Warnings: shonen-ai (boy/boy love), slight violence, angst, use of the "H" word

Disclaimers: All the characters, places, things, etc. in this story belong to J.K. Rowling. Sue me and you'll only get heaps of Star Wars books and outdated lightsabers :P

Notes: Yes, after two long years, I've decided to finally finish this fic. But not now. I just edited some grammar and punctuation errors that for some reason I failed to notice the first time around. I'll try to have the last chapter up in a couple of days.

Italicized words are thoughts.

Chapter Four: Watching and Waiting

Sirius sat down heavily on the grass. What a horrible day it had been. Remus had been avoiding him like the plague since they'd had that jokingly flirtatious conversation.

I wonder what I did wrong. Did I offend him? Maybe he's homophobic. Doesn't seem likely, with him being a werewolf and all. It doesn't seem right that he'd be prejudiced against gay people. But who knows? Even after all these years, he still isn't open about himself. Doesn't he trust us? Or is he afraid to get too close?

Sirius leaned back on the tree behind him, still deep in thought. He desperately wanted to seek Remus out, but he was deathly afraid that Remus would send him away, ignore him, yell at him, or any of a number of scenarios that his paranoid mind had cooked up. So now he had retreated to a quiet corner of the Hogwarts grounds, at a loss regarding his next move.

Sirius was not a sedentary person by nature, and eventually he could no longer stand his current inactive state. He stood up and walked towards the lake, still immersed in his own thoughts, dreams, and fears. Suddenly, he realized that he was not alone. Sirius sighed resignedly when he discovered just whom he had stumbled upon.

I can't decide whether Fate is with me or against me. I mean, I did want to see him, but I was hoping it would be after I had figured out what the hell I'm supposed to do.

With no other options, Sirius just stood there and gazed at the subject of his current dilemma. As usual, Remus was submerged in the pages of yet another tome, this time a very thick and ancient-looking one. Besides turning a page and occasionally lifting his hand to brush his hair away from his face, he didn't move from his position. Apparently, he hadn't noticed Sirius' arrival.

Now what? Should I talk to him? What if he doesn't want to be disturbed? What if he's angry with me? Worse yet, what if he knows how I feel and is disgusted?

:What if you wasted your whole life worrying about the what-ifs and never actually found out the truth?:

Point taken.

Sirius took a deep breath and closed the remaining distance between him and Remus. Remus looked up, startled, and then went back to reading his book. Sirius ignored the pain he felt at being ignored and, instead, settled onto the grass beside Remus. A tense silence filled the air for what seemed like eternity.

Finally, Sirius decided he'd had enough.

"Remus."

Without taking his eyes off the book, Remus replied, "What is it?"

Ouch. He won't even look me in the eye.

Sirius looked sadly at the back of Remus' head. "Did I offend you so much that you won't even look at me anymore?"

Startled for the second time, Remus quickly put down his book and caught Sirius' gaze. "What? You didn't do anything to offend me! What makes you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because you've been avoiding me like I'm a dementor or something," Sirius replied sarcastically.

Or like your gay best friend who also happens to be in love with you.

Remus looked away. "It's not really your fault…"

"Then why are you avoiding me? If I didn't offend you, then what did I do?"

Remus picked up his book again and simply answered, "It's complicated."

Sirius grabbed Remus' book and threw it a few feet away. "That's not good enough, Remus. If I did something wrong, I want to know what it is so I can apologize. If I didn't do anything, then I deserve to know why you're mad at me."

Deprived of his only means of escaping the conversation entirely, Remus resorted to staring at his own hands to avoid having to look at Sirius. "I'm not mad at you. If anything, I thought you were mad at me."

"What? I'm not mad at you either. Why would I be mad? You were avoiding me because you thought I was mad at you?" Sirius was getting confused.

"No, that's not it…"

"Then why?" Sirius was determined not to leave without an answer.

Remus finally looked up. "You really want to know why? Fine. Meet me here tonight. After dinner. I just need some time to think about what I'm going to say."

Sirius wanted to know now, but Remus was adamant. Finally, Sirius gave in.

"Fine. I'll meet you here tonight. But I won't wait any longer than that."

:Who do you think you're kidding? You'll wait for eternity if that's what it takes.:

I know… But I still want to find out now. If he knows how I feel, then it's better if we clear things up sooner rather than later.

He snapped out of his reverie when he realized Remus was talking again.

"Thanks, Sirius. I promise, I'll tell you tonight."

Sirius nodded with feigned contentment, but internally he was in turmoil. If Remus really did know how Sirius felt, their friendship could very well end that night. Sirius didn't know if he could survive that.

Whatever happens, everything will change tonight.

Sorry for the cliffhanger I wanted to gather my thoughts before I wrote the ending. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review!