The Melancholy of Midgets
After they had met Kakashi, and had finally been accepted as genin on his team, Naruto could remember his first mission. Which he was assigned with the one and only Sasuke.
"What's Kakashi's problem? Giving him and Sakura the job of finding the missing kids while we have to watch the rest of the academy midgets!!"
He had yelled his thoughts to his thoroughly annoyed teammate as he stood up on the bench his companion had been sitting on, watching the mad kids run around like crazy people. Damn those suckers were fast for their age. Naruto thought that they would probably give him a good run for his money if they wanted too…thankfully enough though, they were completely oblivious to their…babysitters.
Naruto chuckled at the idea of "Sasuke" and "Babysitter" in the same sentence. The raven did not look to pleased at the blonde's inside joke, and gave him a look as though he was about to say something when one small girl, a child from the orphanage, came up to them with a completely solemn look on her face. She was pretty, with blonde hair and big green eyes, and seemingly already infatuated with Sasuke.
"Uhh…Can…can I have…some…i-ice-cream?"
She asked shyly, poking her fingers together just like Hinata always did, motioning to where Naruto now noticed the ice-cream man was standing at, surrounded by a throng of children, and trying to fend them all off with a cone. Not working. Naruto gave one of his trademark smiles.
"Sure you can! Anyone can if they brought the money!"
The girl looked crestfallen.
"But…but…I…don't have any…money…"
She gave a pleading look to the last living Uchiha.
"Can I…pwease…have…some…money…mister?"
Naruto, already thinking her adorable with her slight lisp and utter innocence, kneeled down next to her.
"Yah Sasuke, Pwease?"
He copied. Sasuke gave him a look.
"No."
He said. Naruto made a puppy dog face.
"Pleeeeeease Sasuke rich-pants? Don't be a teme for once--OH!"
He glanced at the girl, who looked confused at the terminology he had just invoked. He stumbled to try and explain to her what the word "bastard" meant while at the same time saying how it was a bad word and shouldn't be used by someone of her tender age…He looked at his teammate.
Who was smirking.
In retaliation, Naruto jumped up and got close enough to the raven that their noses were touching.
"Now you have to give me the money in compensation for me."
Sasuke cocked an eyebrow in that way only he could.
"And what makes you think I care about your compensation?"
"TEME!"
Sasuke's smirk grew more pronounced.
"Fine." He said.
"But only…if you watch over the midgets for the rest of the hour we have."
Naruto was torn. A whole hour handling…
A boy yanked a girl's pigtails, and was slammed into the dirt violently, said girl squishing his head.
"Ummm…I don't think that--"
The eye-brow cocked again. Damn his smugness.
"Don't tell me you don't think you can handle it, Dobe."
And THERE it was. Sasuke's new favored nickname for him.
"TEME, IF YOU CALL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME, I WILL KILL YOU--"
He then realized that the ice-cream man had escaped, for all the children were surrounding him and the Uchiha with all their mouth's opened into small o's. Even that kid who had gotten his brains smashed in earlier by that pigtailed girl, his front teeth missing.
"I mean…I will…umm…FINE! GIVE ME THE MONEY!"
And Sasuke continued to smirk superiorly as he gracefully produced his wallet, almost magically, as if from thin air. The children 'oohed' and 'ahhed'. Sasuke gave a glare at a poor midget that got too close, and the kid was sent scurrying away, as if burned by the intensity. Naruto sighed as he shook his head.
"Sasuke-tem--I mean--san, stop scarring the kiddies."
"They're annoying."
Was the retort as their audience watched them bicker; their heads swinging back and fourth like a pendulum.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I am stating the facts. They are annoying."
"But they're so cute!"
There was an eye-twitch. Naruto grinned.
"No they're not."
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!"
Naruto made a mock-gasp as he grabbed the closest youngster and held him up. Just so happened to be that dirty pig-tail puller boy. The kid gave Sasuke a big, gap-toothed grin. The Uchiha flinched on the inside. Naruto KNEW it.
"Isn't he cute Sasuke?!"
"No."
Naruto put the boy down before getting into his best friends bubble, dubbed by Kakashi as Sasuke's ENPS (aka, the Emo's Needed Personal Space), and glared into his rival's storm cloud eyes.
"Give me the money then. And don't care about the kids. You are a cruel and cold-hearted man, you know that? You'd probably leave the poor things out in the cold you tem-ah-evil person."
"I would--"
All of a sudden a little voice piped up with,
"Umm, excuse me…mwisters?"
Naruto grudgingly left Sasuke's bubble to turn to that girl from earlier, the one who had started this whole conversation.
"What is it sweetie?"
Naruto said softly to her, and she gave him a smile before innocently, oh, so innocently asking,
"Umm…are you two marrwied like Mommy and Daddy were? Because you argue just like they did…"
"Or just like Iruka-sensei and that weird white-haired sensei do--"
Someone piped from the back.
The girl trailed off at the look on Sasuke's face was one of utter shock. Naruto felt his own cheeks heat up before crouching to get on the same level as the girl before hesitantly replying with,
"Well, umm, no, we're not…because…uhh…because--"
"Because we're too young too marry."
Sasuke saved him as he incoherently mumbled on. The girl looked abashed before smartly retorting with,
"Nonsense! You're never too woung to marry!"
There was the lisp again. Naruto's eyes widened as he saw the masses of children nod slowly before piling in closer to him and the stoic raven.
"Ummm…yes you can be…what was your name again?"
"Hyou."
"Well then…umm…Hyou, actually you can be too young to marry bec-because well…"
Damn this conversation was getting too awkward for him!
"I'm married to Miak." the girl stated with utter seriousness, holding up a pretty silver ring gracing the correct finger as one of the boys in the back raised his hand.
"Yatta--that's me!"
Naruto just stared.
"Oh…umm…well then…"
What had ever happened to ice-cream? Naruto nervously looked around fro a solution…and there were none to be had. Damn.
"Don't worry mwisters--we'll all marry you!"
"I don't think so--"
Sasuke cut in momentarily before the group of the midgets took a menacing step forward as one group. Naruto gulped…
"Well…ah...anno…if you reaeeellly want to…which you don't have to because--"
"Don't worry mwister! I'll be your bridesmaid!!"
Bunches of other girls giggled. And a few more volunteered. Naruto FELT Sasuke's glare boring into his back. And as he was hauled away from the raven by the girls, he felt a puff of air near his ear as Sasuke said,
"And YOU wanted to buy them ice-cream."
Then the oblivious blonde realized something.
"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE--HOW COME I HAVE BRIDESMAIDS, I'M NOT A BRIDE--"
The girls continued to giggle as they dragged him off. Naruto glared at Sasuke, who had begun snickering.
Again.
The bastard.
Two hours later, Sasuke and Naruto were a "happily" married couple.
Naruto wanted to kill his new "husband" already.
The Uchiha and him didn't have to kiss on the lips thankfully, the kids still considered that gross, and "didn't want them catching cooties" or some such strangeness.
No, they had just been required to peck each other on the cheek in the middle of the silent academy playground after Hyou had solemnly said the vows. Sasuke's teeth had been clenched the whole time.
"You may kiss."
Thank the gods she had at least left the bride part out, and Naruto could get away from this with SOME scraps of his dignity. Though this reminded him terribly of…that time…
"Hey, Naruto?"
"Yeah Sasu-kun?"
A seven year old Naruto replied as he sat on the swing on the playground, Sasuke pushing him back and fourth. He had taken to call his best-friend Sasu-kun now, like most of the girls did. It was more fun. And Sasuke, though he had scowled at first, now gave a small smile and a shake of his head every time he heard it.
"Are you gonna get married?"
Naruto's wide blue eyes looked at his friend curiously as he turned halfway backwards on the still moving swing.
"I think so…why?"
"Who are you going to get married to?"
Sasuke asked, completely seriously, his tone monotone.
"Umm…I dunno…"
The blonde's face then brightened immensely.
"No--I DO know--I'll get married to you Sasu-kun!"
Storm-cloud eyes widened fractionally before Sasuke gave a genuine smile of his own, a special thing that only Naruto ever got to see.
"Really?"
"Yah--why not?!"
"Umm…I don't know…because…"
The raven had stopped pushing the swing, and it had slowly come to a stop. Naruto jumped off.
"What? Is…there something wrong…with me--"
Blue eyes asked more accusingly then his words ever could before Sasuke cut him off with a,
"No-no, there's nothing wrong with you! You're pretty!!"
Naruto snorted.
"Am not! I'm handsome!"
Sasuke gave a smirk.
"Whatever…but…"
"But what Sasu-kun?"
"Shouldn't I ask you like I'm supposed too?"
And with that Sasuke grabbed the Kyuubi-vessel's hand and asked,
"Naruto, Will you marry me?"
"Sure!"
Came the gleeful reply.
And the rest of the day was spent playing a new game, except that this one was all about their home and whatnot, they even got into a fight over whether their couch would be orange or not. Sasuke vehemently opposed to Naruto's idea...
But the idea was forgotten by the next day.
Naruto look startled for a moment at the sudden memory relapse. He hadn't thought about that in years… But before he knew it, all the little midgets were chanting,
"Come on, kiss, kiss, kiss--"
And as if to end it with a roll of his eyes, Sasuke leaned forward, hands in his pockets in his usual lazy-ass manner and brushed his lips against Naruto's rough cheek in an innocent and uncalled for gesture of affection. Funny, Naruto was under the impression that Sasuke would rather kill all the midgets then be caught showing, gasp, AFFECTION!
In return, because now everyone was looking at him, Naruto leaned forward as Sasuke pulled away, and brushed perfectly smooth ivory cheeks with his slightly chapped lips. The Uchiha then pulled back abruptly and whirled on the children.
"This never happened. Understand?"
He said the last words with a promise of threats to come. The kids looked terrified.
"Yes mister…"
They said in unison. Naruto wondered why he just didn't use the "Super Uchiha Glare of Doom" before…but whatever.
Then, at that moment, Iruka, Kakashi, and Sakura returned.
"Wow Sasuke and Naruto, you guys did a really good job taking care of them--"
Iruka had started with praise at the kid's utter silence before Kakashi interrupted with,
"Midgets are annoying."
Their sensei lifted up his leg--to which the missing three toddlers from the day-care were clinging too, and shook them off and into the soft dirt as Iruka gave the silver-haired nin a look.
But as if to purposely ruin their moment, Hyou piped up from nowhere with,
"Iwuka sensei?"
Iruka turned to the girl with a smile as he crouched down to her level.
"What is it sweetie?"
"What's a teme?"
Everyone froze.
Except for Sasuke and Kakashi. They snickered under their breaths.
"NARUTO--"
Needless to say, Naruto and Sasuke never got the job of babysitting the midgets again.
And Naruto remembered to never ask for ice-cream in the Uchiha's presence for a long time to come.