Disclaimer: I do not own anything/anyone that I use/abuse in this story.

"Hello again, my faithful followers!" Shad said as she came out on stage. "And welcome to episode 14 of W.T.F.!" Snapping her fingers, she sat down once her table and chair appeared. Leafing through the small stack of papers that were sitting on the table, she pulled out a bright pink post-it. "I don't know if anyone cares, but apparently Sephiroth is doing much better. The doctors say he's finally stopped seeing 'ghosts', and they think they might be able to take him off the sedatives soon." Crumpling up the paper, Shad tossed it over her shoulder. "Personally, I thought he was beyond saving and should've been put down, but the doctors informed me they only to that to animals. Obviously they've never actually met the guy. Oh well." She shrugged. "It's not like I can't handle him if he ever does come back. Besides, it gets kinda boring when I don't have him to screw with, so maybe this is a good thing."

With a sigh, she got into her (now patented) 'announcer mode'. "Well being as I once again have no announcer, let's get this episode started. MakubeX, what's our first fight of the evening?" Shad leaned back as the screen lit up. "Ok, first up we have a…cooking contest." She said, raising an eyebrow. "Do I even want to know how much this is going to cost me?" Shaking her head, she continued. "And the fig-…contestants are…Aisha and Kurama!"

As the two fighters walked out on stage and climbed into the ring, Shad proceeded to once again dig through the papers in front of her. "I know it was here, where did it…oh there it is." She muttered as she pulled out another post-it, only this one was bright yellow. Facing the two in the ring, Shad cleared her throat. "The rules for this match are simple." She said as she watched two mini kitchens slowly descend from the ceiling. "You have everything you'll need to make…" Pausing, she read the note. "Oh, yes…you have everything to make 'chicken alfredo' and a time limit of 10 minutes. The chicken and pasta are already cooked to save time so all you really need to do is make the sauce and prepare a plate."

With a 'clunk', the kitchens arrived inside the ring and a few seconds later Shad continued. "I will be the judge of your dishes and will decide the winner based on taste. To your kitchens!" She finished.

Kurama tied his long hair back and pulled on an apron before pulling open the cupboards to see what he had available. Aisha on the other hand, just stood there leaning against the counter and yawned.

"Oh, and Aisha, don't forget you have to use your item from the prize machine." Shad said suddenly.

"Huh?" Aisha asked groggily.

"You know, the rubber ducky." Shad said, then as an afterthought she added. "And you'd better not make it squeak."

Reaching into a pocket, Aisha pulled out the little yellow toy and looked at it oddly. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" She asked out loud. "Toss him in the red-heads pan and sabotage his food?" Glancing from the duck to her opponent and back again, Aisha decided that that would be 'way' too much work. So instead, she tossed it at the back of Kurama's head. With a soft 'squeak', the toy fell to the ground. "How's that?"

"Whatever." Shad said with a sigh as Kurama brushed off his outfit. "Let's just get back to the match please."

With a shrug, Aisha leaned back against the counter and closed her eyes.

"Ok, you two." Shad said after taking a calming breath. "Ready, fi-…cook!" Reaching under her chair, she pulled out a slightly worn book and began to read.

In seconds, Kurama had a pan on the stove and he quickly measured some milk and poured it in. Pulling out some cheese he sliced it into fine pieces and added that as well. While the pan was simmering, he pulled out several spice jars and began to add a dash of this and that. Meanwhile, Aisha was still in the same spot she started, she hadn't moved an inch. Well, she had moved enough to lean her head against the fridge.

This continued on as the clock ticked down, Kurama hastily preparing his dish, and Aisha sleeping.

At the one minute mark, while Kurama was spooning his sauce over the pasta and delicately arranging the chicken, Aisha yawned and stood up. Stretching slowly, she rubbed her eyes and yawned again. When the clock hit 30 seconds, Aisha sprang into action. Grabbing a plate, she piled on some pasta before grabbing a jar from the fridge. Twisting off the lid, she dumped the contents on top of the pasta and quickly dropped on some chicken just as the bell went off.

DING

"Ok you guys, time's up." Shad said as she put her bookmark in place and set the book back under her chair. "Now bring me your plates so I can decide the winner."

Kurama removed his apron and grabbed his plate before following Aisha out of the ring. Walking over to the table, the two fighters set down their meals and awaited Shad's decision.

Shad picked up a fork and took a small bite of Kurama's '5 Star' looking dish. Chewing slowly, she nodded in satisfaction. "Very good." She said as she moved on to Aisha's plate. Repeating her actions, Shad took a small bite of hers as well. As she chewed, her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Perfect!" She said as she took another bite.

Aisha smirked as Kuramsa's eyes widened in surprise. "But how could she win?!" Kurama asked in shock. "All she did was dump a jar of premade sauce on the pasta and call it chicken alfredo. I made my sauce from scratch, and my recipe has won several awards."

"I'm sure it has." Shad said nonchalantly. "However, Aisha made hers the same way I make mine, and since my cooking is always the best that automatically makes Aisha the winner."

"…" Kurama thought about responding, but decided to keep quiet. There really was no point in arguing with the crazy woman. Pulling out a token, he handed it to the cat lady and walked off the stage.

Pocketing her token, Aisha headed offstage as well.

"I like these matches." Shad said as she took another bite of food. "It saves me the trouble of having to cook dinner." Putting down her fork, she faced the screen. "Well MakubeX, what's up next?" She asked before taking another bite.

Once the screen had stopped, Shad put her fork down once again and faced the camera. "Our next match is going to be an exhibition match." She said. "Apparently we have been lucky enough to have both Alucard and Suitengu here with us tonight and they have agreed to do a onetime appearance for the sake of raising this shows popularity…MakubeX, what have I said about making comments like that?" Shad asked as her eyes narrowed. "Sure we may not have a lot of viewers, but there's no reason for you to bring it up." She muttered under her breath. Clearing her throat, she continued. "Anyway, let's bring out our fighters."

Both fighters came out on stage together, Alucard in his signature red coat and hat and Suitengu in his white fur lined coat. Completely ignoring each other, they climbed into the ring and turned to look at Shad.

"I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing here." Alucard said as he pulled out his gun and checked to see that it was loaded. "Victoria gave me a message from Integra that said I was requested to fight so I came, but from the looks of it there's no one here worth fighting."

Narrowing his eyes in anger, Suitengu glared at the vampire next to him. Turning his nose up, he smiled at Alucard condescendingly. "My, aren't we sure of our self." He said as he brushed some dust off his coat. "I guess that comes from only fighting those weaker than you. You begin to think you're stronger than you actually are. Pity."

Rasing an eyebrow at the two fighters in the ring, Shad shook her head. "If you two are done insulting each other, how about we start this match, then you can see for yourself who's the strongest." She said. When both fighters smirked and nodded, Shad rolled her eyes. "Stupid men." She muttered quietly. Tapping her chin in thought, Shad suddenly smiled. "Since this is an exhibition match and tokens won't be awarded, I'm going to allow the two of you to decide the rules for the match."

"Since I already know I'm going to win, I shall let him decide." Suitengu said as he pulled out a cigarette.

"I don't care who decides." Shad said with a shrug, before turning to glare at the silver haired man. "There's no smoking here."

With a huff, Suitengu put his cigarette back in his pocket and crossed his arms while he awaited his opponents' decision.

"I was going to let you off easy." Alucard said as his eyes began to glow eerily. "However, I've decided that it'll be more fun to humiliate and destroy you."

"You've come to a decision then?" Shad asked as the two men began to face off.

"The rules are simple, the fighter who walks out of here alive wins." Alucard stated with a grin.

"Fine by me." Suitengu said as he smiled back in return.

"Please try to refrain from actually killing each other on my show." Shad said as she watched the two fighters stare each other down. "That would really piss off the network." When neither man responded, she shook her head. "Whatever, I guess if it comes to that I can always cut the camera feed." Taking a breath, she got into her announcer mode and smiled at the camera. "Ready, fight!"

As soon as the words let Shad's mouth, Alucard fired several shots at Suitengu, and was slightly surprised when he just stood there and let them hit him. Raising an eyebrow, he lowered his gun and waited to see what his opponent would do next.

Smiling, Suitengu let his blood pour from his wounds and watched it build up on the floor. Once there was enough, his smile changed to an evil grin and he chuckled lowly as he pulled the blood back towards his body. Suddenly he thrust his hand out and his blood flew at Alucard in deadly spikes.

Rolling to avoid being skewered, Alucard sat up on his knee and glared at his opponent. Apparently this guy did have some skill after all. "I must say that was a nice surprise, and here I thought you were just another pretty face." He said sarcastically. "Not that it changes anything." Dodging another spike of blood, Alucard noticed that it had actually managed to cut his coat. Running his finger over the tear, he put his now slightly bloody finger to his lips and with a smile proceeded to lick the blood off. "Not as sweet as some other blood I've tasted, but it's not too bad. Kinda spicy."

Glaring fiercely at his opponent, Suitengu once again pulled his blood back into his body before sending out enough spikes to completely encompass the ring. With a smirk, he watched as Alucard's body hung inches off the ground with many spikes protruding from his body. Chuckling, Suitengu let Alucard stay there for a few more seconds while he internally gloated at his superiority. Once he was finished, he pulled his blood back into his body and watched as his opponent fell to a heap on the floor. Dismissing the body on the ring floor, Suitengu turned towards Shad. "I believe that makes me the winner." He stated smugly. "No one can survive that attack."

"Except maybe an already dead vampire." Shad said as she nodded in the direction of Alucard. "I'd run if I were you." She told Suitengu as she saw the look in Alucard's eyes. "I think he means business now."

Eyes widening, Suitengu backed away from the monster in front of him as Alucard slowly rose to his feet. "I haven't had this much fun in years." Alucard said as he put his gun away. "In fact, I think my pet would like to play too." Wind began to whip around his body as part of his leg began to separate into a very dangerous looking dog. "This is a Hell Hound, and he does so enjoy tearing living creatures apart." That said, the hound took off after Suitengu as Alucard began to laugh.

Blinking as she watched Suitengu fly off the stage like a bat out of hell, Shad turned to glare at the fighter in the ring. "As much as I'd love to see someone getting eaten alive." Shad said only slightly sarcastically. "I really do need you to call off your dog. The network will cancel me if things get too out of hand." Seeing that Alucard was ignoring her, she picked up her phone. "If you'd prefer, I can call up Integra and tell her what's going on. I'm sure she'd be very upset to find out what you're doing, especially since it's her name on the contract. What'll it be?"

With an inaudible sigh, Alucard snapped his fingers and there was a loud 'poof' as the hell hound disappeared. "There is no need to bother her, I am done."

Before Shad could respond, Suitengu came limping out on stage. Walking up to the table, he glared at the woman sitting there. "I thought this was supposed to be a family friendly show, why the hell did you allow that thing to come out? It would have killed me."

Raising an eyebrow, Shad sighed. "That may be true, but you're the one who wanted to fight to the death. I never said you had to; it was up to you guys. Besides, I made him call it off didn't I?"

Opening his mouth, Suitengu promptly closed it when he realized there was nothing he could say to that. Turning on his heel, he headed towards the exit. "I have had enough of this pathetic show, I have much more important things to be doing now." With that he disappeared down the hall.

"Yeah, like pretending you didn't just get your ass kicked." Shad said as she turned to face the remaining fighter. "Well, thanks for coming and tell Integra I said hi."

With a nod, ALucard turned into a bunch of bats and flew off into thin air.

"Well he sure knows how to make an exit." Shad said as she turned to face the screen. "Let's get on with the show, MakubeX who's up next?" Yawning slightly behind her hand, that last match had taken awhile after all, Shad blinked slowly. "Ok, this is going to be a one-hit match. Weapons are legal and the person who does the most damage wins. The fighters are…Light and Donut!"

Donut came prancing out on stage in his obnoxious pink outfit and slid between the ropes. With a war cry, he pulled a rocket launcher from his back and got into a fighting stance, which he promptly fell out of as the weight of his weapon knocked him over. "Eh heh, I meant to do that." Donut said as he kneeled and placed the rocket launcher on his shoulder. "Ok my worthy opponent, let us begin."

Raising her eyebrow, Shad shook her head. "Yo moron, your opponent isn't even here yet." Just as she finished a nicely dressed college student came walking out on stage with an annoyed look on his face.

"Why exactly am I here?" The young man asked as he brushed an invisible speck of dust from his perfectly pressed shirt. "I have much more important things to be dealing with right now, none of which include this ridiculous side show." Ignoring the flames that had just erupted behind Shad, the young man continued. "I would've thought that even someone as stupid as you would have realized that when I came here last time to drag Ryuk back."

Eye twitching in annoyance, Shad clenched her fists to prevent herself from doing anything too drastic. "That may be Light. However, since I do have a signed contract from you, you have no choice but to participate." She said as she waved a stack of papers in front of his face.

"That's impossible." Light said as he crossed his arms and stuck his nose up in the air. "I've never even seen your contract, let alone signed the stupid thing."

Shad's grin turned evil as she flipped through the pages to show him his signature. "Ah, but that's not true. See, this is your signature right here." She said with a smirk. "You really should learn to read through the contracts that Matsuda gives you before you sign them. I'm surprised someone as smart as you doesn't know that already. I gave the same contract to L and he made sure he read it before he signed it; I guess you're just not as bright as you pretend to be."

Light's eyes narrowed at the mouthy woman before him as his fists clenched at his sides. "How dare you." He said through clenched teeth. Taking a calming breath, he straightened his shirt and headed towards the ring. "Well since that is my signature, it would be rude of me to back out now." He said as he climbed inside the ring to join his opponent.

"Perfect." Shad said with a grin as she looked at the two fighters inside the ring. Light opened his mouth to ask what he was supposed to do, but ignoring him Shad continued. "Ready, fight!"

"Hey, wait a minute." Light said, his anger rising. "How am I supposed to compete in a match if I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to be do..ing?" Eyes widening, he stared at the pink thing next to him and gulped. "N-now hold on a second." Light said as he stared down the barrel of what appeared to be a rocket launcher. "There's no need to bring out the heavy artillery. I'm sure we can settle this like men."

Unfortunately for Light, Donut was much too busy preparing his weapon to fire to actually pay attention. Bracing his legs, Donut aimed near his opponents' feet and pulled the trigger. Sadly the pink armored fighter didn't think his attack through very well and the explosion that followed engulfed both fighters, the ring, and a few feet around the outside of the ring as well.

Coughing, Shad wiped the dust from her eyes as she stood up from the debris that was once her table. Brushing off her clothes, she glanced over to where the ring was supposed to be and instead saw a 4 foot hole. Looking around, she spotted the two fighters on opposite ends of the building. Ready to call the match a draw, Shad was slightly surprised to see Donut stumble to his feet. Walking over and nudging Light with her foot, she pulled a token out of her pocket and tossed it to Donut. "Well since Light over here seems to be temporarily out of it, you're the winner." She said as the drunken looking fighter pocketed the token and wobbled off the stage. Glancing at the mess around her, Shad shook her head. "Well since it looks like this is going to take me awhile to get cleaned up, I guess that's it for tonight's show. Not that I'm complaining, I've got a ton of work to do for the next episode. It's going to be quite a show. Anyways, come and join us next time for a very special episode on W.T.F. Later." With a wave to the debris covered camera, Shad pulled out her cell phone and punched in a number. "Hey Watari, this is Shad." She said as she grabbed Light by the arm and began to slowly pull him off the stage. "Could you send down a couple of the crew to help me get this hindrance off my stage… thanks." Grunting as she continued to drag his unconscious body towards the door, the camera faded to black.

Behind the Scenes

"Hello, may I speak with Integra Hellsing please." Shad asked as she propped the phone up to her ear and sat back in her chair. "Yes, I'll hold." She said as she pulled out her post-its and a pen. 'Dinner - Chicken Alfredo.' Shad wrote down after a moment's thought. 'Buy more sauce.' Suddenly a voice on the other side of the line began speaking and she put her pen down.

"This is Integra." The woman known as Integra said. "How can I help you?"

"Hey Integra, this is Shad calling from W.T.F." Shad said with a small smile. "I'm calling about the package I sent you yesterday. I was wondering if you'd had a chance to look through it."

There was rustling in the background before the other voice was heard again. "Yes, I've received your contract and I must say I'm very intrigued by your offer." Integra said calmly. "Although I am curious as to why you would like Alucard."

"I have this idea for an exhibition match and he would be a perfect fighter for it, so what do you say?" Shad asked. "Will you accept the deal?"

"Normally I would never consider something like this, but your show intrigues me. If you agree to up your shipment of animal blood to 5 cases instead of 3 I will sign your contract and send Alucard to you for your show tonight." Integra said as she flipped through the contract in front of her.

"It's a deal." Shad said with a smirk. "And since I'm feeling generous I'll go ahead and double the cases of blood and give you 6 cases instead. How does that sound?"

"Fine by me." Integra said. "I shall have Alucard deliver the signed contract when he comes to your show for the fight. It's a pleasure doing business with you, but I have things to attend to now so I must be going. Good bye."

"Later." Shad said as she hung up the phone with a grin. "Not only did I get Alucard for my match, but Integra signed my contract. Today can't get any better." Smirking, she began to dig through the paperwork and files on her desk before frowning. "Now where did I put that number for the warehouse down the street? I need to tell them to double the blood shipment before I forget." Pushing papers out of her way, Shad wrinkled her nose. "Dammit, I really need to get my desk cleaned up. I can't find anything in this mess. Oh well, I guess I'll have to call the Veterinary Blood Bank later. I've got to get ready for the show."

ooooo

"Miss Shad, what can I do for you?" A young police officer in a suit asked as he sat down across from her.

"Ah, Matsuda." Shad said with a smile. "It's good to see you, thanks for coming." Straightening the mess on the desk in front of her, she pulled a stack of papers out of a pile and handed it to the man before her. "I'd like you to take this contract to Light and have him sign it for me."

"What's it for?" Matsuda asked curiously as he took the contract and placed it in his lap.

"It's a release form for my show. Once he signs it you can return it to me and your job is done. It's not a big deal, just protocol really." Shad said as she stood up and waited for Matsuda to follow suit. Heading towards the door, she smiled as she watched him leave. After he was gone, she smirked. "Luckily Matsuda isn't very smart, anyone else would've at least flipped through the contract to see what it says." She said with a chuckle. "He simply took my word for it without bothering to check; of course my plan wouldn't work otherwise. Can't have Light actually reading the contract, he'd never sign it. This way it's almost guaranteed that Light will fall right into my trap, I'm such a genius." Laughing evilly, she closed her office door and got back to her mountain of paperwork.

Fighter's Standings

Sephiroth—Taken away by men in white lab coats.

Ryu Hayabusa (Controlled by Kharma)—Blown up during his fight with Sephiroth. Presumed dead.

Vash the Stampede—4—

Church—3—

Tucker—1—

Sasuke—2—

Naruto—2—

Caboose—2—Currently W.T.F. Champion.

Ichigo—2—

Kurama—2—Beaten by Aisha

Aisha—2—Beat Kurama. 1 token awarded.

Donut—2—Beat Light. 1 token awarded.

Hiei—7—Refused to use Prize Machine.

Grif—2—

Shikamaru—Left the show permanently.

Train—2—

Sesshomaru—Left the show permanently.

Jenos—

Mario—Invited for 1 fight only.

S.P. (Narumi, Ochiai, Kiri and Kei)— Left the show permanently.

Sub-Zero—Left the show permanently.

Kyo—1—

Gaku—Left the show permanently.

Ryuk—

Suitengu—Lost an Exhibition match against Alucard.

Alucard—Beat Suitengu in an Exhibition match.

Light—Beaten by Donut.

Now I know there were more fighters last season, but my list was getting pretty long so I decided to cut out the fighters that have left the show permanently, the ones who have been banned and the fighters who will probably not return. This doesn't mean that they are gone permanently, who knows, some of them may be back eventually. If you'd like to see a running list of all the fighters who have been on the show then click on the Fighters Standings link on my web page.

Once more it's time for everyone's favorite part of the show, Anime Trivia!

1.) In Code Geass, who is Leluch's alter ego?

2.) In Full Metal Panic Fumoffu, what is the name of the mascot that Sousuke dresses up as?

3.) In DramaCon, why does Matt wear sunglasses?

4.) In Naruto, what is the name of the 'shark' member of the Akatsuki?

5.) In Samurai 7, which samurai wields two blades?

Bonus Question:

In my fanfic 'There's a Face in My Noodles', what happens to Sasuke?

And to make things even more fun, the first person to review and answer all the questions correctly can choose something from the list below:

May add a question to the anime trivia.

May set up a match, pick out fighters and match stipulations and who you'd like to win. (Keep in mind it may be changed slightly to fit with the story) Or you can write a match and I'll try to include it in the show.

May add/remove a fighter from the show. (Excludes Ryu Hayabusa)