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(EPOV)
From the first time I laid eyes on Bella and learned she had a private mind, I was instantly intrigued. I eventually learned that I was in love with Bella and that life as I knew it would never be the same. Her large chocolate brown eyes drew me in like a moth to the flame. Little did she know, she dazzled me. Just as she said I dazzled her.
The day I took her to my meadow, was a day that was embedded in my mind. On that day I declared my everlasting love for her and was elated to learn that she felt the same for me. Saving her from Tyler's van and the men in Port Angeles, let me know I was to do more than love her. I was to be her protector as well. When I saw the damage James had inflicted on her body in Phoenix, I swore that I would put aside my own needs and wants, to ensure her safety.
I was an absolute idiot when I left her after her birthday party. It was a mute point to think, that by leaving, I had saved her life. Darkness consumed me, when the news of her death shattered my world. Without her in this world, my life no longer had meaning. Miraculously she rescued me from my own demise. My angel of mercy endangered her own life to let me know she was still alive. I nearly killed us both by leaving and knew at that moment I would never put either of us through that kind of torture again. My mission at that point was to undo the damage I inflicted on her heart and give her whatever she desired to make her happy again.
The day I felt my dead heart skip a beat, was the day she agreed to marry me. I felt more like a man that day than I ever had before. When she walked down the isle to meet me at the alter, I was astonished that I had been blessed to have her in my life. For the first time, I thanked God for the opportunity to spend the rest of eternity with this beauty before me. If I had tears, I would have been weeping like a baby.
She made me whole after decades of solitude. She was the missing piece in my life. With her unconditional love, she completed me. She resurrected my heart and made me feel human again. She has faith in me even when I do not. She is willing to sacrifice her soul to be with me eternally. She has shown me more forgiveness, trust, and adoration than any man on this earth deserves. She chose me and the knowledge of that fact still leaves me speechless and feeling unworthy.
The only thing she has ever asked off me in return was intimacy and, of course, immortality, the one thing I fought so hard to prevent. In the end though, Bella's request truly was the only way to be together. I am hers as she is mine, equal partners and passionate lovers. I see that now. She truly loves me enough to still her beating heart for me, for her, for us. Together Forever!
FAITH!
Faith, that I do have a soul and a chance at heaven.
TRUST!
Trust, that I will never intentionally harm her.
LOVE!
Love so endearing, I knew I could never live without her.
I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul.
STOP!!!
STOPPPPP!!!!!
STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
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Somehow, I managed to break away from Bella's neck. I am not sure what unknown force broke me free of her blood. Bit I was grateful even though I was in purgatory for my actions. I loathe myself for letting the temptation of her blood consume me. I am trapped in a surreal moment of consternation. I would give anything to take back the last several minutes of my life. I, the monster, has ruined all I longed for. Happiness and love, was that too much to ask for one of my kind. What kind of hell have I been subjected to? Had I truly had a soul, then I would have been a stronger man. I wasn't however, I am weak and powerless. A pathetic creature who managed to destroy any chance of happiness in this unnaturally long life. I knew that I shouldn't have come here alone with Bella. We should have stayed in Forks. I was her protector and now I was the reason for her hell. All the worry and fear I endured wasn't to be taken lightly. I knew this, yet I had everyone around me telling me that everything would be fine. Why did this have to happen? What have I done to deserve this?
Buzz
Buzz
Buzz
Buzz
As I stood across the room staring at Bella, my phone began vibrating on the table next to the bed. I ignored it. I knew it was Alice. She has seen what I did. I didn't want to talk about it. Why desire to live, when all you lived for was destroyed. Nothing she can say or do will change what occurred here tonight. What's the point in living with yourself when you can't stand what you are? I knew I was always damned to hell. I would give anything for hell to consume me right here, right now.
Buzz
I knew Alice would call me over and over till she spoke to me. I knew I could not avoid her forever. I dreaded this conversation with every ounce of my being.
Buzz
I picked up the phone at a slow human speed and flipped it open.
"Edward?" I heard Alice say quietly.
"Please talk to me Edward. Please tell me Bella is alive?" Alice was full of worry and panic. I only hoped she wasn't berating herself for not seeing a vision that would have prevented this. It's bad enough that I am loathing myself, she doesn't need to do the same.
I took a deep breath and finally spoke. "Everyone has to leave Alice. I have broken the treaty. Tell everyone I am sorry. I'm so sorry. God, why did this have to happen?" I sobbed into the phone. I am a disgrace to my family. I am the weak link. I needed to get away and clear my head.
"Edward, is she breathing? I can't see her furture anymore, Edward." No! If Alice couldn't see her future, was all lost. Could Bella not be saved?
This isn't something I wanted to discuss but I knew I had to. "For now, her body is unresponsive. Her breathing is shallow and slow. Her heart is still beating, but it is weak, so I can't be sure how much longer she has. I'm not sure she is transforming. I doubt she is strong enough to survive the change. Alice, I can't sit here to just watch her die."
"Edward, how much venom did she receive." Carlisle asked. He must have taken the phone from Alice. My father, the man I admired would now disown me. I had betrayed his faith in me, just as I betrayed Bella's.
"I bit her just below the below the ear, I don't think I punctured her jugular vein. There is no blood. The bite has already healed. I was...latched...onto her two maybe three minutes tops. I don't have any idea how much venom is in her system. She is so quiet and lifeless. Carlisle I am so sorry. Tell me what to do? I don't know, I am so confused and angry." Guilt was weighing down, threatening to take my sanity. If I lost Bella then I welcomed my punishment with open arms. I deserved something worse than immortality, worse than death. Torture would be my just punishment. I refuse to take the easy way out. I will live the rest of my existence the tortured, soulless monster who took Bella's life.
"Edward, please don't berate yourself. I know you didn't mean to bite her. We all should have listened to you. You know yourself better than anyone else ever could. She was your singer, her scent was more tempting to you than any of us could have ever imagined. I feel greatly responsible. I gave you advice that was based assumptions. Please forgive me." What? He was asking ME for forgiveness. That was beyond acceptable. How dare he weigh down his own conscience with guilt.
"NO! DON'T YOU DARE CARLISLE!" I roared into the phone. "I. AM. TO. BLAME! ME! NO ONE ELSE! Don't you dare take the guilt of my actions on yourself. Bella's blood is on my hands." I was fuming at this point. I alone endangered Bella's life and I would not let my loved ones take the fall.
"Edward, listen to me son. Right now I need you to focus on Bella. We are heading to the airport right now. We should arrive in about seven hours. So please son, Bella needs you right now more than ever. Can you do that for me, for Bella?" I knew Carlisle was right. I had to do whatever it takes to save her. I needed his advice and help right now.
"Yes" I said. I knew Carlisle would know what to do. I trusted him.
"Edward I need you to check her pulse for me. What is her heart rate?" I walked to Bella's side and lifted her right hand, palm up. I placed my fore finger and index finger on her pulse point. I counted each beat of her heart for one minute.
"Her heart rate is 65 Carlisle. Is that good or bad? Is her heart strong enough to pass the venom through her body?" If I had to, would I have enough control to inject more venom without taking more blood? I don't even want to attempt it.
I heard Carlisle sigh. Was this a sigh of relief or defeat? I didn't know. "Carlisle? I need to know if she is going to live or die."
If she doesn't survive the change, then she would need to be buried or cremated and I knew I was not strong enough to do either.
"Edward, I think Bella went into shock and lost consciousness from blood loss. Her heart rate isn't the healthiest right now. The longer she is unconscious rapidly decreases her chances of survival. Bella's only hope to have a healthy life, on the contrary to what you may believe, is to complete the transformation. She obviously has minimal venom in her blood stream or she wouldn't be unconscious right now. The venom running through her system is beneficial. However, we must get more into her blood stream." I am in hell. There was no way I could inject more venom into her heart and not bleed her dry.
"Carlisle, I can't.." Carlisle interrupted my seething.
"Go to the master bath and open the second drawer down, on the left side of the sink." I walked into the bathroom and pulled out the drawer to find a silver box. I opened it up and found several large metal syringes.
"Take one out Edward. I need you to extract your venom. The needle is not strong enough to penetrate your skin though. The quickest way is for you to ejaculate your venom. I am sure you can handle that part. This is the only way to be sure you have enough venom with plenty to spare. Be sure to fill the syringe completely. It is our weakest venom because it is mixed with semen, but just as capable of insuring her change. You will have to inject the needle directly into her heart. It is the safest and fasted way, there isn't much time Edward. Do you understand? Do you have any questions?"
"Wait, WHAT? Carlisle, why didn't you tell me my semen was venomous? Why would you hold that kind of information back? Oh god, I could have in accidentally infected her on our wedding night." I was irate at the idea I endangered her life so carelessly.
"Edward, it is the weakest venom. There was no real danger. The point of entry was too far away from her heart. Trust me." Carlisle begged for me to understand.
"Carlisle someday, I will forgive you. For now I am going to hang up and do what I can to save Bella. Thank you for you help. I will see you in a few hours. Let's just hope you don't arrive too late, only to have plan a funeral instead." with that I hung up.
I have never done anything of this nature. How am I going to get enough to save Bella? If Emmett where here he would tell me "It's easy bro, nothing to be ashamed of."
I went into Bella's suitcase and took out the DVD she had bought for Emmett and Rosalie and the KY. I also grabbed a towel and bowl. I placed the DVD in the player, removed my boxers, placed the towel and bowl on the table in front of me and laid down on the couch.
The blue screen flickered and soon a dance studio or workout room came into view. In the middle of the floor, on a pile of pillows, was a man and woman in a compromising position. Soft music was playing in the background. I presumed this video was a physical demonstration. I didn't pay attention when Bella bought it. I wonder is she even knew what she was buying. I watched as the couple contorted into unique positions as their bodies rocked in rhythm. It truly held no interest for me, I just needed the stimulation and this video was my only hope.
The video wasn't really working for me. So, I closed my eyes and let my imagination take over as I recalled Bella using her fingers to give herself pleasure last night. I embraced the memory of Bella in that moment, writhing under her own touch. I then pictured Bella standing before me with with nothing on but a mischievous smirk on her glorious face. Her eyes smoldered the lust she was exuding. I finally had the stimulation I needed. I used the jelly so I could glide my hand up and down myself easily. I gripped my member with firmly and pictured that my hand was Bella. I sat back and relaxed.
My mind was swimming with lust at the thought of Bella sitting on my lap with her legs on either side of my thighs. My member rubbed against her sex as her fluids dripped from her center. The sweet nectar held more desire than her blood ever did. She lifted herself up and slid onto me slowly. Once she consumed me fully to the hilt, she began grinding her hips into mine. Her breast, beautiful and firm, were bouncing as our bodies moved in sync. The sensation of her warm core moving on me was intoxicating. Her muscles tightened against my member with enough force that I thought I was going to explode.
The steady rhythm of my hand was creating the friction I needed as I rolled my thumb over the tip. I was close to the verge of release. As the woman on the TV began to moan, I exploded into oblivion. I quickly grabbed the metal bowl and allowed every drop of my semen to spill into it. I felt as if I was flying. My climax was powerful and erotic. As my body began to descend from my release, I recalled why I had ejaculated in the first place.
I retracted the syringe, retrieving the venomous semen from the bowl. I cleaned up with the towel and pulled my boxers on. I ran back to the bedroom where Bella was and flew to her side. Her heartbeat was steady and her breathing was slow. She wasn't making any indication she was in pain, which scared me. I sat next to her and placed my left hand over her heart. I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and whispered "I Love You, I am so sorry Love. Please forgive me."
I pulled my head back and lifted my right hand over my head. With brute force, I brought the syringe down into her chest dispensing the venom directly into her heart.