Kyle woke up to Karen shaking him. He frowned at the little girl in confusion, but he refrained from turning her away when he saw just how troubled she looked. He sighed and sat up.

"What's wrong?" Kyle asked groggily as he rubbed his eyes.

"Where's Kenny?" Karen asked worriedly. "He was supposed to be back by now…"

Kyle studied her for a moment. "Karen, do you know where your brother is?" He asked skeptically. He couldn't imagine that Kenny would have told her the truth.

Karen nodded. "He's with my guardian angel."

Kyle looked over Karen's shoulder at Mrs. McCormick, who was standing in his doorway. "What're you talkin' about, Karen?" Carol asked, her face unusually pale.

Karen looked at her mom. "My guardian angel that comes whenever I need him."

Mrs. McCormick looked at Kyle. "Kenny's with an angel?"

Kyle looked down at Karen. "Why don't you go wake up Ike for me?"

Karen's shoulders slumped over and she left the room. Kyle looked up at Mrs. McCormick. "She's talking about Mysterion."

Carol looked slightly unnerved. "I always thought that kid was just a pot induced hallucination!"

"Uh, what?" Kyle asked.

Carol walked over to the window. "So Kenny is with some kid dressed up in his underwear? Why in the world…?" She shook her head. "It's better than him bein' with an actual angel though, I guess…I just can't take it anymore."

Kyle stared at the back of her head confusedly. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your name's Kyle, right?" She asked, staring out the window.

Kyle fought back irritation. "Yes, you've known me for how long and you don't remember?"

"No, there's a message for you."

Kyle jumped off his bed. "What are you talking about? Jesus Christ the adults in this town are just-"

Mrs. McCormick turned around and fixed Kyle with a hard glare. "Look out the god damn window and stop bein' so damn rude!" She yelled before leaving the room.

Kyle walked over to the window and opened it so he could lean out. There was a piece of paper with his name on it sitting in the snow.

"'Meet me on top of Hell's Pass Hospital,'" Kyle read aloud. He frowned. Maybe it was Kenny or Stan. But why did they want to meet on top of the hospital?

Mysterion awoke with a start. He was strapped down to some kind of table. He groaned as he fidgeted around, trying to loosen his restraints. It was pointless, and he quickly gave up to conserve his energy.

Apparently trying to fight a polar bear was a bad idea. That thing had kicked his ass and…strapped him to a table? Does that make any logical sense?

"…What the fuck?" Mysterion growled.

"Hello? Is someone else in here?"

Mysterion looked up in alarm, searching for the source of that voice. "Stan?" Mysterion called out. "Stan is that you?"

"…Yeah, who's there?" Stan responded, apparently unable to instantly recognize the voice Kenny used as Mysterion.

"Mysterion," Mysterion replied, feeling somewhat ridiculous for keeping up the charade.

"Mysterion? Really?" Stan asked. "…Why not Kenny?"

Mysterion scowled in frustration. "Does it really matter? We need to get out of here!"

Stan, who was tied to a pole with a bag over his head, sighed. "It's no use, man, the WWF has gone completely insane, and the polar bears…don't even get me started on the fucking polar bears…"

"Tell me everything you know," Mysterion demanded roughly.

"Well, for starters, the polar bears have got WWF by the balls. By posing all cute and pathetic-like for their ads, the WWF are making more money than ever. And you know what they say: you scratch our back, and we scratch yours," Stan began.

"WWF is supposed to be a non-profit organization," Mysterion pointed out, "are you saying that they're taking all of the money for themselves and not actually doing anything to help wildlife?"

Stan laughed shakily. "That's where that saying comes in. The polar bears helped the WWF with their commercials, and now the WWF are helping the polar bears…and let me tell you, we're getting screwed over in this deal!"

"You talk as if the polar bears are intelligent creatures," Mysterion mused.

"That's because they fucking are. Of course most people don't know that, they don't have to fucking see them every day. Well…they didn't used to anyway. But now everyone is going to see a lot more of the damned things…"

"What do you mean?" Mysterion asked.

"Using a large portion of the money they raised with the commercials and Coca-Cola sales, the WWF purchased a weather machine prototype. Do you see now? The WWF used it to cause that massive snowstorm! They're trying to fucking convert the entire country into a home for the polar bears!" Stan shouted angrily. "If we don't do something, those things are going to make every person in America their bitch!"

Mysterion gaped at the ceiling. "Do you know where the weather machine is?"

"No, they wouldn't tell me. They hate me because I tried to shut them down."

"You tried to do so without help? Of all the stupid ideas you've had…" Mysterion trailed off.

"You think I don't realize that? I know it was stupid! I know! I should've gone to get help but I just reacted, okay? I didn't exactly think things through!" Stan spat.

Mysterion didn't respond. He was too busy trying to reach his belt, where he always kept his firecrackers and matches. If he could reach the matches, he could try to set fire to his restraints. It could possibly burn him, but he had been past worrying about his physical body for quite some time.

"I'm going to get us out of here," Mysterion told Stan as his fingers finally reached his matches. "And once you're free, I want you to go home. Find Kyle and tell him what's going on."

Stan turned his bag-covered head in the direction of Mysterion's voice. "And what, leave you behind? No way, dude!"

Mysterion struggled to open the box and pull out a sole match. "I'm going to find that weather machine and shut it down."

Stan shook his head. "Not alone, you're not! You said so yourself, that's stupid!"

Mysterion couldn't help but see his logic, and relented. "We'll go back and regroup."

"That's better," Stan agreed. "…Wait, what exactly is your plan to get us out of here?"

Stan's question was answered when Mysterion set his restraints on fire, and unfortunately, himself as well.

"God this fucking hurts!" Mysterion cried out as the restraints burned away. He rolled off the table and onto the ground.

"What the hell is going on?" Stan asked, startled. "I…I smell smoke…Kenny…?"

Mysterion groaned in pain as he continued to roll around, putting out the flames. Once they were out, he remained lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as he caught his breath. Luckily his costume wasn't damaged all that much, but he was sweating a ton and still felt as if he was on fire.

"Did you just set yourself on fire?" Stan asked, horrified. "This is pretty fucked up right here…"

Mysterion winced as he got to his feet. "I…couldn't agree more," he said breathlessly. He ran over to Stan and removed the bag from his head. Stan smiled at his rescuer gratefully, and then Mysterion set to work untying him.

"Do you know this place well enough to lead us out?" Mysterion asked.

Stan nodded warily. "I…think so."

That response didn't exactly inspire much confidence, but Mysterion shrugged it off. He finished freeing Stan, and the two of them headed towards a staircase that lead to the first floor.

"As long as we don't run into any of the bears, we should be fine. These WWF guys are pussies," Stan said through gritted teeth.

"You were one of them not too long ago, what does that make you?"

Stan shot him a dirty look. "Don't be a dick Kenny, let's just get out of here!"

Kyle stepped out onto the roof of Hell's Pass Hospital and glanced around. To his dismay, the person waiting for him near the front was Cartman. Cartman wore a large grin on his face as he beckoned Kyle over to him.

"Come Kyle, there's something I'd like for you to see."

Kyle rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He stopped in front of Cartman and glared at him. "What is it, fat ass?"

Cartman swung his arm around and pointed down at the ground. "Take a look, Kyle."

Kyle arched one eyebrow and stepped toward the ledge and looked out onto the snow. He stared at the ground, horrified and speechless.

"Happy late Hanukkah, Kyle," Cartman said sweetly.

"Cartman…" Kyle gasped. "What the fuck?"

Down below, most of the boys from their fourth grade class were scattered about, peeing on the snow. All of them had managed to spell out the words "FUCK YOU KYLE" with their urine.

Cartman cackled hysterically. "Oh man, you should've seen the look on your face, Kyle…"

Kyle saw red as he looked at each of his classmates below. "Why? What did I ever do to any of you?"

Craig zipped his pants and turned around to look up at him. "It's nothing personal. Cartman is paying us."

Kyle was absolutely fuming as Craig flipped him off. He turned to Cartman and pushed him. "Why would you waste money on this?" Kyle snarled.

Cartman continued to laugh. "Because, the look on your face right now is worth millions."

Kyle stared at him incredulously. "You're saying that, if you could, you would pay millions of dollars, just to see me this angry?"

Cartman smirked. "Definitely," he responded with confidence.

Kyle threw his hands up and began to walk away. "Go fuck yourself, Cartman."

Cartman crossed his arms. "Well, maybe I will, asshole!"

Kyle froze and glanced back at Cartman to make a comment, but changed his mind and exited through the hospital.

Stan and Mysterion hugged the wall as they slowly progressed through the building. Stan peeked around the corner but quickly withdrew out of fear.

"Dude, the fucking Coca-Cola bear is out there."

Mysterion stared at him, not really taking him seriously.

Stan glared at him. "Don't give me that look, he's the bear in charge! No one fucks with him! There's no way we'll get past!"

Mysterion pulled Stan away from the corner and peeked around for himself. Stan was right. That bear was much larger than the one that Mysterion had gone up against, and he wasn't exactly eager to deal with it.

Mysterion turned to Stan. "I'm going to distract the bear. As I do so, you run like hell, you hear me? Get to Kyle's house."

Stan shook his head. "It's suicide, dude!"

Mysterion smirked. "I'll meet you there, I promise."

Stan opened his mouth to protest, but, seeing the look on Mysterion's face, nodded instead. "Good luck," Stan offered with uncertainty.

Mysterion pulled out another match and some of his firecrackers. "Go," he commanded quietly as he lit the firecrackers and tossed them into the main lobby away from the exit.

Stan ran as the bear whirled around in the direction of the firecrackers. Mysterion stepped into its line of sight. The bear merely stared at Mysterion for a moment, sizing him up.

"Pepsi is way better than Coca-Cola," Mysterion said nonchalantly.

The bear flew into a rage and charged at Mysterion. Stan looked over his shoulder for a moment just as he made it outside, afraid for Mysterion, but he continued on. Mysterion jumped out of the way just in time to avoided being tackled by the bear.

Mysterion ran towards the exit, but the bear was quick to block his way once again. It swiped at Mysterion with its paw, unfortunately knocking him to the ground. The bear bent down, bearing its teeth, and Mysterion kicked it sharply in the nose, sending it reeling long enough for Mysterion to slip out from underneath it.

In that moment, the President of the WWF burst into the lobby. "What the hell? I thought that boy was restrained! Help! Get in here!"

Mysterion backed away as the Coke bear and several of its smaller peers cornered him. If he was captured again, he wasn't sure he'd be able to escape in time. They were most likely not as stupid as he hoped. They wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Seeing no other option, Mysterion pulled the pistol from his belt and pressed the barrel against his temple. "You want to capture me? Go ahead. Try it!"

The President looked slightly alarmed, but he shrugged. "If you kill yourself you're just doing us a favor, kid. Whether we capture you or kill you, either way, you can't mess up our plans."

Mysterion smirked. "Think again," he warned.

He pulled the trigger, and he was dead instantly. The President, his subordinates, and the polar bears all stared at the corpse for a long, silent moment. Then the smaller polar bears surged forward and began tearing the boy apart.

The President stared at the situation, aghast. He looked up at the Coca-Cola bear and frowned before turning back to the disgusting image.

He bent over and vomitted, but the Coke bear didn't seem to care.

"I was so scared for a moment there, Stuart," Carol explained to her husband as they both sat on the bed. "When I heard Karen say that Kenny went with an angel I was so mad that it was happening again…"

Stuart took a swig of his whiskey. "But it didn't," he muttered.

Carol nodded. "I know, I kno-AH!"

Stuart jumped up, dropping the whiskey bottle. "What?" he exclaimed.

Carol cradled her stomach. "Oh god damn it! Why? WHY?" She cried. She fell back onto the bed and Stuart was instantly at her side. "How can we possibly explain this to the Broflov-AH!"

Stuart stared hazily at his wife. "Don't worry about that now, just push!"

"I am pushin' you asshole!" Carol yelled.

"Don't call me an asshole when I'm just tryin' to help, bitch!" Stuart screamed.

Screams of pain echoed through the Broflovski household, alarming the other residents. Kyle had just walked through the door, and his mother rushed over to him.

"Bubbe, what's going on?" Sheila asked concernedly.

Kyle raced up the stairs. "I don't know! I'll check on them!"

Kyle burst into the guest bedroom and stared. Whiskey had spilt on the floor and Mr. and Mrs. McCormick were sitting up in the bed, stiff as boards.

"Is everything alright in here?" Kyle asked.

"Yep, sure is, everything's great," Stuart mumbled.

Kyle frowned but didn't say anything else. He left the two alone, and Carol peeled back the bed's blanket to reveal a baby.

"I wonder what happened this time," she mused as she rocked baby Kenny in her arms.