Chapter Four
A Tale of Two Pranksters
It took Naruto roughly two minutes to decide, very emphatically, that he did not like his new babysitter.
The guy- Obito, the old man said his name was- was just a kid! He couldn't be much older than Naruto himself, and the old man had said he was too young to take care of himself. Which, by the way, was completely false. Naruto was totally self-sufficient, granted he had at least fifty packs of instant ramen.
Not to mention... he looked like that bastard Sasuke.
Alright, so now when Naruto actually thought about it, that might not be the best reason to dislike someone. But he had a bad feeling about the guy, and Naruto always trusted his gut feelings. Only... his stomach didn't give him any warnings about Ito, and that bastard had tried to poison him with ramen- which in Naruto's mind, was the sign of utmost depravity.
On the other hand... Wolf vouched for him, and Naruto trusted Wolf- probably more than anyone in the village other than the old man.
"Eh... Hey, Naruto. Wanna go out for ramen? I'll treat." Obito offered, a blatant attempt to suck up to his sensei's son. Not that the jinchuriki noticed, of course.
The blonde's jaw dropped. Okay, forget everything he said before- this guy was awesome. In a complete change in his previously sullen demeanor, the boy whooped in joy and ran out of the apartment cheering. He hadn't had anything other than cheap instant ramen for weeks, and while those were okay, they could never compare to the ramen at Ichiraku's.
Obito stared in shock. "Not even Kushina-san was that crazy about ramen..." He muttered to himself.
Teuchi raised an eyebrow at the pair in front of him. "New friend, Naruto-kun?" He asked. Naruto tended to patronize the ramen place either by himself, or on some occasions, Iruka-san. But the older black haired boy was a new one.
"He's Obito! He's like my big brother now!" The blonde exclaimed cheerfully before proceeding to inhale his bowl of miso ramen.
Big brother? The man gave 'Obito' a scrutinizing look. He wasn't oblivious to the hate of many of the other villagers toward the kid. Could he be using Naruto, lying to him about their relationship to gain his trust?
"Wait, wha-?" Obito choked on his own bowl of ramen. "When was I your brother? Not that I would be against it- of course not- but-" He amended, but trailed off.
"Eh- you're taking care of me, right? But you're not that much older than me, so it's weird if I just call you a 'guardian' or something- and I always wanted an older brother!" Naruto explained.
"But..." The Uchiha swallowed and leaned closer. "I just met you today. Why would you suddenly want me as your brother?"
The blonde looked at him seriously. "We-ell... Wolf said you were okay, and you haven't tried to kill me or kidnap me and you haven't called me any names and you treated me to ramen! You would be like- the best big bro ever!"
Obito sweatdropped. That... was a bit of a low standard... but if everything the Sandaime had told him about how Naruto was treated in the village was true, it wasn't exactly surprising. And well... when he was kid, he remembered wanting a brother too.
"Sure," He found himself saying. "I'll be your big brother."
Naruto beamed and set aside his third empty bowl of ramen. Teuchi relaxed. It didn't seem like this Obito kid had any ill-will against his favorite customer.
"Ayame!" He shouted to the back of the ramen shop. "Bring me two more bowls of shoyu- on the house! Naruto-kun here just got new family!"
Obito turned green. He was already full after his first bowl- the portions at Ichiraku's were very generous, after all. Another bowl? But luckily for him, it seemed like Naruto was all too happy to take care of the extra two bowls for him. Kami... it was like the kid had Kushina-san and Minato-sensei's appetite- combined.
Which meant very bad news for his wallet. As Obito shelled out the appropriate amount for their meal- which, even with the two bowls on the house, was still quite a bit- Teuchi gave him an appraising look.
"Have I seen you before? You look familiar." The man asked him. Obito felt the blood drain out of his face. Back in the heydays of Team Minato, sensei would often take them to dine at this very ramen place.
"Ha! Ha, of course not!" He lied unconvincingly. "I've never been here in my life!"
Teuchi didn't seem to believe him, but didn't press any further. Obito let out a sigh of relief. He really didn't want to explain to Naruto why there happened to be an Obito Uchiha who ate at Ichiraku's a decade ago who he just happened to look identical to.
"Naruto! What did I just say about the chakra points on the human body?"
Naruto was startled awake by the angry voice of a very pissed off Iruka Umino. He scratched the back of his blonde hair, and, very carefully answered, "Eh... That... um. They have chakra?"
The class erupted into laughter. The blonde smiled weakly in response.
"No. Look, Naruto, you have to pay attention in class- you'll never become a shinobi if you continue to slack off and sleep during class time." Iruka-sensei continued. He sounded disappointed. Naruto felt a sting of guilt.
"Sorry sensei..." He replied apologetically.
But just a few moments later, Naruto found himself tuning out Iruka-sensei's lecture and began looking all around the classroom. It was then that he realized that Sasuke wasn't at school today- an empty seat between Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka where the Uchiha tended to sit. And here Naruto wanted to brag to his rival about his new big brother.
Okay, so he was a little bit jealous of Sasuke's older brother who taught him all the cool techniques and how to throw kunai and shruikens without missing a single time.
The bell rang, heralding the dismissal of class for the day. A crowd of Academy students poured out of the doors into the arms of their loving parents. Meanwhile, Obito searched the crowd for a telltale flash of orange.
But it seemed that Naruto found him first. Two short arms grabbed him around the chest and he found himself looking into a pair of overjoyed blue eyes.
"Obito-nii-san!"
Everyone went quiet. The nearby parents swiveled around to stare at the unlikely pair. Obito sweatdropped... surely they weren't that surprising?
A weathered looking man with a squinted eye walked up to them. "You... You're the bra- kid's brother?" He queried.
"...Yes, I am."
"Not biological, I see." The man's eyes flashed between Obito and Naruto, taking in their differing hair and eye colors.
"...No."
"Alright, kid, I don't know if ya know, but..." The weird guy's horrible warm breath blew over Obito's right ear. The Uchiha twitched. "That brat's big trouble. Ya might wanna get out before anything happens to ya. Jus' saying. For your own safety."
Okay, so when the Sandaime said the villagers didn't like Naruto, Obito wasn't expecting it to be this blatant. "You know," He said conversationally, "I think you should just keep to your own business. Just saying. For your own safety."
The man grunted and slinked away, but not before a parting "Don't say I didn't warn you, boy."
Many of the surrounding civilian parents glared at the pair. Obito ignored their looks. "Naruto. Let's go." He said, pulling his... brother along.
The walk back to their dingy apartment was long and awkward. As the Uchiha struggled to open the door, he decided that as soon as he got the funds, they were going to move out. Even his old place had been better than here. It had hot water, for example.
When they finally got into the apartment, Naruto let loose. "I don't know why they hate me so much! I've never done anything to them!" He wiped a few traitorous tears off his reddening face.
"Um." So Obito wasn't good at comforting pre-pubescent demon containers. Or, for that case, any little kid. He put an arm around the jinchuriki awkwardly. "You don't deserve any of that." He agreed.
Naruto froze, coming to a sudden realization. "Do you know why they hate me?" The boy asked.
Obito choked. How was he going to get out of this? The old man had told him specifically not to tell Naruto anything about the Fox or about his parents... but he didn't want to lie to the kid...
"Yeah, I do." He replied bluntly, then added quickly, "Which is why I know for sure those guys were crazy. There is no way they would blame you for something like that if they weren't."
Naruto didn't seem convinced. "Why do they hate me?"
"I... I can't tell you. Not yet anyways- I'll tell you when you're older." Obito cringed as he said it. That was like... the worst excuse ever. Naruto seemed to notice this, as he made an angry sound and ran out of the room to the bedroom, shutting the door angrily.
Well, shit. He was going to have to find some way to make it up to the kid...
Naruto stared at the pile in the middle of the living room. Bottles upon bottles of hair dye... a bag of onions? What the hell?
"Uh... niisan? What is this for?"
Obito grinned widely. "Kid, I'm going to teach how to be the best prankster this village has ever had. Other than myself, of course."
The blonde jinchuriki stared at him. "Pranks...?" He asked skeptically. "Eh... you're a prankster? I'm pretty sure I can do better... if I actually did that kind of stuff! Ha, don't listen to Iruka-sensei or the old man, I never play pranks!"
"Heh... back in the day... I turned Ka- Wolf's hair pink. For the entire week."
"N-no way..." Naruto's jaw dropped. He had played his fair share of tricks on his ANBU guardian- or tried to, at least. Every single prank- every bucket, every tack... nothing worked. The only time Wolf had been caught in the prank was when the ANBU felt sorry for Naruto and purposely let himself get doused in water. But pink hair- for a week!- on Wolf... that was a trick only a master prankster could do! "R-really?"
"Why would I lie? Besides, you can ask Wolf yourself!" Obito winked. "Besides, by the end of my lessons, even you can get one over him!" ….Maybe. Kakashi probably got better in the past decade, but Naruto didn't have to know that.
Iruka Umino walked into the classroom, humming as he walked. He was unaware of the two pair of eyes- one pair black, the other bright blue- watching him as he opened the door into his first class of the day.
"Do you have it?" A voice whispered.
A bag was held up.
"Good. Let's get this started."
Iruka took a look at his classroom, making sure there was nothing out of place. Every student was present; even Sasuke had returned from his unexpected stint in the hospital following his clan's massacre. He took a close look at his desk. Nothing on his chair and only his usual paperwork covering the table.
He turned to face his class. "Good morning!" He announced happily. "As you all know, we will be taking an exam on the chakra makeup of human bodies today, so I hope you studied!"
As Iruka passed out the exam packets, he noticed that Naruto had a look on his face. A very familiar look, in fact- one that he recognized as the tell tale sign that the boy had a prank set somewhere very close.
"Don't even think about it." He whispered. Naruto looked at him innocently. Iruka sighed.
It was because of that that when the Academy teacher returned to his desk, he took the time to check his seat. "Naruto, I believe you left something here?" He said, holding up a bright pink whoopie cushion.
Somewhere on top of the Academy roof, Obito face palmed.
Naruto turned a rather dark shade of pink. "Uh- that isn't mine, Iruka-sensei!" He yelped, "I didn't even get up from my seat or anything- it can't be me!"
Obito sighed. Had nobody taught the kid the value of a good poker face? It was too obvious that the kid was behind the prank.
"Stay after class, Naruto."
The boy sulked in his seat.
"Well, that went well." Obito said sarcastically.
"He knew I did it! How? I know he didn't see me!" Naruto said angrily.
"Kid..." The Uchiha rolled his eyes. "I'll show you the proper way to do things."
Mizuki Touji raised an eyebrow at the candied apple on his desk.
"Heh. I guess some kids still have some respect for their teachers." He said to himself, examining the sugary treat. It was wrapped up in a bright orange paper and bright red inside. The pale haired man shrugged. It looked alright, so he put it in his pack and headed back to his apartment.
As he walked, he caught a glimpse of bright orange and sneered. The Kyuubi brat, with some idiot the demon had tricked into being near him.
Unbeknownst to him, the pair high fived each other triumphantly as soon as he passed by. The sensei had bought it, and they had gotten rid of that extra onion that had been lying in the kitchen for weeks, seeing how nobody wanted to eat it.
A few days later, a few chuunins woke up with glitter all over their body. Attempts to get the damned substance off were to no avail- it was as if someone had glued it to their body.
Anko Mitarashi vowed revenge on the pranksters when she realized that her whole wardrobe of clothing had been dyed bright pink. She reached over and took a dango stick from the brat- what was his name? Naruto, or something? Good kid- he and that other one, treating her to dango. The woman chomped on her stick furiously. Naruto shot a nervous look at his partner in crime, who shrugged. Hopefully, they can get on her good side before she finds out.
Ibiki Morino stared into the mirror blankly. Someone had decided that he looked better with hair and had stuck a wig on his head as he slept. A bright yellow wig sticking out in every direction, at that. At least it wasn't stuck on.
On a bright orange piece of paper stuck on the side of the large wig, there was a short note written in messy, childish writing.
"Enjoy your new hair!"
He stared at the paper blankly, not knowing what to make of it. Eventually, he threw it in the garbage, along with his unexpected... present.
A few days later, Kakashi Hatake woke up with a head of pink hair.
He wasn't very surprised. Obito... He remembered this from his younger days, back when Team Minato still existed. Obito had gotten one up on him that time, but now?
Heh. The ANBU had noticed them as they climbed up the apartment building- he didn't survive all those years in the Corps by being a sound sleeper. Even if they were as sneaky as Obito and his protege.
"Obito." He called out. "I know you're there. You do realize that I let you this time, right?"
A shorter, dark haired chuunin pulled himself up to the window and frowned unhappily. "Damn. I was hoping that I haven't lost my touch."
"It's not you. It's me."
"Eh...?"
Kakashi turned around with a sigh. "Obito... things have changed. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. Neither are Gai, Asuma, or any of our old generation. But you haven't- you're still the same as you were all those years ago."
The other shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, just making sure here, I'm still a really awesome prankster right? It's just because you got really badass in the last ten years and I haven't caught up. Yet." He stressed.
"Sure. You could have gotten away with the pink hair trick if I was still thirteen. But I'm not- not anymore."
Obito came to a sudden realization. "Wait- I knew that whole- tossing and turning thing was too much of a coincidence!"
"What are you talking about?" The ANBU asked innocently.
"You know what I'm talking about! Whenever I tried to see your face, you would just- completely turn over! And when I got to the other side, you would turn back!"
"Well, Obito, I had no idea that you were so interested in my face!"
"No, I'm not! I mean, yeah, but not in that way!"
Kakashi chuckled. "Anyways," He said, changing the subject, "How's Naruto going? I see that you two are... bonding well enough..."
The Uchiha replied, "Well, the kid's alright- almost reminds me of..."
"Yourself?"
"...Yeah. Hey, do you know what's with the whole... not telling him anything about the Nine Tales or his parents thing? I mean, he's gonna find out eventually, why not now?"
"I don't know for sure myself. It is the Sandaime's call, after all. But rules are rules... however, I have told him a little about Sensei. Just don't be too specific. Now..." Kakashi paused. "Please get out of my apartment."
Somewhere in Amegakure, there was a man in a mask.
Once, he was known as Obito Uchiha. Not anymore- he was nobody now; his favored alias being that of his old teacher, Madara Uchiha.
He was thinking. More specifically, about the strange encounter he had in the Uchiha Massacre with a younger version of himself.
Being a logical man, his first thought had been Orochimaru, the treacherous snake. The Sannin was known for his experimentations after all, and it might be possible that the man had created a clone of some sort, similar to the infants he had injected with Senju DNA.
But then there was the question. Why would the man seek to duplicate a failure? Obito Uchiha was not a prodigy by any means- at least, not during his stint as a Konoha shinobi- and possessed no special abilities that might be of interest to the snake. His half-rate Sharingan was nothing special.
Unless... Orochimaru had discovered the true identity of the man behind the mask. But that was very unlikely, seeing how 'Madara's' very existence was only known to a select few of the Akatsuki. Orochimaru was not one of them. The only two alive who knows of his past was himself and Zetsu.
That lead only to more questions. It seemed like the best way to get answers... is from the source.
He's going to have to pay this... Obito... a visit.
A/N: Well, sorry for the long wait. I completely redid this chapter after realizing the initial characterization was completely wrong (hopefully, it seems more realistic now). Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please read and review! The next chapter will probably begin with a timeskip.