Hey Logger, it's me again. I don't think we've talked much. I dunno if I'm more pissed or just sad right now. I'm almost fourteen and nobody wants me. I'm the only one of my old class who doesn't have a real lightsaber and I don't suppose you know what it's like to not be able to lift a single little rock. I've no mom, no pets, nothing but crappy grades and an attitude, the Masters say. Well, they didn't really say it, but I know what they're thinking. I'm not really supposed to be talking to you, but I can't take one more second of this stupid, boring meditation, not when Relya and the others are going all over the galaxy with their Masters.
It's not fair! Rel was taken when she was ten and here I am still! I guess I could call her a friend for saving my skin a few times, but it's hard to call anyone 'friend' when Dad's an old Sith guy and it's hard to describe the thing between him an me. I need to punch something. The Masters say I've too much emotion. Well, so what? I'd punch the wall, 'cept that you're in it.
You know, I don't give Sithspit about what I'm getting in these classes. Thermo's pretty interesting, but history? So what if Tionne's teaching it? It's still embarrassing when she's talking about Darth Vader and everyone starts staring at me. I hate to say it, but right now is a really good time for that Hapan ditz to come and start whining. But she's not here, is she?
If the next knight that comes here picks some littlie over me, I'm outta here. Seriously, one of my friends says that there's a good way to sneak past Corellia's border guards and do something there. I might not've been Master Tionne's best student, but I really liked that bit on the Corellian Separation War. Maybe I could learn to pilot. Grandpa and Aunt Jaina were aces and Dad's pretty good himself, so unless I got a bad gene from Mom, whoever she is, I'd be a good pilot.
You see, Dad never let me fly. What's the fancy word for it again? Oh yeah, hypocrite. He flew when he was my age. He said it's for safety. Well, we're not in a war and I'm not about to get myself killed, so why the kriff not? Then he cracked, I think. He asked why I couldn't be more like some person whose name I didn't catch. I bet that was Mom. People say that opposites attract, so I bet that she didn't have the wild streak.
Wait a second, did I just admit that I'm like Dad? Well, I'm not exactly the perfect son and he's not much of a dad, so I guess we're the perfect family! We're guys, so we're not supposed to be all mushy, so that evens it out for the most part. Things got really odd when he told me about his last skirmish with those Corellians around the time I was born. He sounded like he was never himself again after that. Was he that close to Aunt Jaina?
Force knows he was past hurt whenever anybody said 'Corellia'. Then again, he studied with Aunt Jaina ever since he was what, fifteen? A few years with the Sword of the Jedi would explain why he was so critical when we dueled last night. Ouch. I think I still hurt from all of that fake lightsaber shock.
It was like/iDon't let your guard down, real enemies won't be this nice. Real enemies might hit with worse stuff than that. Gail, please take this seriously. When you leave with your Master, and I know you will soon, people will try to /ikilli you. You've a good life ahead of you and I don't want to lose you like…. Just don't die, okay?/i Well, the last part was a little weird. I'd like to say that he's cracked, 'cept that I don't think that I really can. I mean, he's practically cringed at the thought of talking to me about Mom, and he's lost at least two Masters and a coupla friends before I was born.
What am I talking about? People around Dad die all the time. He just wants to sound like he cares about something other than chewing me out for anything and everything iAND/i he still wouldn't ever know what it's like to not be able to lift stuff.