When the air got colder, I learned that Kaiba had a dog. One that had been outside everyday in the summer and fall, everyday I spent at his house, I had never seen this dog, all because I had never gone outside. However, once the air got colder and the snow started falling, Kaiba kept this dog inside most days. Would only take him out when he needed walk. I was shocked by this, I had always thought that Kaiba was a cat person, and only a cat person. I had asked if the dog was Mokuba's, but all he did was scoff, say that Mokuba hated the dog. I couldn't quite believe it. He spoke of dogs as though they were filth to him, yet he owned one. It seemed I didn't know much about Kaiba, despite all the time I now spent with him. It seemed that I knew nothing of the man I was trying to raise out of depression. What a fucking joke I was. I should have asked more questions, I should have known not to judge him by what I thought I knew. I had never known Kaiba, not by the least bit.
As winter rolled around, I would go with Kaiba to the park, to walk his dog, of course. It wasn't something I had ever expected to be fun, but I found that it was probably the best time that I'd had in awhile, I found that watching the dog shuffle along the ice slicked side walk was hilarious. To see him smile as Jabba yelped at nothing, well, it was enlightening. I had always thought that the only thing Kaiba would smile for was his little sister, but it seemed to be that I was wrong by a long shot, Kaiba would smile so easily, but as easily as these smiles came, they would vanish as well. The slightest thing said to upset him could ruin everything, the smallest thing, ranging from a bugbite to a cruel taunt, anything could ruin that smile that found itself so weakly placed on his lips. Yet anything could bring it back, anything could make him as happy as he had been before. From the sight of snow to yelping pup, anything could make him smile.
I tried my best to keep that smile on his face whenever we were together, smiling was good for the soul, smiling made one feel better, even through the hazy fog of a depressive state. So long as I kept him smiling, that depression should have kept away from him, it should have left him be, allowed him to be the happy son of a bitch he had been when his sister was still around. I'd try my best for him, but no one could do a perfect job, no one could keep another person happy forever. Eventually that smile would always fade. As it fell, it would tug me down with it. I did not enjoy seeing his smile fade, I didn't enjoy watching as that light faded from his eyes. Who in their right mind would? Kaiba was a good guy, he had proved himself to be months ago, he was a better person than he had been in the past, he didn't deserve to be anything but happy. Not in my mind. No good man, woman, or child, deserved anything less than happiness, no matter what.
For some reason, despite who I knew Kaiba to be, or to have been, I did not care, I found that he was a better friend than I had expected him to be. I knew he did not consider us friends, for he wasn't the type to keep them, but I knew that we were. We spent some time with each other everyday, we both enjoyed this time. How were were not friends? He kept me sane just as much as I kept him happy. We were good together. I found that I was glad that Mokuba called me that day. I found I was glad that she hadn't offered me anything in return, if I had done this for something, I doubt that we would have come as far as we have. I doubted that we would have gotten to this point.
We may not have been friends, but we were pretty good companions for one another. We weren't nice to each other, no, but the insults we spewed had turned more into playful banter, something that we both enjoyed. We were getting along, which was a shock to me, usually we'd be at each other's throats, trying and trying to bring each other down. We usually couldn't care less about each other's feelings, we usually couldn't give a single damn about the other. Yet here we were, two peas in a fucking pod.
I felt as though it was safe to assume that we both felt sorry for each other, I felt as though it was safe to assume that we could finally understand each other. We had both been left behind by those that we loved, we had both been tossed to the side so easily. We knew how each of us felt, we were in the same boat, for once we had something in common, and that something was drawing us together, that something had brought us to a common understanding. It made us more willing to put up with each other's shit.
Despite how we may have disliked certain things about one another. Despite how we may have disliked each other in the past, we were getting along now, we were dealing with one another, we were fine with depending on one another, it was something we had to do if we didn't want to be alone, and neither of us wanted to be alone.
Eventually, I found that he wasn't just some friend to me, eventually, I found that I admired him, his smile, everything about him, he was dealing with depression, and yes he had let it take it's hold at one point, but now he was holding that same helplessness by the throat, that was something to admire. He may have needed my help to pull him out of it, but at least he had been able to pull out of it. That was admirable. I found that this admiration was just that, it wasn't some flurry of romantic feelings, but it was a platonic longing. I wished to be not only his friend, but someone he looked up to, someone he admired, someone he trusted, I wanted to be his friend.