So many things have changed in these past few months. Besides coming out and being made the captain of the volleyball team, I didn't expect to find myself in a relationship so soon. It's not like I was even looking for it either, but I found myself at that homecoming party and there she was.
Every guy at the party was practically drooling over her, but it was me that ended up with her number and a date by the end of the night. It's kinda ironic though... I never thought that I would fall into that typical stereotype of dating the cute, popular cheerleader... yet, here I am. Honestly, I don't think I would've even attempted to talk to her if Santana hadn't been there to encourage me to take a risk. San really is the bestest friend that I girl could ask for.
During our date, I found out a little more about Kelly and her friends and family. When I started telling her about mine, she seemed to take a particular interest in Santana. From the questions she was asking, it almost seemed like she was jealous or something, which is silly cuz me and San are just friends. Anyways, eventually we moved on and talked about other things until it was time for her to take me home.
At the end of our date, Kelly kissed me goodnight. It was my very first kiss... ever. It was soft and sweet, but kinda different than what I was expecting. I always thought that when I had my first kiss, there would be this warm, tingling feeling buzzing throughout my body, kinda like how it is in the movies. Don't get me wrong, the kiss wasn't bad - not that I have anything to compare it to - but it just wasn't what I had pictured it would be after all of these years.
Flash forward to a couple of months later and me and Kelly are still together. Things have been great for the most part, but sometimes I feel a little self-conscious around her. She makes a lot of comments about my body, which sometimes makes me feel like a piece of meat. Also, she definitely isn't shy when she's hanging with her guy friends and brags to them about how her girlfriend is much hotter than theirs. I don't know, sometimes I feel like there should be more depth to our relationship than just gawking at our partner's physical appearance. But then again, this is my first relationship so I'm not really sure what to expect.
The one thing that I do miss about being single is the amount of free time I used to have to spend with my friends, especially Santana. Because me and Kelly go to different schools, the only time I really get to see her is on the weekends. She hasn't been able to make it to any of my games either because it usually coincides with her cheerleading.
Another difference that I noticed was with my sister Lindsay. She became very distant and rude whenever I brought Kelly around. For whatever reason, she eventually apologized for her bad behavior and things have been good ever since. I'm pretty sure Santana had something to do with that, but neither one of them would tell me what the issue was to begin with. Whatever it was though, I'm just glad that it's in the past.
Now it's Christmas time, my favorite time of the year. Unfortunately for me though, I'm sick as a dog. I came down with the flu a couple of days ago and have been in bed or had my head inside of a toilet ever since. It's not a pretty sight... trust me.
Originally, I was supposed to be going with my family to Florida to visit my grandparents for the holidays, but those plans were foiled. My parents felt so bad that they almost cancelled their trip but I begged them not to on my account. After much convincing, my parents agreed that I was old enough to stay at home by myself, on the account that the Lopezes would be right next door to look after me.
Of course it was no fun being sick at home while the rest of my family were soaking up the sun, but I didn't really mind because I got to spend some much needed quality time with Santana. Even though most of the our time together was spent with her holding my hair back while I blew chunks into the toilet or her feeding me soup because I was too weak to feed myself, I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything else.
"Alright sicky, let's get you to bed," Santana says as she pulls the covers up to my chest.
"Thanks for taking care of me San... I'm sure there are much better things you could be doing with your time," I simply state.
"Nonsense... you know there's nowhere else I'd rather be," she sincerely replies. "Plus, it's been nice to spend some time with you, even though it's not the most ideal situation."
"I know what you mean. I'm sorry I've been kinda MIA from the group lately," I respond. "It's tough trying to juggle everything and make time for you guys and Kelly."
Maybe it was the medication that I was on, but I could've sworn that I saw Santana wince at the mention of Kelly's name. I don't know why that would be though. From what I could tell, Santana and Kelly got along just fine. I mean, it's not like they're best friends or anything, but they seem to like each (or at least pretend to).
"Don't worry about it, B... you know I'll always be here for you," she gently replies. "Your forehead is still kinda warm. Let me get you a cold rag."
As Santana briefly leaves the room, I tuck myself further into my blanket. Once she returns and places the cold compact on my forehead, she begins to softly sing to me.
"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..." she starts off, instantly making a small smile form on my face. "Happy kitty, sleepy kitty... purr, purr, purr..."
"I love it when you sing, Sanny Bear... you should do it more often," I casually state through my grogginess. "Sing me something else, please?"
"Okay then, let's see..." Santana ponders aloud. "Gimme your, gimme your, gimme your attention baby... I gotta tell you a lil something bout yourself."
I lightly giggle at her song selection.
"You're wonderful, flawless... ooh, you a sexy lady, but you walk around here like you wanna be someone else," she continues. "Treasure, that is what you are; honey, you're my golden star. Y'know you could make my wish come true if you let me treasure you; if you let me treasure you; woah-oh-oh-h-h-h..."
"You're so silly San," I reply with the biggest smile I can muster. "Could you maybe sing something a little slower?"
Santana nods before she starts again while lightly brushing my hair.
"I should've bought you flowers and held your hand. Should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance," Santana sings softly as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Take you to every party cuz all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man..."
I slowly close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep.
"Goodnight Britt-Britt," she says as she places a delicate kiss on top of my head.
As I feel her weight shift off of my bed, my hand quickly juts out and grabs her wrist before my head can register what my body is doing.
"San... can you hold me?" I innocently ask.
Me and Santana used to cuddle all of the time, but that has change as of late. Actually, a lot of our usual touchy feely behavior has changed ever since I started dating Kelly. I don't know if it's a subconscious thing or if maybe Santana just feels weird doing it now, but I miss it. I felt a little pathetic asking her to cuddle with me now, but I figured she would be less resistant given my ill state.
"Sure thing," she replies as I feel her body settle in next to mine.
The last thing I remember is Santana wrapping her arm around me and holding me tightly as I fell asleep in her arms.
"Mmm... too young, too dumb to realize..." Santana whispers into Brittany's ear once she hears her breathing even out.
Santana wakes up in the same position she fell asleep in the night before, with her arms wrapped around a sleeping Brittany. She feels content just holding the blonde, especially since it's been awhile since they were this close in proximity. As she carefully unwraps herself from Brittany and rolls over, she grabs her glasses off of the night stand and stands up from the bed.
As Santana makes her way downstairs with the intention of making breakfast for Brittany, she is surprised when she sees someone sitting on the couch in the living room.
"Holy shit!" Santana exclaims as she grasps her chest. "Kelly, you scared the crap outta me. What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to see my girlfriend," Kelly replies in a non-friendly manner. "What are you doing here?"
"Whoa..." Santana responds as she puts her hands up defensively. "I don't know what the attitude is about but I'm just here to take care of Britt."
"Why don't you just cut the bullshit... you're not fooling anyone," Kelly says knowingly.
"I'm sorry... could you be a little more specific?" Santana questions, seemingly having no idea what the other girl is referring to.
"Oh c'mon! You've got the hots for Brittany... don't even try to deny it!" Kelly snaps.
"Wow..." Santana replies with surprised eyes. "I'm sorry that you feel so insecure with yourself that you're threatened by my friendship with Brittany."
"I'm not crazy, Santana... I've seen the way you look at her," Kelly says at a more reasonable level. "You missed your chance with her, so just back off. She's mine!"
Up until this point, Santana has remain calm and collected throughout Kelly's wild accusations. However, hearing the brunette talk about Brittany like she's some sort of possession infuriates her to no avail.
"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk about my best friend like she's a piece of property," Santana says in an eerily calm tone.
Seeing Santana's reaction only fuels Kelly's need to really push the Latina.
"It must kill you to know that Brittany's with me and not you..." Kelly begins.
"Unless you have some earwax built up or suffered a recent blow to the head, like I said before... Britt and I are just friends," Santana replies, trying her best not to lose control and go ape shit on the cheerleader.
"Yeah... keep telling yourself that, Lopez," Kelly states smugly. "I mean, seriously... it must suck to know that I'm the one that gets to hold her, kiss her, touch her... fuck her..."
Santana closes her eyes as the anger builds up throughout her body. Kelly knows for sure that she's hit a button. She's expecting Santana to snap at any moment and do something hasty so that she can run and tell Brittany about it.
But... that never happens.
Santana takes a few deep, calming breaths and removes her glasses. She then cleans her lenses with the bottom of her t-shirt and puts her glasses back on.
"You know what the funny thing is... I actually liked you when we first met," Santana starts out, "but now I see how full of yourself you truly are. I don't know what it is that Brittany sees in you, but while you're together, I have to tolerate you..."
As Kelly opens her mouth to retort, Santana cuts her off.
"Don't hurt my friend; because if you do... I'll hurt you," the Latina calmly states while she makes her way to the front door. "And Kelly... that's a fucking promise."
Once Santana is out of sight, Kelly finds herself a little shaken by the Latina's last comment. Throughout their banter, Kelly thought that she had gotten underneath Santana's skin by flat out lying about being intimate with Brittany. However, it was Santana that claimed victory by calling her out on her insecurities and remaining level-headed, despite Kelly's efforts to rattle her.
In Kelly's head, she knew that there would be no easy way to get rid of Santana... her competition. Instead, she began to brainstorm on what she could do to send a clear message that Brittany was indeed hers.
When I woke up this morning, I immediately felt 100 times better than I had been for the past week. As I continue to lay in bed, thoughts of the previous night and Santana singing to me fill my head. A faint smile forms on my face as I pull the arm draped over my torso closer to me.
As the person behind me snuggles into my back, it's then that I realize that the person currently spooning me isn't the same person I fell asleep with. I then gently turn over to face my cuddle buddy.
"Kelly?" I ask confused as I rub the sleep away from my eye.
I know that I was on some heavy medication last night, but I could've sworn that Santana was next to me when I fell asleep.
"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" Kelly sweetly asks as she places a kiss to my forehead.
"Much better, thanks..." I politely respond. "Where's Santana?"
"She had to go, but it's okay cuz I'm here now," Kelly quickly replies. "I'll make you some breakfast if you think you can hold it down."
"Yeah, that sounds nice. Just let me freshen up," I respond as I head into the bathroom.
It's not that I'm not happy to see my girlfriend - especially when she's being super sweet - but for some reason, I'm kinda bummed that Santana isn't here right now. Not only that, but she didn't even say goodbye or leave a note, which is so unlike her.
You know what else is weird? When I asked Kelly about Santana's whereabouts, I saw her roll her eyes. I think it was meant to subtle, but it wasn't. I wonder what that means exactly. If something is up between those 2 then I am definitely out of the loop.
A few weeks later, my birthday arrived and my friends threw me the most epic Sweet 16 party. It was nice to just relax and hang out with the people that mean the most to me. I had a really good time, even though I felt some tension between Santana and Kelly. Before I had a chance to ask either of them about it, my parents came out from the kitchen with my birthday cake.
Later on that night, Kelly gave me a poem that she had written for me. It was so sweet and unexpected. To be honest, I almost didn't believe her when she first told me that she had written it. It was so deep and profound... something that was the complete opposite from what I'm used to with her personality.
Who knows... maybe she's finally letting me see the softer side of her.
The next day when I was telling my friends about the poem, I received some mixed reactions. Santana plastered on a fake smile while Rachel and Mike seemed genuinely excited. Sam and Mercedes gave me a quick 'cool' after they shared an interesting look.
Before I could ask San what was going on, she had abruptly left. It seems like lately, every time a situation like this happened, Santana always managed to pull a Houdini before I could ask her about it. I don't think that's a coincidence either.
Anyways, while Rachel and I chatted, Mike left to meet up with Tina, and Sam and Mercedes offered to check on Santana. I figured that would be for the best since she obviously didn't want to talk to me about it.
Meanwhile at Santana's house...
As Santana paces back and forth in her bedroom, she feels her anger building up. She's so consumed by her thoughts that she doesn't even register when Sam and Mercedes enter her room.
"That fucking bitch!" she mutters under her breath. "I knew it..."
"Wow Satan... I didn't know you were capable of using that kind of language," Mercedes jokes.
"Now is not the time, Cedes..." Santana replies, barely acknowledging her bitchy friend.
"San, what happened?" Sam gently says as he places his hands on the Latina's shoulders. "Talk to me, okay?"
"It's Kelly..." Santana finally says, "... I knew I couldn't trust her."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing... it's nothing," Santana casually states. "Let's just forget about it."
"Is this about that poem?" Sam carefully asks. When Santana doesn't respond, he continues. "San... I know you wrote it."
Santana's eyes immediately widen at Sam's statement.
"What I can't figure out is how Kelly got ahold of it."
"She stole it," Santana simply replies.
"Well, girl... why didn't you tell Brittany?" Mercedes inquires.
"I can't..." Santana says barely above a whisper.
"We're gonna need a little more than that, Specs..."
"I can't tell her..." Santana states again, "... cuz then she'll know."
"Know what?" Mercedes pries again.
Santana opens her mouth to say something, but can't. It's too hard and way too much to admit to herself, let alone admit to her friends.
"Cuz then she'll know that you have feelings for her," Sam states knowingly.
Santana slowly nods her head, confirming what her friends had already suspected for quite some time now.
"When Britt was sick during Christmas, I had an unfortunate run in with Kelly..." Santana begins. "She accused me of trying to steal Brittany away from her and basically told me to stay away."
"And what did you say?" Sam asks.
"I told her that I would tolerate her while she and Britt were together," Santana replies. "I also told her that I'd kick her ass if she hurt Britt."
"Hell yeah... that's what I'm talking about," Mercedes exclaims as she raises her hand in the air for a high five. After receiving a pointed look from Santana, she slowly lowers her hand. "Too soon?"
"Anyways... about a week or so after that, Kelly made a surprise visit here," Santana continues. "She said that one of her resolutions for the new year was to put our differences aside and call a truce."
"I guess she was just blowing smoke up your ass," Mercedes retorts.
"I guess so," the Latina replies. "Apparently my parents told her she could wait in my room; that's when she probably stole the song. I had ran to the store and left my lap top open since I was only going to be gone for a few minutes."
"So, tell me again why you don't wanna tell Brittany that her girlfriend is a thief and a liar?" Sam questions.
"Because... if I tell Britt about Kelly, then she'll tell Kelly and Kelly will know that she was right about me having feelings for Britt," Santana attempts to explain. "... and once Brittany knows that it was me who wrote the song/poem, she'll know that I have feelings for her and everything will be ruined."
"First off, you need to take a breath," Mercedes states. "Secondly, what the hell are you rambling about? How would Brittany knowing how you feel ruin anything?"
"Because it will... Brittany doesn't see me that way," Santana states solemnly. "I'm just her extremely geeky best friend... and that's all I'll ever be."
"Why are you so positive that Brittany doesn't feel the same?" Sam ponders.
"I just know, otherwise I'd be her girlfriend... not that stupid ass cheerleader."
Sam and Mercedes take a moment to look at Santana and see the pain that she's in. They both feel for her and want to tell her how silly she is for thinking that Brittany doesn't feel the same as her. They both want to tell her to fight for Brittany cuz neither one of them really care for Kelly either, but they don't.
"You guys know you can't tell Britt, right?" Santana states more than asks. Sam and Mercedes sadly shake their heads in agreement. "Good."
"Can I ask you one question though?" Sam wonders aloud. Once he sees Santana nod her head, he continues. "When did you know?"
"Honestly, I think I've always known... "Santana responds as she looks out her window and sees Brittany in her bedroom, laughing along with Rachel and Mike. "I just didn't realize it until it was too late."
Author's Note:
So, there you have it... Santana finally admits that she has feelings for Brittany! The next chapter will be a continuation of this one. I was gonna just make this one long chapter but I figured you guys would enjoy having this part of the story out sooner. My goal is to have the next one ready for you guys within the next day or 2. Until then... be easy peeps!
-Kris :)
Songs Used:
Soft Kitty by Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory ;))
Treasure by Bruno Mars
When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.