Yosuke smiled lazily, staring at the back of Souji's head in class. He tapped the boy's chair gently with his foot and his grin would grow a bit more whenever he saw Souji look over his shoulder at him, sometimes a smile that suggested he was being silly, sometimes a smile that told him he was being naughty. He'd give anything to end these ridiculous lessons and be able to reach over and run his hands through his friend's hair, letting the silky strands fall through his fingers like water.
He'd spent all night last night debating his feelings for Souji after the kiss from yesterday evening, and he came upon the decision that fuck it he liked kissing Souji. He didn't like kissing guys, just this one in particular. Everyone had one exception, and Souji just happened to be his. Case closed, end of story.
Although he had accepted this fact to a certain degree, he knew no one else would, so he asked Souji if he could just keep the kiss between each other. To his relief, his friend not only understood, but agreed wholeheartedly; they lived in a small and quite gossipy town. If word got out the Prince of Junes was interested in a guy, it would ruin his life, his family's, and maybe even hurt Junes.
He had had no time to talk to Souji in the morning, as he was late for class again – made it just before the bell, yes – he was anxious to get some alone time with him on the roof. He wanted to just talk, maybe relay his new revelation and maybe, just maybe run his fingers through those silver strands.
"Yosuke," Teddie looked suspicious when he came home the night before, a small but persistent smile plastered on Yosuke's face, "you smell like Sensei."
"Well, y-yeah." He bonked the boy on the head with a rolled up newspaper he picked up off their stoop when he came in. "I was hanging out with him all day."
"No." The boy stepped closer to Yosuke, sniffing around his general collar bone area and even his face. "It smells different. Still like Sensei, but different Sensei. And it's strong and all here." He gestured with his finger at the boy's face.
"Your nose is just malfunctioning again." He grumbled, hoping Teddie would drop the subject and never bring it up again. Nevertheless, when Teddie was splayed out over the majority of his bed, Yosuke didn't once shove him over. He was in too kind a mood, and even pulled the boy closer, feeling awfully generous.
He kicked the underside of Souji's chair again lightly, a lazy smile permanently tattooed on his face when he saw the boy look over his shoulder and mouth "Stop", but he could tell by the smile and the gleam in his eyes that Souji hadn't meant it.
"Make me." He mouthed back with a smirk. This earned him a raised eyebrow and a mischievous grin, in which his heart responded with a flutter and an extra loud ba-dump.
The bell sounded, and Yosuke quickly gathered his things into his bag, mostly shoving and crumpling notes, books landing in disarray in his bright orange satchel, to which he groaned and had to straighten them out from their crooked angles if he didn't want everything falling out.
When he looked back up, he saw Souji talking to Yukiko, all smiles and giggles and why was her hand on his shoulder? Yosuke furrowed his brow. That was no way to treat an ex, unless...
Her hand slid down to his upper arm and everything in her face read anything but "Dear ex-boyfriend, here are your items you left at my house. I'm glad we're just friends now!"
Yosuke slung his bag over his shoulder and approached the two, wary of Yukiko's advances and questioning Souji with his eyes. "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch today, partner." He hoped the use of the nickname would sway his decision to ditch Yukiko; she had Chie after all.
"Sorry," Souji stared at him with an unreadable expression. His usual expression. "but I already agreed to have lunch with Yukiko."
"I'm sorry, Yosuke-kun," she smiled gently, which only made him look from Souji to her with a look of complete puzzlement, "but how about tomorrow you two eat together? I can catch up with Chie then."
"U-um..." Yosuke looked back at Souji, whom only stared back at him blankly, "sure. I'll... take a rain check." His two friends left, Yukiko waving to Chie on the way out, and Yosuke's eyes couldn't help but focus in on the hand deliberately looped around and resting on her waist. A hand that belonged to Souji. The same hand that had been holding his face less than twenty four hours ago.
"No separating those lovebirds." Chie mused, leaning back in her chair and stretching her hands out behind her with a satisfied sigh. "Right, Yosuke?"
Did Souji actually not break up with her last night? After everything that had happened? Or did the kiss mean absolutely nothing to him? That couldn't be it; Souji had been too deliberate, too passionate, and too determined to kiss Yosuke to have it just have meant nothing to him. Maybe he was going to have lunch with Yukiko now to break the bad news to her. Yeah, that had to be it.
"Yosuke?" Chie waved her hand in front of his face and he focused back on her, a worried expression as clear as day washed over her. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just need some fresh air." He mumbled, pushing past her to go clear his head. He didn't like brushing off Chie like that, but the last thing he wanted to do was discuss those two, lest he let something slip about the prior evening or his feelings toward his best friend or, worse, he started crying. Because that's what he felt like doing right now, and that he would admit to himself, if the pain in his chest wouldn't.
He just needed to go up to his and Souji's usual spot on the roof and kick the fence a bit, blast some angry music and lie back and close his eyes. That spot was always vacant, as was the rest of the roof usually, so he could go blow off a bit of steam and take a few deep breaths up there without starting up any more unwanted rumours about himself. Oh boy, he could just see it now: "Prince of Junes ready to snap, is the Inaba serial killer!", "Hanamura boy needs anger management for beating up several small children, can't blow off steam wherever he goes!" or some other kind of bullshit like that.
He burst on to the roof, the door swinging open a little more violently than he intended, but when he looked over to his usual spot for a lonesome lunch for one, it wasn't vacant. And suddenly, he felt his lungs tighten and shrivel in his chest and felt like he couldn't breathe.
In his and Souji's spot, where they'd eat lunch, where they'd talk, where they'd just hang out alone, a rare feat in and of itself, where that guy had told him just the other day he'd been a bad friend, was Souji and Yukiko.
Souji and Yukiko much too close to be talking, but they were using their mouths alright. His hand resting on the small of her tiny back, the other running through her long and silky hair, and his mouth over hers. It looked like he was trying to eat her fucking face off. Well, it is lunch time, a tiny voice said in the back of Yosuke's head.
His feet were rooted to the concrete floor that made up the school roof, his hand clutching so tightly to his bag strap his knuckles went white and his palms went blood red. He couldn't move, his feet wouldn't let him. He couldn't look away, his eyes wouldn't let him. He couldn't speak, his throat wouldn't let him. All he could do was stare at the horrific sight, unmoving and not breathing.
Until he saw Souji look up and right at him. And did. Not. Stop. Kissing her.
That's when Yosuke's feet took on a life of their own and carried him back down the first flight of stairs, then the next, then the next, then the next, until he ran right out of the school building, ignoring the few people that had called out to him on his way down – Chie, Kanji, Daisuke and Kou, all asking if he was alright, why he looked upset, was he feeling ill?
He was feeling ill alright. He rounded a corner and tripped on his own feet, landing, luckily, in a patch of grass and doubling over, emptying his already relatively empty stomach into the lush green.
He didn't feel quite as heavy or sickly because of finding Souji doing... doing that. It was that look he gave him. If Souji had looked up, shocked, stammered out an excuse and an apology, had said Yukiko jumped him, it was a goodbye kiss, anything, he would've been fine. But all his – ha – friend had done was stared back at him as he continued to devour the girl's face, that cold stare dripping with unkind words.
It made him feel sick. It cropped up a whole new harvest of questions he'd had yet to reap. It said "I don't need you."
"Where are you?"
The third text message from Chie since he ran out. Class had already started, but Yosuke had no intention of returning any time soon, if at all. He was still sitting where he had fallen earlier. Alright, maybe not exactly there, since the area smelled of puke, but he was pretty close by.
He threw his phone in the grass next to him, refusing to reply.
"Are you okay?"
Leave me alone, he thought, scrubbing his face with the heel of his palm.
"Yosuke, answer!"
Everyone, just... leave me alone.
"ANSWER ME, OR SO HELP ME I'LL KICK YOU ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE CITY, FREE OF CHARGE."
"Shut up!" he screamed at his phone, like it would understand and text that to Chie. He just wanted to be alone, to be undisturbed and to wallow in his misery in silence.
"Where are you?"
God fucking dammit. Yosuke picked up the phone, half wanting to text back the angriest most hateful words and half wanting to chuck the damn thing at a tree. Arm raised to hurl the thing as far away from him as possible, he caught a glimpse of the display screen, and saw the last one was from Souji. His hand dropped like a ton of rocks, and, after a minute, he flipped open the phone and slowly typed back a reply.
"Out."
"Why? Class has begun."
Why, he asks? Why? He knows fucking well why Yosuke is not in class! What the fuck kind of game is he playing?
"I know. I'm not feeling well."
"Did you see the nurse?"
No, I did not see the fucking nurse, I saw you making out with your girlfriend, he thought to himself.
"No. I'm home." He lied. It's not like he'd know or bother to check on him, what did he care?
"Alright."
Yosuke huffed at that response. What a bland, uncaring response. No "Sorry I stuck my tongue down another girl's throat when I knew you were there", no "Sorry I kissed you last night and hit on you", no "Sorry for making you feel the way you do". Just fucking alright.
Yosuke laughed bitterly, tossing his phone in the grass and flopping back in it. He'd deal with the consequences of skipping later.
It wasn't until he heard feet clomping down the street that he decided to look up, and he saw a familiar head of silver hair, a tight line for a mouth and a look of complete perseverance in grey eyes pass by.
The eyes looked over his way, and did a double take. "Yosuke?" Souji stopped and walked over to the boy. "I thought you said you were home?"
Great. "I lied." He said, letting his head rest back in the grass again, his arm flopping over his eyes to block out the sun, but mostly that burning stare.
"What are you doing here?" Souji took a seat next to Yosuke, knees bent and arms resting over as if they were having one of their everyday conversations.
"Relaxing." Yosuke said flatly. "Alone." He added in bitterly.
"I guess it's good to take a break every once in a while." Souji sighed, leaning back on his hands and staring up through the trees, speckles of sunlight shining through and down on their faces. "I don't like skipping often, but we all need a breather from time to ti-"
"Why?" Yosuke interrupted, his teeth clenched and the word hissed through. Souji gave no response, so he shot up and glared at him with brown eyes filled with confusion and fury. "Why?!"
"Why what?" Souji asked, his eyes turning steely as they often did when he felt a small surge of frustration or anger.
"You know damn well what." Yosuke spat back, his hands balling up into fists in the grass. "Are you just playing with me? Leading me on? What is it?!"
"None of the above."
"Then what is it?! Why are you still with Yukiko? Was I just a one-time, spur of the moment thing?"
"No-"
"Then why the hell are you still with her?!" Yosuke was practically screaming at this point, his frustration ready to boil over and spill out through his eyes, his teeth ready to gnaw a hole through his lip.
"Because she's my girlfriend. But..." Souji trailed off and looked away, sighing heavily. "Nothing was supposed to happen yesterday, and now everything's..."
There was a pause of silence between the two, and Yosuke pressed the boy to finish his thoughts. "Everything's what?"
"Everything's messed up." Souji looked back at the boy, his mouth set into the firm line again. "I don't know what to do. I really do like you, Yosuke, but I'm already with her, and I like her, too."
"Alright, thanks." Yosuke huffed, throwing his hands up in the air. "End of story, end of us, whatever." He heaved himself to his feet and brushed the stray blades of grass from his uniform pants, willing the impending floodgates that were his eyes to stay closed just a little longer, until he was out of Souji's sight, out of the town's sight and hiding alone in his room under his covers. They hadn't even lasted a day and everything had already gone to shit. "But one question." He turned back to look at Souji who was also getting up at that moment. "Why... why did you stare at me? When I saw you two on the roof?"
Souji was silent, but his eyes turned hard, and for what felt like an eternity of tense silence of staring at each other, he spoke. "I couldn't look away."
"But why?" Yosuke felt his anger had melted away completely at this point and was just desperate for answers.
Instead of a response, Souji stepped closer and took the other boy by his face and brought him in swiftly for a much rougher kiss than the one they shared the prior evening. Yosuke made a surprised and defiant sound at the back of his throat, attempting to push away, but one of Souji's hands had snaked down and around the boy's waist to pull him in closer and hold him there.
Yosuke was furious with him. Yosuke hated him. Yosuke wanted to struggle, punch him in his big stupid face and then run down the street and all the way home, but he couldn't bring himself to. His head wanted him to do it, but his heart made him wrap his arms around the boy's neck and pull him in closer, made him open his mouth when he felt a soft tongue sweep across his bottom lip and allow entrance, made him tilt his head and press his face closer, made him press his whole body closer, made him deepen the kiss and want more of Souji, want every last inch of him only to himself, and soon enough, his heart had completely drowned out his head's desperate pleas that this was wrong and everything about it would just hurt him in the end.
He'll just have to burn that bridge when he comes to it.
Yosuke was trying desperately to concentrate on his English homework that night, note books and text books spread out over his bed, but he just ended up doodling little monsters eating the corners of his page. He was surprisingly awful at the language, considering he loved listening to Western music. He'd look up translations and had pretty good pronunciation of the words (he sang a lot of the time with the songs), but his comprehension of the language as a whole was a lost cause. Shame, he really wanted to try and make it big over there. He supposed he could always get a translator.
But that wasn't what was on his mind while he doodled a shark gnawing on the edge of his paper. He was thinking about earlier, and how he and Souji may have started something. He felt like he was skating on some pretty thin ice by doing this.
Souji was dating Yukiko. He was already in a relationship and didn't plan on ending it anytime soon, and Yosuke was going along with sneaking around behind her back with her boyfriend. He felt pretty awful, but then Souji would kiss him, or play with his fingers, or hold him close, and that awful feeling would just... go away. Yukiko was the furthest thing from his mind when he was actually with Souji.
But he couldn't help feeling like he was his friend's... mistress. Or in this case, mister. But he just couldn't help himself. After all, hadn't Yukiko started this whole thing by stealing his best friend away from him? Now he was just spending more time with him, even though now the time was spent a little differently. It's not like they had agreed to be exclusive, right? It's not like he was doing anything wrong here, right?
A little voice kept nagging him in the back of his head to end this now, end it before anything could go wrong. He'll wind up being hurt, having his heart broken and left alone. And if this didn't happen, then it would surely happen to Yukiko, which made him feel just as bad in the end. He and Yukiko were never close, but he would never wish any sort of unhappiness or pain on her, and yet here he was inflicting it indirectly.
He sighed and flopped back on his bed, pulling a pillow with him to cover his face and muffle his groans. He didn't know what to do or how to work out this problem. Didn't he deserve to be happy, too? And he was happy with Souji, so who was this really hurting? As long as she never found out, maybe they'd eventually mutually break up and everything would be alright. Even if they weren't already going out, Souji and Yosuke had agreed to tell absolutely no one about this for fear of being judged by such a tight-knit, traditional and, above all, judgemental community, so it wasn't like she'd find out anyway.
He flipped the pillow off his face and stared up at his ceiling until his eyes no longer focused. Everything would be alright. No one would get hurt, because no one would find out. It would just be his and Souji's secret, it would be just between the two of them.
Everything just had to work out.
Keep those lovely reviews coming in and I'll keep pumping out chapters like a vending machine! It really pumps me up to keep going, so thank you to all who have so far!