Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades Trilogy

Chapter 4

Worst decision of my life

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She sobbed, and grabbed him by his upper arm." How dare you! How dare you leave me and not tell me all of this before!" she shouted, and glared at Christian." I would've waited for you! I would've waited forever for you! You know that! So, why shut me out?! Why, Christian? Why?"

The slap Ana had given him, set the skin on his cheek on fire. Christian was seated on the couch, while a tear escaped his eye. It hurt him so much to see her hurt. He wanted… desperately wanted to pull Ana into an embrace and never let her go. He wanted that, and wanted to tell her that he had been so fucking stupid to have kept everything from her.

Christian wanted to tell Ana that he was sorry and that he wanted, and needed her to take him back…

However, he could not. Why not?

Well, because she was about to get married to someone else... to a good man. A man who wasn't him.

He knew Jeremy Blake from boarding school. He was a good fellow, and they used to hang out a lot when they were younger. However, since he and Jeremy both started their own company, they just drifted apart, work swallowing both of their time.

Ten phone calls per week turned into one per month, until they didn't see or called each other any longer... Life just got in the way.

Two months earlier, when the scientists declared him to be cured, Christian arrived home and the first thing he asked was how Ana was doing.

"She has someone else in her life now, son." his father had told him." She's with Jeremy Blake now"

God, that broke his heart into a million pieces.

Two weeks later, Mia walked into the living room and told him about Ana and Jeremy.

"Christian, uhmm... I have to tell you something"

"Yeah?" he had said.

"It's Ana... she's getting married to Jeremy"

Christian remembered how that news devastated him, and that was the day he rearranged the living room.

Ana was right here in his house, in the study and he only had to close the gap between them, so he could cup her face. But no.

Christian couldn't… he just couldn't and would not break up what Ana and Jeremy have, even if it would be the end of him...

No, he refused to confuse Ana by telling her his desires...

The whole time Ana had been looking at him with her gorgeous blue eyes, filled with tears. She was still waiting for him to answer...

In response, he deliberately avoided her gaze by looking the other way.

Ana became impatient, and was still towering over him. But at one point she lost her patience. "Why? Ju... just tell me why you've kept me in the dark about what happened to you, Christian?" she demanded, her voice shaky." Look at me"

He sighed deeply and after a few moments, he finally looked up at her.

Christian cleared his throat, and locked eyes with Ana." I didn't want to give you false hope"

As those words tumbled from his lips, tears had pooled in her pretty eyes." I am a big girl, Christian! I could've handled it..." she said, while the tears rolled down her cheeks." It didn't matter if I had to wait for you. You know I would've waited. Healthy or sick, I still would've loved you and had your back... I would always love you..."

At this point, Christian couldn't take it anymore. As tears pooled in his gray eyes, he reached out to Ana and caressed her cheek. She was still standing, while he was in a sitting position on the couch. The feel of his warm, slender fingers on her skin was too overwhelming, and completely took her breath away...

It had been so long, since Christian had touched her last... Ana's eyes automatically fluttered shut, while she pretended that he never left her.

Ana pretended that she married him, and that they lived together happily, that she never felt the pain of losing him, and that she was his and he was hers...

At a certain point though, she placed her hand over his, making him gasp softly.

As Ana's eyes fluttered open, she noticed it… She saw the love in Christian's eyes and knew right then and there that she could never say "I do" to Jeremy...

"How do you feel now, Christian?" she asked with a worried tone." So, can I assume that you're cured?"

"I feel great now, Ana... I'm healthy as a fish" he replied, and looked her deep in the eyes.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that." Ana said softly.

In her bright blue eyes, Christian noticed something.

He knew her so well, and saw in those blue orbs that she just made a crucial decision.

No... Though Christian wanted her back, he just couldn't let her do this...

While feeling an agonizing ache in his heart, Christian tore his hand away from her cheek, making a whimper escape Ana's lips.

He got on his feet, and walked three steps away from her, his chest heaving heavily.

Ana shook her head, totally confused, not understanding why he was acting so mean to her all of a sudden.

She caught his gaze, and noticed that the look in his eyes changed... Those fucking invisible walls around him were up again! He was purposely pushing her away once more. As their eyes met, Ana had a very bad feeling that Christian was about to say something very stupid next.

"We can't do this, Ana..." she heard him say, the words tearing at her heart and soul." In a few hours you are about to get married... Please leave? Go, Ana."

It pained him so much, but he had to let her go.

Ana shook her head fiercely, and simply said. "No..."

"Ana, please... Go! Before you miss your own wedding." He pleaded, and closed the gap between them.

He gently grabbed her by her wrist, and pleaded." Come on, I'll tell Taylor to give you a ride home."

"I said no." she replied, and locked eyes with him.

"Don't be so stubborn" he remarked.

"I demand to know why you didn't tell me about what happened... and don't give me some shitty, lame excuse, telling me you didn't want to give me false hope...No! I want a thorough explanation from you, Christian." Ana said in one breath." I want to know why you were so cruel and decided to shut me out like I meant nothing to you... Why? Why did you let your parents lie to me?!"

Christian ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. 'I forgot how stubborn she could be' were the words that bounced inside his skull, at that moment.

He knew he had no choice, so Christian decided to explain as best as he could.

"Believe me, Ana. When doctor Kelly told me I was sick, I wanted to be selfish and I wanted you to know... She asked me if I wanted to call you to explain what happened. And in one split second, I did want to do it. However, the next second I began feeling guilty, because I didn't want to turn your life upside down..." He confessed, and began to choke up, tears pooling in his eyes." You had a plan for your life, r'member? Work your ass off and become partner one day... I couldn't let you give up on your dreams, Ana. They meant so much to you and you've sacrificed so much to become this amazing, talented lawyer. I couldn't let you get distracted... I couldn't let you hang onto me, when there was a 90 % chance that I would die anyway. You deserved so much more, so much better, Ana... that is why... I thought my life was over, but you? You had your whole life ahead of you"

As his heart-breaking confession reached Ana's ears, she wanted to scream from anger and agony... her whole body was shaking, unable to bear the pain.

"You didn't have the right to make that decision for us, Christian! We were a couple, y... you and I. Two people had a say in it. Y... you did not have the right!" Ana shouted, her voice trembling heavily.

"I'm so sorry, Ana... I regret that decision now, believe me. It's the worst decision of my life." he pointed out, while swallowing the huge lump in his throat." I really wished I took Doctor Kelly's advice, and called you that day, Ana"

"You're sorry?!" Ana said, her lips trembling.

His heart ached, seeing how much Ana was hurting... And he wanted to take her pain away. Although he desperately wanted to ask her not to marry his old buddy, Christian could never be selfish with her.

So, he thought it would be better to end this now, before the situation escalated. "I was right though... Look at you now. You are Anastasia Steele, the youngest female District attorney in Washington State." He told her." I am your past. Jeremy is your future, Ana. Please go. Leave, and don't ever look back."

Ana heard the words that left his lips, and yet she decided to totally ignore them... No matter how much Christian had hurt her, Ana knew that he was made for her, and only her.

She shook her head, and then cleared her throat." No."

Christian might still want her to marry someone else, but she didn't want Jeremy's ring on her finger! No, she wanted Christian's.

She closed the gap between them, and when she stood right in front of him, Ana whispered."I can't marry him... cause I still love you"

Christian took a few steps back, till his back hit the wall. He couldn't move, he was frozen at the spot. Ana looked up at him with determination in her eyes and in that moment, he knew that he was in big trouble.

'This wasn't right.' a voice in his head told him. 'This wasn't right!'

At one point his eyes fluttered shut, because he was unable to handle how her blue eyes were boring into his, making the invisible walls around him crumble, and had turned them into dust...

"You promised me that after you knew the truth, that you would go back to your future husband." he muttered under his breath, while his eyes opened and their eyes met.

With an amused tone in her voice, Ana simply said."Well, clearly I lied."

Their bodies were mere inches apart, their faces almost touching. The scent of her perfume and shampoo was driving his senses wild. Christian was too afraid to even breathe, he was terrified. He didn't want to give into her, because she deserved so much better than him.

At this point, Ana had already made up her mind and whispered." I won't marry Jeremy. You are right about one thing, Christian. You are my past. But… you are also my present and my future. Always will be."

As those words tumbled from her pink lips, Christian felt shivers down his spine. At a certain point Ana's lips were near his left ear, her warm breath fanning over the sensitive skin there, making his whole body tingle, his breath becoming shallow.

And then Ana traced his left cheek with her soft, delicate fingers. Christian couldn't help, but to let a soft moan escape his lips. The feeling was too much, too overwhelming…

He knew that he shouldn't. She was not his anymore. She belonged to someone else.

'You shouldn't, you fool!' he scolded himself mentally, but he got lost… So lost in her words, her voice, her touch, her scent, her presence, her whole being. Christian kept his eyes locked onto hers, and held in his breath.

Ana reacted by smiling at him. Oh, that smile... and those bright, blue eyes... He knew at that point that it was no use fighting his feelings any longer.

Christian groaned, and clenched his hands into fists, and wanted nothing more than to grab Ana by her face and crash his lips onto hers, and kiss her passionately till she couldn't remember her own name.

However, that little annoying voice in his head, send red flags to his brains... NO, do not do it!

Ana was biting her pink lips at one point, and looked up at him innocently...

He shouldn't. No, he shouldn't. But her lips looked so soft and pink... and inviting... also so very tempting.

No, he most definitely. should. not...

Note: Should he though? And more importantly... will he?

PLEASE, do not throw your phone, or tablet or laptop at me... ;)

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Till the next chapter,

xoxo

J