Chapter 4: Darkness

If I let myself lay here long enough, I would eventually petrify in our bed. I considered this to be my last option after many others crossed my mind. Alice was watching me constantly, and told me suicide was not an option, though that was my first action after learning of your disappearance. "What if he's alive? Do you think he's appreciate you going off and killing yourself?! And Renesme…" Of course Alice was right, but I didn't care. I needed you and know you could be gone just ended my need for survival. I tired running away to look for you, but I was stopped by Emmet and Jasper at the Canadian border. I was trapped in our house to do nothing but think of you and lay in our bed for the rest of my existence. Jacob was probably back by now but I wasn't sure, because I had made it very clear not be bothered. (I hope Emmet's arm had healed by now.) The rest of family hovered but only by a few yards, and I was content with wallowing in my despair until Edward was right back in my arms.

A small rapping on my window pulled me out of my trance, but when I saw it was Jacob I turned away and closed my eyes trying to forget my thoughts. "Bella please open the door. This isn't my fault and you know it. Come on! Nessie still needs us! I will find Edward Bella I promise!" His voice was strained, and clearly muggy, as if he might have been crying. I looked through the foggy glass and peared into his eyes, that were infact glistening with fresh tears.

"Jake, please just go away. I'm not coming out, nor do I have the strength to do so…" But before I could finish, Jake was through the front door, and at my bed side, then to my horror, picking me up out of my sanctuary. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" I screamed.

"I need you to be a little more around right now, and I think you're forgetting that Edward's family isn't just made up of you or Nessie…his other family id hurting too." He wasn't reprimanding me, but the smile on his face wasn't helping me the way it once did.

"Jake I need my bed, and need you to put me down." I was calm but furious, and I didn't want to hurt my best friend.

"Chillax Bella, now come on, we are finding our family." He replied with a smile and then took off running towards the Cullen Home.

The house looked distant and cold and I was scared to approach it. I didn't like it without him in it, and I knew my family wasn't very happy with me right now. Much to my dismay, Jaboc carried me right threw the front door newlywed style, and plopped me on the white couch. Alice was the first to enter with a shocked approval beaming across her face. "You got her up! I wish I had known she was coming out today, but of course I can't see you…" She said this wish a smile, not with the usual sarcastic edge. Then she turned to me. "Bella is this for now, or are you staying?" Alice looked extremely concerned.

I looked at both her and Jake , sighed and said. "I don't think I have a choice do I?" With my response, Alice lit up squealed and carried me off to the bathroom for a makeover. "Alice I don't need this anymore remember? I'm not even human!" She was putting rollers in my hair, a mask on my face and polish on my nails.

"Actually dear, you do. You might not be human anymore, but laying in solitude for that long did quite a number on your nails, and lets not even debate about your hair, it was a rats nest." I had never seen Alice so happy. And it made this a little easier. I don't know why I though distancing myself from the ones I loved was supposed to work on my mood, but when had I ever got my feelings right?

The day was almost over, and most of my family had forgiven me. Emmet was another story. "You busted my arm with a door, end of discussion." He sat arms crossed next to Rose who was playing with his curls, trying to get him to forgive me.

"The door was in worse shape by far, I think the knob was all that's left." she giggled.

"Plus Em, I never meant to hurt you, it wasn't personal…I can't be held responsible for anything I said or did this past couple weeks, can't you understand?" I begged on my knees, hoping a good pleading would amuse him. He broke the angry façade and picked me up off the ground and put me into a bear hug.

"I could never stay that mad at you. Ah little sister we will find him; have some faith." He smiled down at me and I had to smile back, though it was as fake as they come.

Jacob was planning on going back out again, but we all convinced him one more night to rest wouldn't cause any harm. But sleep was never obtained. We pulled an all nighter, (not a difficult task for me), and talked about Nessie and Edward. The sun rose an unwelcome twelve hours later and we said good bye once again. This time Emmet convinced Rose to let him join in on the hunt, along with Seth as Jacob's wing man. My family was slowly disappearing and I wasn't sure if I could handle saying good bye to anymore of my loved ones.

After the search party departed, Alice and I locked ourselves in her room for some girl talk. "So what would you like to do today?" She pulled me to her king sized bed and cradled me close, like the way a mother would.

"If I told you it wouldn't matter because you wouldn't let me…" I muttered.

"I think I have better idea of what's to come Bella; now tell me what is it you wish to do?" She focused on my eyes, to give me more insight than necessary.

"Alice, I want to find my family." I said. She hopped up and ran to her master closet.

"Then we will need a durable wardrobe!" she exclaimed. Was she re ally allowing me to go and look for them? I didn't have to stay behind? Then I thought back to her answer.

"Alice did you say we?" I walked over to where she was clearly making two separate piles of material.

"You thought I'd let you go alone?" she replied, and with a wink and flash, we finished packing, left love and apology notes, and raced off to find Edward and Renesme.