A/N: I've been a bit busy this week with family, so that's why it took so long to get this chapter up. Hope you enjoy it. Thank you all for your continued support.

Chapter 3

Life was unusually quiet when she had nothing to do with herself. She wondered if that was her own fault, or the fault of the circumstances her life had given her when she was younger. She couldn't be sure. Still, everyone had their own lives it seemed. Those who hadn't moved away, were in either collage or in high school. That, or they were working some place. She didn't have anything like that to do. For the first time in her life, she woke up without motives, without a care, and hell, she hadn't even gotten up in the morning to heat water for Shizuru's tea.

It felt pretty good, not having a rhyme or a reason. At least, at first it did. Still, the quiet ebbed on, and Natsuki sighed at that. It was always quiet in the worst of times. Still, she shrugged, telling herself to not even dare let her mind wander off into the abyss she promised she wouldn't visit again. Instead, it lingered merely as a passing thought as she went out to the garage and finished the painting, finally happy to have completed yet another project. Still, as her hand dripped with the white, sticky liquid as it dried, she couldn't help but shake her head. "Too white...too pure." She chuckled to herself, if she hadn't been lost in her mind when she started the project, she would have noticed that. It didn't take her long to find some of the deep violet Shizuru had wanted as an accent color in one of the bathrooms, there was only a tiny bit left, and she splashed it haphazardly all over the back wall. She did the same the the small amounts of green and blue she had left from the other rooms as well, as they mixed sloppily on the now, not so white space. "Better." Natsuki said, leaving it to dry.

Why hadn't she noticed such simple things before? How their sofa seemed to be devoid of plushy pillows, and a warm blanket. How their halls seemed barren, not many photos to remind them of important people and places. The lack of warmth was hidden, the outside observer would think nothing of it, but Natsuki saw every little detail that had gone missing, or, hadn't been there in the first place. She sighed at the breakfast nook that sat by the front door, an odd place for it yes, but the best place to sit and watch the world go by. That was the only place that had something important, Nao's cigarettes.

She picked one up and studied it, wondering why it seemed so appealing. They smelled bad, they were morbidly unhealthy, and the addiction factor seemed enough reason to stay away from it. But why then, Natsuki had to wonder, did some people insist about filling their body with the toxic smog? She doubt she'd ever know, and before today, she would have shunned the idea of even smoking one. Now though, she wondered what drove Nao to keep doing it. She took one out, placing it behind her ear, and then took the lighter and put it in her packet. Yet another passing interest to occupy her thoughts as she grabbed her jacket, heading outside for a brisk stroll. It wasn't all that cold, but it wasn't warm either, she didn't bother to zip it as she walked, watching the people come and go, as she meandered aimlessly to the auto shop down the street, not far from the house.

It was a small little place, with only the owner as a companion. "Hey." She husked out as she watched him taking a car apart. "Busy day." She knew it was always backed up with work. It was small, and local. The prices were borderline cheep if not always fair. Natsuki took care of her bike herself, but she still brought Shizuru's car here. After three flat tires, a smashed headlight, and a cracked windshield, she'd become friendly with the owner. When she was younger, this was Yamada's way of keeping Natsuki supplied with motor bikes, she crashed them so often. "A crap ton of bikes today too." She noticed as they sat along the far wall.

"Yeah, no shit." He grumbled. He was a portly man, who with great difficulty trudged on. He took his job as his passion. "The hell you doing here? I thought you'd be buggered off some place."

"No. I gave up." She told him as she watched his body, or what she could see of it, stiffen for only a moment. Then he relaxed again, going back to his work. "What about you, thought you took more days off."

"Yeah." He sighed. "The damned kid quit on me." His son, he had meant. "Wants to be a doctor. Can you believe that? Must be pretty brazen to think he could." He cursed as she pushed himself out from under the car. "Can't be no father and son team without my kid here. He's got no interest in it though, told me so himself." Ken shrugged, scratching his head with his oil saturated hands. "Ain't his boss though, so I'm not gonna do shit about it. He'll come back eventually. You watch."

"I dunno Ken." Natsuki went to school with the guy's son. He wasn't that bad, but he wasn't that good either. All they ever seemed to do was get into fistfights. Although, Natsuki assumed, that was fine with her. Better having a buddy to beat up, than it was to have some poor boy fawning over her. "He wasn't too bad, ya know? He may actually do it. Wouldn't be the first time he told us to screw off." He was one of the few school mates she actually enjoyed talking with, and his father was a family friend.

"He does do that, don't he?" Ken laughed then, tossing one of his metal tools across the room, smiling in satisfaction as it clinked loudly into the tool box. "My kid after all."

Natsuki nodded, going to sit on one of the cars that had a closed hood. "What's it like?" She asked, pulling the cigarette to her mouth. "Being a parent, I mean."

He watched as she talked with the cigarette in her mouth, it flopped with each word, and it was clear Natsuki didn't have the slightest idea of what she was doing. "Don't smoke much, do ya?" He was a cigar man himself, and always had the smell wafting through his shop. "It ain't so bad." He told her.

"Kids, or smoking?" She asked as she fiddled with the lighter. She lit it a few times for good measure, looking at it, studying the dancing flame.

"Both." He shrugged, looking at the car again, his brown eyes glowered at the engine. "Although, smoking is less trouble." He told her. "Can give you a heart attack. Both of them, little shits." He was a crass man, and she didn't have any problems with that. He was down to earth, open, honest, there was nothing she could fault about him, besides, perhaps, his constantly messy house.

"Suppose I wanted one?" She shrugged, lighting the stick in front of her, inhaling. "The fuck is wrong with me!" She hacked, spluttering out the cloud that had almost gone into her lungs. Trying her best to pull fresh air into her. She flipped the man the bird as she leaned over, coughing violently. "Jackass. Could offer me something to drink or something."

All he did was continue laughing. "That, girl." He wheezed while doubled, she doubted he could stop laughing, even if he had wanted to. "That's the joys of kids." He coughed a few timed then. "Thanks, needed the laugh."

"I don't follow." She growled at him.

"Have one, see for yourself." He smirked. "You'll find out what I mean."

"I don't get what you mean half the time!" She shouted, losing her temper as she stopped on the smoldering ash on the floor. "Stupid thing tried to kill me."

"And you put it there." Cleaning his hands on the jumpsuit that he wore, he looked around a bit. "Same with kids really. People want 'em, but they can't take the stuff that comes with 'em." He pointed to an old photo on the wall, a picture of her father from days gone by. "Just like your old man in that way. He could never take the heat either. I guess that's why he left, couldn't be bothered with all the problems you gave him." He chuckled then, remembering such times. "Joys of kids." It seemed as if it couldn't be said enough. He grabbed another jumpsuit, one that was bunched up in the corner. "You try to teach 'em, but the fact is, they teach themselves."

"Was I really that hard on him?" Natsuki asked, she couldn't say she remembered.

"Not any harder than any other kid." Ken said, finally nodding at her. "Though, I suspect it doesn't much matter. You were always the way you are now. That's never going to change." That's what Natsuki admired about this man. He was simple like that, always had been, always would be. "Here by nine, five days a week. Eight a day. Lunch at twelve." Then he shook it out, dust fluttering around as he did, nodding in approval. "You're in."

"Sounds good." She said softly, looking at the tattered blue suit stained with all things she loved. Oil, gas, engine fluid, coolant. She let the idea sink in. "Yeah. I like the sounds of that."

"Knew ya would, kid." He nodded, and then he pointed in the back, a room for her to change. "Yeah..." He grunted to himself as he lifted a heavy part back into place. "Kids ain't bad."

…

When Shizuru got home that night, she got out of her car that she parked on the street. She stood there, watching the things she couldn't hear.

Natsuki was laughing, so hard in fact, she'd tipped over one of the glasses on the table. Nao sat there, a careless look in her eyes, as Haruka bellowed stomping off into the kitchen. How could she have missed this? How could she have over looked such a simple happiness. Chip bags were everywhere, she fully assumed the front room was completely trashed as Mikoto tossed a few bits of food in Nao's general direction.

Yeah...it would be a mess.

"A good mess." She smiled softly. She couldn't help but to stand and stare. Natsuki was- no- they all were, happy. Normalcy to a degree, it seemed it had fallen over their little house. When was the last time they'd done something like this? She couldn't remember, but she knew one thing. Mai had planned it. Mai planned everything, in a way, she was the glue. Shizuru had to admit that when she saw sight through the window, a phantom of what could have been. "If Mai were still here, would it happen more?" She didn't know, but at that point, the seemingly numb thought drifted away. It looked like a dream.

A happy dream, nothing more than a mirage.

"We've been waiting for you." The soft voice intoned behind her. His cool stare something she fancied about the man, one whom she considered a very close friend. "I didn't actually think you'd show up, even if this is your house."

"Oh come now, Reito." She turned to him. "It isn't like I get caught up in my work all that often." Her eyes gazing to him for only a moment, before looking back at the soundless movie. "I can't leave Natsuki alone for very long, or she gets into trouble. Although, it seems as if she already has." A full blown food fight was in the making, she could hear the humorous screams as Natsuki yelled playfully at Nao, their argument blunted, chips in Natsuki hair a sign of that simple truth.

"Thank you." He told her quietly. "For looking after Mikoto." He was not a shy man, by any means, but even he felt odd saying such a thing. "Ever since Mai left, she's been very upset. She's begun to withdraw from me, and sometimes, I wonder what she's thinking."

"She's finding her way." Shizuru told him, as the conversation from last night came back in a flood. "Still, hers will end differently." Painfully so, in fact. Mikoto would eventually learn to move on, but it would take time, and plenty of encouragement from others in order to do it. "I wouldn't worry so much, Natsuki turned out fine, after all."

"And what about Haruka." He told Shizuru knowingly. "She still rejects Yukino. I don't believe they will be anything more than friends."

"Perhaps, that is the way it should be." Shizuru told him. "Rather, the question is different, for them." She sighed as she began to lean on her car door, looking at Reito's tall form. "The question is, does Yukino need more than that? Every single time I've seen her, she's been content. She's still Haruka's shadow in many ways, as you know."

"You could be right." He agreed as he walked over and stood by the elegant woman. Once in his younger years, he'd had his eye on her. "I always though, that if I were to pick my bride, it would be you." That was several years ago though, back when the two of them were in junior high. "I never imagined you'd actually be interested in a woman. What is it about Natsuki that pleases you so much?"

"If I was even momentarily amused by the idea of marring a man, you would have been that man, Reito." Still, as she looked into his eyes, at the calm, soft smile he always gave, only for her, she knew it could never shine as brightly as it should have. "As for Natsuki, I don't know. I don't believe I ever will. She's more than I can explain. Then again, if I could, would you even understand my words?"

"Probably not." He laughed agreeably. "Let's go inside, hmm? The festivities are going on without us."

"Yes..." She said breathlessly as she saw the joy Natsuki exuded in every breath she took, every blink of her eyes. "Lets."

…

That had been weeks ago.

A photo of the mess sat proudly on the mantle for all to see. The group of friends, of rivals, joined together. Sadly, it wasn't the entire group, but merely peering at the sight, made Natsuki realize how flawless life could really be. She had a job, a woman she loved, suddenly, it seemed as if the world wasn't so cold. As if the hate and sadness that filled her heart had gone away in merely the blink of an eye. Still, there were a few things that worried her, befuddled her even, as of late. It wasn't really a surprise, she knew she was an introverted person. She could admit that sometimes, she didn't make her feelings as clear as she wanted them to be. Still, she'd been waiting for something...anything from Shizuru.

It wasn't any guess what Shizuru wanted from Natsuki.

Still the idea made her tremble. The very thought of giving the woman what she desired drove Natsuki crazy. There were so many things Shizuru had talked about before, her jokes merely the tip of what was likely a very deep iceberg. Natsuki hadn't even begun to guess at what Shizuru would want to do when they got that far. Apart of her, the cowardly part, made her want to halt at the door, act like she was sleepy, and go to bed. Or, if she couldn't pull off such a ploy, she'd just go and watch television, even if the screen was fizzy. She'd be okay with it...waiting around until the end of time...but she knew Shizuru was hesitating. She was holding herself back.

Shizuru always held herself back.

If it was out of love, or out of fear, Natsuki wasn't sure. Still, they'd become more open, more talkative of these issues. They'd begin to accept the humanity of it all, and Natsuki knew she was just like everyone else in that respect. More closeted and quiet about such things, perhaps, but she was becoming acutely aware by every brush of hands, the kisses they shared, Shizuru scent...it all mingled into some very long days, and nearly sleepless nights. If she wasn't so humiliated by the feeling, even if she knew it was normal, she would have done it herself years ago.

It was, without a doubt that, the thing she craved most, even if the mere thought sent terrified shivers down her spine. She wanted Shizuru, and she wanted that damned impenetrable wall to be shattered for good. As she walked into their bedroom, she saw Shizuru enthralled in her book, reading glasses adorning her peaceful face. "Shizuru..." Natsuki called from the door. "You've been stuck in that book for hours now." Another trashy novel left little by way of imagination, two naked women gracing the front cover.

"I'm sorry." Shizuru giggled looking up momentary. "I did not realize my reading was bothering you." Shizuru was chewing her thumbnail just a tiny bit as she continued reading, her eyes scanning the page as if it were a treasure to be coveted. Her bangs hid her eyes, but even Natsuki knew what Shizuru was feeling.

"It's not bothering me." Arousal, in vast waves. It was a common sight, and Natsuki had walked in on this a few times. She was partly surprised she hadn't heard the low hum of a personal toy Shizuru sometimes used. "I was just wondering when you were going to be done, that's all." She was used to that, and perfectly fine with it, even if the scent clung in the air afterwords, tormenting her dreams night after night as she imagined just what was going on next to her. "I can wait, it's not a big deal."

It was that soft tone again. "No, that's quite alright." Inviting in a way, and Shizuru's ears picked up on it instantly. "What is it?" Shizuru said then, putting her book aside, and sliding her glasses off of her face.

Now that was indeed the question of the hour. Natsuki wasn't completely sure herself. Why hadn't Shizuru taken the complete initiative? Why hadn't either of them pushed further? Why was this god forsaken wall of doubt still between them like a curse? Natsuki knew the answer, she's known it all along. "I'd like to think I've been waiting for you to be ready." Natsuki said as she stood at the foot of the bed. "But we both know that it's the other way around." She sighed then, wondering why the woman had yet to do anything. "Why haven't we-" She cut herself off, the red on her cheeks sending the message clearly. "Why...just...just why?"

Shizuru's eyes went wide as she thought about that question. She honestly had suffered about that quite a few times, but had come up short as well. "Do you want that?" Came the blunt, and rather uneasy question as it fell from her lips in a near whisper. Shizuru didn't want to push, she'd promised herself she wouldn't lose her mind, that she wouldn't give into the temptations like she had in her past. She'd wait. She would be ready only when Natsuki herself was. That's what she'd decided. Still, as she sat there now, watching Natsuki fiddle with her hair absentmindedly, she knew Natsuki wasn't going to back down. She wasn't going to hide away from her touch. "Do you want us to be together, in that way?"

"I dunno." Natsuki said with a heavy heart, her eyes glaring daggers at the floor. "But you don't try either." Natsuki sighed then. "So, I don't know if you-" Her eyes looked back at Shizuru then, and the confidence of the conversation falling away from her, slipping between her fingertips. "I've never even- you know...with myself- and you have and-" She could feel herself shaking. "Damn..." She finally cussed, mentally kicking herself for being a fool.

"I know." Shizuru finally said as soothingly as she could. "There were times, when we were younger, that I watched you struggle with things like this. I'd watch you pace around, not saying anything. Instead you insisted on getting stuck inside of your head, fighting with yourself." Shizuru knew she was doing it again. "So, what are you thinking, you can tell me Natsuki, I won't get upset."

"I don't know, Shizuru." It was raw, lost, and Natsuki didn't have any grasp on anything. She was terrified, but she wanted this. She hated the idea of surrendering herself, but she didn't want to be alone her entire life, never knowing the joys others had. She felt so conflicted, she hadn't known where to begin, and she knew she'd get stuck again if she didn't just act on impulse. "This time, I really just don't know."

Crimson met emerald, both sets of pools set alight with their own jumbled, and worried thoughts. Empty though they seemed in the vastness of the moment, both of them knew that was far from truth. Shizuru crept closer to Natsuki, standing from the bed as she looked at the woman in front of her. "I will be as gentle as I can be." She whispered, before claiming the other woman's lips. Her fingers trailing up Natsuki's silken shirt, reaching her unclothed breast, touching them with the pads of her fingers for the first time, before trailing her hands back down to the hem, pulling away from the kiss. "I promise I will."

Then she bit her lip, thinking of something that distracted her, before throwing off her warm sweater as if it were some dangerous creature. Unclasping her bra, holding it cradled with her arm, she looked at the woman before her. "However, I want you to be the same." With that, she let herself become exposed, hiding her eyes away, her nerves finally kicking in. "I want to know that you'll take care of me, because this scares me too." She whispered heatedly as she went back towards Natsuki, removing the only protection the shorter woman had from being seen. The silk shirt fell to the ground like a smooth sheet, so simple, as if it hadn't belonged there in the first place.

Then both women stood there motionless, their eyes meeting yet again.

"Don't stare." Natsuki finally said, covering her bare breasts. "Don't look at me like that. I can't stand it." It was the hunger that bugged her, the look as if Shizuru was after her pray. That feeling worried her, even if only slightly.

"I have seen you before." Shizuru whispered, pulling Natsuki's chin to face her. "I have seen you bare, your body dripping as you've stood from the bath. Every morning I watch you dress, just as you do the same." She chuckled softly her tongue darting out to lick her lips. "And yet, here, the one time I myself am afraid of you, that I ache to feel you, to know that you wish the same...and it is only now that you dislike my gaze. Does it burn you so, Natsuki, that you would hide from me?" She wished to taste the woman before her, wanted to ravish her right then and there. "I will ease your fears then." Shizuru said as she turned to their light switch, turning it off so that the room was as dark as pitch. Then she went into the bathroom, lighting a few scented candles, and placed them about the room. "I will take all the time you need."

With a reserved sigh, Natsuki stood still, still in awe of what was happening. "I...I want to do the rest myself." She said softly in the dark, watching the figure bathed in lights as she lit the fixtures embedded in the mantle. As Natsuki took off her the rest of her pajamas, she couldn't help but to continue talking. "You've made me lose my mind, I think. If we're really doing this, then...gods." Even in the dark she couldn't help but feel exposed as she went over to the bed, slipping under the covers. "We're really going to-"

"It's okay, you'll be alright. " Shizuru breathed faintly at the sound of Natsuki's voice. She had finished undressing as well, she could hardly see anything but silhouettes, the glimmer of Natsuki's eyes, and the shadows that danced because of the small flickering fires upon the wall. "You're blushing aren't you." Shizuru knew the answer as she too slipped under the sheets. "Don't worry, I won't tease you." She felt the woman underneath her, smiling as she loomed over the girl of her affections. "I am too." She captured the woman's lips with her own, hushing the fears as she wound her fingers into the locks of midnight hair, Natsuki's hands resting upon Shizuru's shoulders as they held each other for several long moments.

She wished she could see the beautiful woman under her as she let her left hand play freely, exploring soft curves without reservation. She could feel the supple mounds of Natsuki's soft breasts, her breath shallow, as she quietly begged for Shizuru to keep her word, and not to begin teasing. Natsuki couldn't see anything, but now, she wished she could. The veil of darkness made her more sensitive to the most subtle of movements. Their kisses were soft at first as Shizuru let her fingers dance upon the goose fleshed skin. Natsuki's own far more hesitant as she let her fingers fall from the tresses of soft locks and down Shizuru's smooth back, cupping her ass for merely a moment before resting her palms higher on the woman, holding her close as they kissed.

Natsuki trembled as Shizuru touched her, the pads of her fingers holding her in place as manicured nails dragged lightly across her skin, tantalizing lips gave feather soft kisses as they trailed lower. "Shizuru, don't." Natsuki barely breathed, feeling herself begin to grow wet at the soft touches. They felt good, yes, but they frightened her. She held the woman near as she breathed hotly into her ear. "That's..." She sighed deeply as she closed her eyes, Shizuru's tongue leaving a trail of liquid head that was cooled by the air immediately.

Natsuki's breasts were small, but perky. The attention Shizuru gifted them making Natsuki grab at the sheets. Her mouth was hot and moist, as she lavished the sensitive flesh. "It is alright, my Natsuki." She mumbled, heated air yet another caress among the overwhelming feelings. "Easy, love. It's okay." She said again as Natsuki jumped a bit, feeling Shizuru's leg move between hers. "You're okay." Natsuki was worked up in more ways than one and Shizuru felt the heat radiating from Natsuki's core. She let her hand continue to trail Natsuki's body as her lips played with her breasts, her tongue dragging trails of liquid heat in its wake.

"Just...do it already, Shizuru."

…

(Natsuki POV)

If people could fly away, then would they rejoice?

I've always wondered that. They say you fly, that you leave ground, reaching heights unmatched, untamed. If that were true, then the very idea means I wouldn't like it. Why would I, after all, let go of myself, and go to a place I can hardly trust, a place I've never seen? The reality is, I have before. There was nothing on the other side of that jump, only darkness... an endless void...that's it. I was afraid, that's what everyone said it would be like. It's why I hesitated at first. I'd been blessed after all...I had my life back, it was stable, and I didn't want to push Shizuru and I over the edge of an abyss...I didn't want to fly either.

When her leg pressed into me, it was embarrassing. I'd never had anyone touch me like that before, not there, not while grinding into me, making me even more wet as I tried desperately to not think about it. I knew she was smiling, her soft words protective, honest. I could feel her lips planting soft kisses on my body, making it light on fire. Her teeth nibbling at the nape of my neck, trying to sooth me every time she'd tried to go lower. I didn't want her to do that, to tease me merely with her hands. I wanted to be in her arms protected and safe. I wanted her lips on mine, and I wanted to hold on for dear life.

I was terrified, but, I just wanted her to take me.

The feelings were so new, there was an ember lit each and every time her smoldering eyes would gaze into mine. The deadly fire was gone...it hadn't been there all night long. Shizuru, a woman who bathed in blood just for me, back in the days of our madness, she was no longer the same woman from back then. I never knew her fingers could be so soft, that her care would be comforting. I never imagined she'd be careful with me, as if I was a treasure of the finest crystal, never to be broken.

I had this preconceived notion that she'd throw me on our bed, rip my clothes off, and cover me in marks, scratches. Claiming me for herself, I thought she may end up damning to hell what we worked so hard to protect. That's why at first, I was shocked when she told me how frightened she was. I was expecting something dark and primal...

She didn't.

It wasn't like that. When her fingers touched me for the first time, I let out the first of my surrendering sighs. As they became slick in my arousal, I braced myself for what I knew she was going to do. I cried, hot tears spilling down my face. It didn't hurt...but I still cried. I was supposed to be the strong one, the bad ass biker...but she- her eyes, they made me so weak. Shizuru had so much love for me, and I had ignored it for so long, that seeing her crimson orbs, filled with everything, from the hurt of the past, and the joys today, I realized how utterly lost we both were. How much we needed this...

She held me through everything, gently parting and entering me, her words filled with nothing but love.

How do you begin to halt the growing need that burn your belly? How do you pause time, and take a photo of the beauty, one that isn't seen, but felt? How do you accept what the touch does to you, making you lose control in a small way? Maybe I'm just not as romantic as I want to be for her. Perhaps it was just that I didn't want to go to the new world. It could be that my journey was just different. What if my soul told me that I didn't need to climb high, because she was right there, and that was all of heaven that I wanted...I dunno...I guess I'm still clueless.

I need her more now.

There's something about laying in bed, covered in your own sweat, as the person you love slides out of you. It's an exposure you can't hide, not if you're trying to be truthful. As much as I tried to catch my breath, tried to understand why my body was shuttering, I couldn't make heads or tales of it. All that I knew was that I wanted her in my arms...that I didn't want to let her go. If that's all I ever know in my life, I don't care. It's enough...

It'll always be enough.