Disclaimer– I do not own Star Trek:( , Firefly:( , or LOTR:( , or Molly J. Ringle's version of LOTR... So, enjoy the last chapter!
Kirk walks into the flop, looking for all the world like a gay sailor...or is that redundant? "How much longer till it's fixed?"
Spock's sci-fi collection of tubes, wires and used parts now extends across the room. Of course, it also completely covers one of the beds, which may be why he looks so pleased with himself. He informs his dear Captain that it may be another two days before he can risk checking again.
Kirk sulks.
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Meanwhile, McCoy has wandered into Edith's soup kitchen. Spock seems to have temporarily 'misplaced' his superior Vulcan hearing, because he seems not to notice Edith talking to McCoy as she helps him to a back room. Mwa hahahaha!
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Finally, Spock has told Kirk that Edith Keeler needs to DIE, or Germany will win World War Two.
Kirk stands dramatically. The boom mike operator panics, trying to lift the mike fast enough to keep it out of the shot, and the camera man curses at Kirk for the unscripted move because now he has to lift up the camera to keep Kirk's big head in the shot. "Spock, I...I believe I'm in Love with Edith!"
Spock rolls his eyes. "Jim, any moron with eyes could see that. But she must DIE!" (Personally, I think he just likes to say DIE!) Still, Kirk doesn't look as unhappy as he might, since he's had to join Spock in his bed, 'because of all the equipment'.
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Bones has woken to find himself lying in a bed. Amazing that he is still dressed in his uniform...bet that wouldn't have happened to Kirk. Then again, our dear Doctor does still look pretty awful.
When he tries to sit up, Edith pushes him back down. "You lie there and save your energy for more important things!"
"Well, young lady! I don't even know you!" however, he does check her out thoroughly before issuing one of his famous "I'm a Doctor, not a..." lines and passing out.
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Kirk and Edith are talking on the stairs. While gazing lovingly into Kirk's eyes, Edith trips and almost falls down the stairs. Kirk grabs her just in time, getting a smooch as a reward. Spock, seeing their adoring glances, sulks back into the flop to play with his toys, sullenly dragging the end of the trip wire he set on the stairs.
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Later that same afternoon, Edith goes back into the room where McCoy is staying. "Ahh, I see you are awake, and looking much better! You were muttering something about 'arabesques' in your sleep, you know."
McCoy must still be suffering after effects of the cordrazine, because he isn't fazed at all by the soft focus. "Well, thank you kindly. I think you should know, I've convinced myself this is all a cordrazine hallucination, because there is no other way I could do a Grand Plie. However, I've decided that you are the only thing around here that's not a hallucination."
"And why's that?"
"'Cause nothing else around here is so damn blurry. So...I was wondering if perhaps there is anything I could do around here to...thank you."(1) He turns on his best 'Southern Gentleman' charm.
Edith looks bashfully down at the floor. "Oh...we can talk about that later...I have to go, my young man is taking me to a Clark Gable movie." (Also 1)
"A who movie?"
"A Clark Gable movie." Edith pats him on the arm. "Get some rest. I'll see you later." She winks at him.
McCoy grins wickedly as she walks out the door.
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Evening. Kirk is escorting Edith to the movie. They cross the street and almost get run over by a car... Is it me, or is this the same car that tried to flatten Kirk and Spock earlier? Is this vindictive driver that against Kirk dating? A former girlfriend maybe?
"You know, if we hurry, we can catch the Clark Gable movie!" Edith smiles up at Kirk. (One must wonder what they have been doing this whole time, if Edith left McCoy in the afternoon and it is now full dark... or perhaps we should just leave that alone.)
"The who movie?" Kirk shouts, pushing Edith's posterior to get her off the street faster.
"You know, Doctor McCoy said the same thing!"
"What! McCoy!" Kirk shouts, making Edith jump. "Leonard McCoy!"
"Well," Edith answers huffily, "yes, you don't have to shout so–"
"STAY RIGHT HERE! SPOCK! DARLING!" He runs back across the street, shouting.
Spock appears, out of nowhere. (How does he do this? Was he following them?) "What is it Jim–"
"McCoy, he's–"
"Jim! Darling!" McCoy bursts out of the front door, for some reason. He and Kirk run into each other's arms, amid mutual cries of "Darling!"
Spock starts to join them, then remembers that he is a calm and logical Vulcan, and merely hugs Kirk instead.
"Oh Jim!" McCoy cries, "I'm so happy... I could Arabesque!"
Edith meanwhile, is watching this from across the street, fuming. "James T. Kirk!" she shouts, starting to cross the street. "You said it was over between you and Spock!"
Caught in the act, Kirk jumps, and shoves McCoy away guiltily. (He does, really. Poor Bones.) "But, but Edith!"
Then, the car driver with a vendetta revs (her?) engine.
"No Edith!" Kirk shouts, holding still for his dramatic close-up.
Edith hunches her shoulders and keeps going, presumably with an angry expression on her face, though we can't tell through the blur.
Spock winces and turns away, blinking to clear his eyes.
The car driver, who has now acquired a rather large truck, barrels right toward Edith. (So either this person is against Kirk dating, or couldn't tell through the soft focus that Kirk wasn't there.)
"NO!" shouts McCoy, starting to leap to her rescue.
Kirk grabs him, not daring to look.
A screech and an evil cackle later, Edith is dead.
Kirk scrunches up his face. "Must...Not...cry! Will...smear...mascara!"
"Dammit Jim! You have Spock already, why do you have to be so jealous! I should at least get one girlfriend!"
Spock glares at Edith's body. Deciding that the lack of blurred air around her confirms her death, he turns to comfort McCoy.
Kirk leans against the wall, sniffling. "I will...not...cry!"(What's really running through his head is: "I can see the Emmy now!")
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There is an establishing shot of a blue revolving planet, then we see the smoking Ruin.
Audience members: Ohh yeahh! I forgot about that!
Slowly, Kirk and Spock jump through in unison.
Nitpicking Kirk Fangirls: Hey, why'd the stupid rock put them back in uniform!
Spock Fangirls: That is truly illogical, one would assume that they would be sent through without the uniforms, since they did not have them on at the time...Following this path of logic, we would also assume that since their 1930's costumes would not exist, they would come through bereft of clothing...
pause while they consider this image
Kirk & Spock Fangirls (and guys): Wooohooo! wolf whistle, cheering
Scotty looks at them incredulously. (Kirk and Spock, that is.) "Wha' happen'd Sir, ye on'y left a minute agoo?"
The Ruin spits out McCoy.
Uhura smirks and fans herself with a stack of cash. "They were gone long enough for me!"
Scotty sticks his tongue out at her when Kirk turns to McCoy.
"TIME HAS RESUMED ITS SHAPE. ALL IS AS IT WAS BEFORE. AND NEXT TIME YOU WALK IN, WIPE YOUR BOOTS OFF. THAT SOIL TASTES DISGUSTING, AND I THINK McCOY STEPPED IN SOMETHING!"
Kirk stares sadly at it.
Uhura smiles even wider. "Sir, the Enterprise is there. They're asking us if we want to beam up. Sulu says he's collected the rest of my winnings for me!"
Kirk stares morosely into space, before he realizes everyone is staring at him. He clears his throat to keep the tears at bay. "Let's get the hell out of here!"
They move back into their YMCA positions and beam up, leaving the Ruin alone. Again.
"WELL," it intones sulkily, "THAT'S THE LAST TIME I INVITE THEM OVER."
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Epilogue
Back on the ship, everything is normal again. Uhura has received her winnings from a reluctant Sulu, and invested them in the Redshirt Uniform Company, whose value has already gone up to double her purchase price.
Kirk, having been given waterproof mascara by Spock, is now over Edith.
Spock and McCoy have come to an agreement on their mutual disgust at Kirk's excessive dating tendencies, and are having long discussions on the probable effect of the Transporters on the Captain's emotional state. (Meaning that whenever he falls in 'love', it just takes the transport back to the ship to make all well again.)
The entire crew seems to have forgotten about the 'ripples in time' that they had to investigate, and so they go merrily on their way to the next adventure, which apparently is something about flying furred manta-rays which cause Spock to go blind.
End.
A/N – (1) after a line means it's an actual quote.
Actually, Kirk elbows Spock rather forcefully out of the way in the hugging scene. Poor Spock has to settle for a handshake...While we were watching 'Obsession' the other day, my little sister complained that McCoy's eyebrows don't match his hair. Did anyone else notice this?...About the 'flying furred manta-rays', The preview of the next episode on my tape is for 'Operation-Annihilate', in which the creatures look like wobbly, fur-covered pancakes and squeak like squirrels when they fly at you...were the creators running out of ideas, or what? So, what didja think? This was another fun episode, with a surprising amount of parody-material in the first few minutes, before they even get to the planet! This is the last chappie for this parody :( so sad...
Quote for the day: "You two are gonna stay on board the ship. The Captain don't want you runnin' afoul of his blushin' psychotic bride."
– Jayne Cobb, in Firefly
Second Quote for the day:
"ISENGARD
GANDALF: Hello, old friend.
GANDALF hops down from his horse and gives SARUMAN a big wet kiss.
SARUMAN: Eck. You taste like hobbit. Come in and let me fix you a drink. An Eeeeevil drink. I mean, no, just a regular drink.
GANDALF: I could use a drink. Thanks!
WIZARDS go inside. SARUMAN seduces GANDALF and then knocks him out and locks him on the roof, for though they once were the hottest of Wizardly lovers, SARUMAN is now Eeeeevil and is only putting out for truly gross-looking MINIONS. Come on, we all fast-forward this scene anyway. Moving on..."
– From the 'All Slash, All the Time' version of LOTR, by Molly J. Ringle ... ;) I love being eeeeevil...