Pairing(s): Multiple Pairings
Prompt: 2011 Prompt: Someone's spiked the eggnog with Veritaserum at the Auror Dept's Christmas do. Jobs are threatened, hexes and punches are thrown, friendships sorely tested, and to everyone's complete lack of surprise _ & _ are discovered snogging under a desk.
Notes: I originally intended for this to be quick and enjoyable and it grew into something long and silly and fun. Thanks to yeaka and g_bowneyes for the beta and I hope everyone else enjoys this absolute behemoth of ridiculousness.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Draco's POV

Draco heard Hermione call him yummy, and of course the words went straight to his cock. He managed to only whisper how scrumptious she looked in her tight emerald gown. It hugged her curves and flared out to her knees. He wanted to trace his hands up her thighs and devour her.

He had to dash away before the urge to grab her, hide them in his office, and shag her into the door/floor/wall/desk - any hard flat surface would suffice - took over.

So he latched onto his best friend. He caught sight of her as she strutted away from the Weasel, anger clearly etched on her face. Her dress billowed like any good Slytherin's outfit would do when in such anger. He followed her into another cubicle far away from the Golden Trio.

He watched as she fell into the office chair, head in her hands, elbows on her knees. She took deep breaths, and Draco wasn't sure what to do.

"Pans," he ventured, stepping into the cubicle and perching himself on top of the desk.

"I'm fine, Draco," she shuddered, ignoring his existence.

"Sure you are," a voice interrupted. Draco looked up to see his cousin step into the cubicle and kneel in front of his friend.

"Hi, Tonks," Pansy breathed, keeping her face in her hands.

"Want to talk about it?" Tonks asked, seating herself on the floor, indian style, not caring that she was in a purple dress that hardly covered her bits.

Draco averted his eyes. There was only one girl's bits he wanted to see, and it definitely was nothis cousin's.

"Not really," Pansy responded. She wiped her eyes and then looked down into Tonks face. Her face then scrunched up in anger and she slammed both her fists on the armrest of the chair. "Actually, yes, I do," she seethed.

"Do share," Tonks urged, making herself more comfortable, shifting so she rested on her knees - and finally hiding her bits, Draco thought.

"My boyfriend, the prick, doesn't want to shag," she snarled.

"Boyfriend?" Draco asked.

Tonks quickly punched his shin and glared at him. Draco gulped and tried to act like he wasn't there. He wondered where Hermione was and if he could sneak her away at some point during the night. It would make for much better company than listening to Pansy gripe about her lack of a sex life.

"We've only started dating, he says. It wouldn't be right, he says. I want us to wait, he says," she announces. "Well, I don't care," Pansy harrumphs and tucks her arms across her chest.

"Then do something about it," Draco couldn't help but add in. He never did like to hear people complain about things that they could easily fix. "Tell him to pleasure you or you'll go find someone that will," he continued.

"He does have a point," his cousin mumbled, soothing Pansy by patting her knee.

"I should," Pansy agreed. "I'll tell him that I want him to bend me over my desk and fuck me good and proper."

Draco didn't see how that constituted as good and proper, but didn't have the heart to point it out. Instead he imagined taking Granger back into his office and bending her over hisdesk and taking her from behind. They hadn't tried that yet, and she was always of the adventurous sort. He could probably easily convince her.

"That sounds good, I always wanted to try that," Tonks laughed.

"Cousin, I've caught the wolf giving it to you 'good and proper'on several occasions. In this very office." Draco argued.

"Oh, no, I mean, I always wanted to use my Metamorphmagus and give myself a cock," she countered. "I thought it'd be interesting to be the one on top for once."

Draco shook his head, trying to rid himself of the mental image. Granger in that tight dress, bent over desk, skirt riding up her hips, no knickers, she's wet and waiting for you.He kept repeating the fantasy, hoping it would take over his brain.

"That does sound hot." Pansy agreed, smiling now. "I always wondered how it felt for a guy." She turned and looked up at him, "Draco, how does it feel?"

He shook his head once more, unbelieving of the situation. All he wanted was to keep himself from letting out his secret relationship with Granger. He didn't think being the bigger person meant subjecting himself to sex talks with his best girl friend and female cousin.

How the universe hated him.

"Well, umm," he stuttered. How does one describe how it feels to have their cock sheathed within a woman? "Good?"

"You're no help," Pansy pouted, slapping his shin - the same one his cousin had hit. He was going to avenge his shin should there be bruising in the morning. And it wouldn't be pretty for either of them, he vowed.

"I guess if I can convince Remus - I'll have to let you know." Draco didn't want to think of his cousin having sex with her husband. Every time he had caught them shagging like bunnies - more like wolves - in her office - which just happened to be right next door to his - he would send an Inter-Office Memo to Granger summoning her immediately. She would straddle him or suck him off until the sight of his cousin-in-law's bare ass no longer lingered in his mind.

"Yes, please," Pansy affirmed. "In the meantime, if my boyfriend doesn't give in, I may take it into my own hands and punish him. I won't get to know the feeling, but he sure will." She steepled her fingers in front of her evil smile.

It was times like this that Draco was happy he wasn't dating Pansy. He dodged that bullet, for sure. However, he had known Granger for most of their life, and his witch could be just as devious.

He gulped.

Yay, another chapter. I hate that I'm holding updates hostage for reviews, but again, they make me happy. The next chapter is done and will be waiting for 10 more reviews or I'll update next week. And just so you know, there are 10 chapters total, so we're almost half way there. Thanks for reading!