Grey Dawn
Written by: Ie-maru
Note:
RezagRats: Yo,
The story seems ok. Lots of cliche but that's expected with the number of fanfictions floating around. One mistake though. UK doesn't have a Social Security system like the United States. Esp. for minors. Might wanna do your research properly when using stuff like that. Minor mistakes of that kind coupled with all the cliches tend to put off the reader.
For the positives, good grammar (mostly).
Cheers
- Vivek
Ie-maru: Ouch. You called me on the social security system, I'll give you that. I've fixed it if you want to go back and look at it. 1- 'Hasae' isn't a minor; he's playing the part of a legal adult. 2-It may begin with clichés, and may have some later, but my own turn comes in through the progress of the story. I'm sorry if my grammar isn't good. If you find blaringly obvious ones I've missed, perhaps you could tell me? I'm also sorry if you find this story a bore- you don't have to read it, but maybe if you wait and reserve your judgment you might favor it in a better light. Thank you for your constructive criticism- one of my other reviewers didn't do as good a job as you when expressing certain put offs in the story.
Mou'Ikka: Yes Greatos!
Ie-maru: -chuckles- I have a feeling I'm going to like your reviews. You sound quite enthusiastic. Thank you for reviewing- it helps put me in a better mood after reading a hate review, like the one I got by someone who calls themselves Neo2b.
Neo2b: Lets start from a 10/10 and take of points for things in your fic that suck.
Stupid nickname for Voldermort -1
Stupid nickname for Hermione -1
Standard cliche's -5 (actually it should be -10, but where would the
fun be then)
Grammar -1
Honestly I could go on and on about it, but instead do the following:
Think up your own plot and develop it, make plans on how your going to write it etc. Get a beta ffs, my grammar is shite but at least I'd never try to infect others with my own stupidity. And make sure there aren't 10's of other fics with the same cliche's/
Ie-maru: Unlike RezagRats, you're negative review wasn't delivered in the form of constructive criticism. Your review is something that can easily be called a hate review. You go out there and then try to put down other writers.
1- Nickname for Voldemort?I don't remember giving him one. Btw, you misspelled Voldemort (It's the Pot calling the Kettle black: "my grammar is shite but at least I'd never try to infect others with my own stupidity" –those were your words, remember that)
2- If you really disliked my story so much then why did you read all the way to chapter 3? Was it just to discredit me? You don't have to read this you know. If you find it offensive and can't provide actual constructive criticism, only able to give a hateful review, then you shouldn't even be reading this. Wouldn't it be a waste of your time?
3- If you want original then go to my other story, Imperfect Oneshots-maybe you'll find some more of that original work you're looking for. However, your flamer's reviews will not be appreciated. If you dislike it then remain silent and leave. Don't waste your and my time by bothering to write a flaming review; you could be reading something else and I could be doing something better with my time than reading your hateful words.
Faia Sakura: Hi, cool story ya have hear. It's always nice to reads fics like these. I love the whole winter/ice protection thing, very original. Please update soon!
Faia Sakura
Ie-maru: Thank you very much. You're review helps counterbalance the hate-review mentioned above. It always puts me in a tizzy to read such negative reviews; even when I'd read them from someone else's story I didn't like it much. I'm glad you think at least part of it was original. I know that I've opened with a lot of clichés, I'll admit that, but I was hoping to go in a bit of a different direction later. I hope the other readers will understand that.
Blazing-Turkey: wow this story is good. it's well written except for a few grammar mistakes here and there. its a good idea also. the only problem i see is that is a little short but that maybe because i like reading 10,0 word chapters or so. update soon
Ie-maru: Could you guys tell me where the grammar mistakes are? Might help. Thanks a lot for the review-glad you like it. Sorry the chapters seem small, lol. I'm trying to update about every week.
lily starrel: abuseI really enjoy your story and look forward to reading more.
Ie-maru: I'm so glad you like it. It's riddled with cliches, but I'm trying to make it more my own- too bad that comes a bit later.
munchnzoey: great story so far!! cant wait for more chapters.
Ie-maru: Glad you like it so much! More chapters are on the way!
FrequencyQueen: abuseWhat's with the lists? Hermione would make lists...Harry would make notes on little scraps of paper and then loose them. I like the story though. Nice!
Ie-maru: That's what the old Harry would do, yes. He's trying to improve himself more, though, and what better way than to get more organized and take after his genius friend? Thanks for the review!
ubetiburn: I would do as you ask, but you would never have gotten this as my button color scheme is Black and Silver highlights. Love my Linux!
Great story and three chapters, I llike how Harry has a brain, Keep up the good work!
Ie-maru: I didn't even know about the color scheme, lol. Probably because I was too excited about everything else. Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it!
FrequencyQueen: The winter/ice thing is interesting. I hope you're going to explain it soon. Nice!
Ie-maru: Just wait- and I'm glad you like it!
FrequencyQueen: Harry's books sounded interesting. Glad he's polite to the goblins. Nice!
Ie-maru: It never hurts to be polite, lol. Yeah, I thought the books would help, and it's fun to write him going on a shopping spree.
Again, it seems I'll have to bring this in from the first chapter of Imperfect-Oneshots:
"Regular flamer reviewers will be told this now:
Your method of reviewing is unappreciated. Telling someone to get the fk off this site does not help them become better writers. If you have something against how people write then don't read their work; keep in mind some people do enjoy their works and insulting someone's story also insults them for having an interest in it. Constructive criticism, delivered in a polite and direct manner, is much more effective in helping fix errors."
For those who haven't read RezagRats' review, you might want to go re-read chapter two, the part when he gets his bank account. I've made it so it makes a bit more sense and now he also has a new identity in the wizarding ministry. Thanks to RezagRats!
…..
"Ice-cream rocks!" –Ie-maru
…..
Thanking the gods, or whatever power or powers that be, that Gringotts was not far from the book shop, Hasae walked briskly down the cobblestone pathway towards the wizarding bank. He was already nearly six minutes late, and he had no wish to have to reschedule or attend a meeting with an incensed goblin. As he entered the wizarding bank, not seeing Griphook this time, he politely asked another free goblin where Locktooth's office was.
"Do you have an appointment?" asked the goblin snidely.
'Do I have an appointment? Let's see, why would I ask for his office otherwise?'
Hasae held his tongue from the rude comeback that begged release and politely responded that, yes, he did. The goblin, with obvious reluctance, lead him to Locktooth's office and acted like he had a stick shoved up his…
"Here we are, sir," Hasae could just hear the sarcasm behind the title, but ignored it in favor of knocking on the red oak door, his account's manager's name engraved on a golden plaque.
"Yes, come in" Hasae could only guess that the gravely voice belonged to Locktooth, and entered as he bid; the goblin that guided him there leaving as well.
"I am so very, very sorry Mr. Locktooth for being late. As it is, I lost track of time and just noticed a few moments ago that I was even late…" Hasae apologized.
Locktooth, who was amused by the wizard's rambling, but didn't show it, quickly waved his worry away.
"It is alright Mr. Potter, and yes Griphook told me about your…disguise, my evening is free now and you are but only a few minutes late. Please sit, now may I ask that you inform me of the reason you made an appointment, then we may get to business?"
Hasae, sporting a small embarrassed blush, quickly explained his dilemma about knowing nothing of his apparent position, as he could find no books explaining it, how he heard something about a ring he might need though, and that he didn't know if he was supposed to have the Black keys or was he supposed to retrieve them now?
Locktooth looked vaguely amused as his client finally sat back into his chair with a sigh.
"Well, Mr. Potter, I believe that as of right now you don't hold the position of House Head and don't hold the Head's responsibility as of yet. The House Head can arrange or dissolve marriages based on their contracts, has the main say in the family's business, loyalty, money, etc. Because of this and the fact that the old Houses usually have a lot of money or a large estate they are commonly referred to as Lords and hold a place in the Wizenmagot. It's not surprising you couldn't find a book on it, it's mainly taught by the current Lord to his heir. The Family Ring, as you heard Mr. Malfoy speak of, proves that person's heritage to the specific family of which the ring signifies. You could receive your rings now, the Black and Potter rings, as well as the key for the Black account that is available to you."
Hasae took a moment to soak up the information before asking more questions.
"When…exactly…will I receive the Head's responsibilities?"
"Since the former Lord has died you will receive them upon your coming of age. Usually this is your Magical Maturation, but if you were emancipated you would be considered 'of age' and receive the title of Lord Potter-Black, as well as access to the other accounts, and instead of wearing the family ring you would wear the Lord's ring, specifying your position to the family the ring signifies."
Hasae's hands formed a steeple under his chin, and his eyes glazed over for a moment in thought.
"How do I gain emancipation?"
Locktooth looked at the man before him, for surely he could be no boy, no, he looked too world-weary for that and had seen and done too much to be considered a child. The question was, was he ready to take on a Lord's responsibility?
"You would usually just send a form to the Ministry, and with you now in the public's good eye again," Hasae snorted, "you probably wouldn't even have to appear before a court."
'Snape once said fame wasn't everything, but look how much it affects my life as a whole, even now,' Hasae thought with dry humor.
"Do you have a form I could fill out?"
Locktooth nodded, and signaled a lesser goblin in the hall to do it before returning to his seat.
"Anything else, Mr. Potter?"
Hasae nodded his head slowly, letting his hands fall into his lap.
"My persona, Hasae Err Gray, needs certain certificates so that his background holds up if the government was to check, say, his birth certificate. Could you do something like that, and how much are we talking for the fee if you can?"
"Well Mr. Potter," Locktooth smirked wickedly- he liked this human, "I think we can take care of your…security issues…immediately, I'd say with only one hundred galleons even leaving your pockets we could tie up any…loose ends."
Hasae mirrored the face of the goblin before him- he liked this goblin.
"Wonderful, it'd be even better if you could just deduct the galleons from my account for the…security fee."
"Can do, but the purpose couldn't be traced if you just…made a withdrawal and then gave it to Gringotts," said Locktooth, his smirk stretching even wider.
"Well then, I'd like to make an immediate withdrawal of two hundred galleons."
As the lesser goblin returned with the paperwork Locktooth told him of the immediate withdrawal and the lesser goblin set off again.
Locktooth then looked at Hasae curiously as he finished filling out the paperwork.
"You wouldn't mind if I asked why two hundred, would you Mr. Potter?"
"One hundred for you and the other hundred for pocket money in case I need it or find something I'd like to purchase. You know, this would be a lot easier with a debit card, you wouldn't happen to have one of those, would you?" Hasae asked hopefully.
"I'm sorry Mr. Potter, but I don't know what this 'debit card' that you're talking about is," at Hasae's disappointed look he added, "but I'm sure I could bring it before Ragnok, the bank's president, if you'd tell me what it was."
Hasae's eyes instantly brightened, which amused Locktooth, and he sat a little straighter in the chair that he felt like slumping into depressed just a few moments before.
"A debit card is a plastic card used by muggles to tell their bank to transfer a certain number of their currency in one of their accounts somewhere. Automatic Teller Machines use debit cards and Personal Identification Numbers so the members can withdraw money before, during, or after bank hours. The businesses that the members might use their debit card at have a scanner that reads the card and the transaction occurs between the bank and the business without the member having to physically carry the money around."
Locktooth couldn't keep his eyes from widening this time, the profits from something like that…and it would save a lot of time too, more goblins would be able to be transferred to Egypt and other projects could be expanded on.
"I don't think it would be much of a problem Mr. Potter, I think Ragnok and the council will like this idea very much. Perhaps enough so to reward you for bringing the idea to our attention," Locktooth replied somewhat distracted, a glazed look in his eyes.
Hasae's hand nervously scratched the back of his head, he hadn't even told him about credit and he was this exited? And he already had enough money; there was no need to reward him for it.
"No, really Locktooth, it's nothing! The only reward I expect is to be able to shop without having to stop in Gringotts every time. And if your going to go with the debit thing…I know that muggles use another card too, called a credit card, that can be used by the same scanner."
Locktooth leaned forward in anticipation of hearing more ideas from the wizarding world's savior.
"…and then the institution uses the interest they gain on the loans as either profit or to benefit their members with lower rates and such," Hasae finished, the only reason he knew all this was because of the pamphlet he had picked up at the bank so he wouldn't be totally in the dark about what his bank offered.
Locktooth sat back in his chair in a daze, if he thought the debit card was good than this was even better. The profits would be astronomical!
'Ragnok and his council will no doubt take quite the liking to this…I think Mr. Potter will find himself having a much easier time with the goblins.'
"So," Hasae shifted in his chair, a little nervous, "when do you think the goblins could get this done?"
Locktooth snapped out of his daze and regarded the man before him, "Probably within the month your idea will come to fruit in Diagon Alley and probably stretch as far as Hogsmeade. The other Gringotts branches will also do their part, but since they're in other jurisdictions I couldn't say how long."
Hasae nodded before getting a little curious.
"You wouldn't happen to know of other magical enclaves like Diagon and Hogsmeade, would you?"
"You could probably buy a pamphlet or an atlas at Terrortours in Diagon Alley," supplied the goblin.
"Thanks," Hasae replied graciously, "I'm sure that'll help."
Locktooth was about to say something when he was interrupted by the return of the goblin sent out to make the withdrawal, and soon the galleons were split between Hasae's moke pouch and stacked on Locktooth's desk.
"Well, I believe that was all Mr. Potter?"
"Yes, thank you Mr. Locktooth for your time," replied Hasae, moving to stand.
"Just Locktooth, Mr. Potter."
Hasae smiled, "Then just Harry, or Hasae for now."
Locktooth smiled, and with twinkling eyes and a twisted grin, bid Hasae farewell.
'What an interesting day,' they both thought.
On his way out of Gringotts Hasae had exchanged fifty galleons for it's equal in muggle money and was now sitting in the ice cream parlor…again…enjoying a sundae…again…while checking things off of his list.
'This might not be all that healthy,' Hasae thought while happily licking his spoon, 'but it tastes sooooo goooooood.'
Things to Do This Summer
1-Get in Shape -'I could do better; it's only been a little while since I started.'
2-Find a Way to Reverse My Malnourishment -'I just need those potions now.'
3-Find proper materials and laws considering Home Schooling -'My book'
4-Buy a book on Magic theory -'Check'
5-Get muggle and magical emancipation -'Not yet confirmed; though I do need to get the muggle papers.'
6-Create a false identity -'The goblins should be tying up my loose ends.'
7-Buy proper clothes, shelter, etc -'Still need to get my own home; this'll probably be crossed off after I get emancipated, maybe I'll move into one of the Potter or Black properties.'
8-Find a source of income -'Does interest on my account count? I might want to get a job anyway though, but not as an auror.'
'Well,' thought Hasae as he finished his sundae with another lick, 'I just need that atlas from Terrortours and maybe a few owl treats for Hedwig, and then I'll go and deposit some of my muggle money into my account and leave for Number 4 Privet Drive.'
Hasae nodded to himself and, with his bag of purchases, headed down the cobblestone path toward Terrortours. After buying the atlas and owl treats from Eeylops Owl Emporium, he left through the Leaky Cauldron and hailed the Knight Bus once more, afterwards using the invisibility cloak and sneaking through the open living room window, as he didn't know who was stationed where and he didn't want to bring a door opening on its own to said guard's attention.
'What a day,' thought Harry as he hid the evidence of his time as Hasae, 'but bloody hell if it wasn't fun.'
Quickly changing and giving Hedwig an owl treat, he set off for his afternoon run; it wouldn't do if the guard noticed his change in schedule- it was best to make things appear as normal as possible for now.
The next morning the Dursley's noticed that the empty, dead eyes of the unwelcome housemate were replaced by…something. Not experienced in reading others emotions, all the Dursley's could take note of was the dead eyes were gone, but what replaced them wasn't the pushover they had been grudgingly housing. Things were changing, and the Dursley's didn't know how to react to that; Dudley was in rehab, Vernon had been demoted at work, and Petunia was doing more of the chores while the Freak had been seen less and less during the day. Though this was something the Dursley's wished for time and time again, they weren't completely sure that now it was a good thing…
While the Dursley men were using the brain cell they shared between them, and as Petunia made dinner for once, Harry was upstairs penning a letter to the other members of the DA apologizing for his rash actions as he did in his letter to Hermione. He knew he should have done this sooner, but he was busy making preparations and it had flitted from his mind. What counted that was he was writing them at all…right?
'I just hope they respond positively, they aren't as predictable as Hermes…I really am sorry for what happened, I hope they can understand that.'
"Hedwig, love," with his soothing voice and gentle pats he awoke his avian friend from her nap, "would you mind taking these to the Weasleys, Neville, and Luna for me?"
Giving an affectionate hoot and a nip to the ear, Hedwig waited for Harry to finish tying the letter to her leg before taking off into the late noon sky. Sighing as he watched her leave Harry let his eyes wander to the clock by his bedside.
'I suppose I'll just read until I'm called down for dinner,' Harry thought as he reached for the Parseltongue book on occlumency.
As the minutes ticked off every word in the book added to the hellfire that was his anger, boiling and building inside of him.
'Snape…if only…he had,' Harry seethed mentally, 'if only…if only! If only Snape had taught me rather than throwing me in the waters and seeing if I could swim, but leaving me to drown! If only Snape could let go of his anger at my father and see me as myself long enough to teach me as he should have taught us all! If only Dumbledore hadn't forced me on Snape to begin with, but found me a more suitable teacher! It seems like all these books teach better than Snape, hah! If only! If only!'
The shaking of his various belongings around the room drew him from his thoughts, and noticing his anger was fueling his wild magic he forced the inferno to cool, imagining it freezing in the eternal winter of his new mentality.
'It will do me no good to think of the 'ifs' of life…but I can learn from their mistakes…I will, too…I just need to calm down…I just need to think without letting my anger take hold of me. According to this book, when I become a suitable occlumens, I can do just that.'
Opening his eyes, which he had unwittingly closed during his musings, he continued to read, very much unaware of the ice framing the edges of his window in a clear thin line.
Shadow's encompassed him, dark tendrils sweeping to meet him…touch him…embrace him…slow and exploring, but halting, as if shy or wary of rebuke escaping his lips as the cool fog did.
Harry looked around, his green eyes taking in the darkness surrounding himself and his outline of frost and snow. His own wary hand went to touch a tendril that was sweeping across his face, and he got a pleasurable feeling as he touched it. It was happiness, but not his own. Green eyes flicked to the tendrils touching him, they seemed to stop their explorations, but had not removed themselves from his body. The feeling of happiness disappeared, only to be replaced by an expectant silence; even the cool fog no longer escaped his lips, and he found himself missing the cold and the pleasurable feeling of the dark tendrils' embrace. As if in response to his musing the cold wrapped around him as if a blanket of frost surrounded him, and the shadows tightened their hold on him before both started their retreat once more.
"Wait, don't go," Harry called out pleadingly. He did not want to loose their company, he had a feeling that if they left he might be lost…he needed them…he wanted them to stay.
A feeling of relief and happiness washed over him, and soon his world was encompassed once more with darkness and the welcome cold.
Emma cried out in pure happiness, a fit of giggles following soon after as Harry started to push her on the swing. The park was much more enjoyable now that Dudley and his gang no longer haunted the area like spiteful spirits. After making sure that Emma had it under control and could do without him for a bit, Harry went to sit next to her mother at a nearby bench. Ever since the Dudley incident she always made sure Emma was either with Harry or in sight of herself or another adult.
"Mrs. Irvington, it's nice to see you this afternoon. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of being properly introduced," Harry said politely as he sat beside her.
Mrs. Irvington looked away from her work on the silver laptop and smiled at the kind boy.
"No, I believe we haven't. Such a shame too, you were all Emily would talk of last week. Well, I'm Sarah Catalina Irvington. You must be Mr. Potter," she trailed off.
"Yes, but I would prefer it if you would call me Harry. Would it be alright if I were to call you Sarah, Mrs. Irvington?"
"My, you are such a polite boy. Nothing at all like the neighborhood had you pegged as," Sarah giggled, "and I'd feel too old if you called me Mrs. Irvington, so Sarah will be fine."
Sarah turned back to her laptop and finished typing in something before going to shut it off.
"Sarah?" she paused and turned to him.
"Yes?"
"If you wouldn't mind," Harry carefully took hold of the laptop and settled it down in front of him, balanced on his thighs.
"I don't have much experience with computers; actually, you could say I haven't gotten much farther than knowing how to turn one on and off. You seem to know a great deal about them…would you mind teaching me a thing or two?"
She seemed to think on it a moment before nodding her head.
"Yeah, if you came over to the library on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at six in the afternoon this week I could push you in the right direction. Does that sound good?"
"What time would the lessons end?"
"I'll probably keep you an hour or so, so tell your…family…to expect you home at seven to seven-thirty. Bring a notebook too, we can't have you forgetting everything I teach you or it'd just be a waste of time."
"Yes, so I'll see you tomorrow at six, got it. Thank you a lot for your help Sarah."
Sarah smiled happily at him, "Well, you helped my little girl and she's been so happy. Her father's always elsewhere, meetings and conferences, and I'm busy on the laptop at home or on my mobile with my boss so Emily doesn't really have anyone to play with. I've been taking her to the park, but she doesn't make friends with the others easily. I'm really glad you've been here for her, and if this is the least I can help then I'll do it."
Harry couldn't help but smile back; the world needed more people like this.
'I bet she'd make a great mother if she wasn't so busy; she's doing her best though, and Emma seems happy with what little time she gets with her.'
"Again though, thank you. Would you mind telling Emma good-bye for me? I've gotta go…" Harry handed her the now shut-off laptop and got up to leave.
"No, it's fine. Good-bye Harry!"
Harry waved at her, but kept jogging down the sidewalk.
"Expanding your horizons, Harry?" questioned Moody's deep voice from under his invisibility cloak. Apparently he'd silenced his peg, as Harry hadn't heard him coming up to him.
"Yes," Harry whispered carefully, "it'll be useful."
"Good boy. Just be careful to return before it gets too dark."
"Aye-Aye Mad-Eye," Harry joked, getting a small chuckle from one of his favored Order Members.
Afterwards Harry and Mad-Eye slowly jogged towards Number Four, the only sign of Alistair's presence being the slight sound of his breath as they made their way to the Dursley's.
Before they made their way inside Harry felt Moody's grasp upon his arm and halted.
"I think I know what you're doing, and I'm proud that you're preparing. Even more so I'm glad you're happy again, but…just be careful, alright? No one's told you, but we suspect that now that things are in the open, the war will soon take a dangerous turn. Voldemort will stop at nothing to get you out of his way…"
Harry was touched at Moody's concern, and was happy he had been at least informed of something beforehand.
"I understand. I'll be careful."
And with that Harry entered the Dursley house and left Moody to his watch.
Hedwig hooted upon his entrance to his 'room' and after giving her a treat and an affectionate pat, Harry went to take his three o'clock shower. While the hot water soothed him, Harry found himself humming the tune to the dream-song the Winter Mentality had given him. It was sort of a sad, rhythmic beat, but it held comfort as well, a promise of taking the pain away…and it had for the most part. Harry quickly dried up and headed to his room before preparing for the first part of building up his occlumency shields. According to his book he had to meditate, find his mind, organize his memories, and then build a shield of sorts around it…or, that was the gist of it anyway.
'Actually, this may take a while,' with that thought in mind Harry made himself more comfortable on his bed and began the breathing exercise outlined in the book. He must have sat there for forever and all eternity, just breathing, but when he 'opened' his eyes all he saw was darkness, the cold welcomed him as the fog caressed his lips with each exhale before disappearing into the inky blackness. It was like his dreams, only there was a marred space, a jagged scar of eerie green in the shape of a lightning bolt…
'This will not do,' the other two presences within him firmly agreed.
…..
A/N: I'm going to have come up with more ways to beg you to review…
UU
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Um…this is a…bit of a deformed dog (It looked a lot better in Microsoft Word, but apparently doesn't let some of the symbols appear, sorry). Let's say he has cancer, okay? YOUR REVIEWS WILL HELP TO CURE HIM!
XP
But, seriously, I'd really like it if you reviewed.