They're like robots almost; their movements are slow and sort of erratic. They move about aimlessly before sitting at a long, wooden table that isn't theirs in a kitchen that doesn't belong to their messy house. The only free seat is between Mandy and Iggy and Mickey sits there without saying a word. It's peaceful, serene, like maybe what a real family is like at Christmas; it's silent, empty, like maybe what a scared family is like before it breaks.
Steamy hot, delicious food suddenly appears on their plates and everyone's eyes stay down, glued to their platefuls. They don't eat, though. Nobody moves but his dad and all he does is look over at Mickey and sneer. When he backhands Joey's face, he doesn't look away and when he gets up, punches Joey in the gut then gets Iggy in a chokehold, he doesn't look away. All four of them smash the plates on the floor and they're all staring at Mickey like they know something he doesn't.
When Mickey is able to look to his side, Mandy is looking past him at their mom with tear after tear falling from her eyes to roll down her pale cheeks. There are needles covering the flesh of his mom's forearms and they are wedged in so deep they must be piercing her veins.
There is so much noise now, too much, and it's his brothers and dad fighting on the floor. The sounds of their punches and kicks sound vibrations through the room and Mickey's body feels like it's buzzing.
The walls are blood red. They weren't before.
His mom is holding his face in her hands that are so cold they burn. Her lips are blue and her dark hair looks loose like if he tugged at it Mickey could pull it right out. She stares and stares and Mandy holds his hand beneath the table and then his mom is screaming right in his face, so loud and raw that it has to hurt. But then she's already dead. She lets him go and it's only him that is left with Mandy gripping his hand.
Mandy is nestled up against him when he wakes and he knows they're safe, that she is safe, but he still pulls her closer. Just in case.
...
Whilst Mandy showers Mickey makes pancakes and waffles in nothing but sweatpants and socks. The dream has put him in a weird mood; it isn't exactly bad but it definitely isn't good. Maybe it's nostalgia that he's feeling, or whatever the fuck Zoe calls it. Whatever it is, Mickey doesn't like it, but he gets the same way every Christmas, has done since he was eleven, as it's the only day that his mom's absence becomes noticeable. Christmas was the one day of the year that she didn't shoot up or threaten to kill anybody for breathing and the day would be alright. His mom would cook a somewhat nice meal and his dad wouldn't get overly drunk and his brothers didn't fight constantly.
In retrospect, Mickey knows she must have taken something to keep herself calm and happy, but he feigns ignorance - he doesn't want to taint the only good memories he has of her.
...
Mickey's on his second serving of breakfast when Dylan gets home. It's only half eleven but Dylan's family all get together for breakfast and presents so he leaves at about seven. In his hands are two big Christmas gift bags and he's wearing a fucking awful snowman jumper. "Merry Christmas, Milkoviches," he says in a falsetto voice with a smile on his face. He dumps the bags on the couch and joins them at the breakfast counter.
Mandy returns the greeting and Mickey smiles tightly at him. He wishes he was feeling happy, but he can't shake the weird mood he's in. He's pretty sure Mandy's noticed because all she's said to him this morning was "merry Christmas" with a hug. She hasn't questioned Mickey and for that he's grateful. If Dylan notices he doubts he'll leave it be.
"So when you guys are done feastin', we're openin' presents, right? 'Cause, I gotta say, ya'll are gettin' some crazy good gifts." Dylan always sounds so much more Texan after he's been with his family and it never fails to amuse Mickey.
"Is that right, redneck?" Mickey says into his coffee mug.
"Well, hey now, Mick," he says in an exaggerated drawl, "we all know you're all hat and no cattle," he turns to Mandy, "ain't that right, sweetheart?"
Furrowing her eyebrows, Mandy looks back at Dylan, then Mickey and back at Dylan again. "Yeah, I have no idea what you're saying."
Mickey stands and puts his plate in the sink. "Because you don't speak hillbilly."
Mandy laughs and Dylan gasps loudly, fake offended. He walks over to Mickey and slides his arms around his waist. "Don't act like my Southern charm don't charm you, baby," he says slowly against Mickey's neck.
Mickey sort of forgets that most friends - especially two guys, one gay and one who claims to be straight - don't really act like this, but he's so used to it that it takes Mandy saying she didn't know Dylan swung that way for Mickey to tap Dylan's side and get out of his embrace.
The two of them sit down by the tree and once Mandy's finished her food, she settles down in the beanbag next to them. Mickey passes Dylan his present and he unwraps it with the enthusiasm of a child. It's a Boy London beanie hat and season seven of Supernatural and Mickey makes a mental note to thank Zoe for the idea. Mickey's presents from Dylan are a mosaic ash tray - "so you stop using coffee cups" - a pair of jeans and shot glasses; random gifts are Dylan's specialty. Both Dylan and Mandy got each other underwear - Mandy's mainly a joke present of fluorescent coloured boxer briefs and Dylan's not because he's inappropriate and a fucking idiot and got her a lacy bra and thong set. Mickey doesn't want to focus on how he knew what size to get.
Mickey smirks when he opens the first of Mandy's presents to him: a huge box of condoms.
"For you and your slutty ways," she says seriously.
Mickey rolls his eyes and opens the newest season of Breaking Bad - he's both thankful and really not that he drunkenly told Mandy how much he loves Aaron Paul. He says thanks and then shoves her present at her.
She sort of half-gasps half-chokes when she takes out the dress. It's black, sleeveless and has this red lace stuff over it. It cost a lot but Mickey can afford it and Zoe said that Mandy would love it. Unless her reaction was one of disgust, Mickey thinks it was a good choice.
"Fuck Mickey. How did you afford this?" she asks, looking at him with curious eyes.
Mickey shrugs; money hasn't been an issue for a while.
#
His eye is fucking killing him but it's worth it. This guy, Chris, he's been practically begging to get his ass beat for nearly a month since he moved into Mickey's English class, and who is Mickey to deny him that? He managed to get in a single hit between Mickey's punches and kicks before the teachers pulled them apart. They didn't do jack shit, not really. Just sent Mickey home with a roll of their eyes and told him to stay there and out of trouble.
Mickey spat at Chris' feet and left with a shit eating grin.
So it's only just past one and he's home already. He sneaks in as quietly as he can because he doesn't want to deal with his hungover dad. The door squeaks slightly when he closes it but, other than that, he's silent.
When he peaks his head into the living room he isn't met by the usual view of his dad passed out, drunk off his ass. Instead, he sees his dad stuffing several wads of bills under a floorboard.
Mickey's pissed for about half a second, thinking that his dad is hiding money they could spend on food and shit, before the dots connect in his head. His dad has been spending more nights out than usual, like whole nights, and he's jittery all the fucking time: he opens the door to look out at least five times a day and peaks through the windows almost constantly, jumping every time something blows up on the tv. His dad, his fucking idiot of a dad, must be in deep with someone - most likely the Harley's who think they're part of the goddamn mafia and let anyone do jobs for them. Probably thought it'd be smart to make some cash and keep most of it for himself.
Once his dad appears to be done, Mickey opens and closes the front door loudly then acts like he's just got in.
His dad spins around, wide-eyed and nervous. "The fuck you doin' home?" he asks, gruff and snappy. That in itself would tell Mickey that something's up. His dad doesn't give a shit why he and his brothers are home when they should be at school or work.
Pointing to his eye, Mickey says, "fight", before walking through the living room to the kitchen. He makes sure to stand on the floorboard his dad was putting money under and smirks to himself when the man tenses. He's easier to read than a fucking book.
The door slams shut whilst Mickey makes pizza bagels. Mickey plates his food then shouts out his brothers' names, checking if they're home. He doesn't bother shouting Iggy's. He wouldn't wake up anyway. Nobody responds to him and so Mickey guesses it's safe to pull up the floorboard and count.
$12,000. Twelve. All of it is in twenty and fifty dollar bills and Mickey can't actually believe his dad would be such an idiot. It's like something Frank fucking Gallagher would pull. And it must be the Harley's that he's in with because nobody else would trust a Milkovich. For obvious reasons. But what the Harley's lack in brains, they make up for in muscle. So it'll probably take a while for them to figure out his dad's lies, but when they do he'll be dead. Simple. And if the money is still there, Mickey figures it's his.
He'll wait for it, Mickey can do that, probably wait until he's twenty-one then give some to Mandy maybe and move. New York. Probably. He's always wanted to live there.
He's never thought anything really good could come from his dad dying. He sort of does now.
#
They're lounging about watching Home Alone when Mandy's phone starts playing some shitty dubstep song and she leaves for the guest room she's staying in to answer it. It's probably Ian again.
Mickey has gotten a few texts wishing him a good Christmas - from Jake, Iggy, some of the Gallaghers, Zoe, Paul and a few others from work - and he's glad nobody has called him yet. He hates talking to most people on the phone.
Dylan bumps his shoulder against Mickey's and Mickey looks at him. "What?"
"You're not gonna tell me what's up, are you?
"I'm fine, man," he says, which translates to "no, I'm not".
Dylan nods, unconvinced, before rustling around in one of his gift bags. He reemerges with a bottle of Smirnoff and gets Mickey's new shot glasses. He sets two of them on the coffee table and fills them with vodka. "Not that I promote drinkin' away problems, but your face looks so much prettier when you ain't frownin', so." He hands a glass to Mickey and they down them.
All Mickey does is savour the burn of the liquid going down his throat, whereas Dylan slams his glass down onto the coffee table and woops.
Mandy comes back in when they're on their third shot and gives Dylan an expectant look. He sighs overdramatic and pours her a glass. She sits down on Mickey's other side and they take their shots.
"So, y'know that promotion I told you about?" she asks and Mickey doesn't know what she's talking about or if she's talking to him. Dylan looks just as confused. She scoffs. "Seriously, Mickey? I told you that the line of gyms Ian works at is hiring new managers across the East side and that he might be getting one."
Mickey can't for the life of him remember ever having that conversation. "Right, yeah," he says and Dylan snorts.
With an aggravated sigh, Mandy slaps his arm. "You're such an ass," she complains. "Ian just told me that his boss said he could be getting the promotion. He finds out in two days."
"Okay. Great." Mickey thinks that's good and all but why is she telling him? He doesn't really care that much.
"The job is in New York. We'll be moving here."
There's silence after that and Mickey knows he's staring at Mandy but he can't think of anything to say. Since he moved away, the only thing he's gotten close to regretting is leaving Mandy. Yeah, she pissed him off a lot and he often wished she'd just fuck off but she was, still is, his baby sister and his favourite sibling. Fuck, maybe even his favourite person. They talk a lot and they Skype and occasionally make the trip to see each other in person. It isn't the same though.
"Well shit!" Dylan exclaims making the other two jump. "I'll be shackin' up with two Milkoviches. Awesome." He speaks with a huge, genuine smile on his face and Mickey shakes his head fondly at him.
Mandy laughs quietly to herself. "Thanks Dylan, but we can just get a place. If he even gets the job."
"Oh no you don't. It took me weeks to get Mickey to agree to move in with me and I ain't takin' any shit from you." He leans over Mickey's thighs and points a finger at Mandy. "You and your boy Ethan-"
"It's Ian," Mandy snorts.
Dylan nods, clearly tipsy; he's such a lightweight. "Right, Ian. Anyway, the two of you are movin' in once he gets that job. End of. Full stop. De nada." He falls back against the couch, pulling out his hairband so that his hair falls across his face before he pushes it back.
"You realise you just said you're welcome in Spanish, right?" Mandy asks with a smile that Mickey mirrors.
With a snort, Dylan shakes his head.
...
They all eat a Christmas dinner, courtesy of Dylan, and Mickey pokes at Dylan's "food baby" whilst they watch shitty movies just to see him retch like he's going to puke and dazily swat Mickey's hand away.
When Dylan has recovered from eating so much, he puts on a pair of the fluorescent boxer briefs Mandy got him over his jeans and jumps off of various pieces of furniture, claiming to be Superman. It'd be a lot more funny if he weren't jumping onto Mickey's back or his lap every time.
By ten o'clock, Mickey and Dylan are so drunk that they pass out and don't feel Mandy drawing cat whiskers on their cheeks and writing 'loves cock' on Mickey's forehead and 'secretly loves cock' on Dylan's. It takes her blasting Last Christmas for them to wake up and then Dylan's standing on the coffee table singing and dancing. He's completely killing it but it still makes Mickey laugh until he cries before he's dragging him back down onto the couch. Mickey seems to notice that Dylan has black marker on his face at the same time Dylan notices Mickey does. They burst out laughing, Dylan collapsing on top of Mickey and giving him a mouthful of his dirty blonde hair.
Neither of them notice Mandy filming the whole thing.
...
Two days. Mickey has been practically begging Mandy to take the video of him and Dylan off of Facebook for two days. And he also still has marker on his face, though you have to get real close and squint to see it. Whatever, it's still fucking there. The bitch.
All three of them did nothing on boxing day. Well, Mickey and Dylan scrubbed at their faces furiously after Zoe arrived to give them their presents, and then spent the day being mocked. Other than that, nothing happened and Mickey enjoyed the easygoing feel to it all. Mandy didn't stop smiling all day and Mickey knew she was feeling the same.
So he's walking to Jake's - honestly, he's hoping that Jake's invite was a booty call - and checking his reflection in every empty car window he passes because no matter what Zoe said about wearing make-up not making him a stereotype, he was not going to use her fucking concealer.
When he gets to Jake's he stubs out his cigarette and sends Jake a text.
Jake's already stood at the open door in jeans. Just these ridiculous skinny jeans that hang off his hips and show a whole lot of underwear.
Mickey thinks either sex is in his near future or that Jake is the biggest cocktease to ever live. Really, Mickey just wants to ride him like crazy.
"Hi," Jake says with a small smile, resting his hip against the door jamb.
Mickey gives him a nod, says hi back and then he's on him, sucking and kissing Jake's neck whilst his jeans get undone and are pushed past his hips. He turns to close the door then steps out of them and Jake plasters himself to Mickey's back giving him one hell of a hickey whilst he works his hand down Mickey's boxers.
They somehow move to Jake's bed, shedding their clothes on the way. Mickey pushes Jake down then straddles him. Jake grips Mickey's thighs and begins to rub circles into his skin as they kiss. It's gentle and Mickey doesn't really know what to do with that. Sex is never a gentle thing for him and he doesn't think he wants it to be. He pulls away from Jake's mouth, tells him to get the lube and starts fingering himself open. He's being openly stared at and it's sort of making him uncomfortable but it's forgotten when Jake starts to jerk him off.
When Mickey slides down onto Jake's dick, they both moan quietly and Jake's hands grip Mickey's thighs a little tighter. Mickey doesn't give Jake a chance to get some control or whatever, he just lifts himself up and begins riding him. He sets a fast, rough pace, hands braced on Jake's chest to give him some leverage and he closes his eyes. He never fucks looking at whoever it is he's with and he never thinks about them, just focuses on how good it feels. Zoe tried to tell him why but he didn't want to hear it; he doesn't need or want to be reminded of how he's still kind of fucked up about being a fag and all that. He doesn't even realise that this is the first time they're having actual sex.
Jake is constantly making noise, most of it is moaning but he says things like "fuck, you feel good" or "Mickey, don't stop". Mickey's heard it all before and it always turns him on. Jake starts to thrust up as Mickey grinds down and the angle is just right and Mickey can't help the groan he lets out. And once Jake starts jerking him off in time, their movements become more frantic, their moans even louder and then Jake's hip are jerking off of the bed and Mickey's are jerking down. They're both left breathless and sated as Mickey climbs off of Jake's lap and collapses beside him.
Jake hums happily and asks Mickey if he had a good Christmas. "Yeah, it was good," he says, and it's only half a lie. Thirty seconds later he remembers to ask Jake back. "You?"
Jake curls his body against Mickey's side and he rests his head on Mickey's chest. "It was really good, like, seeing all the family. It's just really nice to all be together, y'know?" Mickey stays quiet because no, he doesn't. He never has.
#
"I am not playing fucking Scrabble, Mandy! Fuck off!" Joey storms into Mickey's room just as he's changing into a clean shirt. His cousin, Leah, has some sort of fucking deep-seated hatred for Mickey and as soon as he made one snarky comment she "accidentally" spilt her beer all over him. Fucking bitch.
"You don't think she's just gonna come in here and drag you out there?" Mickey asks as he sits down beside Joey and lights a cigarette. It's funny how the only time Mickey and his brothers are tolerant - almost kind, sometimes - to each other is when their dad's sister, husband and kids come round. Stand united and all that bullshit.
Joey takes the cigarette when Mickey offers it and is about to speak when Mandy bursts in. "Get the fuck back out there," she hisses. Neither of them move until she threatens to castrate them in their sleep. They all take Mandy's threats pretty seriously after that time she shaved off Iggy's eyebrows. The girl is sort of batshit.
Their house is way too small for all this shit, Mickey thinks. His dad and uncle are having some sort of staring contest in the living room and all five of Mickey's cousins are crammed onto the couch and the floor surrounding the coffee table. The kitchen is the only safe place and Mickey would go straight for it if it weren't for the fact that his aunt, Jane, is having some really intense conversation with Iggy and Nicky. Weird.
So he and Joey just kind of hover near where their dad is sat. One of the twins - and Mickey can't even tell the difference, has never really been able to - starts chewing his finger nails and spitting them out. Mickey and Joey both share a look because they know firsthand how badly that pisses Mandy off.
She places down her word - apple - and then gives him a look. "Can you not do that, you pig?" she says with a look of disgust on her face.
Their cousin raises an eyebrow at her then flips her off and starts chewing on his middle fingers nail. Such a dumb as fuck move.
Mandy leans across the coffee table she and the other three cousins are playing on and looks up at him. "Stop it, or I'll chop your fucking fingers off and then how will you get to hear your girlfriend fake her way through an orgasm?"
Mickey laughs outright at that because it's a well-known fact that his cousin - and he's pretty sure it's Tom because Ryan isn't so much of a prick - can't get his girlfriend to let him fuck her. Mickey'd maybe feel a little bad for the guy if he didn't completely deserve it.
"Fuck you," Tom says, leaning forward so his face is closer to Mandy's.
Mandy smirks. "Just because your girlfriend won't let you doesn't mean you should ask your cousins."
It all happens so fast that Mickey feels dizzy with it. All he knows is that Tom touched Mandy too rough and that was fucking it. Nobody touches Mandy like that, and if they do, well, they deserve to get head butted.
"Get the fuck back, you psycho!" his uncle Sean shouts, leaping off the couch and pushing himself between Mickey and Tom who's currently clutching his nose and getting tended to by his sisters. Mickey hopes it's broken. And seriously, the amount of times his uncle has called him a psycho - Christ, the guy needs to think of an insult that actually insults Mickey. This shit is getting real old.
Aunt Jane, Iggy and Nicky come rushing in and just stop and stare. His brothers seem to put the scene together, what with Mickey looking so angry, Sean standing in front of a bleeding Tom and Mandy looking both pissed and grateful at Mickey. The Milkoviches are nothing if not accustomed to this kind of thing.
"That piece of shit ever touches Mandy again, and I'll kill him myself," their dad says from the other side of the room.
Jane audibly gasps. "Terry!"
Sean takes a couple of steps closer and instinctively, his children stand at his back as do Mickey and his siblings at their dad's.
"Seriously, stop it!" Jane shouts, but she already sounds like she knows what's coming.
"If your son ever touches mine, I'll kill him myself," Sean says and not a second later he's got a fist to his cheek and is stumbling back.
The thing is, they don't really fight, not properly. Okay, Mickey is kicking Tom's ass but the fucker deserves it. But other than that it's just chaos and shouting for no real reason. It's like a tradition or some shit. Mickey hates it, hates his family, but he loves to fight. So. Go figure.
...
A few of them are nursing bruises and cuts in the kitchen when Mickey comes back out from his room. His dad is passed out in his chair and Leah is watching tv sprawled across the couch like she owns it. Christ, Mickey hates her.
"Hey Mick," she says, twirling a piece of her brown hair around her finger. "Fucked any hot girls recently? Hm, probably not." Mickey remembers the day that Leah cornered him and told him that she knew he was a fag. Fuck, he can probably remember the exact time it was when she told him. He has no clue how she knew because he obviously denied it over and over and he'd never been caught doing anything by anyone, least of all her. And he's no rainbow flag waving fairy so he really just doesn't fucking get it. He had to punch the wall beside her head to keep from punching her. It wasn't because he didn't want to.
"Go fuck your mother," he grinds out through his teeth, not caring that he's talking about his aunt.
Leah giggles, actually fucking giggles, then bites her lip. "Why don't you fuck yours?" She fakes realising something. "Oh right, I forgot. You fuck guys, not dead whore junkies."
Mickey's never been speechless before. He's been silent after a shock but that was more from choice or not knowing how to word what he wants to say. But now? Mickey has nothing. Mickey has nothing but this aching feeling that tells him this isn't how families should be.
Except maybe his is because it always will be.
#
Mickey leaves Jake's once Emma gets back. She seems nice enough but Mickey doesn't know Jake well enough to be comfortable around him and a stranger.
"So, I'll, like, give you a call or, uh, whatever," Jake says at the door.
Mickey shrugs. "Sure. Or just come to our new years eve party," he says, "'cause Dylan'll find some way to invite you anyways."
Jake's smile falters a little and Mickey doesn't know why. He won't dwell on it though, they had a pretty good day of watching The Goonies and Back to The Future and exchanging blowjobs and eating turkey sandwiches. Besides, Jake can't smile all the fucking time. Even though he practically does.
"Yeah, sounds good," Jake says. "So yeah, see ya?"
Mickey crowds him against the door and kisses him, letting it get heated and dirty, before pulling away. "Yeah. See ya."
...
When Mickey gets home, Mandy is talking excitedly on her phone and waves Mickey over. He sits down in the corner of the couch, stretching his legs out and getting comfortable.
He's on his way to falling asleep when Mandy starts to slap at his thigh and does something close to squealing. He gives her a confused look because his sister doesn't squeal.
"Oh my God, Ian, oh my fucking God! Okay, yeah, bye." She hangs up and lets out a big sigh. "Ian got the job," she says all quiet and important.
Somehow, even though he had no expectations, it isn't what Mickey expected to hear. "Fuck," he breathes out. He doesn't know what to say; he doesn't handle excitement particularly well. "That's fuckin' great, Mandy."
"Right?" She gets up onto her knees and faces him. "I told him what Dylan said and then he told me that his boss was like, if he can find a place to live then he can start around the 15th. It's so good for him."
Mickey frowns. "You too, right?"
"Well, yeah," Mandy says and she's looking down at her black nails and it's fucking disconcerting as hell. "It's just - well, it's his job y'know?" She looks at Mickey for a long moment. "It's all okay," she says, "really, it's okay."
And Mickey doesn't know what she means or who she's trying to convince.
I'm hoping this chapter gives you guys a little more insight into the backstory and how Ian and Mickey can actually get together, because I know it hasn't seemed likely to happen yet. But it will and I'm excited about it! I'm hoping to write the Gallaghers into the next chapter but if it doesn't work out then they'll definitely be in the one after it! Okay, yeah, bye.