell anyone at the Association about it. What would he say? Oh yeah, my life's bound to a vampire – a pureblood vampire – I might as well be telling the enemy every hunter secret I know. That wouldn't go over too well. He didn't even want to think about it.
But the gnawing thoughts just wouldn't let up. The more he paid attention to it, the more he realized his senses were better. The street lamps annoyed him because they were too bright against the dark as he kept his eyes out of their direct light. The noise of occasional cars rushing by seemed to roar louder in his ears and he could sense people and hunters from much farther away than he could two days ago: the heightened senses, the growing strength. He could feel it – there was no way to deny it. He had even more vampire inside himself now. He cursed quietly. It was just like at Cross Academy. The stupid pureblood had brought everything back that he hadn't wanted to remember.
He had been used. But he had allowed himself to be used. For her. He had allowed Kuran to make use of his guilt and shame - his guilt at the loss of his parents on that terrible night, his shame of not being able to defend them. His guilt at being what he was because of it, his guilt at being alive and of course, above all, his guilt at drinking from her. What would they think of him? His parents, who had placed within him their hopes at becoming one of the strongest hunters. Would they even be able to look at him now? But they were dead. Gone from his life. And every time he thought of them, all he saw was blood. Puddles of it everywhere… All that blood that had been spilled. How their lives had been snuffed out. Just like that.
And the only family he had had left was Ichiru. The bother who hated him, the brother who betrayed him. The one whom Zero couldn't hate. He had always sworn to protect him, but ultimately, he had killed him, had accepted his sacrifice to save her. Yuki.
And now she had died because she loved him. All their blood was on his own hands. And it was crushing him.
Why didn't you just drain me, Kuran? Why didn't you kill me?
But here he was, still alive. Could he ever make it up to them? Live up to their expectations? How could his parents ever be proud of their monster of a son?
He looked up at the old building. Now was not the time for such thoughts. He closed his eyes briefly to focus on his work. He was a hunter. It was all that was left - at least, if there was anything useful he could do then it was to rid the world of madness-driven vampires. Vampires such as himself. But even so, he would never be trusted as one of them. Expecting warm welcome here was as pointless as his life. And they were right in that. He was nothing but a monster. But now was not the time for regret. Now was time for his job. And he intended to do it. He breathed deeply and entered the building.
~{}~
"Seiren."
Just the quiet word was enough and she appeared in front of him, bowing. Most of the time, he would simply feel her presence - she was good at what she did. Every now and then he would see her. Of course, if he'd specifically look for her, there was no way she could hide - but she always improved - it got more difficult every time.
"Kaname-sama?"
He smiled. He could easily see through Seiren's mask, even if no one else could - that included other purebloods as well. She was excellent at hiding her emotion. But Kaname knew her well by now. He could see she was happy to see him in good health and without traces of madness.
She was raised to serve with complete devotion. As a Preatorian, Kaname's safety was her top priority. She took pride only in fulfilling her duty toward him to the best of her ability.
"I have formed a new bond. Zero Kiryu is my bond mate now - therefore his safety is my safety." Seiren did not need many words. He had tried in earlier days to encourage a more companionable relationship, but her status was ingrained into her so deeply that nothing changed. She was born to serve. Literally. Anything else was unnatural to her.
"I understand, Kaname-sama." She bowed.
Kaname's eyes twinkled. There had been a faint trace of amazement in her face at the hunter's name. But no hostility. That was good. She was absolutely loyal to himself – as a pureblood, she would protect him to the best of her abilities and with the hunter bound to him, she would protect him as well. But it was good to see she personally harbored no grudge toward him. She spoke again.
"You are being followed. How do you wish for me to proceed?"
"How many?" The question was unnecessary – he knew the answer himself, but better ask to be safe that they both were on the same page.
"Three. They remain at the outskirts of the Hunter Territory."
"I see. I suspect the Council."
Seiren nodded.
"Incapacitate them without inflicting damage. Send them to sleep for 24 hours."
"Of course, Kaname-sama." She bowed again.
"Thank you, Seiren."
She was as good as invisible again. Kaname smiled - she would never have allowed the hunter to kill him. That was why he'd sent her off - he had made sure she would never have made it in time. But now she was stoically back at his side to fulfill her duty toward him. She slipped away quietly and his thoughts turned to the threat at hand.
There was a reason he was being tracked. He needed to know if they Council was worried only because he had lost his mate and was a potential hazard, or if there was more to it. Politics didn't rest. And as usual, they were all breathing down his neck. He would have to make an appearance at his office. But he needed to change first.
It seemed, mourning time was over.