"KEVIN," Dean yelled as he stalked into the main room, "please tell Castiel his plan is stupid and makes no sense."

Kevin blinked as the two scowling men stopped at opposite sides of the table and glared at each other. He sighed as he dropped his head into his hands, "what plan is this, exactly?"

"To find a way to get into the room Metatron is currently occupying and get my Grace back so I can kill him."

"That... Isn't very well thought out..."

"THANK YOU. Jesus Cas, the guy just stole the bit of you that gave you all your juice, how do you know he's not done that to EVERY angel out there? What if he's just got a fucking stash of angel mojo at his fingertips?"

"Actually, the other angels still have the majority of their Grace, their wings have just been... Clipped."

Dean threw his hands into the air as Kevin glanced between them.

"Do you not agree that Metatron needs to be stopped?"

"Well yes! But going in all guns blazing isn't going to help, we need a plan of action here that doesn't end in you getting yourself killed over a fucking bottle of glowy stuff. Have you also forgotten about Sam? He's probably dying RIGHT FUCKING NOW and before we start working on going after some batshit angel with a power complex I'd like to have my little brother back in one piece. What about the damn angel tablet as well? What was so fucking important about it that you just ran off with it? But clearly it wasn't that important 'cus you lost the damn thing. Good job we got it back isn't it?"

"I didn't 'lose' it, Dean," Dean surpressed the snigger that almost broke through at Castiel still using air quotes, "I had it forcibly taken out of my stomach cavity by Crowley! I didn't see you scrambling to help me then."

"You know what," Dean glared at the former angel, "blow me Cas-"

Before he could continue Castiel darted around the table and growled into his face, "one of these days I will just to shut you up," The dark haired man then turned and stalked out of the room, leaving Kevin and Dean gaping after him.

"I... Don't think he understands what that means... Does he?" Kevin gulped.

Dean just glared at him and then leant on the back of a chair.

The two of them heard a cough from the doorway and glanced up, Dean rushed to Sam's side as the younger brother waved him away and sat down heavilly in a chair.

"No need to shout, guys. Apparently someone who's sick needs their rest."

"Oh well I'm sorry for arguing against a stupid idea," Dean grumbled.

Sam glanced at Kevin and raised his eyebrows as Dean moved to get Sam a drink. Kevin shrugged and shook his head. Sam jerked his head slightly to Kevin, indicating that he should leave for a few minutes.

Kevin nodded and faked a yawn as Dean came back, "I'm gonna go for a lie down..." he mumbled as Dean eyed him curiously.

"Subtle," Sam mumbled with an amused smile, Kevin just glared at him as he left the room but ruined the expression with his own grin.

Dean sat down next to Sam and dropped his head onto the table, sighing loudly, "so," Sam started, "what's the plan?"

Dean groaned, "Kevin's still looking through the tablet," he sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face then looked at Sam.

"And," Sam glanced towards the door and leant towrds Dean, speaking quietly, "Crowley?"

"No clue what to do with him yet," Dean murmured in response, Sam nodded in understanding, "I mean, the guy seems to be human, so, what are we supposed to do man?"

Sam shook his head and shrugged slightly, "Dean, how are you?"

"Me? I'm just peachy, Sammy. Angels are just wandering around America and probably the world, there's an ex-demon chained up in the dungeon, my little brother is having god knows what happen to him, and I've got a fallen angel ready to throw himself onto a spike 'cus he's frustrated. Everything's fine."

"Wow, okay, no need to get snappy at me," Sam shoved Dean's shoulder lightly, earning him a glare that didn't quite reach Dean's eyes, "why were you and Cas arguing for no reason anyway?"

Dean spluttered, "no reason? Sam! He wants to burst in on Metatron and kill him. Like it'd be that easy! That's not 'for no reason'. The guy's on a suicide mission and there's no way I'm gonna let him do that just so he can prove he's sorry or whatever."

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean, "so this isn't because you actually care about the guy?"

"What? He's a friend, Sam, of course I care about him," Dean frowned.

"No, I mean care about him, Dean. Most people you'd be happy for them to do whatever it took to prove they were sorry, including letting them just burst in on the most powerful angel out there."

Dean spluttered a 'shut up' and moved to the kitchen to make Sam food, but not before Sam saw the slight blush on Dean's face. Sam followed him into the doorway and leant on the frame as Dean moved quickly around the room, carefully avoiding looking at or even facing Sam for too long.

When Dean placed a sandwich onto the table he turned around and started clearing up, Sam moved to the table and started eating.

Half way through Sam tried again, "how else would you explain this sudden gush of wanting to keep Cas safe?"

Dean ignored him, save for a glare, and left the room. He stalked past Kevin, ignoring his curious glance as Dean grabbed an armful of books, and locked himself in his room. Dean slid down the door and glared at the wall opposite him for a few seconds before rousing himself and sliding a record onto the player he'd claimed.

The music started and Dean turned it up slightly, enough to drown out anyone trying to talk to him through the door, and set the books around him on a desk.

Later in the evening Dean heard a soft knock on his door between songs. He sighed and moved to open the door, freezing slightly when it was half open and he saw Castiel stood there with a plate of food and a bottle of beer.

"Can I come in?" Cas asked sheepishly. Dean shrugged and went back to his seat at the desk.

Cas slowly walked into Dean's room and smiled as he glanced around, taking in everything that made it personal to the hunter and remembering why he wanted to decorate his own.

"What's up, Cas?" Dean asked with a slight smile.

"I, uh, brought you food. And beer. In apology for my words earlier," Cas said, offering the plate and bottle to Dean almost shyly.

Dean eyed them for a moment before shrugging, "hey, thanks for the grub, I was just about to make some. Has Sam eaten? What about Kevin?"

"Sam is at the moment, Kevin got fed first because he was in the main room." Cas frowned slightly at Dean's dismissal of his apology, "did you hear me? I apologised?"

"Yeah, Cas, you do that a lot," Dean said after turning back to his desk and the book he had laying open there. No one needed to know he'd been staring at the same page for the past hour and hadn't actually taken any new notes since he got into his room.

Cas watched Dean sadly for a few minutes, then left the plate of food and the beer on the desk next to him. He wandered out of Dean's room and closed the door softly, waiting for a few minutes to see if Dean got up and locked it again, he did.

With a sigh Castiel wandered down the corridor to Sam's room where he'd dropped off food before going to see Dean. He opened the door after a knock to see Sam sat in bed with a book and more notes than Dean had got.

"Hey Cas, food was great," Sam glanced up with a grin, "woah, dude, you alright?" Sam's face dropped into a concerned frown.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you," Cas replied as he gathered up the empty plate and glass next to Sam.

Sam reached out and grabbed Castiel's arm gently, causing him to stiffen, "hey, I grew up with Dean, I know when someone's not really alright, what's wrong? I know I'm not Dean but..."

Cas sighed, "I tried to apologise to Dean and he brushed it off again, like he did after I returned when Crowley stole the tablet," Sam sucked in a sharp breath, "it is alright, it is not like I expected him to forgive me."

"He does though, you know that, right? He thinks of you as family, Cas, and he always forgives family."

Cas gave Sam a small smile and shrugged before leaving the room to clean Sam's plate. Sam frowned after him and carefully stood up.

The shaking in his legs came and went, and right now was a moment when the shaking threatened to make him fall over. Instead of letting it beat him, though, Sam stumbled to the door and walked along the corridor to Dean's room, leaning on the wall as he went and breathing heavier than a short walk should have made him.

For a few minutes Sam leant against Dean's door and listened to the music swap to the next song, both so Dean would hear him and so he could get his breathing under control to make it seem like he hadn't just run a marathon.

When the songs swapped, Sam rapped on Dean's door, took a deep breath and stood up. He heard Dean sigh and move to the door, the lock clicked and Dean peered out through a small gap in the door before he saw it was Sam and threw it open.

"Sammy, you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, except you're an ass," Sam grinned and motioned for Dean to get out of the way before walking into Dean's room and flopping onto his older brother's bed, "you ever gonna tell Cas you actually forgive him?"

Dean frowned at Sam and glanced down the corridor before shutting the door again. He wandered to the record player and swiped the volume down so him and Sam could talk properly.

"The dude apologises for everything, Sam, if I told him every time that it was okay or whatever I'd go mad."

"Yeah, but he needs to hear it some of the time, dude," Dean just glared at him as he flopped into his chair, "to be honest, I think you need to stow your crap."

Dean spluttered, "what?!"

"Come on, you clearly care about the guy, and whether or not you admit it everyone can see this 'thing' you've got going on, just, accept it at least? Would you?"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "wow these trials have fried your brain or something, Samantha. Seriously, there's so much crap going on right now I'm not surprised your head is like scrambled eggs but you don't need to shove it on me, okay?"

Sam huffed, "seriously man, ask anyone, Kevin will agree, so will Charlie, and I bet Garth will when he sees you and Cas interract."

"Charlie hasn't seen us 'interract'."

"She's read the books."

"Fucking Chuck."

Sam snorted and threw a pillow at Dean, who caught it with a grin and gently hit Sam over the head with it.

"Seriously though, dude, just... At least tell him you forgive him. Even if you can't admit to being in love with the guy."

"Sammy," Dean sighed, "I say this with the biggest amout of love and care that I can, fuck off and stop spouting your shit so I can sleep," Dean looked at Sam and Sam could see how tired he seemed, so he stopped arguing.

Sam rose from Dean's bed and moved to the door, he opened it half way and then leant his back against the frame, "Dean..."

"Night, Sammy," Dean had flopped face down on the bed, holding the pillow Sam threw at him over his head and burying his face in the other one, so Sam left.

He passed Castiel on the way back to his room and shared a small smile with him before collapsing into his own bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

Cas walked into his room and shut the door, he slid down the wood and sat on the floor staring at the opposite wall. He stayed that that for a few seconds before sighing and moving to his desk where he gently closed the books he'd been reading and then got into bed.

He stared at the ceiling of his room as the shadows from his high window waved across it and hoped he'd fall asleep soon so he didn't have to think.

Dean stared at the wall, then rolled onto his back and watched the tree shadows swaying over the ceiling, then rolled onto his other side and glared at the door.

"Jesus christ Sammy," Dean mumbled as he buried his face in his pillow again, breathing in the clean smell of fresh bedding that he'd started to let himself get used to.

He thought about what Sam had said and frowned into the soft pillow. 'Ask anyone'. What was that suppossed to mean? No one but Sam seemed to be thinking anything of his and Cas' friendship. Because that's all it is. To both of them. Right?

Right?

Sometimes he hated his little brother.

Castiel stumbled into the kitchen again, not careful enough in the dark to not trip over the book on the floor. Though he didn't call out when he stubbed his toe against the hard spine of the thick volume, which he took as a small victory.

He located the whisky easily enough, and quickly poured himself a drink, swallowing it and in a single motion refilling the glass again. Cas felt bad for doing it, but it helped him sleep. He'd just have a couple more then stumble back to bed.

As he swallowed the second drink he thought he heard a noise, but ignored it to pour a third one and swallow it, the familiar nice warmth spreading down his chest as he felt himself relax slightly.

"Cas? Again?" Dean asked softly from the doorway, causing Cas to jump and look at the bottle in his hand guiltily, "are you drunk right now?"

"No... I was trying to sleep."

Dean sighed and walked over to Castiel, he took the bottle and the glass out of his hands, refilled the glass with water and handed it back to Cas.

"I'm sorry, Dean."

"I know, man, I get it. I forgive you."

Cas gave Dean a tight smile, "You worry, I'm sorry, I just make it worse. I'll not do it again, I promise. I know you worry about what you saw when you went to the future, I'm sorry."

"Cas," Dean held up his hand, "stop apologising, it's fine, just, go to bed okay?"

Castiel nodded degectedly and carried the glass of water with him, sipping it as he made his way back to his room and Dean put things away in the kitchen, and secretly made something for Crowley to eat.

As Cas lay down on his bed he felt the familiar slowness that seemed to come from alcohol, but it wasn't enough to make him giddy like he'd had the night before. Instead he stared at the ceiling and wondered why Dean kept him around. The thought seemed like a recurring dream in his head now.

He doesn't deserve a friend like Dean. Or Sam. Or Kevin. Or anyone. He didn't deserve to be brought back all the times he has been. He understood it was for pennance, but he knew he didn't deserve the chances.

He felt something trickle down his cheek, and moved his hands to his eyes. Tears. He let out a surprised huff as he began to cry, then rolled over and buried his head in his pillow to muffle the sobs.

There was a soft knock on his door, and then he heard Dean's voice, "Cas?"

"Go away Dean," Castiel managed to say between sobs.

Cas heard nothing for a few seconds then felt the bed next to him dip as Dean sat on it. He felt Dean's hand gently rub his back as he continued to cry into his pillow and every now and again squeeze his shoulder in comfort.

As his sobs died away Deans hand stilled on his upper back, "feel better?"

"Not really."

"You will," Castiel could hear the soft smile on Dean's face, and when he turned his head to look he saw it there, along with Dean's sad looking eyes as the taller man squeezed his shoulder again in confirmation.

Cas gave Dean a tight smile and rubbed at his face gently, Dean swapped the two pillows on Cas' bed around so he wasn't laying on the damp one and made to leave.

"Dean... Will you..."

Dean looked over his shoulder at Castiel and paused, before continuing on his way to the door. Cas sighed and buried his head in the pillow again as he listened to the door close.

He heard his chair move and his head snapped up to see Dean settling into it with a smile, "sure, Cas."

"Thank you," Castiel smiled at him as he settled into bed, "can you just, talk again? About anything?"

Dean grinned, "yeah, I can do that. How about stuff before you joined us? Not this time, I mean before you dragged my fat ass out of hell. It was weird, Cas, trust me. It might not seem as weird as things are now, but it was."

Dean talked gently, he told Cas about his first hunt on his own, and his first hunt with Sam, he talked about how John used to help him whenever he was stuck, and how John actually showed an interest in what Sam had learnt at school.

He aso talked about how heartbroken he and John were when Sam went off to college, and when Sam ran away. He told Cas about how he went to get Sam when John had gone missing, and how they put a White Woman to rest thanks to Sam. He talked about the people they'd saved, and about how upset and mad he was when Crowley started to kill them off out of spite.

He then started talking about the bunker, about how he felt safe there, and the sort of things they'd found. Dean told Cas about all the storage rooms that they'd found, and all the others they hadn't even started to explore yet. He told Cas about the dungeon, but not that Crowley was in there.

Dean admitted quietly he was scared for Sam, he didn't know what to do to help him and he was worried that this might actually end him. Like he had been since the start of the trials.

"I don't know what's gonna happen now, man. I mean, I've got Sammy to look after, and Kevin to keep safe," Dean chuckled, "and there's you," Dean glanced at Cas and saw he was asleep, "I want you to keep safe too, y'know? I hope you know that. I'm just having a difficult time saying it. I worry about you, Cas, I worry a lot. Not just because of what I saw in the future, but that plays a part of it. I don't want you to be that broken. I swear to you, Cas, you won't stay human. We'll fix this. Even if it's just you and me who can, I don't wanna let you down again." Dean laughed quietly, "I mean, I'd gladly have you by my side no matter what, angel, crazy, human... Stoned, whatever. But, I know you man, I know you wanna be you again. And I can't blame you for that."

Dean leant forward and put his head in his hands. He scrubbed them over his face and watched Cas sleep for a few moments, "you've spent so long fixing all my fuck ups, and cleaned up so many of my messes, it's about time I got to clean some of yours up too. What are friends for? Well, what's family for?"

Cas stirred in his sleep and mumbled something Dean didn't quite catch, Dean's mouth snapped shut and he watched Cas for a bit longer. Cas settled down again and began to snore slightly. Dean chuckled fondly and squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently before he left the room and went to his own to sleep.

When Dean woke up the next morning it was raining, he could hear it hitting the windows and the roof of the bunker. He pulled himself out of bed and moved to make breakfast for everyone.

Kevin was already up, and grinned at him as Dean wandered into the main room.

"What time is it?"

"About eleven, you must have needed sleep."

Dean blinked and glanced at his watch, then huffed, "anyone else up?"

"Yeah, Cas went for a walk around the bunker and Sam's been to get food and a new book."

"Cas is out in this?!"

The door to the bunker opened, and a very wet Castiel walked through the door and dripped his way down the stairs.

"In his defence, it wasn't raining when he went out..." Kevin sniggered at the bedraggled man.

Cas smiled at Dean and tugged off his jacket, "I may have been caught in a downpour but I can still function well enough to tell you your spelling is off," he pointed to a word on Kevin's notes and the younger man scowled before hitting Cas' hand away.

Dean laughed as Cas's grin widened and watched him wander to the door, "hey Cas, want some food?"

"No, I ate before I went for a walk, thank you though."

Dean nodded and moved to the kitchen, he made two sandwiches and walked back to his room eating one. He stopped outside of Castiel's room and listened at the door, he couldn't hear anything so assumed Cas had gone for a shower.

That thought shouldn't have made Dean blush.

Dean took the other sandwich down to Crowley, who was curled up on the floor sleeping. He poked the former demon with his toe and sniggered as he started awake.

"Food," Dean said, passing him the sandwich and sitting down as Crowley ate slowly, staring at the edge of the devil's trap on the floor.

"Thank you," Crowley said as Dean took back the plate, "I'm surprised you can find it within yourself to forgive me..."

"This isn't forgiveness, you fucking douchebag, this is being a human being," Dean growled as he stood up and left the small space.

He grabbed a couple of books off the shelf to take back up with him, glad he did as he bumped into Castiel wearing just a towel when he came out of the archive rooms.

"More books? Really?"

Dean started as he noticed him, then grinned, "yeah, why not? There's gotta be something somewhere," he then noticed Cas was only in a towel, and blushed slightly before coughing, "anyway, back to studying!"

Dean moved around Castiel carefully, not missing the confused face of the former angel, and continued into his room.

A few minutes later there was a knock on his door and Cas walked in wearing an oversized sweater and another pair of sweat pants.

"Dude, we really need to get you some clothes," Dean said after he finished laughing, "you look ridiculous in Sam's old stuff, and what the hell is that sweater?"

"I found it in one of the rooms, it's warm, shut up," Cas grinned slightly at Dean's laughter, "though I do agree, I would like to not have to borrow clothes off you and Sam."

"Well get your measurements and next time I go into town I'll get you some things," Dean grinned as Cas stood awkwardly in the doorway, "dude, you can come in properly you know."

Cas smiled almost shyly and moved to sit on Dean's bed, holding himself upright as if he still wasn't sure how his body worked, "what have you found so far?"

"A whole lot of crap," Dean sighed poking the book he was trying to read, "none of it will help, really, the only thing that will help are those damn hunks of clay with things scratched on them."

"They are not really clay..."

"I know, Cas, just... Never mind."

The two of them fell into an easy silence as Dean stared at the book and Castiel looked around his room.

"I want to decorate my room," Dean jumped slightly, "it is rather... plain. It unnerves me."

"Well, what would you like in it?"

"I... Have no idea."

Dean burst into laughter, "oh that's fantastic, well done, Cas," Cas frowned but his lips twitched into a smile, "okay, when I get you more clothes I'll find you something for your room, okay?"

"Okay Dean."

Dean snorted again and went back to reading the book, glancing up when Castiel swiped one off his desk and took a few sheets of paper then sat back down on Dean's bed to read it.

Over the course of the next few minutes Cas ended up shifting his position slowly so he'd kicked off his slippers, and shifted around to lean his back against Dean's headboard. He'd bent his knees to rest the book against them and was fully immersed in the book. So much so that when Dean got up to go to the toilet, Cas hadn't even noticed him leave when he got back.

Dean sat back down at his desk and watched Cas out of the corner of his eye. The dark haired man frowned slightly as he was reading, just a tiny wrinkle between his eyes which made him look like he was concentrating deeply on the words in front of him.

"Found anything, Cas?" Castiel didn't respond, Dean smiled softly and sat back in his chair, he looked at Cas properly; he watched how his hands turned the pages carefully as if the book in front of him was precious; he watched as the frown deepened for a moment, and as Castiel's tongue stuck out from between his lips, and his eyes scanned the line two or three times before realisation dawned on his face and the tongue disappeared; the frown lessening back to the smaller one the man wore before.

Dean tilted his head slightly and almost laughed at the action as it was so... Cas like, but watched as Castiel's hair dried and flopped about more. Some of it still sticking up from where it was rubbed by the towel, and some of it flopping into place from being stood on end.

He watched as Cas reached up slowly and rubbed at his hair to settle it, then tilted his head as he continued to read with one hand still tangled in his hair. Dean coughed slightly and glanced back at his book, realising he'd reached the end of it by idly flipping through it while watching Castiel. It wasn't any help anyway.

"Cas?" the ex-angel still didn't respond, so Dean stood up and moved to stand next to the bed, when that still didn't get a reaction he waved his hand in front of Castiel's face.

Cas jumped, gasped and his eyes snapped to Dean's. Dean laughed as the slightly glazed expression clarified and Cas blushed, "sorry, did, um, did you need me?"

The laughter stopped but Dean continued to smile, "you know I could be so cheesy with a response, but it will always go over your head. You want anything to eat?"

Cas shook his head as Dean left him in his room.

"You... Could be cheesy?" Cas murmured and frowned as he remembered the crypt, where Dean had told Castiel he was like family, and that he needed him, that didn't seem cheesy, was that what Dean was referring to? Or something else?

Castiel shrugged and glanced back at the book he had propped open before standing up, stretching, then returning to his previous position and continuing to read.

He didn't notice Dean come back with a sandwich and take his place at his desk and a new book of his own.