Chapter 4: Awaken Your Anxieties

Standing as still as possible, he listened to Derek drive away and he continued standing for far longer than he should have, straining to hear if he'd come back. Eventually, Spencer stepped out of his pants, changed into his pajamas, and laid down on the couch, hoping a knock on the door would wake him.

Sleep eluded him. Guilt kept rearing its ugly head every time he got close, even though his rational mind knew that neither he nor Derek was at fault. They both had ghosts from the pasts that had interfered with the present – nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, rational thought didn't keep his eidetic memory from replaying every moment.

When Friday finally turned into Saturday, Spencer willed himself off the couch after only a few hours of sleep and started cleaning. He'd stopped 11 times during a 5 hour period to call Derek, but each time Derek didn't pick up, a new cycle of guilt started and the cleaning became more frenzied. In the back of his mind, Spencer hoped that if he cleaned hard enough, his body and mind would settle down. He wanted read a few newly released government reports and a couple of the books he'd picked up last week, but as the day went on, it became apparent that wasn't going to happen. He considered taking the Metro to sit outside Derek's door until he was let in, but he did something far more foolish instead.

He cut his hair.

There was no logical reason behind what he did. He wasn't even quite sure how it even happened. There were scissors and then the scissors were in his hands and then a large portion of his hair was on the his bathroom floor. When he looked in the mirror and saw his jagged handiwork, Spencer panicked and called the one person he thought might be able to help.

"Hey sweet cheeks, whatcha doin' calling me at home? You know any calls after hours cost more..." she joked.

The words came tumbling out. "Garcia, I...well, you know...I just...umm, I did something stupid."

"What kind of stupid are we talking about?" she smirked. "Cuz there's every day stupid and there's 'I'm usually such a genius' stupid."

"I may have tried to cut my hair and it might look like a 5 year old did it?" he confessed.

She laughed sympathetically. "Sounds like every day stupid to me."

"Try not to sound so smug," he laughed. "Besides, regardless of what type it is, it's stupid that needs to be fixed."

"Oh, silly me... Lemme get you the address for my friend Tony's place. He's fabulous...and into nerdy guys." He could practically hear her wink.

"Garcia!" he protested. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want help with that?"

"Just sayin...you could use some lovin, baby boy." He bit his tongue. Now was definitely not the time to divulge the other rash decision he'd recently made.

Address in one hand and coffee in the other, Spencer made his way downtown, ready for a professional to fix the mess he'd created. Thankfully, it wasn't too far; he was embarrassed enough as it was without the multitude of strangers staring at him. The shop was small and a bit off the beaten path, but it was well-kept and there were plenty of customers waiting. When Tony came over to greet him, Spencer had a hard time keeping his eyes from wandering. The man was undeniably his type - a muscular build with full lips that sported a friendly smile. To top it off, Tony's emerald eyes were strikingly handsome and full of expression.

"Oh hunny, when Penelope called and said it wasn't going to be good...well, I didn't expect it to be this bad." He felt Tony's eyes look him over. "Don't worry, I know just the fix," Tony bragged. "I'll make it so that you'll be catching the eyes of every pretty girl who walks by you." Spencer made a face and Tony amended, "Oh, darlin...all the boys were too busy watching your tight ass to notice your hair, but I'll give them something to look at...in case their eyes ever wander up to your face." A sly grin, along with the innuendo, made Spencer flush.

Tony winked. "Okay, time to work some magic pretty boy."

"P-please don't call me that," he stammered.

An inquisitive look came across his face, but rather than asking the question that came to mind, Tony focused on Spencer's hair. Spencer was thankful that it didn't take too long to get him cleaned up. The flirting made him feel cagey and the use of his nickname distressed him. 'Why did he have to call me pretty boy? Shit...did Garcia tell him to do that? Breathe, keep breathing...it could be a coincidence, right? Right?'

"There, perfect! Do you think your boyfriend will like it?" Tony pried, gesturing to the very apparent bruise under his left ear. Spencer's hand shot up to cover it and his pupils dilated. "Ah, it is a boy. Very lucky man," Tony mused. "Well, you know where to find me if his luck ever runs out," he reminded Spencer as he left.

When Garcia called him an hour later, Spencer let it go to voicemail.

Sunday finally arrived and he could hardly sit still. He went for a walk that turned into a train ride and unsurprisingly he found himself sitting outside Derek's house. Spencer stayed for a few hours, but it was obvious he wasn't home - the truck was gone and Clooney kept barking with no one to command him to stop. 'I have to stay,' he tried to convince himself. 'If we don't talk, we'll be distracted and if we get a new case, that'll be dangerous.' But it started to get late and Clooney's incessant barking had the neighbors staring. He hated being in the spotlight and he'd spent far too much time being stuck in one over the past few days, so he went home, defeated.

He hadn't realized he was asleep until a buzzing noise startled the slumbering genius. He checked his phone and was greeted with a text asking "omg y didnt u tell me u were seeing some1?"

'Ugh Garcia...it's too early for this...although, what time is...OOOOH SHIT, why didn't my alarm go off? I don't even have time for coffee! DOUBLE SHIT.'

He raced against the clock, even though he knew there was no way he'd make it on time. Thankfully, taking the train meant he had time to apply some cover up to his hickey, so the only thing everyone seemed to notice was his hair. Unfortunately, by the time he arrived, the only seat open was right next to Derek who appeared to be ignoring that anything had happened between them.

'Fine, I can do that too,' he thought bitterly, despite knowing it wasn't entirely true. He could probably keep it together and pretend until the case ended, but after that, all bets were off.

A/N -

1) Originally, this was chapter 5. When I went back and read them, I realized that they felt out of order and couldn't help myself.

2) I'm sure no one will really notice, but I went back and made some slight tweaks to the previous chapters. Upon re-reading them, I didn't feel like I'd edited them as well as I should have before posting them and couldn't stand the glaring "errors" that I saw. Perfectionism at its best. I will probably go back through periodically and do this again because I cannot just let things...be.

3) For me, Garcia is hard to write. I feel like I'm not funny enough to write her and I consistently worry about making her a vehicle for my fangirl-ish thoughts, which I think is a fine line to walk in general. INSECURITY.

4) So...no real explanation for Reid's haircut = excellent explanation for Reid's haircut, right? I thought so anyway. Cuz really...WHY MATTHEW, WHY? And yes, I know that he just randomly took a hunting knife to it after directing Mosely Lane, so I guess I kinda based it on that.

5) If you like Tony's comment about Reid's ass, you can thank Tumblr and all the lovely people who kept re-blogging pictures of Matthew's spectacular ass. :-)